Why do people prefer out-of-country adoptions to going through foster care? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 33 Old 02-27-2012, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is something I've wondered for a long time. I don't know anyone who has gone through an out-of-country adoption, so I'm very curious. My process went so well through foster care that I wonder why everyone doesn't go that way. I do know that the not-knowing for the first 18 months of my younger son's placement whether he would stay was agonizing, but I'm sure there are a lot of things about out-of-country adoptions that are hard, too.  I tend to want to advocate for adopting foster kids, but since I don't know about other ways to adopt, I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their experiences?


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#2 of 33 Old 02-27-2012, 05:26 PM
 
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My kids are foster adopted but fostering isn't an easy journey in most situations. I've been lucky but I've heard many horror stories (online and in real life.)

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#3 of 33 Old 02-27-2012, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, I do agree. It can be very hard and I've had heart-breaking things happen to friends. I guess, perhaps what I'm asking is... It seems like a lot of people try out-of-country adoptions first. Aren't there a lot of heartbreaks with those adoptions, too? Is there any advantage to going to another country? Where I live, there are always children of all ages coming into care. You are required to tell the county what age you are looking for, and that's the only age they will place with you unless you tell them otherwise. My first son was almost four. My second son was 3-weeks old because I requested a newborn. In fact, many of the parents here pick up their babies from the hospital. So, when I hear about parents looking in other countries I just wonder why. Perhaps I live in an exceptionally good county?


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#4 of 33 Old 02-27-2012, 05:37 PM
 
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We almost became foster parents when my daughter was a baby, but I heard way to many horror stories about how if I got older children, my daughter would be in danger. They took forever with the homestudy and I started babysitting these 2 boys whose mother wasnt in the picture. Their dad was a shift worker at the mine and they would be at my house for days at a time.  I got a little attached to them and decided not to go through with the homestudy when they finally got around to it.


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#5 of 33 Old 02-27-2012, 06:11 PM
 
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I guess it depends on what you mean by "exceptionally good." It sounds exceptionally sad to me that there are that many children coming into care that you are able to choose what age you want (including babies) and actually get that. And that there are that many children who aren't able to return home to their families (their parents or to a relative.)

 

In my county, there aren't that many children coming into care. And many of those children are older or come into care with one or more siblings. And many of those children end up going to a relative or family friend. That's one of the big things that scare many children away from fostering or foster/adopting.

 

I've been trying to get an infant or toddler placement (for foster care and possible adoption down the road) for over two years now. Because of space in my current (rented) house, I can only foster a child who is young enough to sleep in my bedroom. Which means an infant or toddler. And there aren't that many of those in care. And that age is quite desirable.
 

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Oh, I do agree. It can be very hard and I've had heart-breaking things happen to friends. I guess, perhaps what I'm asking is... It seems like a lot of people try out-of-country adoptions first. Aren't there a lot of heartbreaks with those adoptions, too? Is there any advantage to going to another country? Where I live, there are always children of all ages coming into care. You are required to tell the county what age you are looking for, and that's the only age they will place with you unless you tell them otherwise. My first son was almost four. My second son was 3-weeks old because I requested a newborn. In fact, many of the parents here pick up their babies from the hospital. So, when I hear about parents looking in other countries I just wonder why. Perhaps I live in an exceptionally good county?



 

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#6 of 33 Old 02-27-2012, 06:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just realized how that sounded. I apologize. It definitely is not exceptionally good that so many children come into care. What is good is that the county workers truly care about both the children and the foster parents and try to make a match that will last, particularly if they think that reunification is not going to happen.

 

It is a busy county, unfortunately, but the other thing is we don't have enough foster parents. Last year, about 350 children came into care and there were 60 licensed foster homes. I should say county-licensed foster homes. The county always places with the county-licensed homes first, and then goes to the agencies. Perhaps that's why we are able to choose what age will fit best into our families... and also, we're able to choose the age of child that we have dreamed of raising. Some of my friends only take older children. I wanted to have a baby. I waited about 45 days after I got my foster care license. All of my friends in the foster parent group had a baby placed in 6 months or less.

 

Still, I go back to my original question: aren't there still a lot of these same problems and heartbreaks with international adoptions? So many, many people seem to steer away from domestic/foster adoptions for fear of what might happen. Aren't a lot of international adoptions just as problematic? I really do want to know. I argue all the time for adoption from foster care, and I'd truly like to know if I'm right or I should rethink my position.

