TTA (trying to adopt) Chat Thread - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-24-2012, 02:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, so I don't know if this will take off or not, but after having been on both a TTC group and a TTCAL (trying to conceive after loss) group here on Mothering this past year and actually getting to know some of the other mamas who were going through the same sort of stuff I was going through I thought it was worth a shot to see if there was interest in a chat thread on here for us to get to know each other better as we go through the daunting process of home studies and adoption agencies and the like. I know that I at least feel like I made some friends on the other threads and would love the same here. I don't tend to post too much outside my areas of interest on MDC and it is so very big and has so very many threads that a chat thread seems to be a great way to really get to know each other as we go through this whole adoption roller coaster!!

So what do y'all say? Any interest?

Married to my computer geek since 11.04.06. Mama to our little dude Bug (born 7.14.09, peanut allergy, asthma) and our rainbow baby girl Sweetpea (born 4.14.13). Forever missing my angel babies--Riley, Paisley, and Waverley!!

Decluttering my life...

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Old 02-24-2012, 03:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can start with an intro, if that helps. 

 

I'm from Texas, but grew up all over as a missionary kid (and speak Spanish and Romanian fluently). I am one of seven kids. I met my husband online while I was living halfway around the world, but he is a Texan too and that is where we live now. We have one little boy who is a great source of humor and joy to us. We found out last year that he has asthma and a peanut allergy, so that is something we are coming to deal with on a daily basis now...but we are working with a nutritionist to try and keep him as healthy as possible.

 

We went through some health scares on my part surrounding the little guy's birth, then went through three miscarriages last year and a trip to the ER a few weeks ago (related to complications from the last miscarriage)...so we are considering all that a sign that we are meant to add to our family through adoption vs. conception.

 

We are only at the beginning of our journey and are nervous and excited to see how it all plays out. 


Married to my computer geek since 11.04.06. Mama to our little dude Bug (born 7.14.09, peanut allergy, asthma) and our rainbow baby girl Sweetpea (born 4.14.13). Forever missing my angel babies--Riley, Paisley, and Waverley!!

Decluttering my life...

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Old 02-25-2012, 12:27 PM
 
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Is your avatar a picture of you, Rainey?
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Old 02-25-2012, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, only it's a "vanity" avatar!! It's a modeling pic from 10 years ago. I'm 25 lbs heavier and a bit lumper these days, thanks to marriage and pregnancy!! :-P

Married to my computer geek since 11.04.06. Mama to our little dude Bug (born 7.14.09, peanut allergy, asthma) and our rainbow baby girl Sweetpea (born 4.14.13). Forever missing my angel babies--Riley, Paisley, and Waverley!!

Decluttering my life...

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Old 02-26-2012, 02:21 PM
 
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We dont know what we want just yet, but we are saving our money just in case.


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Old 02-27-2012, 03:55 PM
 
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Year and lumps notwithstanding, if that's the facial structure you've got to work with, you are doing OK.  thumb.gif

 

My DH and I were very intent on adopting from foster care a year ago. Now that we've fostered, we're a little more intent on doing more fostering - not opposed to adoption by any means, but not feeling like we'll regret it horribly in 20 years if all of our foster placements end up going home or to kin and we never adopt. 

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Old 02-27-2012, 05:25 PM
 
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I have been lurking around this forum since 2006.  My husband and I are beginning MAPP classes next month.  I'm surprised how much there is to do to get the house ready for a home study.

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Old 02-29-2012, 06:32 PM
 
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I'd love to join a chat/support thread!

 

My name is Anna and I am in Arizona. DH and I have one 5 y/o DD that we had via gestational surrogacy (with my mom as our surrogate). We are now starting the adoption process to add to our family. We have done some classes and have the paperwork/fingerprint cards done, and our homestudy is scheduled for March 16. orngbiggrin.gif  We are trying for private domestic newborn adoption.

 

Looking forward to meeting others!

 

 


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Old 03-02-2012, 08:46 PM
 
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Hi!  I'm Heather and I live in Missouri.  We have two sons ages 5 and 6, who I homeschool.  We've just become licensed foster parents and have had one call which we had to say no to.  We hope to adopt up to two children through the foster care system, but we are happy to pour into as many little lives as we can while we wait to complete our family.

 

 


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Old 03-08-2012, 04:01 PM
 
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This seems to be getting off to a bit of a slow start, but I'll join! We are in the process of domestic infant adoption through an agency. We have applied for several grants and are waiting for the final funding to come in before we can afford to get our profile "active" and shown to potential birth mom's. It's a daunting journey, but we are very excited to be in this process.


