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Old 11-09-2012, 03:08 PM
 
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I guess that it is so dependent on the birthparents in the first place. 

 

That's probably the most important factor. I'm probably more positive about open adoption from foster care than I was this time last year, when my stance could be summed up as "No Way No How No Sir No Ma'am," but I'm not surprised to hear that new research is showing negative effects when a child has continued exposure to a person who hurt them greensad.gif But having pictures of birthparents and talking about them and such, I have always seen as a good thing, and in the case of my current DFS and his mother, I think that phone and email contact and even face-to-face visits would also be safe and beneficial. She has done some awful things, but they mostly fall into the neglect category, not abuse. And he wants ongoing contact in a casual social way - not to be her caregiver again, but to see her sometimes. Their bond is kind of skewed, but it's genuine.

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Old 11-09-2012, 06:54 PM
 
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So much good news this week!

 

MountainMama - biggrinbounce.gifI hope your wait is short!  

 

 

QueenJane and Smithie - have your opinions on open adoptions changed over the years through this experience?   Do you think that your children are better off from the contact they had with their bmoms?  I ask because I was talking to a researcher at UCLA a few weeks ago and he was saying his new research is showing negative affects for open adoptions from foster care.   I was at first all for it ... but now I am rethinking my stance.  I guess that it is so dependent on the birthparents in the first place.  

 

To clarify, my children do not (at this time) have any contact with their birthfamily. I guess i consider our adoptions open because there isnt really any secrecy. DS3 and DD's bmom knows my name and could probably easily find out where we live. We have pics of her and have sporadic contact (not with the kids at this time) on fb. I am not sure when/if there will be actual contact. My daughter hasnt really asked (although seemed ok with the idea of sending a letter) and i'm not sure being sucked back into any drama would be healthy for her. DS3 almost never speaks of bmom (he was 9 months the last he actually lived with her) but often speaks of bdad (he calls him "my daddy" or "my black daddy") and wants to know where he lives, can he visit him, etc. I am not even sure how to handle that. DS2's bmom is MIA and has been since birth. There is another birth relative i'd like to reconnect with (ds2 has been asking to meet him, he met him once when he was 2 and a few times as an infant) but he has not responded to my message on fb. I need to send him an email, i guess i've been putting it off (mostly because im very introverted and the idea of setting up a meeting with someone i dont know that well doesnt appeal to me!)

 

If polliwog is around...she has a fairly open relationship with her kids' bfamily to varying degrees, and she might have better insight.


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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Old 11-10-2012, 03:37 PM
 
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I wasnt one to buy anything, before we knew we were approved. I just didnt want to jinx myself. However, I ordered some flannel PUL diaper covers off Etsy today. lol. I have a ton of prefolds but no covers.


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Old 11-11-2012, 06:55 AM
 
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QJ -I'm so sorry about the way your family has reacted. That really sucks. Is there a chapter of the pre and post adoption connections group in your area? I've heard a lot of people find support in them and even potential babysitters.

 

MM -that rocks! I hope your wait is short!

 

Our homestudy and our CPR classes are this week! We should hopefully have our license by the end of the year. We just found out a few days ago that my MIL is really good friends with the director of our county's CPS division, which is what we're going through. I have no idea if that will help us or not, but I imagine it can't hurt. (Though I do have this awful image of us having a problem with a cw and my DW talking to her mom about it, and then mom turns around and calls the director and asks why are are your cw's doing this to my girl? Talk about embarrassing!)


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Old 11-11-2012, 09:17 AM
 
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rs11- How exciting. I hope the process goes off without a hitch. 


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Old 11-11-2012, 11:06 AM
 
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Thanks for your opinions, QueenJane and Smithie.   I was not open to the idea of open adoption and then in PS-MAPP class they showed this video of kids who were still in contact with their birth families after adoption and how important that was to them.   Then in the last class I took, they talked about how this is really not the best situation in most cases.  The research that has already been completed was all done on private adoption and not foster care adoption so the "doesn't hurt, most-likely helps" does not really apply to the foster care population. 

MountainMama - Those diaper covers sound cute!  I want to use cloth diapers but I am a little intimidated by all the options.  

 

RS11-  glad to hear your process is moving along.   Mine is still moving at a snail's pace.   Still waiting on lost paperwork....disappointed.gif


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Old 11-11-2012, 02:25 PM
 
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PUH- With my DD I did the most affordable option, prefolds with a snappi and covers. They are the easiest to take care of, and they can take a lot. I also know some people that did a combo of disposable and cloth. My friend did disposable at night when traveling and cloth at home.