 

 


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#7 of 33 Old 02-27-2012, 07:09 PM
 
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I am not an expert in international adoption. I have adopted three kids through foster care.

 

But...i will say the impression i get from the reading ive done on IA, is that if you choose an established program with a reputable agency there is kind of a guarantee (for lack of a better term)...if you choose a country with a stable program, there seems to be more of a timeline...that if you do xyz, that in "x" number of months or years, you will have a child. And that child will be yours to keep.

 

With foster care, if you choose to do straight foster with the hopes of adopting (which is how most people are able to adopt younger/healthier children)...there are no guarantees. You could foster twenty children and all go home or to relatives or other placements. You could invest your whole life into a child for three years, and then they go live with Aunt Susie at the end of it all, and there isnt a thing you can do. The goal of foster care (at least initially) is almost always reunification of the birthfamily. Your role as a foster parent must be primarily to support the goal. When you adopt internationally, your role is that of waiting adoptive parent. Your goal is to adopt a child. Reunification isnt even on the table.

 

In many cases the children available via IA are available due to poverty or social issues (unwed parenting not being the norm in the home country for example) the children may be orphaned etc. The children who are US foster children have usually been removed for allegations of abuse, neglect, prenatal drug use, etc. That isnt to say those arent also issues in IA, but i think the "belief" many people have is that they are less prevalent in IA. That of course is debatable.

 

I think many people chose IA because they DONT know about fostering, or have misconceptions, or think "i could never do that!" when in reality they might do very well at it!

 

After i adopted my first child (placed at three weeks as a foster, TPR at four months, adoption at less than 11 months old) i was touting foster care adoption as this great way to adopt a child. After all i was able to adopt a very young totally healthy totally beautiful baby and it didnt cost me 20K+ and i didnt have to travel far and wide. Awesome right?!

 

But after the horrific experience of some friends of mine in trying to adopt state children (and they werent even fostering! long story), and after seeing friends online wait years to be matched with legally free children, and after dealing with my totally unprofessional agency and horrible workers who acted like we were adversaries instead of on the same team....i basically felt like i would tell someone "adopt an infant privately, adopt internationally, do anything but a state adoption!" The system is broken, its a mess, it can go sooo horribly wrong.

 

That being said, those things also can happen in IA. You really need to be careful how you go about it, because you can find yourself involved with unethical people and lose lots of money and end up with no children at the end.

 

I think the reasons why anyone chooses anything can be very personal. I always wanted to adopt from Ethiopia or another African country. I've never been interested in adopting from, say, Russia at all. Or Asia. I have more of a pull towards Africa and its hard to explain. Alas, due to finances i will likely never do an IA.

 

Also....for those that do not wish to foster but want an infant or toddler....state adoption isnt likely going to be a good route. It can happen of course but there are LOTS AND LOTS of waiting parents for a small pool of available young children. Its interesting because in international adoption an "older child" might be three or four or five. In state adoption a five year old is practically considered a baby. Any child under 10 is considered "very young" and the competition for those legally free children is INTENSE. It is not uncommon at all to wait at LEAST a year or even two or more to adopt a younger legally free relatively healthy child in this country.

 

Personally, if i had a friend who really wanted a baby and esp if that friend had no children and suffers from infertility, i would likely NOT recommend foster care adoption unless they simply had no money for another type of adoption. I would say the risk of heartbreak is very high.

 

That being said i will likely do another state adoption. I dont know that i would foster again though (MAYBE if its a case headed strongly towards TPR) ...the experience i had with my last two foster kids before i finalized on them was too traumatic.

 


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#8 of 33 Old 02-27-2012, 08:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, QueenJane for your very thoughtful response. I expect that if you are guaranteed a legally-adoptable child, and can afford it, that would be the way to go.  The heartbreak factor must be the key. And it is heartbreaking. I have two sons; there was a time when I thought my youngest would go back to his birth mother and it was awful, almost unbearable. If I had to do it again, and I knew that I would be guaranteed a child that wouldn't go back, I might opt for an international adoption, too. At the same time, I agonize over all the children in this country who need a home. There really is no simple answer.


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#9 of 33 Old 02-28-2012, 06:07 AM
 
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My brothers were adopted from Korea, in the mid 80's. The laws have definitely changed since then, but my parents chose IA because in the state they were in, the biological parents were legally allowed to come back and re-claim the child even after the adoption was finalized. My parents watched some very close friends of theirs lose a toddler they had raised since birth, when the bio parents decided they wanted to take him back (this was over a year after finalization). My parents didn't want to always have the threat of losing a child to bio parents after the adoption was finalized. So they chose to go through IA.