Married to my wonderful DH; Mama to DS born 6-07 and 4 in heaven brokenheart.gif1-06 (7 weeks) brokenheart.gif1-10 (6 weeks) and our twins 5-11, brokenheart.gifone sweet boy (17 weeks) and brokenheart.gifone precious baby girl (18 1/2 weeks).

In the middle of our adoption journey and are excitedly waiting to get matched with a birth mom

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Old 03-09-2012, 08:39 AM
 
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We passed our annual fire inspection. Um, hooray? thumb.gif

 

In more exciting news, our foster license has been transferred to a private agency, as part of a county-wide effort to dismantle the social services behemoth into more manageable chunks. Our new licensing worker seems nice, has a lower caseload than our previous worker, and several of the government employees we've worked with previously have switched their employment over to this private agency. We are cautiously optimistic that they might attempt to match us with a child who actually meets some of our criteria beyond gender the next time around. They've also assigned a full-time private agency resource to dealing with the "my child's worker doesn't answer her phone" problem, tracking down medical referrals, birth certs, school records etc. So, all in all, I'm very pleased to see these people trying to improve on their business model. 

 

 
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Old 03-09-2012, 08:10 PM
 
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There were a couple of these threads before so if you're patient it will take off! Perhaps I'll go resurrect the other thread and see who was on there and see if they're still around.


 
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Old 03-10-2012, 07:56 PM
 
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We are just beginning the process of adopting a special needs child from Russia.  We fell in love with her on Reece's Rainbow.    So far international adoption is very daunting!  I keep wishing I had a friend IRL who has been through this and could walk me through it.  Just looking at the list of paperwork we have to get together makes my head hurt.  And for very private people (like us) giving strangers the right to riffle through your financial papers and past makes me uncomfortable.  But then I look at her photo, and tell myself it is worth it!

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Old 03-11-2012, 07:27 PM
 
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loveandkindness-Hang in there with the paperwork!  We did an entire dossier for T@il@and and boy is that a lot of work.  A year and a half later we did all the paperwork for a domestic adoption and boy is it a lot of paperwork but keep copies of everything.  It makes it way easier the next time you do it or if something gets lost.  We ended up adopting domestically 9 months after we started that process.  It looks like we won't be adopting internationally as their has been no movement in that particular country in our case and we started in 2008!  We did just start the process to adopt again domestically.  We are so excited to add to the family again. 

 

Can you post a link on your child on Reece's Rainbow?  I would love to see who you are adopting. I often look at all the precious children on there.


Homeschooling Momma to DD 8 years old, DS 7 years old, DS born 03/11 by adoptionheart-1.gif , waiting for DD born 07/10 and two furry labs. Wife to my wonderful husband of 12 years.
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Old 03-12-2012, 07:48 AM
 
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Can I jump in here?  We are just now getting started with the process for domestic adoption.  Going through a private agency.  We tried to get pregnant for four years, including two rounds of IVF, neither of which worked.  

 

All of our paperwork is almost completed and then we will have our homestudy.

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Old 03-12-2012, 11:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by excitedtobeamom View Post

 

Can you post a link on your child on Reece's Rainbow?  I would love to see who you are adopting. I often look at all the precious children on there.



 She is no longer listed on RR since we are not fundraising through that site.  We have been advised by the agency not to put any info about her on the internet (photos, medical info, etc) because the country does not like to see private information about their citizens broadcast online.  Kind of like our HIPPA laws, and since she is not yet ours, it is not our right or place to talk about her medical issues or past life.  The basic info I can share is that she is 5, was given up at birth, and has had 3 surgeries which were considered very successful, but she still has many challenges.

 

I am trying to remain laidback about all the adoption issues, since I have a tendency to obsess over things I care about.  It is a little easier for us because we thought our family was complete, and had never thought about adding another child until recently.  So I am already busy being a mom, and if this adoption falls through, which I know many of them from this country do, then my main concern will be about the child and I won't have to deal with my own emotions quite so much.  We do have the option, if we are not able to adopt her, to sponsor her medical care financially.  However, that doesn't make up for a mama's love and hugs . . .

 

 

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Old 03-12-2012, 11:34 AM
 
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loveandkindness-It sounds like a good plan.  I tend to obess as well.  Adoption is an emotional rollercoaster that we have very little control over.  I thought my next child was going to be a Asian toddler and things turned out very differently but it has all been such a blessing.  I hope everything works out for you!  Keep us posted!

 

Brandyshea-You are at a very exciting point!  Keep us posted! 


Homeschooling Momma to DD 8 years old, DS 7 years old, DS born 03/11 by adoptionheart-1.gif , waiting for DD born 07/10 and two furry labs. Wife to my wonderful husband of 12 years.
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Old 04-16-2012, 04:35 PM
 
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Just started doing some paperwork. I am pretty excited about moving forward with this.


