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#181 of 343 Old 02-13-2011, 04:22 PM
 
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hugs, mama.  hope you find clear answers soon!   I know the comment that upset you, and I was going to reply to it and ask if the poster had read the entire thread, because it seemed to me that she hadn't... it happens, don't sweat it, you're doing all you can for your little girl -- you're the one living it, and you are entitled to ignore posters who don't know what they're talking about.  everyone has an opinion. :)

 

 

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#182 of 343 Old 02-13-2011, 05:56 PM
 
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Good luck with the Naturopath! I look forward to hearing how it goes.


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#183 of 343 Old 02-13-2011, 09:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the support.  It means a lot to me.

 

I will keep everyone posted after the visit to the naturopath.

 

  Anna

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#184 of 343 Old 02-13-2011, 11:57 PM
 
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I hope you are able to get some answers as you follow up on the liver enzymes, etc.  Keep at it, mama!


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#185 of 343 Old 02-20-2011, 06:45 PM
 
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I'm so sorry that you are feeling stressed, and that you got some bad advice.

 

Food obsession is very common in internationally adopted children.  They come from situations, in their birth families, in orphanages, or in foster care, where there are food shortages -- where they may never know if the meal they eat now is the last one that they will get for a while.  Some learn to stockpile food, hiding it so other children won't find it.  Some learn to bully other children and take their food.  Some learn to be excessively charming, so that their caretakers will give them extra rations.  Infants and toddlers can't usually do these things the way older kids can, but some toddlers stuff food in their cheeks for hours before swallowing, as a way of saving it.  Food is also a symbol of parental love to many of these children.  They also lack parental love, so they feel hungry for it or for its symbol, food.  Even if they get enough food, it may not be enough.

 

When they come home, or even to a good caregiver, the children may not be able to overcome their food anxieties and concerns about the permanence of their new parental relationship.  They may eat incessantly, with portions suitable for a six foot tall lumberjack.  They may hoard food; parents often find out, because they smell something foul and eventually discover a stash of moldy food under the bed or in the closet.  They may start grabbing things off the shelves at the supermarket, or from other family members' plates.  They may try to beat up their siblings to take their food.  These behaviors, while not appropriate in a family context, are totally understandable.  Many children take a year or more to get over them completely, and some can't do it without professional help. 

 

While your child has been home 11 months, she spent part of the time suffering, because of the bad advice you were given about dealing with her feeding issues.  She also spent some time in an orphanage where she got lots of food, but no help in overcoming her hunger for love.  All in all, you may have to start working with her as if she just came home from Ethiopia.  And since you are so terribly stressed by her behavior, it would be best if you get some professional help.

 

One of the best places to get that help is the feeding disorders program at a local children's hospital.  If you are in the DC metro area, Children's Hospital has a really excellent program, run by a top notch gastroenterologist.  You go to it on an outpatient basis. 

 

First, you meet with the feeding team, which is composed of a gastroenterologist, nurse practitioner, child psychiatrist, developmental psychologist, nutritionist, PT, OT, and speech therapist, and/or others, as appropriate.  You bring your child, talk to the group about your observations, and let them all see your child in action. 

 

On another day or other days, you and/or your child will be seen individually by the appropriate therapists, to become more specific about the problems.  As an example, the gastroenterologist may want to do new parasite testing, since intestinal parasites rob the body of nutrients and can contribute to hunger.  He/she may also want to have some metabolic testing done, to make sure that there is no medical problem causing the excessive hunger.  The child psychiatrist will probably want to observe your feeding interactions through one-way glass, and to observe your child's behavior when food is not present.  The nutritionist will ask you to keep food logs, so that she knows exactly how much and of what your child is eating.  And so on.

 

The team will then meet again with you to go over a diagnosis and a discussion of a treatment plan.  If you are local, you can see appropriate therapists at the hospital; otherwise, you can get referrals to people in your area.  It is quite likely that your child will need to see a child psychologist who is familiar with adopted children and their feeding problems.