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Old 11-12-2012, 06:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by queenjane View Post

 

To clarify, my children do not (at this time) have any contact with their birthfamily. I guess i consider our adoptions open because there isnt really any secrecy. DS3 and DD's bmom knows my name and could probably easily find out where we live. We have pics of her and have sporadic contact (not with the kids at this time) on fb. I am not sure when/if there will be actual contact. My daughter hasnt really asked (although seemed ok with the idea of sending a letter) and i'm not sure being sucked back into any drama would be healthy for her. DS3 almost never speaks of bmom (he was 9 months the last he actually lived with her) but often speaks of bdad (he calls him "my daddy" or "my black daddy") and wants to know where he lives, can he visit him, etc. I am not even sure how to handle that. DS2's bmom is MIA and has been since birth. There is another birth relative i'd like to reconnect with (ds2 has been asking to meet him, he met him once when he was 2 and a few times as an infant) but he has not responded to my message on fb. I need to send him an email, i guess i've been putting it off (mostly because im very introverted and the idea of setting up a meeting with someone i dont know that well doesnt appeal to me!)

 

If polliwog is around...she has a fairly open relationship with her kids' bfamily to varying degrees, and she might have better insight.

My girls do NOT have contact with their bio family, except their younger bio siblings.  Bio dad is in prison and writes to them and me at my mom's PO Box but the girls don't see the letters, they have no desire.  We do keep them because one day they might want to see them.  Bio mom knows my name and my cell # and the same PO Box.. .Sadly, she could careless about contact with me or the girls.  She got out of prison, got pregnant and thje state let her keep that baby (most caseworkers who knew her from my girls were NOT happy she was allowed to keep the baby).  I have recently added their bio sister to my FB (with limited access) and some distant bio family that doesn't live in the same stat as us.  I do mail pics to the bio parents every once in a while, but not often... Maybe once or twice a year.  The only contact the state requested at finalization was with the younger siblings (they were adopted the same day by a different couple - they did our adoptions together which was neat for the kids).  I think all adoptions through foster care end up having some level of openness...


asl.gifWife to my amazing hubby and best friend since June 2002... Mommy to three angels ages 16, 14 and 4... Two adopted from FL Foster Care and one surprise baby.weadopted.gif

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Old 11-12-2012, 09:56 AM
 
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QJ, having been part of that FB "discussion" with your sisters, I agree that they didn't handle it well. If you can't get someone local to watch your kids for that all day thing, I think you should take Jody up on her offer.

I have two open adoptions (one very open with birth mom and sisters adopted by other families and one sort-of open with DDs birth father and with brothers adopted by another family.) I'll post more when I get to an actual computer.
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Old 11-15-2012, 08:12 AM
 
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So the holidays are here. What are you plans this year?

 

We are going to my little brothers house. They are really excited to open presents with their niece xmas morning this year. This is the first time since Lil was born that we are going to have xmas with my side of the family. I am also planning to send xmas cards asking family if they want to give something to us this year, a donation to our adoption fund would be appreciated. That was a hard letter to word. We are pretty independent as a family unit so it feels a little unusual to ask for anything. My friend offered me free childcare so I could work part time and squirrel away some money during these long winter months.


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Old 11-15-2012, 12:41 PM
 
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Your plans sound really nice. I'm in the US and Thanksgiving Day is next week. Will be spending it either alone or with family. Either is fine with me although that may change once a kiddo arrives. I refuse to think about Christmas/Solstice until December 1! I saw a Santa Claus on tv about a week ago. That's ridiculously early IMO.

 

I finished CPR/First Aid/AED training and was fingerprinted this week. I'll send back some of the documents I've completed to the agency so they can begin their investigation. I listened to a radio show fewaturing children who had aged out of care. The experiences they had were absolutely heart-wrenching. I started this journey wanting to become a parent and now it's more about providing a child love and stability and helping them to reach their highest potential.


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Old 11-15-2012, 07:00 PM
 
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DFS' mother signed the consent and the judge accepted it. Our finalization hearing may happen before the end of the year!!!!!

joy.gif:joy:joy:joy:joy:joy
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Old 11-15-2012, 07:15 PM
 
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joy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gif
Oh my gosh!!! How exciting for you and your family. Can you believe it?

afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Old 11-15-2012, 09:41 PM
 
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YAY!!! Smithie, thats great news. joy.gif


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Old 11-16-2012, 01:53 PM
 
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Wooohoooooooo!!!!!joy.gif


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Old 11-16-2012, 07:17 PM
 
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Smithie that is fantastic news!


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Old 11-17-2012, 06:43 AM
 
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It is! It is fantastic news! Thank you all for your kind words and dancing smilies!

