Can we have an update thread? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 12-06-2011, 11:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I want to know how everyone is doing, I remember the non ddc club thread from a while ago...

 

Our little girl has been with us almost 6 months now. TPR happened last month, her parents agreed to it but there is still a 60 day appeal period that we are waiting out. We shall see, if all goes smoothly February will likely be the month we finalize! I am keeping my expectations at a minimum, though, since anything is possible.

 

We have seen her sisters at least once a month, we absolutely LOVE their family.

 

We went through a really bad biting/hair pulling phase, mostly directed at our 8 year old, but that's getting better... We just keep working on communication skills and all that.

 

We are feeling really good about our attachment, have been assessed by an attachment therapist and she was pleased with how it's going, and it's hard to remember what it was like before she came to us. The times of her testing and being really reactive come less often as time has gone by. It is SO hard sometimes, but I know it's part of the process. it's funny 'cuz some people tell me that her behavior is just a 2 year old thing, but it's like a 2 year old thing on steroids... It really has felt like sometimes she is pushing as hard as she can to try to get us to blow up at her, which makes sense given the family of origin and what she lived her first 18 months.


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#2 of 21 Old 12-06-2011, 07:18 PM
 
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Yes, I remember the two year old on steroids phase smile.gif

 

But we are in a different place now!  Dd has been home for almost five years.  We still struggle with attachment, but dealing the ADHD has helped sooooooo much.

 

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it's funny 'cuz some people tell me that her behavior is just a 2 year old thing, but it's like a 2 year old thing on steroids...

 

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#3 of 21 Old 12-07-2011, 10:56 AM
 
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I met my DS's older sister when she was two (before the three kids went into foster care.) Two-year-old on steroids doesn't even begin to describe her. Two-year-old on amphetamines, maybe. She's still got her issues (at age 8) but she's an amazing kid and her adoptive family is the pre-adoptive placement for another little girl. I NEVER thought I'd see the day when she'd be ready to live with other kids on a full time basis.

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#4 of 21 Old 12-07-2011, 01:28 PM
 
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Our family has had two foster placements. The second one went to a fictive kinship placement last week, and will hopefully be reunified at the trial next week. He should never have been taken IMO. The first one went to an actual kinship placement (cousins), and I believe that these cousins, who are excellent parents as far as I can tell, will end up raising "our" boy and his baby brother. So, by foster care standards, these are two good outcomes. 

 

At this point, my DH and I are not sure we want to take another placement. Our older children are adamant that we will take another placement. We are tabling the discussion until after the holidays. 

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#5 of 21 Old 12-07-2011, 04:32 PM
 
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I forgot to give an update about me.

 

We're (DD, DS, and I) are so ready for a new placement but I can only take a child who can sleep in my room (so under two.) There are very few infants and toddlers in my county who need placements and lots of people who would love to foster (and/or adopt) them. So, we wait.

 

 

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#6 of 21 Old 12-07-2011, 10:42 PM
 
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Our boy is 8 months old and we finalized in November.  We are hoping to start the domestic process again at the beginning of next year.  It took 9 months until we were placed with our son.  I hoping it will take a year this time so they will be 2 years apart but anything is possible.  We are just excited to "try" for #4!  Ironically we are finally at the top of the list for our international adoption that we started in 2008 from Th@!land.  As much as I hate to do it I think we will be pulling out.  They are being stricter on family size and they consider us "big" now so it might be an non-issue anyways.  Fun how things work out!


Homeschooling Momma to DD 8 years old, DS 7 years old, DS born 03/11 by adoptionheart-1.gif , waiting for DD born 07/10 and two furry labs. Wife to my wonderful husband of 12 years.
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#7 of 21 Old 12-13-2011, 07:47 AM
 
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Can we update even if we weren't in the non-ttc thread? ;)

 

Dd is four!  She started school this year and it's been a blessing...she's really blossomed and loves going to school every day.  She's still our most challenging child and our ever-constant limits tester, but things have improved so much over the past year or two.  Many days are great, and now just some days are not.  She is so kind and polite and willing to share...really, just a wonderful big sister and bubbly little girl.  She loves playing house, and pink, and yet she requested a train-themed birthday party.  I love that she didn't cave to what her friends were saying and pick a princess party!  So yeah...still some definite issues behavior-wise, but I think it's almost all in the realm of your everyday challenging kid.