 

Insurance will often pay for many aspects of the diagnostic workup and the treatment.  If you are in a managed care plan, you may need to advocate strongly for your daughter, and work with her pediatrician to convince the powers that be that the only place she can get effective treatment is in a feeding disorders program. 

 

Getting results is not going to be quick or easy.  You may want to talk with a doctor, yourself, about how to manage your own stress.  But if you work with the right professionals, and get some family and/or professional support as you undertake the work, your child will heal.

 

If you can't get to a feeding program, contact an international adoption clinic, such as the one at the University of Minnesota, and get a referral to someone in your area that specializes in feeding problems in children, if possible.  Also,

 

Some things you might try while you are waiting to get your child into a program:

 

1.  Create a small cabinet or drawer at a level she can reach easily.  Keep it stocked constantly with little ziplock bags, each filled with small amounts of a healthy snack -- raisins, small crackers, two little cookies, some Cheerios, veggie chips, etc.  Let her access it whenever she needs it, as long as she brings the bag to her high chair or the dining table to eat the food; you want to make sure she doesn't choke.   If you go out, let her pack a bag of some of the snacks, and tell her that she can have them at the park or the store.  (Keep a few extra in reserve, in case she runs out.)  At first, your child will simply gobble everything up.  Gradually, however, she will check the drawer every few minutes, to be sure that food is still there, but actually eat a snack less often.

 

2.  Meanwhile, serve three very small meals per day, maybe only a tablespoon at a time, but allow unlimited seconds, thirds, fourths. Eventually, your child won't want another helping, because she will be bored sitting there when others have left, and you won't let her eat food when she's not sitting at the table.  Also serve three scheduled snacks, and choose things that can't be put in the drawer, because they are perishable, like yogurt, small cubes of cheese, milk, banana, applesauce, cooked veggies, etc.  Give SMALL portions, like two mandarin orange segments or six blueberries, but let her ask for seconds and thirds.

 

3.  Try to see if you can substitute a sippy cup for a bottle for all feedings, except the bedtime one, but don't push too hard.  The comfort may be too important right now.  But water down whatever you serve -- milk, juice, etc. -- regardless of what you put it in.  Encourage your child to drink a lot of water; water will fill her up, and she will eat less.

 

4.  Do NOT try to toilet train at this point.  Toilet training is anxiety producing.  Try to keep your child's life calm, and to give as much love as you can.  Toddlers pick up on other people's anger, frustration, and grief.  Some may misbehave more; others may become more anxious about whether they are loved, and may eat more.  While you may cry in private, try to avoid showing your child that you are upset with her about her eating.  In fact, try to ignore her eating patterns as much as possible.  Just go about your business.

 

5.  Increase your child's exercise.  Keep her out of her stroller, when possible, when walking to the park or in the mall.  Take her to toddler gymnastics or some other activities.  She may prefer to sit and eat from her snack bags for a while, but she'll eventually want to join in, especially if the teachers make an effort to involve her, and you tell her that, when the class is over, you will give her a big lunch.

 

6.  If you feel really too stressed, try enrolling your child in a good daycare/preschool, with teachers that understand your child's problems and agree to work with her.  You may find that, in the new setting, she actually stops binge eating for a few hours.

 

But really, don't hesitate to get professional help.  She needs it. 

 

Sharon

 

 

 

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#186 of 343 Old 02-22-2011, 12:56 PM
 
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Like PP said, if you haven't tested for celiac, give it a try! Celiac disease is a form of gluten intolerance. Gluten is found  in wheat, rye and barley (probably NOT staple grains in Ethiopia like the are here!) Gluten intolerance can cause 'leaky gut syndrom' (and other food sensitivies can too...talk to your naturopath and dr too) when the gut is damaged by leaky gut syndrome, it can no longer process vitamins, minerals, foods, etc the way it did before. The only way to heal it is to find the culprit(s) and eliminate them from the diet and it will begin to heal over time and improve.