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years
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Old 04-17-2012, 09:41 PM
 
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My DH and I have 3 bio DDs and planned to adopt 2-3 boys via foster care.  We were licensed 21 mos ago and got our first placement that day--2 toddler boys.  We still have them.  Plus, they were joined by their 13 mos and 6 wk old bio sisters at 9 days and 7 days old, respectively.  We are just starting the home study process to adopt them.(our newborn is not actually free for adoption, yet.)  Our plan was to be foster parents for a while and adopt one day if the right situation presented itself.  We never imagined we would end up adopting the first children we took in.  Their adoptions are supposed to be finalized this summer.  They already feel like ours so we're all very eager for it to finally be legal.


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Old 04-18-2012, 06:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We are just starting the process. We haven't done any of the paperwork yet...but we are going to being going to either an informational meeting tomorrow night or to an adoption info expo next week on Saturday...or both!! I also just got two books yesterday that I ordered from Amazon. One is one I had out as a library book and got about halfway through and then decided I wanted to own it...called "You Can Adopt". The other I have heard good things about on various adoption blogs called "Adopt Without Debt".

My DH is open to adoption and has actually mentioned it a few times on his own without me bringing up the subject. He is just really worried about the financial aspect of it. We worked so hard after we married and before kids to knock out a lot of the "stupid debt" that we had. We had gotten it down to one car payment, a student loan that we'd knocked down to less than $12,000, and a couple thousand on credit cards (besides our mortgage, of course) when our little boy came along. But with the debt incurred from an emergency transport to the hospital from a planned (and already paid for) home birth, several health issues for all three of us (root canal-me, asthma-DH and Bug, migraine-me, ulcer-DH, GERD-DH, etc), and three ER trips (eclamptic seizure-me, peanut anaphylaxis-Bug, hemorrhaging from miscarriage complications-me). Well, needless to say, we are almost back to where we started on the whole debt thing...except the "stupid debt" has been replaced with medical debt!! So yeah, the financial aspect is our biggest roadblock.

If it wasn't for money, we'd be jumping into it enthusiastically...with both feet...immediately. Instead, we are dipping our toes in while trying to figure out how to make it happen without going crazy into debt. Yes, we are open to foster adoption, but we want to keep birth order and our Bug isn't even three yet so we'd have to go young. Plus there's the whole possibility of loss with foster children and after three miscarriages in the past year, it would be hard to go through the possibility of losing foster children as well (though obviously a different kind of loss).

Married to my computer geek since 11.04.06. Mama to our little dude Bug (born 7.14.09, peanut allergy, asthma) and our rainbow baby girl Sweetpea (born 4.14.13). Forever missing my angel babies--Riley, Paisley, and Waverley!!

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Old 04-18-2012, 09:28 AM
 
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Quote:
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My DH and I have 3 bio DDs and planned to adopt 2-3 boys via foster care.  We were licensed 21 mos ago and got our first placement that day--2 toddler boys.  We still have them.  Plus, they were joined by their 13 mos and 6 wk old bio sisters at 9 days and 7 days old, respectively.  We are just starting the home study process to adopt them.(our newborn is not actually free for adoption, yet.)  Our plan was to be foster parents for a while and adopt one day if the right situation presented itself.  We never imagined we would end up adopting the first children we took in.  Their adoptions are supposed to be finalized this summer.  They already feel like ours so we're all very eager for it to finally be legal.


 


that sounds incredibly awesome. So you have four foster (soon to be adopted) kids very young close together? sounds fun and exhausting! I thought one of my kids bmoms would have ended up having another one (who would almost certainly be brought into care) but none so far. I also was able to adopt my first placement (and third) and i'm very glad not to have to experience keeping a child for a year or two and then returning him (esp since it wouldnt have been a good situation for the child in either case.) The one foster child i did have (for just two months) was given to relatives which i was fine with. So now you have FIVE girls and two boys?? So much for making things even. :P

 


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Old 04-22-2012, 01:48 PM
 
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Rainey Daye,  if money is the only thing holding you back from adoption, you may want to consider adopting a child listed on Reece's Rainbow.   It is a photolisting site, but it is also a fundraising site.  The average cost for an international adoption is $30,000, but I know people who have covered about 90% of that through RR.  And as far as medical care, most of the children listed there qualify as disabled and will receive free medical coverage in your state.  (But you would want to check on that.)  My friend who adopted a son with DS from Russia has an occupational therapist come twice a week for free, and free medical care.  And most insurances cover what they consider birth defects at 100% from the day of official adoption.

