Concerns in Considering Foster Parenting - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 20 Old 11-02-2011, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
MamaRhi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Oakland, California
Posts: 288
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My boyfriend/ life partner and I are considering becoming foster parents. We've begun discussing it and have come up with various concerns that we need help with.

 

First, our partnership & commitment... We've been close friends for several years and have been together for the last 16 months. He moved in with my kids and I last Spring (and has a very close parental-like relationship with both kids). I am still legally married to my ex husband despite having left him a few years ago now. I'm currently working on the paperwork to file for the divorce. I never want to get legally married again, though I have no issues making a commitment to my current partner and see us as in this for life. He's been my amazing support through so much even as a friend before I officially left my husband. I know that single parents can foster, but I wonder how my partnership issues will affect things.

 

Second, transportation issues... We have a car that seats 4, a truck that seats 3, a motorcycle that is solely my partner's and we also use bicycles and public transportation. With 2 adults and 2 kids already, adding additional children will require the use of more than one vehicle if we all want to go to one place. We are considering getting rid of the truck because it is impractical for city life and costs too much in gas. Will our remaining transportation options be sufficient? Will that be taken into consideration if I can't get everyone into one vehicle? I used to drive a minivan, but it was often just me and the 2 kids and felt enormous. I am not opposed to owning one again, but I'm also not in a good position to be purchasing another vehicle right now.

 

Third, housing... We rent a 3 bedroom house with a giant backyard. My young teenage daughter has the largest room (a converted attic) and my 10 year old son has the smallest (not enough room for two kids). If I want to foster babies and toddlers, can I just put a crib in my room? I've also considered fostering GLBT teens since there is a high need for homes for them where I live. How does the sexual identity affect room sharing? What should I consider with having my 13 year old daughter sharing a room with another teen? She self-identifies as bisexual but is also young and I think she's still formulating her identity. She's strong willed and I don't worry about her being heavily influenced by another teen, but I also would want both kids to feel safe sharing the room.

 

Those seem to be our major concerns right now, from most to least concern. Other than that, I am a homemaker with a home business and I also homeschool my son (I'm a total homebody, it seems... ;) ). I have a slight disability that does NOT greatly affect my ability to take care of my kids, home or animals, but does affect other aspects of my life like long-distant driving, extensive walking and heavy lifting. (I can usually lift babies and toddlers just fine but could not carry a toddler around for a long time). We have a lot of animals: 2 inside/outside cats, 1 dog that sleeps inside but has her own yard, an inside bunny and an outside bunny as well as 6 chickens that live in their coop out in my garden. My partner has a very good and stable blue-collar job with benefits, but my kids and I don't receive any of his benefits and have Medi-Cal (state health insurance). I'm not sure if I need to be concerned with any of these other things, but maybe you have some insight I haven't thought of.

 

Thank you, in advance, for your shared wisdom.


Disabled queer mama to one preteen, one teenager, 5 cats, 7 chickens, & 1 dog

...granola punk urban homesteaders...

homeschool.gifautismribbon.gif

"I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love."

-Gandalf, The Hobbit

MamaRhi is offline  
#2 of 20 Old 11-02-2011, 03:21 PM
 
IzzyTheTerrible's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Some things I do know.

 

The first thing they look at is your marital situtation.  The fact that you're still married may be an issue and if you've been recently divorced it will also be an issue.

 

They require a room of their own.  I believe infants can have a crib in your room, but infants do not stay infants and I believe after 1 year you cannot share a room with them, so you have to have that room available for them, you don't dictate how long they stay with you.

 

Doubt the vehicle issue is a concern.

IzzyTheTerrible is offline  
#3 of 20 Old 11-02-2011, 04:16 PM
 
queenjane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

most foster care regs are state specific, but there will usually be similarities in the regulations. Your best bet would be to contact a foster care agency, attend an orientation, and talk with the license worker to see if your specific situation would work.

 

Marriage: In most places i believe that you being married to someone you dont live with would be an issue, so you'd have to get that divorce finalized before they could license you. In many places two unmarried people can be licensed and provide care to a child. In some places, only one of you would be licensed and the other person would just be considered an adult in the home who needs to be background checked. They will ask you lots of questions about your relationship because they want to make sure its stable. They may ask you questions about your previous relationship and why it ended (i'm single so none of this applied to me.)