 

Gluten intolerance is not a food allergy! Allergies are usually an IgE immune reaction, gluten intolerance and other food intolerances/sensitivities are usually IgG or IgA reactions and will not show up in traditional allergy skin prick tests/RAST tests.

 

If you want to try testing for multiple food sensativities, look into ALCAT or ELISA (your naturopath or chiro may know more. Some mainstream drs know about it too. If insurance coverage is not an issue, you can order the test yourself on their website) ENTEROLAB I know has gluten and casine(dairy) testing...maybe they have more?

 

Some people react and are sensative to many foods on these tests, becuase the gut is leaking them into the bloodstream. In most individuals, after a period of elimination, many foods can be reintroduced. Me, for example, I reacted to 25-30 foods on the test I ordered, but gluten was main suspect/culprit. So, I have never eaten gluten again voluntairily, but I was able to reintroduce and eat many other foods back after my gut had healed.

 

Good luck! Ditto a PP about the fermented grains idea...check out the Traditional Foods board for more ideas/info about that.

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#187 of 343 Old 02-23-2011, 08:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for the continued support.  Our appt. with the naturopath is this Saturday, so I will update again after that.  Regardless of what the doctor says, I am going to try a gluten-free diet starting next week, but didn't want to take her off gluten until I saw him.  Although she continues to gain weight, she is extremely lethargic/bloated/irritable, and increasingly miserable.  She eats for an hour straight sometimes and still keeps asking for more.  I am just at a loss.     

 

    Thank you again,

 

        Anna

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#188 of 343 Old 03-01-2011, 05:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all,

 

   I wanted to update after our appointment with the Naturopath this past Saturday.   He diagnosed my daughter with leaky gut, yeast overgrowth in her intestines, gluten intolerance and dairy intolerance.  He put her on a strong probiotic, digestive enzymes, and an Anti-Candida formula.  Obviously, I have to take gluten and dairy out of her diet, and her wants her on a diet high in protein.  

She has been having ALOT of trouble lately with abdominal distension, and I'm hoping that after a while her stomach will go down.  The doctor is concerned with how quickly she has gained weight in the past month  because she should be metabolizing her food betther.  He said that it is because of the yeast and the gluten, most likely.  Basically, Nothing in her digestive system is working correctly.  He explained that her body is trying to make up in volume what it cannot absorb from the food she is getting, so she is constantly hungry.  

   My main problem now, is how to get protein into her without dairy.  She hates chicken, and other than eggs and meatballs, I don't know what other things are high in protein.  I have been giving her beans with almost every meal, but at this point they make her bloat so badly that she cannot even sit down after a meal with beans.  I also cannot give her peanut butter, so I'm at a loss here.  Anyone have any ideas?   

 

  Also, does anyone have any experience about how all this could affect behavior?   Since I treated her for H. Pylori in the beginning of Feb. (2 antibiotics), her behavior has become intolerable.  She is IRRITABLE beyond belief - EVERYTHING annoys her, and she is extremely lethargic and almost apathetic about playing or anything.  The doctor explained that the H. Pylori meds caused yeast to die off and be dumped into her system, which is like having a load of toxins in your blood.  But I'm still unsure if this could explain her behavior.  

 

    Thanks to everyone,

 

     Anna

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#189 of 343 Old 03-01-2011, 06:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ram3113 View Post

Hi all,

 

   I wanted to update after our appointment with the Naturopath this past Saturday.   He diagnosed my daughter with leaky gut, yeast overgrowth in her intestines, gluten intolerance and dairy intolerance.  He put her on a strong probiotic, digestive enzymes, and an Anti-Candida formula.  Obviously, I have to take gluten and dairy out of her diet, and her wants her on a diet high in protein. 



I really hope this is the correct diagnosis and will help you!!!!!  You are a wonderful mama, and your persistence is very admirable!  I'm SO glad someone is going to be able to help you out, and that they are listening and taking you seriously!!