 

Recently she's been talking a lot more about being Korean, about her birth parents, and about wanting to go back to Korea (we're planning a trip in four years).  I'm very happy with her level of interest and enthusiasm...I feel like she's growing up knowing her history, and so far it seems like she really enjoys and accepts her uniqueness.  The other day she had this sweet moment (in the car, of course!) where she realized that she got her love of spicy foods from both of her moms....her first mom because of what she "tasted" in utero, and her second mom (me) because I serve spicy food all the time.  She looked thrilled..."I have TWO mommies!  And they BOTH like spicy!  And now I like spicy, too!" 

 

 


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#8 of 21 Old 12-13-2011, 12:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedOakMomma View Post
 She looked thrilled..."I have TWO mommies!  And they BOTH like spicy!  And now I like spicy, too!" 

 

 



I love this!

 

We are in the waiting place.  We are homestudy ready, our profile is set to go, and we are getting active with a couple local agencies.  We are doing a domestic trans-racial infant adoption.  Not sure how long we will be in this waiting place, but we are ok with that...for now.  :)


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#9 of 21 Old 12-13-2011, 03:10 PM
 
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Elizabeth-Our son is a transracial domestic adoption through our local Christian agency and that is what we are hoping to do again next year (at least start the process again)!  He is such a joy and a blessing to our family.  My dd is rooting for a girl this time but we leave gender open.


Homeschooling Momma to DD 8 years old, DS 7 years old, DS born 03/11 by adoptionheart-1.gif , waiting for DD born 07/10 and two furry labs. Wife to my wonderful husband of 12 years.
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#10 of 21 Old 12-13-2011, 09:19 PM
 
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I'm not new to Mothering, but it's been a while.  I'm not sure if I should post in the update thread since I'm not updating anything.  I just wanted to do a little getting to know me since I want to be involved here.

 

I have 3 bio daughters and 3 foster kiddos--2 boys and a girl.  We have had the boys for 17 months--the day after we got our foster care license.  Their baby sister was born into care 8 mos ago.  We got her at 9 days old.  They have another sibling due in March/April.  The 3 are supposedly going to TPR this month.  It's been pushed back twice already.  I don't want to say too much else about their situation on this public forum.

 

We are closed to any more placements at this time.(probably obvious)  We are open to taking care of the baby if they let us and the siblings are still in our house...and if we have moved to a bigger house by then.  We will continue to foster when/if these kids move on.  


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#11 of 21 Old 12-13-2011, 09:47 PM
 
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Our timeline went something like this:

June 2010- decided on adoption and started saving money

January 2011- started paperwork with agency

April 2011 - finished paperwork/homestudy/profile and went live on waiting list

Mid-June 2011 - Matched with e-mom due in mid-July just 55 days after going live

Early July 2011 - Son born and in our arms three hours after birth (TPR signed following day)

12 days later in July 2011 - Able to go home after revocation and ICPC over.

Right now - Sleeping son next to me and package of gifts all boxed up for his wonderful birth family.

January 7, 2012 - officially able to petition the court for a finalization date

Hopefully finalized in February or March.

 

We feel like our family is complete and we are so blessed.


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#12 of 21 Old 12-14-2011, 05:22 PM
 
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We got our little boy (nearly 5 yo) home the end of September. I went back the end of October to start the process with our baby girl... we got her home mid/late November. We all seem to be adjusting and getting into a new normal. We were able to finalize with our son and have a finalization date for later this month! 


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Married to my best friend, homeschooling, gardening,

running a camp for at-risk kiddos and walking a narrow path.

 

Mom to an amazingly fun crew of 5!

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#13 of 21 Old 12-16-2011, 09:20 PM
 
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I just can't believe it has been 9 months~! It feels like I was just here talking about how I thought our baby would never EVER come home and now she has been with us for 9 months and we are about to spend our first Christmas together.

 

We had intended to adopt transracially (an AA baby boy) and waited for over a year on the wait list. We had our profile looked at once. Finally we decided to 'open up' to children of all races expecting to be matched with a hispanic birthmother since our family is bilingual and of hispanic decent.... and 4 months later we brought home our incredibly caucasian baby girl :)

 

She is an amazing little thing, and incredibly intense. Honestly the first few months of her life seem to have flown by in a haze. She had (and continues to have) many GI issues including pretty severe reflux and food allergies (no dairy, no soy, etc) and because of that basically screamed all the time. Because of the GI issues her early development was impacted and we were told to expect major global delays. Parenting her was essentially the complete opposite of what I expected and envisioned. Most of my AP ideals flew out the window. Its amazing what a screaming baby does to you!