 

Bedroom space: This varies, but in most places foster children require a certain number of square feet of bedroom space. Where i live, its 40 sq feet. So a room that was 80 sf could have two kids (total) in it. As long as you had the sf you could have as many kids in a room as you wanted (up to the max of four foster kids in a home which is state law here in MI unless you get a waiver) whereas in some states, there is a "per room" limit, like two kids max per room. Most places do not require a foster child to have their own room and not share with another child. However, esp if you are fostering older kids, it would probably be a good idea and reduce issues in the home if you didnt throw your bio in with an older child whose background/issues/needs you dont really know about yet. But it could be great, just depends. When i've gone through training, a "bedroom" needed to have a window or other method of "egress" (escape in case of fire), and you have to provide closet space or a chest/drawers for clothing storage.

 

Sharing with parent: in many states infants/toddlers can share with a foster parent, in their own crib, as long as the sq ft requirement is met. (That is, you STILL need to have a big enough room to accomodate that child according to their rules.) In some states, its a child under one year, in some its two years, where i live i believe its under three years of age unless they've changed it recently. Also in many places kids of opposite sex can share a room if they are under a certain age (such as five years old.) If your state rules say an infant can room share up to age three, you'd be ok fostering newborns, but if its just til age one, you might run into problems because that child will need to be out of your room once it turns one.

 

Disabilities shouldnt be an issue as long as your doctor signs off and nothing impedes your ability to parent.

 

The car situation shouldnt be an issue for licensing (they didnt even look at my car) but might make your life more complicated. You will probably have to show at least rabies certs for your dogs/cats, and probably as long as your chickens are allowed by your town that shouldnt be an issue. Your kids getting state insurance shouldnt be an issue either.


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
queenjane is offline  
#4 of 20 Old 11-03-2011, 06:00 AM
 
Polliwog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,065
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 18 Post(s)

So much is state specific. You might want to post your question on the message boards at www.fosterparents.com. It's a great place to get the nitty gritty of fostering.

 

I've never had a room measured in my house. My DD shared my room until she was three and then moved into my son's bedroom (he was also a foster child at the time,) It's easy enough to get a space waiver here if it's needed. Here boys and girls can share a room until the older child turns six. I only have a two-bedroom townhouse and since my son is seven, we'll only foster babies and young toddlers. No one has ever looked at my car although, I know in some places it's required that you have enough seating to transport all of your children at one time.

 

I don't think your marital status really matters. At least not here. They would want to see that you and your partner have a stable relationship and that together you are financially able to care for your family. Here your partner would also need to be foster licensed. Your not being able to carry a toddler might be an issue (or might not. Your being on state insurance may be a problem. Or might not. It depends on a lot of things and where you live. You would likely have to have medical exams for all of your animals, except probably the chickens.

 

I would think very carefully about fostering teens. Yes, teens need homes but many foster children have had life experiences way beyond anything you could imagine.

 

 

Polliwog is online now  
#5 of 20 Old 11-03-2011, 12:22 PM
 
Momma Aimee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: deep in South Texas and ready to go home
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

what I know from our state.  I have hade many looong discussion and DH and I were approved to do MAPP training, though did not enroll and are now starting over.  :)

 

I was also a foster mom in 2 other states.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaRhi View Post

My boyfriend/ life partner and I are considering becoming foster parents. We've begun discussing it and have come up with various concerns that we need help with.

 

First, our partnership & commitment... We've been close friends for several years and have been together for the last 16 months. He moved in with my kids and I last Spring (and has a very close parental-like relationship with both kids). I am still legally married to my ex husband despite having left him a few years ago now. I'm currently working on the paperwork to file for the divorce. I never want to get legally married again, though I have no issues making a commitment to my current partner and see us as in this for life. He's been my amazing support through so much even as a friend before I officially left my husband. I know that single parents can foster, but I wonder how my partnership issues will affect things.

 

the recent divoce may be an issue.  as for the 2 of you living together without being married -- there are, here, allowences for non-foster parents to living in the home, one family i know has the DH's mom (and invlaid) lviing with them.  she had to have background checks and all that too but not the training, she is not on the liciesn.  BUT she is also not parenting.  it is my understanding that any adult that is parenting must be tranined and lisciened.  now if they would allow you two to do so speperatly, liveing together, i do not know.  stablity is a BIGGIE for foster kids so the lack of a marriage might be an issue.  