 

It made the most sense to them, and worked out very well since my older brother came home at 3 months, then I was born 3 months later (I was unplanned, they finished their homestudy and all before getting pregnant, didn't think my mom could get pregnant, and then Korea agreed to the adoption anyway) , and my little brother came home at 7mo when we were 3yo.

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#10 of 33 Old 02-28-2012, 07:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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After the adoption was finalized they could take the child back? How incredibly awful! If I'd had that risk, I wouldn't have gone through foster-adopt either. 

 

The pain that men and women go through to become parents. The enormous risks they take with their hearts. I'm sitting here thinking about a woman who wrote a book about how she only did foster care for the money. This was a year or so ago. She got publicity all around the country. Everyone wanted to hear about how foster parents don't do it for the kids, just for the bucks. Most people just have no idea, do they?

 

Super-Single-Mama, thanks for sharing your story with me. Thanks all of you.

 

 


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Originally Posted by othermother109 View Post

I'm sitting here thinking about a woman who wrote a book about how she only did foster care for the money. This was a year or so ago. She got publicity all around the country. Everyone wanted to hear about how foster parents don't do it for the kids, just for the bucks. Most people just have no idea, do they?

 

What book was that? I've been around foster boards for years and don't remember hearing about it. I can't find it in a search, either.
 

 

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#12 of 33 Old 02-28-2012, 09:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't remember the name of the book or woman, but I sent out an e-mail query to people in my foster parent group. I'll post if someone remembers. I just remember being angry that such a ridiculous concept was being given any credence.


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#13 of 33 Old 02-28-2012, 03:45 PM
 
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My brothers were adopted from Korea, in the mid 80's. The laws have definitely changed since then, but my parents chose IA because in the state they were in, the biological parents were legally allowed to come back and re-claim the child even after the adoption was finalized. My parents watched some very close friends of theirs lose a toddler they had raised since birth, when the bio parents decided they wanted to take him back (this was over a year after finalization). My parents didn't want to always have the threat of losing a child to bio parents after the adoption was finalized. So they chose to go through IA.

 

It made the most sense to them, and worked out very well since my older brother came home at 3 months, then I was born 3 months later (I was unplanned, they finished their homestudy and all before getting pregnant, didn't think my mom could get pregnant, and then Korea agreed to the adoption anyway) , and my little brother came home at 7mo when we were 3yo.


What state was this?! So...any time for 18 years, the bio parents could come back and reclaim the child? That seems incredible. There wasnt any issue where the wrong man was named and so the actual bdad could contest or something? After rights were terminated, and a new birth certificate was issued, what legal leg would they have to stand on?? "The mid 80s" wasnt that long ago.(it was just the early 90s when Baby Jessica made national news, when adoptive parents had to return their toddler daughter to bio parents, but in that case the bdad did not relinquish.)  You mustve lived in a crazy backward state!

 


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She was from Maine.  Mercinary Motherhood, maybe.  She didn't do it for the money, but she said the money tainted the process.

 

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What book was that? I've been around foster boards for years and don't remember hearing about it. I can't find it in a search, either.
 

 



 

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I guess it depends on what you mean by "exceptionally good." It sounds exceptionally sad to me that there are that many children coming into care that you are able to choose what age you want (including babies) and actually get that. And that there are that many children who aren't able to return home to their families (their parents or to a relative.) 


Polliwog, I hate to split hairs, but I find it exceptionally sad that there are kids anywhere who need families.  I guess it bothers me because in talking about international adoption, it is common to throw around words like a "good" country to adopt from when there are lots of healthy kids who need families.  Anytime the discussion of international vs. fostercare adoption comes up, it is like an open wound for me.  Children are discussed like commodities greensad.gif
 

 

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#16 of 33 Old 02-28-2012, 04:51 PM
 
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I'm on my phone, and can't quote easily, but yes, it was an incredibly backward state, and still is. The judge assigned to finalize my brothers adoption even refused to do it (he didn't believe in interracial adoption) and was taken off the bench. Luckily that was an easy appeal for my parents (I guess with Korea adoption in the states wasn't final until after arrival? Not sure exactly how that worked).
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#17 of 33 Old 02-28-2012, 05:52 PM
 
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I totally agree. I was just responding to her post about foster care where she lives. But, I completely agree with you.
 

