Just a Few questions - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 07-24-2010, 07:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband and I recently began looking into adoption through foster care. We are aware we need to attend the informational meeting, then the training classes, then the possibly long and unfortunate wait for the day when we are blessed enough to welcome our new addition to the family.

I do have a few questions tho.

We will more than likely to be moving in January(tho not necesarily),as my husband is going to be starting a new job (well, hes in the military, so it will be a new "duty" I suppose, as a recruiter). So here are my questions

1. If the state we are in now, uses the same training program (P.R.I.D.E) as the state we move to, would the training classes transfer over or would we have to retake the course? I know the homestudy will have to be done or redone as it will be a new home, but will the training be sufficient?

I would like to get started on the classes here in case we are still stationed somewhere in Texas, and also, if they are transferable, so we dont have to worry about DH missing too much work in his new position. I know that there will already be courtdates and whatnot for the adoption, so I am hoping we can at least help to minimize the amount of time taken away.

2. Has anyone here, or does anyone here know of anyone who adopted at a younger age (I am 22) and already had a bio child (20 months)? I am wondering if this is possibly going to be held against me. DH is 27 if that helps any? DHs job is very stable, we have very little debt, and will have a good chunk in savings by the end of the year.

3. We are also hoping to adopt an older child, somewhere between the age of 4-9. Is that going to be difficult given my age. I know some of what i have read said as long as the age difference is 10+ years, but i wasnt sure if that only applied to say, 30 year olds trying to adopt teens, or if it was a generally accepted rule across the board.

Thanks in advance
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#2 of 5 Old 07-24-2010, 07:35 PM
 
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Nobody mentioned anything to me, in my state, about any kind of age-gap requirement. Twentysomethings looking to adopt a prepubescent boy sounds like somehting the should be OK anyplace, though all these things do vary by locale (and probably by worker).

I would not do a darn thing in terms of classes, etc., until you are posted to your new duty station. You are going to wind up redoing everything. The one thing I might do is register for a December foster/adopt class that will be held AFTER your dh gets word whether or not you are being moved. You can always cancel if you get relocated.

We are hoping to foster/adopt in the same age group are waiting on our homestudy. Welcome to the journey!
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#3 of 5 Old 07-24-2010, 08:30 PM
 
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If you think that you're more likely be transferred than not, I wouldn't waste the state's resources by taking the classes and getting a homestudy done. In addition, I'm not sure how many places use PRIDE as their training program. I know mine uses MAPP.

Common adoption and fostering wisdom is to not accept a placement older or bigger than the children already in your home. This is partially so you aren't affecting birth order but also to make sure that you aren't putting smaller children at risk from getting hurt by a child who has had very different life experiences.

Your age and young child won't likely be a barrier to adoption.
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#4 of 5 Old 07-25-2010, 12:31 PM
 
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Went through the same thing re: move. As long as it is a PRIDE-to-PRIDE state you are ok, but if it's MAPP you get to do it all over. I THINK current background checks and registry checks can transfer if you have a nice resource worker.

Most states req you to be 21 with a 10 year difference in age of child and parent. You should be fine.

Just because I tell every pre-adoptive parent looking to adopt older kids... read The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis. It prepared us SO well compared to the dull PRIDE classes.
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#5 of 5 Old 07-29-2010, 09:17 PM
 
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For what it is worth, last year when I was 24, my Husband and I took placement of a 12 year old boy and a 9 year old girl with significant special needs. I have a 3 year old bio child. We are all a year older, and still have the children. I have heard of all the concerns with taking in children out of biological order, but our son has done nothing but thrive with older children in the home. We have taken in placements of other kids (12 yo, 3 yo, 6 yo, 2 yo, 1 yo) throughout the year, and my DS really enjoys having older siblings to look up to. If there are concerns of aggression, we simply parent accordingly to keep everyone in our home safe, including our other fosters. Also, our DS still sleeps in our room. He has his own bed, but climbs into bed with us every night. We are looking to adopt the 13 and 10 year old, and the fact that they are older than my DS doesn't phase us one bit.
Also, I would hold off taking any trainings, as not only do they vary state by state, but they also vary county by county. We have friends in a neighboring county that have requirements way different than ours.
I don't think your age will be an issue, like I said, I am 25 right now, and my DFS is 13...he is closer to my age than my husband!

Good luck!
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