 

Second, transportation issues... We have a car that seats 4, a truck that seats 3, a motorcycle that is solely my partner's and we also use bicycles and public transportation. With 2 adults and 2 kids already, adding additional children will require the use of more than one vehicle if we all want to go to one place. We are considering getting rid of the truck because it is impractical for city life and costs too much in gas. Will our remaining transportation options be sufficient? Will that be taken into consideration if I can't get everyone into one vehicle? I used to drive a minivan, but it was often just me and the 2 kids and felt enormous. I am not opposed to owning one again, but I'm also not in a good position to be purchasing another vehicle right now.

 

Third, housing... We rent a 3 bedroom house with a giant backyard. My young teenage daughter has the largest room (a converted attic) and my 10 year old son has the smallest (not enough room for two kids). If I want to foster babies and toddlers, can I just put a crib in my room? I've also considered fostering GLBT teens since there is a high need for homes for them where I live. How does the sexual identity affect room sharing? What should I consider with having my 13 year old daughter sharing a room with another teen? She self-identifies as bisexual but is also young and I think she's still formulating her identity. She's strong willed and I don't worry about her being heavily influenced by another teen, but I also would want both kids to feel safe sharing the room.

 

here a foster child under 2 may remain in a crib in the parent's bedroom.  over 2 must have a room.  foster children can not share a room with a biological child.  children of different genders may not share a room. from my past expereince (10 plus years) I;'d never have my teen share a room with a foster child ayway --   

 

Those seem to be our major concerns right now, from most to least concern. Other than that, I am a homemaker with a home business and I also homeschool my son (I'm a total homebody, it seems... ;) ). I have a slight disability that does NOT greatly affect my ability to take care of my kids, home or animals, but does affect other aspects of my life like long-distant driving, extensive walking and heavy lifting. (I can usually lift babies and toddlers just fine but could not carry a toddler around for a long time). We have a lot of animals: 2 inside/outside cats, 1 dog that sleeps inside but has her own yard, an inside bunny and an outside bunny as well as 6 chickens that live in their coop out in my garden. My partner has a very good and stable blue-collar job with benefits, but my kids and I don't receive any of his benefits and have Medi-Cal (state health insurance). I'm not sure if I need to be concerned with any of these other things, but maybe you have some insight I haven't thought of.

 

Thank you, in advance, for your shared wisdom.



 


Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
Momma Aimee is offline  
#6 of 20 Old 11-03-2011, 04:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
MamaRhi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Oakland, California
Posts: 288
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks for all your help. I think the first step I am going to take is putting all my energy into finalizing the divorce. We talked again last night and feel that this has just gone on too long and needs to get done whether we foster, have a bio baby or even add no more children at all to our family. We've been trying to play my ex-dh's game with the paperwork but now it just needs doing.

 

We also are giving thought to how long we intend to stay in this house and how that will affect the choices we make in adding children to the household.

 

So, I think we have a good point to start from on this journey, now. Thanks all of you for your advice.


Disabled queer mama to one preteen, one teenager, 5 cats, 7 chickens, & 1 dog

...granola punk urban homesteaders...

homeschool.gifautismribbon.gif

"I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love."

-Gandalf, The Hobbit

MamaRhi is offline  
#7 of 20 Old 11-04-2011, 02:14 PM
 
queenjane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

 

Quote:
here a foster child under 2 may remain in a crib in the parent's bedroom.  over 2 must have a room.  foster children can not share a room with a biological child.  children of different genders may not share a room. from my past expereince (10 plus years) I;'d never have my teen share a room with a foster child anyway --  

 

Do you mean a foster child has to have their own bedroom? So if a family only has a three bedroom house they can only have ONE foster child? Can bio foster sibs share? I've heard of limits on how many kids (usually two) to a room i think thats because they dont want people "warehousing" kids...but it seems awfully limiting to say the foster child CANNOT share. Not that its not a good idea, at least initially, but the three foster kids i have had would be totally fine sharing a room with another child in the home. In terms of different genders...there isnt an age limit on that? Would boy/girl infant twins have to have separate rooms?? Im just curious! Sounds like you live in a state with stricter rules than most?