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Polliwog, I hate to split hairs, but I find it exceptionally sad that there are kids anywhere who need families.  I guess it bothers me because in talking about international adoption, it is common to throw around words like a "good" country to adopt from when there are lots of healthy kids who need families.  Anytime the discussion of international vs. fostercare adoption comes up, it is like an open wound for me.  Children are discussed like commodities greensad.gif
 

 

I found it. It was an OP-ED piece in the Los Angeles Times, not a book. It was written in October of 2007. http://articles.latimes.com/2007/oct/16/opinion/oe-callahan16. She also wrote "Memoirs of a Baby Stealer: Lessons Learned as a Foster Parent" in 2003.
 

 



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She was from Maine.  Mercinary Motherhood, maybe.  She didn't do it for the money, but she said the money tainted the process.

 



 



 

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#18 of 33 Old 02-28-2012, 09:06 PM
 
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I think someone here said this once, many years ago, and it stuck with me.  International and Foster adoption are both equally expensive.  In international adoption, you pay a high price financially.  In foster-adoption, you pay a high price emotionally.

 

I'm sure that's not the case for every person going through foster-adoption, but it's an uncertain process a lot of the time.  I've read and seen so many moms in this forum go through an agonizing wait, agonizing court battles, and agonizing uncertainty.  We chose international adoption because we didn't think we could bear the possibility of that uncertainty and frustration.  Our family had already dealt with too much heartbreak and loss (having two special needs boys, lots of health issues, and the loss of my mom)...We just didn't have it in us to pay a high price emotionally.  With adoption from Korea, it was never uncertain that we would have a child.  The only uncertainty is whether it would take 8 months or 2 years for her to come home.  I suspect that the possibility of having that heavy emotional toll is what keeps a lot of people out of foster-adopt and draws them to the certainty of international adoption. 


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#19 of 33 Old 02-29-2012, 09:39 AM
 
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I think someone here said this once, many years ago, and it stuck with me.  International and Foster adoption are both equally expensive.  In international adoption, you pay a high price financially.  In foster-adoption, you pay a high price emotionally.

 

 


I have heard that saying, too.

 

We explored all types of adoption - foster/adopt, international and private domestic.

 

The reasons we decided not to pursue foster/adopt (and we actually started the home study and classes to be certified) were primarily the unpredictability of the process.  The county we first lived in when we started thinking about adoption was notoriously difficult to work with.  Really, I never heard a "good" story about the process.  People who had done it said they would never had started the process if they knew what it was going to be like.  When we moved to a new county (same state, though), there was the reputation that it was a "good" county to work with - responsive workers who didn't carry a ridiculous case load, things being done on time and not falling through the cracks and getting lost, etc.  The families I have met in our new county have all had "good" experiences and are glad they did it (not that it was easy, but that they felt they knew what they were getting into and that all around, it met expectations laid out in the beginning of the process).  So, some people choose not to go through foster care because it is so difficult and emotionally draining.  We chose not to continue pursuing it because we didn't want the uncertainty of loosing a child because of potential reunification with the parents and because if we start the process here and move to a new county (very likely with my husband's job) before it is complete, we most likely would not be able to continue the placement with that child.  We had been through a lot leading up to this, and decided we wanted something much more straightforward.  Which is one reason (at least our main reason) for considering international adoption......

 

In international adoption, if you choose a reputable agency and program, it is more a matter of following the procedures required of you and eventually you will be matched with a child (assuming you complete the home study and meet the requirements).  It also isn't easy and, while there is the chance for heart break along the way, you have a more predictable outcome in terms of having a child placed permanently in your home.  

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#20 of 33 Old 03-01-2012, 01:08 PM
 
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I have had such a terrible foster-adoption experience that I don't see myself doing it again for our second adoption. So if we choose international adoption, that will be why.

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#21 of 33 Old 03-01-2012, 01:50 PM
 
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I don't have time to read this whole thread right now but OP, I am wondering why you see the need to advocate for foster care adoptions over international adoption? I'm a social worker and worked in foster adopt yet our family will be definitely going the international adoption route when my youngest is a little older. The main reason is that I've spent a lot of time In orphanages and find the situation in some countries to be heartbreaking. Not that foster care is a picnic. It isn't. I guess my heart is just in international adoption. That isn't my point though. My point is that kids are kids. Kids suffer in foster care. They suffer in orphanages. Adopting from one or the other isn't "better.". I mean what do you accomplish if you convince someone to adopt from foster care over international adoption? One kid wins. One kid loses. I guess I just can't get behind that kind of thinking. Now, advocating for foster adopt *without* insinuating it is better than international or trying to persuade someone it is better is great. Just like advocating for international adoption is positive. It just really rubs me the wrong way though to advocate for kids in our own countries just because they're in our own countries. I can't imagine looking into a child's eyes and saying "sorry. Can't adopt you just because it's more important for me to adopt a kid from MY country.". Kids are kids regardless of where they live.
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#22 of 33 Old 03-01-2012, 08:46 PM
 