 

As far as our own international adoption -- things are not going well.  The country we were trying to adopt from has closed down adoptions and we don't know if it is temporary or long-term.   We are in contact with a missionary who is going to visit the orphanage next month and we hope to get some info about "our" little girl.  There are physicians traveling with the missionaries and we hope they can help the little ones in the short time they are there.  It is heartbreaking.

 

 

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Old 04-22-2012, 10:55 PM
 
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that sounds incredibly awesome. So you have four foster (soon to be adopted) kids very young close together? sounds fun and exhausting! I thought one of my kids bmoms would have ended up having another one (who would almost certainly be brought into care) but none so far. I also was able to adopt my first placement (and third) and i'm very glad not to have to experience keeping a child for a year or two and then returning him (esp since it wouldnt have been a good situation for the child in either case.) The one foster child i did have (for just two months) was given to relatives which i was fine with. So now you have FIVE girls and two boys?? So much for making things even. :P

 

I never saw this till now.  Thanks!  We feel very lucky to have been given the opportunity to raise 4 beautiful, healthy, smart-as-a-whip kiddos.  It is incredibly exhausting most days and I regularly ask myself "what are you thinking?", but I know these days of them being so "fragile" and full of crazy amounts of energy will be just a blip on the big picture of our lives together.  Yes, we have 5 girls/2boys.  We discovered that we were probably meant to have girls.  The boy energy is something else. LOL 

We were fine with them going back to the bios if the situation was appropriate, but we found that when it came time for the powers that be to find an adoptive home, we couldn't let them go.  As a foster mom friend of mine put it, they morph into your bio-children after being in your home for so long.  


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Old 04-23-2012, 08:36 AM
 
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Thats funny about the boy/girl thing...my daughter joined our family last and i'm pretty sure im more comfortable with boys at this point. (Its hard to tell if its just her and her issues or that parenting girls is a foreign concept to me LOL).

 

With my first adopted son, he was a newborn when placed, and he very quickly became "my baby"...there were only very sporadic relative visits (maybe once a month if that) and i was fairly confident that particular relative would not be adopting the baby. There were no bparent visits. It was easy to bond to him and certainly by the time tpr rolled around just before he was four months old he was every bit MY baby. But with my other son, when they called me to pick up "a one yr old" (i'd asked for another newborn and very specifically NOT another one year old like my previous short term foster child) i was shocked to see this wasnt a "baby on the hip" one yr old like my foster daughter who had just left (she wasnt even walking) it was a big BOY. He was a walking talking TODDLER. (16.5 months at placement.) AND to top it off he had been living with his dad, and was well bonded to both parents and his sister. I absolutely was "not the mama"! It was only when we were approaching TPR some months later, when he out of the blue called me "mama" that the door opened a bit from feeling like a babysitter to feeling like his mom. Now he's four and of course he's 100 percent mine.

 

With my daughter, well we are still working on it. guilty.gif
 


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Old 04-23-2012, 04:14 PM
 
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loveandkindness-I am so sorry to hear about your country/adoption.  That must be so very hard.  We are in a bit of a similar yet different situation and we are trying to be patient while hoping it works out for our family and our hopeful child to be.  It is very hard!


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Old 04-23-2012, 10:00 PM
 
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That must have been hard to swallow, loveandkindness.

 

I am going to tackle the budget/income part of the application tomorrow. Its all good, but there is just so much information to put down. I saw my specialist and he is going to give me a great medical reference. He says my blood work shows my crohns is in remission, so that is awesome.

 

I have a lot of nephews. I am kinda hoping we get another girl, but I am not opposed to a boy. Boys do have a different energy that is for sure.

 

Its all coming together slowly but surely.

 


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Old 04-25-2012, 08:00 PM
 
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I want to add that since quitting TTC I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have hope again. Its also improved my relationship with my DH. I feel like I have my body back. That when we hug or get close we arent doing so just for the sole purpose of reproduction. I think I lost sight that physical contact is for more that just that. I seriously feel that lovey butterfly feeling in my stomach for him just like when we were dating. I also am able to focus and enjoy my daughter more too. I havent felt this happy in a long time.


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Old 05-25-2012, 09:29 PM
 
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Hi,

 

I recognize Rainy Daye from a couple other threads. I am just gathering information at the moment, but wanted to pop in and say hello. We are considering several options for growing our family. We lost our twin boys in March and, though we were/are devastated, we feel moving forward is the best way to honor their memories.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 05-29-2012, 01:45 PM
 
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Hi Deborah.

 

I am sorry for your loss. Welcome to the thread.


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Old 05-30-2012, 01:30 AM
 
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MountainMamaGC- Thank you. We haven't stopped TTC, but still feel it's a good idea to keep all our options (every one of which is beautiful) open, especially considering the long wait times for adoption.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
deborahbgkelly is offline  
 

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