 


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
queenjane is offline  
#8 of 20 Old 11-04-2011, 02:15 PM
 
queenjane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Polliwog View Post
 I only have a two-bedroom townhouse and since my son is seven, we'll only foster babies and young toddlers. No one has ever looked at my car although, I know in some places it's required that you have enough seating to transport all of your children at one time.

 

 

 



Do you think they'd have a problem with your older kids sharing a room? I could totally picture here them saying, no you cant have those two in a room together, that you dont have appropriate space if they have to share, or something like that. Not sure though.


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
queenjane is offline  
#9 of 20 Old 11-04-2011, 03:43 PM
 
swd12422's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 2,132
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

WRT room sharing: Here the rule is that kids of opposite genders can't share a room beyond age 5 (or 6... can't remember specifics of that part). BUT there is also a rule that if there is already a teen (over 12) in the home, you cannot take placement of a child of the opposite sex within 2 years of  the teen's age. I really don't know how that would affect a teen already in the home claiming she's bisexual. Seems to me that would mean NO teens for you at all, since either way there'd be that conflict they're trying to avoid. I do believe that bio siblings are exempt from this, so if there's a 14 yo boy and 16 yo girl who are bios and need placement, they can be placed together in a home, as long as that home doesn't have other teens/a girl older than 12.

swd12422 is online now  
#10 of 20 Old 11-04-2011, 03:53 PM
 
Polliwog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,065
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 18 Post(s)

Here, probably not. They know I'm a good foster parent and they knew my set up when I got licensed. I'm going to need to move at some point but I love my kids school and can't afford to buy here. Or probably afford to rent something bigger. We'll see when P is in kindergarten next year.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by queenjane View Post



Do you think they'd have a problem with your older kids sharing a room? I could totally picture here them saying, no you cant have those two in a room together, that you dont have appropriate space if they have to share, or something like that. Not sure though.



 

Polliwog is online now  
#11 of 20 Old 11-06-2011, 09:52 PM
 
heatherdeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Everywhere... thanks, technology!
Posts: 4,888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by swd12422 View Post

WRT room sharing: Here the rule is that kids of opposite genders can't share a room beyond age 5 (or 6... can't remember specifics of that part). BUT there is also a rule that if there is already a teen (over 12) in the home, you cannot take placement of a child of the opposite sex within 2 years of  the teen's age. I really don't know how that would affect a teen already in the home claiming she's bisexual. Seems to me that would mean NO teens for you at all, since either way there'd be that conflict they're trying to avoid. I do believe that bio siblings are exempt from this, so if there's a 14 yo boy and 16 yo girl who are bios and need placement, they can be placed together in a home, as long as that home doesn't have other teens/a girl older than 12.



Well, that assumes the OP's state follows the same rules.  I know in the state I fostered in, even bio families were subject to the age 5/6 and opposite gender rule (they were obviously more lax on birthfamilies) but they did allow same-sex sibilings to share a queen sized bed (for about 2 weeks).

 

OP: the common mindset is that it is safest to only foster children smaller and younger than your smallest/youngest child.  The state generally doesn't know all of a child's history.  They know the stuff that got them removed (or maybe additional stuff that wasn't "remove worthy") but they sometimes don't know ALL of it--and it can be pretty bad.  Now, that's not to say THAT WILL BE THE CASE.  In fact, it may not even be commonly the case.  I honestly don't know.  But really, it's a HUGE risk to be taking.  Yes, those kids need homes, too; but there are kids of all ages that can be helped and the kids already in our homes (bio, foster or adoptive) need to equally be kept safe.  They're all good kids, many of them hurting or in crisis with feelings they may not really know how to deal with.  There are plenty of people who have fostered kids older/larger than their kids and had no problem--and they will rant and rave about how unfair it is to advise you this way.  But then you can speak to the people that learned the (sometimes VERY) hard way.

 

Good luck to you!!


Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
Dairy, soy & corn free with limited gluten... yes, really. And journeying towards peace.  Blogging about both.
 
Let me guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices...
heatherdeg is offline  
#12 of 20 Old 11-13-2011, 06:34 PM
 
christophersmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: NC
Posts: 416
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I know here they had no problem with my adopted DD and my foster DD sharing a room. They originally licensed us for 5 kids but there is no way we would have done that. Currently, they said we had space for two more, but I don't really think so. Max, maybe one more, but we're on hold anyway due to DFD's placement.