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Yes, kids are kids regardless of where they live--and kids here who don't get adopted and who age out of the system are very likely to be out on the streets and have a high risk of being sexually preyed upon/trafficked as well.  I don't think wanting to help kids in America is any worse than the people who imply that they're rescuing a child even more because they're going international.  Really, NONE of the children who are most at risk in any country (including our own) are going to get adopted.  I've worked in social services and homeless youth outreach/services as well, so I hope you will forgive my cynicism. 

 

I wish people would leave the whole rescue stuff out of it.  I mean, I know that people mean well...but I just think it is kind of ugly no matter who is saying it and who their intended rescuees are.  When I think about all the people we just throw away in this country and around the world I could just cry.  I'd like to think that adoption makes a significant difference--but I don't believe it does except for the individual--who might have been adopted by another person anyway.  Meanwhile, all around the world, including here, the most profoundly needy children languish away from the photolistings, ect.  It's pretty overwhelming to think about.

 

I think some people may prefer whatever they happen to prefer because they perceive they're having a greater impact on the whole.  I'm just not sure that they are correct.  Though certainly one can have a huge impact on that one life.  I guess that has to be enough.

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#23 of 33 Old 03-01-2012, 09:33 PM
 
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Tigerchild I think you missed the point of my post. I don't feel international adoption is better. I just feel more drawn to it. My point is I think there are lots of factors for individuals to consider when adopting and I don't think people should advocate for a specific type of adoption. One type may be right for one family and another type for another family. I guess it just really aggravates me when people advocate for foster adopt just because the children are in "our" country. So what? It doesn't make them any more or less deserving of a family. People should adopt from wherever they want, period.

As a side note, and not to stir the pot, but my experience has been that kids who age out of the system in this country have many more opportunities than the other two countries I've worked in. Not that aging out without a family isn't a huge obstacle to overcome wherever you live and not that it makes adopting from a country with fewer resources in place a better option. Just sayin...
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#24 of 33 Old 03-02-2012, 05:09 AM
 
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I can only speak to myself but I'd imagine a lot of adoptive parents can related to my reasoning - whether they adopted internationally, through private domestic adoption or through foster care....

 

I adopted from Guatemala because that is where my son was born.   It had nothing to do with the process in the US vs. there.  It had nothing to do with the emotional aspects of foster care or open adoption or anything else of that nature.

 

There are NO guarantees in international adoption.  My dear friend was in the middle of the process of adopting a little girl in Guatemala when the child's mother decided to parent.  Happens here too.  She was sad but she was also glad that the little girl's mother found a way to parent.

 

It doesn't matter where you adopt from - what matter is that you love your child with all your heart and soul.  Geography is not a valid reason for a child to lose out on having a loving home - all children deserve that.


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#25 of 33 Old 03-02-2012, 05:30 AM
 
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What book was that? I've been around foster boards for years and don't remember hearing about it. I can't find it in a search, either.
 

 



memoirs of a baby stealer by mary callahan

 

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#26 of 33 Old 03-02-2012, 07:23 AM
 
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I wish people would leave the whole rescue stuff out of it.  I mean, I know that people mean well...but I just think it is kind of ugly no matter who is saying it and who their intended rescuees are. 

Tigerchild, I totally understand your point.  I think the reason that the "resuce talk" comes up is that many adoptive parents want to distance themselves from the fight to adopt the healthiest children (and therefore possibly the most unethical situations).  A very close friend of mine is considering interanation adoption and that has put me in a pretty uncomfortable situation.  (Becasue we are close and our reason for adoption are so different.)  I have found myself using more of this "ugly" language than I should.

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#27 of 33 Old 03-02-2012, 07:58 AM
 
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One piece that hasn't been said is what same sex (potential) parents go through. I realize not everyone may be supportive of this family model, but our choices are restricted by jurisdiction far more than straight couples. We started researching fostering in our state and in interviews with social workers, we learned that there is little guarantee that a same sex couple would not be discriminated against. Florida was big in the news at the time, so this was easy to believe. I could never determine if this response from our state workers was due to DHHS workers or possible birth families' stereotypes.