 

As for the food - did the naturopath give you any ideas?  If not, you can always call back and ask for suggestions.  You could also post in the nutrition forum for some ideas, or even health and healing.  There are some really knowledgeable people in those forums that have been helpful to me in the past, and you might find someone who has some experience with this sort of thing.  You could also post in the Allergy forum maybe? 

 

Good luck!!  I hope you're finally on the right track!!!

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#190 of 343 Old 03-01-2011, 08:20 PM
 
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protein - other nut butters (sunflower "sunbutter" is good), avacado (guacamole), hummus, fish, nuts (my kids like cashews)

 

My DS has a dairy intolerance and I know it can be intimidating when you are first trying to figure out what to eat - I am sure that gluten on top would be even moreso.  I found that asian food and whole foods were easy ideas for me.  Chili or stir fry are good go-to meals.

 

I hope this does help your little girl feel better soon.  It's no fun to feel poorly.  I do find that when my DS eats things that don't "agree" with him his behavior is much more difficult - like he loses the tiny amount of self-control a 3yo has in the first place.

 

Tjej

 

 

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#191 of 343 Old 03-03-2011, 11:20 AM
 
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That all sounds like what I would have guessed.  It is very common for behavior to be rough for the first 3-4 weeks while you are detoxing your child. 

 

I would try quinoa for more protein as well.  Make sure you rinse it well.


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#192 of 343 Old 03-03-2011, 06:41 PM
 
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We have done lots of hummus as well. DS needed more fat, not necessarily just the protein, but he will eat hummus. He also ate (still does) lots of nuts, but I'm not sure if your dd is old enough for whole nuts yet. I also made shakes and added ground flax seed. 

 

When I've done detoxes, I've felt pretty bad the whole time, so I'm sure it can make a small child really irritable.


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#193 of 343 Old 03-03-2011, 06:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ram3113 View Post

Hi all,

 

   I wanted to update after our appointment with the Naturopath this past Saturday.   He diagnosed my daughter with leaky gut, yeast overgrowth in her intestines, gluten intolerance and dairy intolerance.  He put her on a strong probiotic, digestive enzymes, and an Anti-Candida formula.  Obviously, I have to take gluten and dairy out of her diet, and her wants her on a diet high in protein.  

She has been having ALOT of trouble lately with abdominal distension, and I'm hoping that after a while her stomach will go down.  The doctor is concerned with how quickly she has gained weight in the past month  because she should be metabolizing her food betther.  He said that it is because of the yeast and the gluten, most likely.  Basically, Nothing in her digestive system is working correctly.  He explained that her body is trying to make up in volume what it cannot absorb from the food she is getting, so she is constantly hungry.  

   My main problem now, is how to get protein into her without dairy.  She hates chicken, and other than eggs and meatballs, I don't know what other things are high in protein.  I have been giving her beans with almost every meal, but at this point they make her bloat so badly that she cannot even sit down after a meal with beans.  I also cannot give her peanut butter, so I'm at a loss here.  Anyone have any ideas?   

 

  Also, does anyone have any experience about how all this could affect behavior?   Since I treated her for H. Pylori in the beginning of Feb. (2 antibiotics), her behavior has become intolerable.  She is IRRITABLE beyond belief - EVERYTHING annoys her, and she is extremely lethargic and almost apathetic about playing or anything.  The doctor explained that the H. Pylori meds caused yeast to die off and be dumped into her system, which is like having a load of toxins in your blood.  But I'm still unsure if this could explain her behavior.  

 

    Thanks to everyone,

 

     Anna



My DD has Celiac disease and the behavior you are describing and bloated belly sound exactly like how she is when she consumes gluten (or is eating near anyone who is eating gluten due to cross-contamination, she's very sensitive).  She is a different child when she hasn't been around gluten.  So much more joyful.  Otherwise even things she likes to do can cause massive meltdowns.  It's so frustrating!!!