Carly, mama to DS C (5th grade), DD Miss M (07/09, fostered 1/10, adopted 08/10), and Little Miss C (11/10, fostered 01/11, adopted 11/12). Foster Son, Mr. A, age 11 placed 10/13.
My angel babies , ~01/08~ (twins), ~09/08~, and ~01/09~.

christophersmom is offline  
#13 of 20 Old 11-13-2011, 08:37 PM
 
dogretro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 1,781
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Not only is every state different, but every county is different.  Definitely go to an orientation meeting.  You don't have to be anywhere near the process of signing up for foster parent training, they are free to whomever is interested.  You can ask and receive the answers to all your questions there!

 

Where we live, children under five can share a room regardless of sex.  Same-sex only for over five.  IDK space requirements, just that each child must have their own mattress to sleep on and drawer for clothes.  A crib or bassinet in parents' room is fine for infants, IDK up to what age.  We live in a four-bedroom house, but only two rooms are being used as bedrooms.  DD1 and dfd share a room and dd2 shares a room with us.  DD1 & dd2's clothes are in DD1 & dfd's room & dfd's clothes are in dh's office!

 

Living with someone and not being married to them: I have never seen that be a problem.  IMO, you should both get licensed b/c that will make childcare easier on you.

 

Pets: Depends on your county.  Here, they don't ask to see anything.

 

Taking in older children: I wouldn't.  That is our major rule.  As pp said, many many kids will not cause you trouble, but we are not willing to risk any of our kids with that kind of chance.

 

Privacy for the children: There was some wonderful stuff online that I read a few years ago that taught me a good bit about sexually abused children, but I cannot find it right now.  Stuff I never even thought of & they were rules for the privacy of children's rooms.  Rules such as: No one comes into your room without your permission, ever.  No one sits on anyone else's bed for any reason, not even the parents.  There were more, but I can't remember them.  The gist was that for a sexually abused child, their room was not a safe haven & their bed was not a safe place.  The rules of privacy established their room and their stuff and, most importantly, their bed as THEIR TERRITORY.  No one was going to come into their bed at night b/c no one was allowed in their bed at all ever.

 

Your kids are at a great age for you to take in foster babies and toddlers.  They are old enough to help with, love on, and spoil the little ones.  Save the older kids for when your kids are grown and out (or almost out).  By then you will have had the experience of parenting typically-developing teens and you will have the time to devote yourself emotionally and physically to a child who may be incredibly demanding.  I totally want to foster older kids, but I know that is not our place yet.  Good luck, it's an incredible journey!


jumpers.gif

DD (4.25.08)  DD (4.23.10)  DD (10.13.12)

dogretro is offline  
#14 of 20 Old 11-20-2011, 09:18 PM
 
Amatullah0's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 905
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I kinda skimmed through the replies, but I wanted to add, in our county every kid needs their own space (bio kids can't share a room with their parents, even if they're babies, they need to have their own official space(and a crib), even if they spend most/all of the night in their parents room.) Foster kids need their own space too, they can't share a room with adults(including babies, so crib would have to be in a different room, even if you find the baby sleeping in a bassinet or in your bed or whatever). 

 

In our county, there is an amount of space that each kid needs to have. I don't know if they would have actually measured the room, but they probably have enough experience to know how big a room is for how many children. Our second bedroom (10' x 10') is just barely big enough for 2 kids. 

 

Anyone who watches the foster kid has to be certified to do so. You would not be able to leave the foster child with your partner for even 5 minutes unless he is certified. Actually, he might have to be certified since he is the parent figure or something along those lines. Other adults (maybe older children ages 17 or 18 to 23 or something have to have background checks. I don't think it would have mattered to them that you're not married to your DP, though it might have mattered that you're still married, but separated from your DH. 

 

Our biggest issues that led to us having to postpone fostering were regarding the home study. I would love to try again in a few years to foster, but that will mean moving to a different place, mostly due to home study violations. 

 

On driving (did anyone mention this?), once a week, we would have had to take the foster child to a building (usually in the county, though I think ours was an hour away) for supervised parental visits. Depending on the child, and his/her needs, there are doctor's appointments, psychologist appointments, etc. and sometimes their appointments are far from your home, though I think they are usually under an hour away, almost always during the work day, but depending on your county, you might be able to get rides to these places. 

