We are looking for an
agency that charges at match instead of at application. We are gender specific, so we would need an agency that allows that as well.
I think that's unlikely, with a legitimate organization, to not pay anything until you get a match. There are a couple of things (such as home study, background check, ect.) that must be done before you are even considered for a match. If you're looking at domestic newborn, you may also need to pay for some medical expenses, ect. By the same token, I'd also be wary of any agency that wants a full fee up front. Don't most collect their fee *at placement*?
What have you researched so far?
We had to pay for our homestudy and training but nothing more until we were home and the TRP was signed. Our agency allows you to specify gender but they are only for our state. Where are you?
You've probably already ruled it out, but adoption through fostercare is ridiculously inexpensive. You pay only a few small fees that add up to a total of $400 - $2000. And the entire time you foster, you receive reimbursement for the care of the children, which essentially negates any fees.
And in fostercare, you can be gender-specific, age-specific, etc. You can refuse to take any placement for any reason.
The only this is that adopting a newborn infant from fostercare is unlikely. But not impossible. So if that's what you want to do (which it sounds like it is) then you might want to at least consider a fostercare adoption. And of course, if you're open to adopting a toddler, school age child, or a teen, then fostercare is an excellent option!
You may want to look into it. Usually, you can attend an introductory seminar for free that will address many of the common questions and concerns that potential foster and adoptive parents have about fostercare. Just contact your local family services department to learn more.