 

For beans, to reduce their bloating effect, soak them in water and a couple tablespoons of lemon juice for 12-24 hours.  Rinse well.  Then put them in a pot with lots of water and bring to a boil.  Skim the scum off, reduce heat to the lowest setting, and let simmer for 4-8 hours.  They will have a much different effect on the digestive system when cooked this way.

 

Also, for protein you could try quinoa.  It's a grain that's high in protein.  We eat it as a breakfast cereal here.  Soak 1 cup quinoa in 1 cup of water and 1 T lemon juice overnight.  In the morning, rinse it then add 1 cup coconut or almond milk and 1 cup water  then bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer until the liquid is absorbed.  We eat it with butter, real maple syrup or honey, and cinnamon. 

 

My DD also eats scrambled eggs, cashews, almonds, and lots of red meat for protein.

 


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#194 of 343 Old 03-03-2011, 08:28 PM
 
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I'm so glad you finally got some answers!! I wish I had ideas for your lo; but we are veg. I just wanted to mention that there are tons of types of lentils-- different types are cooked and taste different in South Asian food. My son also eats egg whites, which should be high in protein.


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#195 of 343 Old 03-04-2011, 10:04 AM
 
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I'm GF, and I did go dairy free initially when I was told I had leaky gut. Eventually I slowly reintroduced dairy, but started with cultured dairy, like kefir, yogurt, and creme frech. She most likely had fermented/cultured dairy in her home country, maybe even unpasturized. So, yeah, her gut has lost a lot of the natural helpers present in her home country's cuisine.

 

Almond milk is really good, and there is a coconut milk, So delicious brand. So delicious also has yoguts, half and half, etc.

 

Ditto hummus, you can even find chickpea flour in the ethnic section, and sub a bit of that for protien in flour mixes. Also, coconut flour and almond flour are two protien rich options! Sourgum is great for the 'wheat'ish color and flavor.

 

She is old enough to eat nuts, make Nourishing Traditions crispy nuts for snacks too, use them in granola, make them plain or add flavors!

Some good high protien (many GF, some DF recipes) blogs/websites: Cheeseslave, Nourishing Gourmet, Nourished Kitchen...google gluten free-zer friday and there are some ggo GFDF recipes there too. 365crockpot has lots of GF. I also liked the Allergy self help cookbook too.

 

Coconut oil is a good sub for butter, sometimes. Lard is another option. As always, there are many oils to choose from.

 

Do the best you can to have a 'united front' most of the time that she and the whole family are with food! Make it 'fair' so most of the time everyone is eating the same thing, then you won't get into "But why can't I eat that?"

 

The public library and interlibrary loan are good for getting cookbooks to try out, before you go and buy a lot!

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Hi Anna,

 

So glad you are getting some answers : )  I did have one question, why no peanut butter?  Is it because she is still too young?  I second or third sunflower butter.  I think that nut butters are a god send when it comes to getting kids to eat protein that is not dairy : )  We love it on apples, veggie sticks, everything!  We also do a lot of smoothies with either nut butter or yogurt.  I am not sure how soy yogurt would be a smoothie, though.

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#197 of 343 Old 03-07-2011, 06:36 PM
 
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.

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A couple of sites I follow talk a lot about nutrition and traditional foods, but also delve a lot into natural digestive healing and the like.  The GAPS diet is something they might highly recommend for your daughter, here are the web addresses:

 

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/newwaphb/  (Weston A. Price Healthy Babies)

 

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/trad-foods-MN/

 

There are also other threads here on MDC about GAPS if you search for the term.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ram3113 View Post

Hi all,

 

   I wanted to update after our appointment with the Naturopath this past Saturday.   He diagnosed my daughter with leaky gut, yeast overgrowth in her intestines, gluten intolerance and dairy intolerance.  He put her on a strong probiotic, digestive enzymes, and an Anti-Candida formula.  Obviously, I have to take gluten and dairy out of her diet, and her wants her on a diet high in protein.  