 

On fostering teens. I wouldn't be comfortable with fostering a 5 year old if it meant they had to share a room with one of my biological children. Really, like a previous poster said, these kids can come with so much baggage and experiences and anger that it's scary. 

 

Dogretro, those are some really good rules. I would love the link if you ever come across it again.


hijab.gif Childbirth Educating and Doula-ing wife toflowersforyou.gif , and mama to hammer.gif6/09. Story of my life:buddamomimg1.pngduh.gif knit.gifscared.gifsewmachine.gifdishes.gifcd.giftea6.gifread.gifsleepytime.gif

 

Amatullah0 is offline  
#15 of 20 Old 11-20-2011, 11:15 PM
 
queenjane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Amatullah0 View Post

I kinda skimmed through the replies, but I wanted to add, in our county every kid needs their own space (bio kids can't share a room with their parents, even if they're babies, they need to have their own official space(and a crib), even if they spend most/all of the night in their parents room.) Foster kids need their own space too, they can't share a room with adults(including babies, so crib would have to be in a different room, even if you find the baby sleeping in a bassinet or in your bed or whatever). 


Your profile says you are in SE Michigan. I'm also in SE MI, not sure if its the same county but I'm pretty sure the rules are statewide (at least they were when i last fostered, my license ran out in July.) I'm pretty sure the rules for Wayne and Oakland (not sure about others) is that a child under three years old can room in (in their own crib of course) with a parent, whether bio or foster. Both of my foster babies roomed in with me. As far as i know that is the state regulation. We have a lot of private agencies here so maybe your agency had stricter rules or something?

 


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
queenjane is offline  
#16 of 20 Old 11-21-2011, 10:53 AM
 
Amatullah0's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 905
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by queenjane View Post


Your profile says you are in SE Michigan. I'm also in SE MI, not sure if its the same county but I'm pretty sure the rules are statewide (at least they were when i last fostered, my license ran out in July.) I'm pretty sure the rules for Wayne and Oakland (not sure about others) is that a child under three years old can room in (in their own crib of course) with a parent, whether bio or foster. Both of my foster babies roomed in with me. As far as i know that is the state regulation. We have a lot of private agencies here so maybe your agency had stricter rules or something?

 



PM'd you!


hijab.gif Childbirth Educating and Doula-ing wife toflowersforyou.gif , and mama to hammer.gif6/09. Story of my life:buddamomimg1.pngduh.gif knit.gifscared.gifsewmachine.gifdishes.gifcd.giftea6.gifread.gifsleepytime.gif

 

Amatullah0 is offline  
#17 of 20 Old 11-21-2011, 12:46 PM
 
Momma Aimee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: deep in South Texas and ready to go home
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

foster kids, of the same gender, can share a room (based on size requirments) but can not share a room with a bio child of the family.  strange i know -- but that is how it was explained to me regarding the rules here.

 

oh and NO bed shareing -- evning sibs of the same gender in care together can not bed share -- all must have their own bed -- crib, toddler, twin or what have you --


Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
Momma Aimee is offline  
#18 of 20 Old 11-23-2011, 08:21 PM
 
queenjane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma Aimee View Post

foster kids, of the same gender, can share a room (based on size requirments) but can not share a room with a bio child of the family.  strange i know -- but that is how it was explained to me regarding the rules here.

 

oh and NO bed shareing -- evning sibs of the same gender in care together can not bed share -- all must have their own bed -- crib, toddler, twin or what have you --



I wonder if this rule is open to interpretation. I did some searching and read much of the Iowa foster care regulations, and they went into great detail about the size of the bedroom, size of window, types of exits allowed, how a den or playroom cannot serve as a bedroom...very specific stuff. 

 

Then in a totally different section(talking about safety and not necessarily the home regulations) it says : "No foster children will share bedroom space unless they are under the age of two and only then in the bedroom of the licensed foster parent in a separate bed.Sharing of beds by foster children with your own children or other children is not an appropriate arrangement. Often times we don’t have adequate knowledge of all the issues that the child may have experienced before placement. Safety for all the children in the foster home must be a top priority.Best Practice: All foster children have their own  beds."

 

It seems to me that might just be a poorly written paragraph or something? Because "no foster children will share bedroom space" does NOT spell out "share bedroom space with a NON foster child in the home" and could even mean each foster child must have their OWN room and not even share with a sibling. And then in the "best practice" spot (which is like a summary i guess) it doesnt say "all FC should have their own bedrooms" but rather their own BEDS. I wonder if workers/agencies have asked for clarification of the regulation....because it seems to place undo burdens on foster families.