 

Now she is on meds and specialty formula and it has taken the hysteria down a notch... but at 10.5 months she is still a very intense little person. I guess she is what you would call spirited :) She still cries and whines a lot and is pretty much only happy on my hip; the problem here is that at almost 24 lbs its not sustainable (and she doesn't like the sling). But, the good news is despite all our early challenges she is very well bonded to me and clearly prefers me to everyone (except maybe her sister~! She loves my 6 year old) and always wants 'mama' :) Developmentally she has caught up and then some, crawling and almost walking and starting to use some baby signs.

 

In a nutshell, parenting my newest little one was a bit like a slap in the face at first... but even with all the challenges I am so glad she is here! She very clearly belongs in our family and we all adore her :)


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#14 of 21 Old 12-18-2011, 01:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by excitedtobeamom View Post

Elizabeth-Our son is a transracial domestic adoption through our local Christian agency and that is what we are hoping to do again next year (at least start the process again)!  He is such a joy and a blessing to our family.  My dd is rooting for a girl this time but we leave gender open.


Part of me wants to root for a little guy this time since we have 2 dd's, but our oldest is insistent that we WILL be getting a girl baby and has not wavered on that point now for months.  I have a feeling if we end up with a boy he will be temporarily shunned by her.  But, she loves babies, so I'm hoping it would pass quickly.

 



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We had intended to adopt transracially (an AA baby boy) and waited for over a year on the wait list. We had our profile looked at once. Finally we decided to 'open up' to children of all races expecting to be matched with a hispanic birthmother since our family is bilingual and of hispanic decent.... and 4 months later we brought home our incredibly caucasian baby girl :)


I remember reading about that and finding it so ironic!  What area of the country are you in?  In our area, there have been cases of newborn AA babies ending up in foster care because there was a shortage of adoptive parents open to that.  Blew me away to hear that.  We are pretty firm on adopting an AA infant and something drastic would have to change for us to change our minds on that.  We do a lot of work in the city with racial reconciliation efforts and that kind of thing, so it's near and dear to our hearts.

 


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SAHM to Evelyn - my crazy little Celiac (4) energy.gif Annabelle (2)  love.gif and Abraham (born 6/20) buddamomimg1.png
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#15 of 21 Old 12-20-2011, 01:21 PM
 
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Part of me wants to root for a little guy this time since we have 2 dd's, but our oldest is insistent that we WILL be getting a girl baby and has not wavered on that point now for months.  I have a feeling if we end up with a boy he will be temporarily shunned by her.  But, she loves babies, so I'm hoping it would pass quickly.

 


I remember reading about that and finding it so ironic!  What area of the country are you in?  In our area, there have been cases of newborn AA babies ending up in foster care because there was a shortage of adoptive parents open to that.  Blew me away to hear that.  We are pretty firm on adopting an AA infant and something drastic would have to change for us to change our minds on that.  We do a lot of work in the city with racial reconciliation efforts and that kind of thing, so it's near and dear to our hearts.

 


It IS Ironic~! We live near Chicago, so a very urban area. Thats crazy about foster care and AA babies... we were actually licenced foster parents before we went private and couldn't get a placement through that route either~! LOL! We felt the same way about adopting an AA infant... what changed was the fact that no one would give us one !LOL! :)

 


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#16 of 21 Old 12-23-2011, 02:55 PM
 
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I don't think I was part of the original thread but an update anyways.

Our kids (full siblings) boys ages 2 and 3 and girl age 4 have been home with us for almost 5 months. It has been the most challenging thing of my life, but also the most worthwhile. I knew it would be hard, and was willing to take on behavioral issues, but I had no idea how intense it would be. The 3 yr old is very strong so when he attacks and hits me it isn't a small thing. Just today the 3 and 4 yr old simultaneously attacked me then melted down crying for 20 minutes while I restrained/held them on my lap. They had been doing great for several weeks but regressed a lot when the visits started back up, and today is the first day staying home all day after a visit yesterday so I know they are just letting it all go.

Case plan was adoption as they have been in care for almost 3 years (so the youngest his whole life). A Grandmother had been denied 3 times but her lawyer just got that overturned and we are starting unsupervised visits on Christmas Day. Next court date in January. Case worker said he honestly doesn't know which way it will go at this point. We love them as our own and will gladly adopt them, though we won't stand in the Grandma's way if she can be reunified with them..as much as she hates us.

If they are reunified we are moving out of the area as all my family moved out of state for work so there is nothing left for us here. We will go back to school and take another placement later in a few years once I finish school and start a career, and will take 2 older children. I still have no desire to have biological children, it's weird I envy the serene family life even less with my intense, unconventional home life =).