She has been having ALOT of trouble lately with abdominal distension, and I'm hoping that after a while her stomach will go down.  The doctor is concerned with how quickly she has gained weight in the past month  because she should be metabolizing her food betther.  He said that it is because of the yeast and the gluten, most likely.  Basically, Nothing in her digestive system is working correctly.  He explained that her body is trying to make up in volume what it cannot absorb from the food she is getting, so she is constantly hungry.  

   My main problem now, is how to get protein into her without dairy.  She hates chicken, and other than eggs and meatballs, I don't know what other things are high in protein.  I have been giving her beans with almost every meal, but at this point they make her bloat so badly that she cannot even sit down after a meal with beans.  I also cannot give her peanut butter, so I'm at a loss here.  Anyone have any ideas?   

 

  Also, does anyone have any experience about how all this could affect behavior?   Since I treated her for H. Pylori in the beginning of Feb. (2 antibiotics), her behavior has become intolerable.  She is IRRITABLE beyond belief - EVERYTHING annoys her, and she is extremely lethargic and almost apathetic about playing or anything.  The doctor explained that the H. Pylori meds caused yeast to die off and be dumped into her system, which is like having a load of toxins in your blood.  But I'm still unsure if this could explain her behavior.  

 

    Thanks to everyone,

 

     Anna



First off, I just wanted to say that I read this ENTIRE thread tonight, looking for solutions to my 3 foster kids who are also food obsessed (but I believe that is more PTSD related). I do have a suggestion for you about legume protein digestability; you can try a light fermentation by soaking beans in a whey mixture for a day or so, there are TONS of sites out there that show you how to do this easily. My favorite site is: http://sufficientself.com   there's alot of geat natural food info there (and all kinds of other great stuff as well!!). Also, have you tried soy products of any variety with her? or replacing any of her liquids with almond or hemp milk? Both are fairly good sources of protein w/out the digestive issues. If you are currently using nut butters as an alternate protein, be sure to vary the type of nuts and maybe try making your own (if you even actually have the time and availability to do this!) Maybe even try finding a good vegetarian or vegan cook book that might be more geared more towards balanced nutrition as opposed to just a lack of meat due to her lack of interest in meat. And I have to say, kudos to you mama, you're doing everything you can find to try to help your baby girl! Don't let self doubt eat away at you, you're doing the best that you can with the information you have available to you and I commend your effort! <HUGS!>

 

*edited to add: I'm POSITIVE that a healthy dose of pro-biotics would certainly help with digestion, seeing as how you said her irritability increased after her double dose of antibiotics. I suggest PB-8; open a capsule and pour half of it into her bottle or sippy 2x a day, that should help with at least some of her digestive issues. do please get a medical opinion about this, I would discontinue after about 5-6 weeks, because after that those specific cultures have done about all the good they can do.

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#200 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 06:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello,

 

  Just an update:   

 

   There has been NO change, after 19 days gluten and dairy free.  In fact, my daughter had a well visit yesterday and gained another 1 1/2 pounds (in one month), and did not grow in height at all.  The pediatrician told me on the "weight for height" chart she is in the 95th percentile, which puts her in the "obese" category.  Nice, huh?     I can't give her any LESS food!!!!    She eats a very healthy array of foods, and in good quantities, but certainly nothing that anyone would consider excessive.  

   I am stumped here.  She has been getting LESS carbs, more protein and good fats, probiotics, digestive enzymes, etc.     If anything, her stomach is more bloated, and I just don't know what to do anymore.  I'm tired of all the "mystery" here.   I just can't seem to solve anything.  She DOES NOT overeat, yet continues to gain and has the appearance of a child left in front of the TV all day with a bag of cookies.  Yet my friends' kids eat junk, and anything they want, and don't have this problem. I have to worry about everything she eats, how much she eats, why she isn't growing, why her clothes I bought last week don't fit anymore because she is SO bloated, why she seems to have NO energy, etc., etc.    And there are no answers for me.  NOTHING works.  NOTHING.  

