Well, being placed as a foster child with the OP and her husband would have been one way for this kid to possibly be adopted back into his family of origin - which is a wonderful thing, when it can be done. He's going to be placed, either way, with strangers who CAN'T be sure that they want to adopt him until they've gotten to know him. A period of uncertainty is his fate at this point. I hope that he gets a great foster home in the state where his mom currently resides.
Nobody can ever be certain until they have lived for months with a child. And of course there are plenty of emergency situations in which a child has to be placed within hours that leaves even less room for certainty. However, going into a situation with the mindset of "well, we'll give this a try, see if it works out for us" is not really great for a child. Families who have the most knowledge of the child and who have been able to spend the most time with that child before making that decision tend to have far fewer disrupted placements. The attitude that trying out a child in a family is equal to trying out any number of other things really chaps my hide, because the reality is the impact on that child is substantial. Multiple moves are a terrible thing for kids. There are enough families who decide a placement doesn't work out even when they're 100% commited in the beginning. Kids don't really need foster/adoptive placements where the parents are on the fence to start. Those placements almost always fail. My mindset and most who have children's best interest at heart are of the opinion that workers find families for kids, not kids for families.
Now, in my neck of the woods, policy dictates that the foster-adopt process is run like a private infant adoption agency. There's a portfolio prepared, potential families are selected, interviews, one family chosen, etc. All without meeting the child. Our foster/adopt disruption rate is way above .01 percent and it always will be, until these folks figure out that they are NOT running a private infant adoption agency and alter their process.
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