We recently adopted our long-term foster child. I have two primary points I'd like some input on right now.
1. We took to heart the warnings that he isn't ours unless and until finalization. We stayed focused on being his foster parents, even when things were clearly pointing toward adoption. Now that we have finalization and have given it time to feel real, it still doesn't. We're firmly bonded, but don't feel like his legal parents. We don't feel "free" of the CPS oversight or like we're on a new page of our family story. Anyone else ever felt this way?
2. We've found a lot of discussions on first parent titles like birthmom or tummy mommy, but not much on first parent names. We're trying to come up with a name for his first mom that is sensitive to her, not confusing, and which would be appropriate for a long term relationship. He's a toddler now, but we don't care for names that would sound ridiculous coming from a 25-yr-old. We're open to it changing if he wants it to later, but these are our guidelines for right now. Complicating this is that she wants to be called Mommy (not Mommy FirstName) and we can't really refer to her as Mommy because it would be confusing if we mean her or me. For her title, we usually say his mother because it makes sense in context. It just feels wrong to call her anything else. It's a title we share, having split the duties, and it seems demeaning for me in our situation to now qualify that as a matter of course, though we use birthmom or first mom if the situation requires more detail. We have a semi-open adoption with cards, letters, and occasional visits. Any recommendations on other names he can use for her?
1. We took to heart the warnings that he isn't ours unless and until finalization. We stayed focused on being his foster parents, even when things were clearly pointing toward adoption. Now that we have finalization and have given it time to feel real, it still doesn't. We're firmly bonded, but don't feel like his legal parents. We don't feel "free" of the CPS oversight or like we're on a new page of our family story. Anyone else ever felt this way?
2. We've found a lot of discussions on first parent titles like birthmom or tummy mommy, but not much on first parent names. We're trying to come up with a name for his first mom that is sensitive to her, not confusing, and which would be appropriate for a long term relationship. He's a toddler now, but we don't care for names that would sound ridiculous coming from a 25-yr-old. We're open to it changing if he wants it to later, but these are our guidelines for right now. Complicating this is that she wants to be called Mommy (not Mommy FirstName) and we can't really refer to her as Mommy because it would be confusing if we mean her or me. For her title, we usually say his mother because it makes sense in context. It just feels wrong to call her anything else. It's a title we share, having split the duties, and it seems demeaning for me in our situation to now qualify that as a matter of course, though we use birthmom or first mom if the situation requires more detail. We have a semi-open adoption with cards, letters, and occasional visits. Any recommendations on other names he can use for her?