Waiting - how do you endure? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 05-28-2012, 10:37 AM - Thread Starter
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We are officially listed to adopt!! We completed the paperwork/home study (started the process in 11/11).  Our homestudy was just finalized and we are now officially waiting to be 'chosen' by a birthmom. So my questions are:

  • how long did it take you to be 'chosen' once listed 
  • how did it feel to get that 'call' 
  • what happened next
  • how did you get through the weeks/months/years of waiting


Any words of wisdom are appreciated!

Lynne (35) wife to DH (38) mom to DD (9) ** TTC # 2 since 7/07 ** m/c 6/23/10** 2 Failed IVF rounds... moving forward on adoption;
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#2 of 9 Old 05-28-2012, 05:55 PM
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We adopted through foster care, so it was different...But we just celebrated six years since our daughter came home.  Like childbirth, it is hard to remember on the flip side.  Keeping busy getting ready really did help.  It is hard to strike a balance, you want to try to keep living your life and not think only about getting the call.  Good luck, I hope your wait is short!

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#3 of 9 Old 05-29-2012, 07:09 AM
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We did one internationally and one through the foster care system. For the international process, there were educational groups operated by our agency that were most helpful, if not just to be with others in the same boat. With our second, we stayed busy with our first and the time went quite quickly.


Good luck! It will happen and this time will be the fun part of the story you tell your child when s/he is ready to hear their life story.

Mama to Ru cutie (a. age 3, fall 2006) and foster to adopt  wonder-child (arrived a. 3,  2010) 

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#4 of 9 Old 05-29-2012, 09:00 AM
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for me, the wait was brutal. We have three daughters, one bio, one adopted through foster care, and one adopted through a domestic adoption.


We went the 'pre-adoptive' route through foster care because our state didn't have a straight adoption program. It was around 1 year that we waited for 'the call' and I swear, every time I would leave the house I would call home and check the messages a dozen times, just in case.


With our second adoption we did a standard domestic adoption and waited about a year and a half. It was the longest year and a half of my life! LOL! I felt very desperate, and hopeless most of the time.



I know I am not being very positive, but the reality of my wait was miserable. The good news is that it did happen for us, twice, and it was well worth the really difficult periods.


Good luck to you and congratulations for getting this far :)

Proud mom of three!  Special needs teen princess wheelchair.gif , 7 year old happy girl modifiedartist.gif , and my flower toddlerhearts.gif

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#5 of 9 Old 05-29-2012, 11:31 AM
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It took us 9 months to get the call.  He was born in less than 24 hours of the call and he came home at 24 hours old.  The wait was hard but not as hard as our international adoption.  It started in 2008 and we should be traveling the end of this summer 2012!!  We got the referral call for our international adoption on the 1st birthday of our child that we adopted domestically.  Not how we had planned things but it has turned out perfect for our family.  Amazingly I now have peace about the waiting to meet our next child.  Maybe after 3 plus years I am getting better at waiting??  Maybe not??  It is harder now that we have seen her face.  Read up on adoption as much as you can, talk with others who have adopted, and enjoy life how it is for you now.  Do you have other children?  If so focus on them and your husband.  It will happen.  For us it was so fast when it finally did happen.  We have an open adoption and I wish that was possible for our international adoption.  I find having an iPad helps as I can obessively check my email and voicemail while out and about.  lol  Good luck!

Homeschooling Momma to DD, DS, DD and DS two furry labs. Wife to my wonderful husband.
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#6 of 9 Old 05-29-2012, 12:23 PM
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We started our home study process over a year ago, and finalized it in August.  We didn't go active with any agencies though until the first of the year this year.  We were matched with a birthmom a few weeks ago and are just waiting for him to be born now (any day).  So we waited about 5 months from when we went active to be chosen and were shown to half a dozen potential birthmoms before one picked us.

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#7 of 9 Old 05-29-2012, 12:44 PM
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We are not on the list yet as we have just started the process. I plan to just go on with life as normal. I like that I dont have to plan around the what ifs of being pregnant. I know it will happen someday, and I have much more hope of getting a baby through adoption than getting a baby by TTC. I had no hope left there, and so the effort was very frustrating. It feels good to have hope again. As of right now I dont care when it happens. Our agency says the average wait is 6-36 months, and so I am planning to wait 36 months, and anything sooner is a blessing.

Mama to L (7) and A (born 7/15 by VBAC)
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#8 of 9 Old 05-29-2012, 04:42 PM
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Ugh the waiting. I remember that. It was horrible.


I had always wanted to adopted and so when i finally started the process it felt like i had been waiting my whole life already. With my first homestudy, the actual HS process was VERY quick...i forget exactly but like maybe under two months from beginning to end. Then i waited. And waited. And waited. For i think around a YEAR. And the child i was waiting for was an older child (technically 7 and under, but i was even open to some teens and inquired on several and figured my child would be in the 7-10 yr range)...any race...open to lots of different issues....no call. I inquired on, easily, HUNDREDS of boys all around the country. I bought a fax machine, faxed out my own study. Never got anywhere really. It was awful. I was first approved in early july, and i thought i'd be at least matched by the time school started....that summer i thought "next year there will be another child here at the beach!) (there wasnt)...surely by Christmas (not that christmas and not the following christmas either!)...finally after a year of waiting i switched agencies, got a foster license...the process of getting license in hand took nearly another year...within a month of getting it though, i was placed with a healthy newborn baby that i adopted less than ten months later. And now i have THREE adopted kids in addition to my oldest bio child.


Its really hard to sustain that level of wanting...when you are waiting. In my case, it was like people even forgot i was adopting, it took so long. ("Oh are you still doing THAT??") I read a lot of books, kept posting on my elists etc. The hard thing about adopting from foster care is its not like i could just buy a bunch of baby things, i had no idea how old the child would be, what size, etc. It was VERY hard on my bio son who was 9 when i started the process and 11 when his baby brother came home. He had this fantasy of having a sib to play with and so even though he was very happy to get a baby brother he never did get that "close in age" sib. (my kids are now 15, 10, 4, and 4) If i had to do it over i guess i would try to forget about the wait a little more, when it happens it happens. I also thought since we are constantly told no one wants to adopt older children, male children, black children that workers would be clamoring to place a child with me. Nope. Now i tell people "expect AT LEAST a one yr wait after your HS is finished, or even two, if it happens sooner great."


Luckily, even though i was doing regular foster care my very first placement turned out to be adoptable...no visits, TPR at four months of age. I really could not believe i had this healthy newborn baby who was so beautiful people would stop me in public to comment on him. Everything went textbook until finalization, it was perfect. Then my third foster placement (second was a little girl we had for two months who went to family) also became adoptable shortly after placement but that case was harder (long story) and i got his older sister too. So even though the initial wait took forever, once i switched agencies i ended up adopting three kids in three years.

Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#9 of 9 Old 06-19-2012, 08:03 PM
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18 months we waited from 'approval' to the 'call'. Best advice, keep yourself busy, take as many mini trips or vacations as you can now, do any diy projects at home, visits old friends, whatever you can to stay busy.

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