 

We then started a relationship with an agency we researched through message boards and other local same sex couples. We assumed we'd be going to China (large number of children in need of homes), but found that Russia was more likely to refer a child to us. So, we went from never wanting to birth a child and assuming we'd get an African American/Black baby, to adoptiong a white toddler from another country. We're both well versed in international travel and quite comfortable with the ins and outs of international politics. This was an unexpected turn of events given that I grew up in a family that fostered pregnant teens and acted as a summer home for city kids. We are passionate about human rights conditions worldwide, so this was an easy transition to make. 

 

We tried again to stay local with our second child by using the agency's special program that places AA/Bl children. When we learned we couldn't use them if we moved out of state, we did more research and switched to Vietnam. Some of you have no idea the countless hours that went into trying to decrease the possibility of discrimination against us. After our move to a new state,  Vietnam closed. Again we researched our options and determined this time that the local DHHS was v e r y supportive of our family model. Nearly two years after placement, we are heading to court to adopt our preschooler! 

 

Having been through both pipelines (and having an adopted black cousin), I will first say that it comes down to the path you fall into based upon conviction and possibility. We had struggles against the political system and individual players with our Russian adoption and clashes with individual players within an overly complex political system for foster to adopt in the US. Both are fraught with difficulties, but both result in children in need of a home getting just that.

 

The other day a colleague criticized me for adopting a full bred labrador puppy. I replied that I would never say the same thing to a couple who chose to birth and not adopt a child. This silenced her. My point is that these decisions ultimately come down to a complex ven diagram that no person can make for another. Of course, I never stop talking about my kids and how thrilled I am to adopt!


Mama to Ru cutie (a. age 3, fall 2006) and foster to adopt  wonder-child (arrived a. 3,  2010) 

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#28 of 33 Old 03-02-2012, 08:14 AM
 
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As a side note, and not to stir the pot, but my experience has been that kids who age out of the system in this country have many more opportunities than the other two countries I've worked in. Not that aging out without a family isn't a huge obstacle to overcome wherever you live and not that it makes adopting from a country with fewer resources in place a better option. Just sayin...


That is not my experience.  Dead is dead.  Raped is raped.  Destroyed by addiction is being destroyed by addiction, whether you're in NYC or Dehli.  Working as a sex worker is working as a sex worker.  Not every orphan turns up dead or trafficked outside of America either.  I don't see the point of this "oh yeah, well, this is worse than this!" stuff.  And again, we are not "saving" the most needy inside or outside of this country anyway, which makes this whole subject a moot point.  I just wish more people were aware of and acknowledged what happens within our own borders as well as internationally.

 

Out of the kids that I worked with and formed bonds with, almost all are dead or disappeared now.  So, let's just say that my experience disagrees with yours.

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#29 of 33 Old 03-02-2012, 08:48 AM
 
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Queen Jane's long post on the last page is the reason why. I've picked up three babies from the hospital and all three went back to mom or relatives. We know going into it that the goal is reunification, so we were not devastated or anything like that. It's also hard to live your life as "Well, if this happens at court, then maybe we'll decide this.." There seems to be a v long wait adopting internationally, but as others have pointed out, it's often a guaranteed thing, just an agonizing wait. The older I've gotten, the less I care where an adopted child came from. ALL children need parents.


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#30 of 33 Old 03-02-2012, 08:49 AM
 
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That is not my experience.  Dead is dead.  Raped is raped.  Destroyed by addiction is being destroyed by addiction, whether you're in NYC or Dehli.  Working as a sex worker is working as a sex worker.  Not every orphan turns up dead or trafficked outside of America either.  I don't see the point of this "oh yeah, well, this is worse than this!" stuff.  And again, we are not "saving" the most needy inside or outside of this country anyway, which makes this whole subject a moot point.  I just wish more people were aware of and acknowledged what happens within our own borders as well as internationally.

 

Out of the kids that I worked with and formed bonds with, almost all are dead or disappeared now.  So, let's just say that my experience disagrees with yours.


It's perfectly fine your experience has been different. I've seen equally horrific things working in child welfare in the central city as I have in other countries. I've also seen many more programs focused on independent living here than I have there and many more resources (compared to essentially zero). For the ten millionth time I am NOT saying adopting from one place is better than another. As far as "rescue" talk, I understand why it makes people uncomfortable. If you are going to be "advocating" for one form of adoption over another, you'll be using it. I have a bigger problem with advocating for a particular type of adoption than I do with "rescue" talk which is an unfortunate reality in a lot of cases
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