I am not sure if my experience has a vein of similarity running through it...but my daughter has had a lot of developmental and health issues due to her prenatal experience, and while I feel that I have gone the extra mile for her in many ways, there are certainly ways in which I am more slack than I thought I'd be. But I think this happens when you have more than one child, and it happens when you have a child with health issues - priorities change.
For example, my daughter did not gain weight for a year due to health and developmental issues, and I did let her eat what she wanted, whatever it was (there were some minimum standards as to what was in the house, but still - pasta and graham crackers exclusively for longer than I was comfortable with), to gain some weight. And I did have to maintain a facade of "not caring" about food to avoid power struggles with her over it, even though it was very anxiety-provoking for me.
Education: My daughter does not get as many enrichment opportunities (art, sports, dance classes) as many of her friends, as she will often not separate from me to go to anything that is not regular and familiar. If she will separate from me to go to school, that is enough for me. She also has a lot of appointments with specialists for her various health needs, which puts a crimp in enrichment.
My older son is in a highly gifted program, has had a lot of art classes, soccer, dance, etc., but that is not my daughter. He has more playdates as well, because they don't all end in meltdowns and he does not have any life-threatening illnesses/allergies. It may seem that she is getting "less", but she is getting what she can handle and what she needs. We think she is fabulous and gifted in many ways, but we are just ecstatic that she is "at standard" academically, given all of the hurdles she has had to jump. And my son is jealous that she gets to go to occupational therapy and play with all of the cool toys!
I don't think I intentionally give her less, nor is this an attitude I have seen in any of the many, many adoptive families I know. I treat both of my kids like gold, but I do meet them where they are at. Maybe you are misinterpreting, maybe she didn't come off as planned, maybe she's really strange....I don't know. Maybe she's just really tired - did you say she has a lot of kids?