 

If you truly cannot allow bio/adopted children share with foster child, and if you have a boy and a girl child in the home already, you would have to have a FOUR bedroom home minimum in order to foster (unless it was an infant under two placed in your bedroom)...if a family had, say a 12 yr old boy and 11 yr old girl already in the home, and wanted to foster an 8 yr old boy and his 7 yr old sister...that foster family would have to have a FIVE bedroom home?! I just dont see that being practical in the real world yknow? Maybe the handbook i read online is outdated and they have updated it with more clear guidelines spelling this stuff out? ( http://www.dhs.state.ia.us/policyanalysis/policymanualpages/Manual_Documents/Forms/comm33.pdf )
 


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
queenjane is offline  
#19 of 20 Old 11-29-2011, 12:03 PM
 
Momma Aimee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: deep in South Texas and ready to go home
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by queenjane View Post



I wonder if this rule is open to interpretation. I did some searching and read much of the Iowa foster care regulations, and they went into great detail about the size of the bedroom, size of window, types of exits allowed, how a den or playroom cannot serve as a bedroom...very specific stuff. 

 

Then in a totally different section(talking about safety and not necessarily the home regulations) it says : "No foster children will share bedroom space unless they are under the age of two and only then in the bedroom of the licensed foster parent in a separate bed.Sharing of beds by foster children with your own children or other children is not an appropriate arrangement. Often times we don’t have adequate knowledge of all the issues that the child may have experienced before placement. Safety for all the children in the foster home must be a top priority.Best Practice: All foster children have their own  beds."

 

It seems to me that might just be a poorly written paragraph or something? Because "no foster children will share bedroom space" does NOT spell out "share bedroom space with a NON foster child in the home" and could even mean each foster child must have their OWN room and not even share with a sibling. And then in the "best practice" spot (which is like a summary i guess) it doesnt say "all FC should have their own bedrooms" but rather their own BEDS. I wonder if workers/agencies have asked for clarification of the regulation....because it seems to place undo burdens on foster families.

 

If you truly cannot allow bio/adopted children share with foster child, and if you have a boy and a girl child in the home already, you would have to have a FOUR bedroom home minimum in order to foster (unless it was an infant under two placed in your bedroom)...if a family had, say a 12 yr old boy and 11 yr old girl already in the home, and wanted to foster an 8 yr old boy and his 7 yr old sister...that foster family would have to have a FIVE bedroom home?! I just dont see that being practical in the real world yknow? Maybe the handbook i read online is outdated and they have updated it with more clear guidelines spelling this stuff out? ( http://www.dhs.state.ia.us/policyanalysis/policymanualpages/Manual_Documents/Forms/comm33.pdf )
 


i don't know.  we did not finish our IA certification due to the impeanding move.  But I was told, in person, by the "recruiter" that I was working with that:

 

1.  biological sibs of the same gender in foser care together were allowed to share a room but not a bed (we had a crib and a double in the room);

1.5 brothers and sisters are NOT alloowed to share a room over 2 years of age

2.  that a foster child of the same gender could not share a room with our bilogical children,

3.  and that we could have the crib in our room for a child under 2; or 2 cribs in our room. 

 

I did not ask about foster children of the same gender that were not sibs -- since ve pretty much are not / were not thinking of being a long term traditional foster home, and I didn't think the issue would ever come up, the only way i saw us having 2 kids was to have sibs.

 

Seems diffcult, and maybe unrealistic, but I think there is a lot of concern about sexual acting out.  when i worked at the shelter (youth in out of home care) and the group home we had a number of kids that were not allowed roommates -- no matter the age of the children .. they had to be in their own rooms .... so i can see that actually being the regualation --

 

**shrug** Only know what I was told.  :)

 


 


Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
Momma Aimee is offline  
#20 of 20 Old 11-29-2011, 04:50 PM
 
queenjane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

1.5 brothers and sisters are NOT alloowed to share a room over 2 years of age



 


In the link to the IA regs, it says over six can't share. Hmm. I know it doesnt matter because you won't be fostering in Iowa but now i'm curious! wish we had an actual FP from iowa here!

 


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
queenjane is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off