 

  I'm tired.  Just really tired.....

 

 

   Anna

 

  Does anyone think I should post this somewhere else where there might be people that understand this?  

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#201 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 07:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ram3113 View Post

Hello,

 

  Just an update:   

 

   There has been NO change, after 19 days gluten and dairy free.  In fact, my daughter had a well visit yesterday and gained another 1 1/2 pounds (in one month), and did not grow in height at all.  The pediatrician told me on the "weight for height" chart she is in the 95th percentile, which puts her in the "obese" category.  Nice, huh?     I can't give her any LESS food!!!!    She eats a very healthy array of foods, and in good quantities, but certainly nothing that anyone would consider excessive.  

   I am stumped here.  She has been getting LESS carbs, more protein and good fats, probiotics, digestive enzymes, etc.     If anything, her stomach is more bloated, and I just don't know what to do anymore.  I'm tired of all the "mystery" here.   I just can't seem to solve anything.  She DOES NOT overeat, yet continues to gain and has the appearance of a child left in front of the TV all day with a bag of cookies.  Yet my friends' kids eat junk, and anything they want, and don't have this problem. I have to worry about everything she eats, how much she eats, why she isn't growing, why her clothes I bought last week don't fit anymore because she is SO bloated, why she seems to have NO energy, etc., etc.    And there are no answers for me.  NOTHING works.  NOTHING.  

 

  I'm tired.  Just really tired.....

 

 

   Anna

 

  Does anyone think I should post this somewhere else where there might be people that understand this?  


I would post in Allergy's, and possible Health and Healing.

 

It sounds like you're making progress if she's not over eating anymore - this isn't going to change overnight, it may take several months.  hug.gif  You're doing the best you can, and this will all get sorted eventually!

 

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#202 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 07:21 AM
 
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What have the adoption specialists said? I think I remember that you had an appointment with a team of specialists? What are your DD's height and weight now?

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#203 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 12:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello, She is 26 months old, is 28 pounds and 32 inches tall. That puts her BMI at 19.2, and her BMI percentile at 96%. The doctor at CHOP told me anything over 85% is considered overweight, and anything over 95% is considered obese. Such a sad thing to say about a 2 year old. I'm not sure that I can really come back here anymore. I am tired of hoping against hope that I might find an answer somewhere, and after 18 months, and several thousands of dollars, I can't hope anymore. I am feeling quite disheartened and even a little bitter lately. I have spent 18 months being her mother, and it feels like a hundred years. I have stopped being a good mother to my other 3 children, because her needs/demands/problems have taken over. I need to get back on track to being their mother again, and I can't do it like this. I spend my days tiptoeing around her. Her moodiness/irritability/ demands/whining/wanting to be held constantly/lack of interest in playing/ I can find an answer to NONE of it. I spent $1000 last month alone to see 3 different therapists to determine if they thought any of this is attachment related. They all agreed that she is very well attached, although the last one offered to charge me many more thousands of dollars to do some therapy that "couldn't hurt". NOTHING I have done has been enough. Not enough food/time/attention/ playing/rocking/carrying/cuddling/singing/playing/toys/activities/etc.-none of it is enough for her. I just don't have much more to give. And I feel horrible that it has all been at the expense of my other children. They get NOTHING compared to what I give her. It is starting to take a toll on them. They ask me to go out for breakfast "like we used to", and I know we cannot go and enjoy ourselves, because unless she is eating the entire time, she will have fit. We cannot do anything as a family anymore, and we usually split up in the house so my other kids can play in peace. She won't tolerate me doing anything with anyone else without crying or making a fuss. I can't cook when she is awake because she will cry the whole time while asking for "up" or food. She won't go play. Just looking at her will make her mad sometimes. I can't even imagine anymore what it would be like to have her act just like any other child in the house. What it would be like to wake up in the morning looking forward to another day, instead of dreading what the day is going to be like (just like yesterday). What it would be like to feel like I've satisfied her in some way, instead of her always acting like nothing I've done is enough. I'm tired of worrying about everything, all day (and part of the night, too). Worrying about her behavior, if she is going to be mad if she has to wait an extra 3 minutes for her egg, if she is going to be mad if one of the other kids says "good morning", or asks her for a kiss. Worrying about what she eats, how much she eats, how to hide the bananas, worrying about whether my 5 year old will say the word "snack" and she will have a fit even though she just finished breakfast, worrying about returning ALL the clothes I just bought because NOTHING fits, even though the pants are already too long (I can't put a size 4 pants on a 2 year old), worrying about how much money I'm spending, worrying about why she won't play, worrying about the book clubs I keep saying NO to, and how I'm going to keep making excuses for not going anymore, worrying about EVERYTHING. I'm tired. Really tired. If anyone believes in prayer, our family sure could use some. Maybe something will work out someday, but in the meantime, I have to go back andbe a good mother to my other kids again. They need me desperately, and they've already sacrificed so much. She will always be the baby, and be treated as such, ,but she can no longer have our house and our family revolving around her moods/behavior/demands/problems. I just can't do it to anyone else any longer. Thank you all for trying to help me. If a miracle happens and our problems get solved, I promise to come back and let everyone know. Anna
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#204 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 12:25 PM
 