If they stay, we are still considering taking their 11 yr old half brother as well. I will certainly ask for respite care if we do.

So the roller coaster waiting game begins =).


Happily married to DH for 6 years, in process to foster-adopt 3 children DD4, DS3 and DS2. We may be bringing half brother age 9 one day as well! We are not infertile, we just have decided that since there are precious children who need homes there is no need for us to have biological children.

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#17 of 21 Old 12-26-2011, 09:24 AM
 
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Connor has been home 6 years(!!!!) (he is 6 1/2 y now) this month, which is just unbelievable. He is doing great, in the 1st grade and rather mellow but extremely sociable and likable. He knows every child and teacher in his school, and who is friends with whom, their siblings, etc. He is a natural politician:) just charming but sincere!
Isaac has been home 3 1/2 years (4 1/2y now) and is still a lovable handful. He was recently diagnosed with ADHD and after trying lots of things, we opted for meds and it has been a 300% improvement. Except, his attachment "stuff" which was going pretty well overall, was triggered by having a substitute teacher one day in pre-k. He does not have any attachment dx, but is considered to have an "insecure attachment", an overall well adjusted relationship with us but a healthy dose of mistrust with others. He does still try to push my buttons more than dh, so I worry that there may be more dx down the road, but that's where we are at right now. He is acting out, primarily at school with some violence. Mainly yelling and arguing here. The ADHD meds help with the impulsiveness of it all, and have allowed him to focus enough to begin to verbalize his feelings and such, so we are making baby step progress. Fortunately, his principal is also the SpEd. Director, and I have known her a long time and she is fantastic. They have a behavior plan and lots of mods in place (ex-no subs in his class-if teacher is out, another pre-k teacher that he knows comes to his class and hers gets the sub; they will select his k class this spring, let us do a meet/greet with pictures and help us pre teach; offered to hire an additional aid for fieldtrips or class if we need to, rather than having us keep come getting him as the teachers were doing). We are attempting to qualify him for sped, so we can get OT as now that the hyper behaviors are better, it seems he also has some underlying sensory issues. But he is also a ridiculously sweet, loving, and finally often happy little boy you could ever hope to meet. He is also, finally, STTN most nights, which makes for a happier mama! My bio son Jimmy, is 13, smart and really growing into himself well. I can see shades of the man he will grow into, and it makes me smile. He is busy with scouts, dance, school, and is developing a real talent for art/drawing. I graduated in May (cue choirs of angels singing) and was hired at my # 1 preference 2 weeks later at an outpatient rehab facility. They have been super accommodating about me with monthly school mtgs and counselor and dr appts with Isaac. (as well as a couple-he's in meltdown mode I have to get him now days--eek!) So, a huge blessing there. Ricks contract got extended a few months (thought the gov't hiring freeze would squash it but thankfully did not), so hopefully he will be picked up to teach starting next fall. He gets fully cert'd in January.
So that's us at the moment!
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#18 of 21 Old 12-28-2011, 12:23 PM
 
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Our FS of two years is not yet adopted but it's still leaning that direction. He is doing great! He's on target for everything developmentally and even ahead of schedule for some things.

We have decided that when he turns four we will begin the process for a private domestic adoption.

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#19 of 21 Old 01-04-2012, 12:20 PM
 
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We finalized our adoption on DD1 August 2010 (placed January 2010) and then started fostering another little girl January 2011. She will be adopted sometime in 2012. They are now 2 and 1 and doing really really well.


Carly, mama to DS C (5th grade), DD Miss M (07/09, fostered 1/10, adopted 08/10), and Little Miss C (11/10, fostered 01/11, adopted 11/12). Foster Son, Mr. A, age 11 placed 10/13.
My angel babies , ~01/08~ (twins), ~09/08~, and ~01/09~.

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#20 of 21 Old 01-07-2012, 01:52 PM
 
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And both are absolutely adorable. The little one has the most squishable cheeks.
 

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We finalized our adoption on DD1 August 2010 (placed January 2010) and then started fostering another little girl January 2011. She will be adopted sometime in 2012. They are now 2 and 1 and doing really really well.



 

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#21 of 21 Old 01-16-2012, 09:30 AM
 
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Our adoption was finalized on Halloween. He is a full blown teenager and getting ready to get his license. We have major issues with his biological family, as boundaries couldn't be established from the get go because we only had Power of Attorney, then guardianship. I really wish there had been a way for us to have boundaries then, because it's so hard now. I don't think I'll ever adopt domestically again, I need much more distance from the biological family than I have. But we love him lots and he is our world.

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