I have great news too! We're officially matched. ***AND NOW WE'RE NOT*** - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 02-23-2011, 03:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Today the social worker met with the expectant parents we've been speaking with.  The birth father signed the unborn surrender form and we finally got confirmation of the pregnancy.

 

I will be signing all our paperwork tomorrow and we'll begin financial assistance.

 

She's due with a girl at the end of June.

 

I know this is not 100% yet and it will be a long 5 months but I'm just going to take a few days and be happy.

 

 

***UPDATE***

Well the drama just doesn't end.  We signed paperwork and sent that in Thursday afternoon.  Thursday night a person with knowledge of our birth mother called our attorney to let her know what was going on.  We had heard from another source that she might have accepted money from her last pregnancy then not placed.  It was never confirmed.  This person confirmed that story and that she had actually accepted payment from two families for the same pregnancy.  And confirmed that she is planning to parent her current pregnancy.  One source I can assume she has good intentions this time.  Two, not so much.

 

This prompted us to insist on certain documentation for expenses the agency didn't feel was necessary.  That was the beginning of the end.  The lies went on all day (changing every couple of hours) ending with her father screaming at the agency.  Crazy stuff.


She called us tonight twice.  More backtracking and covering of prior lies I believe.  It was odd.


So we have officially walked away.  Thank goodness we found all this out now instead of in a few months.

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#2 of 11 Old 02-23-2011, 03:40 PM
 
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:)


cold.gifme + headscratch.gif him and one littlecat.gifPaco the Taco hoping for one of these  makebabe.gifin the near future

 

 

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#3 of 11 Old 02-23-2011, 05:06 PM
 
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Wonderful news, I'm hopeful for you!


DS: 18 DD: 15 DD: 8  angel1.gif 11/10  angel1.gif 4/11
  adoptionheart-1.gifDD: 3  angel1.gif 8/11

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#4 of 11 Old 02-26-2011, 05:37 AM
 
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hoping hoping hoping...

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#5 of 11 Old 02-26-2011, 06:21 AM
 
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I'm happy for you!


Wife to my DH for 10 wonderful years.joy.gif

Mom to L (5 yo DD) and J (infant DS)  adoptionheart-1.gif

Chiropractor to many.  novaxnocirc.gif

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#6 of 11 Old 02-27-2011, 06:47 AM
 
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Congrats! :)


Blogging about renovations in our first home
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#7 of 11 Old 02-28-2011, 06:55 PM
 
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I'm sorry this one didn't work out. Heartbreaking! :(


DS: 18 DD: 15 DD: 8  angel1.gif 11/10  angel1.gif 4/11
  adoptionheart-1.gifDD: 3  angel1.gif 8/11

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#8 of 11 Old 03-01-2011, 04:41 PM
 
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Hugs. I am sorry, that is so hard!  But you are right, SO much better to find her out and to not have empty arms and bank account later... not that that makes it all better.

Hoping that this will take you to an even better place and that it works out to benefit you in some way. 


Marci

knit.gif

Married to my best friend, homeschooling, gardening,

running a camp for at-risk kiddos and walking a narrow path.

 

Mom to an amazingly fun crew of 5!

hearts.gifafro.jpg  wave.gif   thumbsuck.gif     boc.gif 

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#9 of 11 Old 03-05-2011, 03:47 PM
 
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Sending you hugs.  I am so sorry that you are going throught this.

 

I know this many not be the time to consider this, as you are grieving a loss  But there are quite a few things in your post that raise good questions about your agency.  For example, direct phone contact with an addicted birthmother.  I know very little about private adoption, so I may be way off. 

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#10 of 11 Old 03-06-2011, 09:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pumpkingirl71 View Post

Sending you hugs.  I am so sorry that you are going throught this.

 

I know this many not be the time to consider this, as you are grieving a loss  But there are quite a few things in your post that raise good questions about your agency.  For example, direct phone contact with an addicted birthmother.  I know very little about private adoption, so I may be way off. 



???

 

I don't even know what this means.  That we shouldn't have had phone contact or our agency shouldn't have?  In either case, of course both us and our agency would speak with her, as did our attorney.  We met with her twice and our agency met with her twice.  Contact in private adoption is a very common, very expected thing.

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#11 of 11 Old 03-06-2011, 06:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristyMarie View Post

???

 

I don't even know what this means.  That we shouldn't have had phone contact or our agency shouldn't have?  In either case, of course both us and our agency would speak with her, as did our attorney.  We met with her twice and our agency met with her twice.  Contact in private adoption is a very common, very expected thing.



As I said, I don't know much about private adoption.  But I know quite a bit about negotiating an open adoption agreement with a birth mother who was also an addict.  The desperation a birth mother feels (in my experience) is warping.  I find it troubling that the agency or your attorney encouraged you to work anything out on the phone in an unmediated fashion.  You also said that you asked for some paperwork that your agency felt was unnecessary.  It just sounds like the way your agency handled this put you in a positition to be lied to and manipulated.  I don't question contact.

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