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Oh, Anna. I'm so sorry that things are that bad. I don't have any advice for you but if you need an ear, please feel free to send me a PM. CHOP is a great hospital so keep working with the doctors there. Someone should be able to help you. There has to be something that can help.

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#205 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 12:32 PM
 
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I know that you've been through hell and back, so I'm praying that you won't take this the wrong way.  Gently, I'm going to suggest that some (certainly no where close to all) of these problems are related to her being 26months?  My ds is that same age, and does many of those things (tantrums to wait for his egg thats already done, tantrums over me paying attention to anything other than him, whining constantly, being irritable, etc) - and its just b/c he's 2.  That doesn't solve the food problems of course, and doesn't even begin to touch the health problems or obesity - but some part of this could be her age.  She's 2 - they don't call it the terrible 2's for nothing.

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#206 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 01:29 PM
 
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hug.gifhug.gifhug.gif


Blogging about renovations in our first home
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#207 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 02:28 PM
 
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Anna I hope you will keep coming back here even if there aren't answers here. I wish I could reach out for all of us and give you a great big hug and let you cry a while, take your daughter for an outing to give your family some respite, or something that would actually help.

 

Please know we are here for you even if we don't have new ideas or answers, but just with online shoulders to cry on.


 
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#208 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 03:06 PM
 
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Sorry to hear things are no better.

What are the adoption clinic people saying re: those test results? ("so far some of the testing has come back abnormal. (Liver enzymes elevated, and H.Pylori was positive").

I do hope they can find someone to help you soon hug.gif:

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#209 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 03:11 PM
 
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I simply couldn't read this and not hug.gif even though I have no helpful suggestions, unfortunately greensad.gif
I just have to say that, reading this entire thread (I found it on the New Posts list) I just got intrigued from the start - and as I was reading, I was hoping the girl's problems would have improved.
I have immense respect for you, OP, for trying so many things and really looking at many possible answers and it really makes me sad to read that it seemingly has gotten worse instead of better... I hope something changes for the better soon.

Mommy to DD bouncy.gif born August 2008 

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#210 of 343 Old 03-20-2011, 04:21 PM
 
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Anna,  Sending you hugs!  I am not sure if this helps, but there have been several times in our family's journey that I just hit a wall and felt like I could not go on.  Like I could not handle one child making me a bad mom to my other two.  But that dark time always passed.  We still have challenges, but we have more happy days than unhappy.

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