 

In less joyful news, WHY THE HECK is the adoption tax credit expiring at the end of 2012? How could our legislators fail to agree on extending THAT? soapbox.gif

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Old 11-17-2012, 09:40 AM
 
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It is! It is fantastic news! Thank you all for your kind words and dancing smilies!

 

In less joyful news, WHY THE HECK is the adoption tax credit expiring at the end of 2012? How could our legislators fail to agree on extending THAT? soapbox.gif

 

I thought it was just "scheduled" to cancel at that time, but will likely be included in the new package of credits that they will vote on soon? I know there is a big push in my online adoption circles to call your reps and such to promote renewing it.

 

The big question is whether or not they will make it *refundable* again which would be sooo awesome but it also makes it really expensive. I know some families got like $70K back (because they adopted large sib groups!) It was so helpful for us because i was able to buy a (preowned) minivan which means i have room now to adopt a couple more kids. I know other families that got larger vehicles, or put an addition on their home, paid off adoption-related debt, put that money towards another adoption, or were finally able to take their whole brood on a much needed vacation all of which is directly related to and benefits the adopted kids. So while to outsiders it might seem like people were getting "paid" to adopt a child really its helped more kids find or keep homes i think. So i really hope they consider it!


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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Old 11-17-2012, 11:44 AM
 
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It's not too late to write to your congress person to tell them to support the bill:

 

http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/112/hr4373/text

 

 

I wrote an email with my personal story...  I think every little bit helps.


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Old 11-18-2012, 03:23 PM
 
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Smithie -woohoo!

 

We're waiting on our license here. It's been less than a week and I'm already impatient! 2whistle.gif


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Old 11-20-2012, 12:03 PM
 
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I found out that I had been licensed when they called me up and offered me a placement. Just sayin'...thumb.gif

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Old 11-21-2012, 12:00 PM
 
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I have been lurking around this forum since 2006.  My husband and I are beginning MAPP classes next month.  I'm surprised how much there is to do to get the house ready for a home study.

we are applying to foster to adopt in MO in March -- can you tell me more about "so much to do"?


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Old 11-21-2012, 12:21 PM
 
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Hi!  I'm Heather and I live in Missouri.  We have two sons ages 5 and 6, who I homeschool.  We've just become licensed foster parents and have had one call which we had to say no to.  We hope to adopt up to two children through the foster care system, but we are happy to pour into as many little lives as we can while we wait to complete our family.

 

 

Where in MO are you?  We will be moving home in Feb and applying to be a foster to adopt family in March, i am so excited


Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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Old 11-27-2012, 01:33 PM
 
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Momma Aimee, Welcome!  I don't know anything about the requirements in MO, but good luck finding all that information out!

 

 

AFM - I got an email about a placement today through a friend of my moms that runs an agency.   Baby boy due in 3 weeks.    Unfortunately.... 7 months after completing all the paperwork and my homestudy is still not complete.  %$^&*$%!!!!


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Old 11-27-2012, 04:15 PM
 
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How frustrating, PUH! 

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Old 11-27-2012, 08:59 PM
 
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Not much to say now that I am waiting......

 

That sucks PUH!!


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Old 11-28-2012, 10:16 AM
 
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just spinning my wheels here.  can't apply till we move into MO in March...

 

so what have the rest of you "spent your time on" while waiting.

 

yes i have the boys (or course :) ) and we home school ... but i just feel like i should be doing SOMETHING


Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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Old 11-28-2012, 10:17 AM
 
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New news today.... we may be able to "rush" another home study.    It seems what they are hung up on is background checks.  We lived in another state 3.5 years ago and my record has a small incident on it.   I am TRYING not to get my hopes up.   


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Old 11-28-2012, 10:27 AM
 
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Momma Aimee - I have spent a lot of time reading adoption related books, blogs, etc.   I've also tried to get "ahead" at work which means that I am writing papers that I will hold off on submitting so that it looks like I am still working when the child arrives.   Maybe you could get ahead in your homeschool planning?   We also had a ton of work to do on our house to get it ready for inspections.  In the summer, everything got a fresh coat of paint, closets and drawers were organized, floors were sanded and finished, old windows were replaced, we added the necessary childproofing and medicine storage, etc.

 

In general, though, I just do a bunch of obsessing. 


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Old 11-29-2012, 05:57 AM
 
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Aimee -get some books on foster parenting or read some more discussion forums to give yourself a better understanding of what you'll be getting yourself into. Those have been really helpful for us.

 

PUG -Good luck! I hope they can rush it through!

 

AFU -According to our LW, we will have our license approximately two days after our last reference arrives. One of our references is my partner's best friend from high school and college. Said friend has never really grown up and is often referred to as a stoner. Guess who we're waiting on? All the other references were returned last week.


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