Trying to Adopt/Foster 2013 Chat Thread. - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-05-2013, 03:24 PM
 
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First homestudy appointment completed!  Admittedly since it was my third safety inspection, I knew what to expect.   Of course, I still have a few things to fix:  we have to HANG the fire extinguisher in the kitchen, it can't just sit on the floor.  Unfortunately we don't have any closets in our tiny kitchen in our tiny house - I'd rather it not be so out in the open.... Doesn't quite go with the chicken theme of my kitchen.   Also, we have to add some additional canned goods to our emergency kit.   Some of our stuff was expired.  

 

I was thrown a little off guard by a few of the more personal questions.    I got married very young (18) and of course the caseworker wanted to know all about why we chose that.  The questions about infertility, I was ready for.   

 

We have our next appointment on Monday. We were told we are going to be separated and asked questions separately.   I feel like we already told them everything.  What could they need to know that they need to separate us for?

 

Eloise - I think that mostly what you need to pass the safety part of the homestudy is stuff you purchase: car seats, cribs/beds/dressers,etc, outlet covers, fire extinguisher, locking medicine cabinet, first aid supplies, carbon monoxide and smoke detectors.  You might have to install tot locks on the cabinets, but I think you can get ones where you don't have to drill into the cabinets.  Two other things that might stop you from passing are that you need screens on all the windows that open and your "bedrooms" can't be a passage to another room.  Of course, safety regulations can be different in different places.  Did you get a list from your orientation?

 

MountainMama - I've looked into Milk Banks too.  It is amazing the cost for something that is donated!   Even so, we can't give our foster children donated milk without a prescription from a Doctor.    What kind of PUPPY are you adopting??!!

 

Smithie - I am already dreading the teenage years.

 

***********And the puppy pictures:

 

Our Moose:

 

 

Here is our border collie hanging with the chickens:


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Old 04-05-2013, 05:02 PM
 
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Love the pictures!


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-05-2013, 05:02 PM
 
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Love the pictures!


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am adopting a small mixed breed puppy. I think some terrier mixed with shitzu and chi and pom. A real mutt. I hear that mutts are the best dogs. I will post some pics when I get home.


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years
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Old 04-07-2013, 02:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

Adjustment? What is this adjustment of which you speak? orngtongue.gif
 I'm tempted to say something like "our son was born to be our son," but I don't say such things, because no child is born to be neglected and taken into foster care. It's more accurate to say "we did a lot of hard emotional work getting ready to adopt before we met our son, and he did a lot of hard emotional work getting ready to be adopted before he met us, so the transition was very easy as such things go." 

Like his Other Mother, our son is physically beautiful, socially adept, and makes you want to please him. So get back to me when he's a teenager and I'll tell you how we're adjusting to THAT. 

I love everything you said smile.gif
My social worker wrote in my home study that I was open to a child up to the age of 12. I was silently freaking out when she said that thinking "omg, I am SO not ready for a teenager!"
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Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy View Post

First homestudy appointment completed!  Admittedly since it was my third safety inspection, I knew what to expect.   Of course, I still have a few things to fix:  we have to HANG the fire extinguisher in the kitchen, it can't just sit on the floor.  Unfortunately we don't have any closets in our tiny kitchen in our tiny house - I'd rather it not be so out in the open.... Doesn't quite go with the chicken theme of my kitchen.   Also, we have to add some additional canned goods to our emergency kit.   Some of our stuff was expired.  

I was thrown a little off guard by a few of the more personal questions.    I got married very young (18) and of course the caseworker wanted to know all about why we chose that.  The questions about infertility, I was ready for.   

We have our next appointment on Monday. We were told we are going to be separated and asked questions separately.   I feel like we already told them everything.  What could they need to know that they need to separate us for?

Eloise - I think that mostly what you need to pass the safety part of the homestudy is stuff you purchase: car seats, cribs/beds/dressers,etc, outlet covers, fire extinguisher, locking medicine cabinet, first aid supplies, carbon monoxide and smoke detectors.  You might have to install tot locks on the cabinets, but I think you can get ones where you don't have to drill into the cabinets.  Two other things that might stop you from passing are that you need screens on all the windows that open and your "bedrooms" can't be a passage to another room.  Of course, safety regulations can be different in different places.  Did you get a list from your orientation?

MountainMama - I've looked into Milk Banks too.  It is amazing the cost for something that is donated!   Even so, we can't give our foster children donated milk without a prescription from a Doctor.    What kind of PUPPY are you adopting??!!

Smithie - I am already dreading the teenage years.

********

I'm so glad the first visit went well. The second and third will be much more comfortable. I'm one person so I only had two interviews. The first one we talked about my childhood up to today. The second visit was the fun one when we talked about the kid and how I would parent. My social worker asked me many thought provoking questions and it really helped me to understand my self more. Of course all of it is theoretical as I've never before parented!

Eta: love your pups! The next place I move will definitely have to allow pets.

afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Old 04-09-2013, 12:36 PM
 
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MountainMama - How's the new pup?

 

NewbianMama - You are open up to the age of 12, but what's your ideal age?  

 

AFM - Homestudy complete!   We had our paperwork meeting and first interviews last week.  I didn't know that the paperwork meeting was our first homestudy meeting.   One more home inspection/interview session yesterday.   The personal questions during our individual meetings were not too personal - she wanted to know all about my career and my career path.   She asked my husband about giving up on having a genetic child.  I think these were very insightful questions to ask each of us.  

 

We are still waiting on security clearances so we can get our final approval - just a few more weeks!


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Old 04-09-2013, 10:27 PM
 
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Hi all- I noticed I never actually shared my full story. It's a crazy time for me right now, so I'll have to do it later this week or early next week. I have to check with my husband on some things and talk to an agency directly about some questions, but I think it's between Adoption Options and Lutheran Family Services at this point. I am very impressed with LFS, but neither of us are Christian and I'm unsure whether my parents' alternative lifestyle might be an issue. I know they said they welcome people of all faith backgrounds, so I'm less concerned about that.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-10-2013, 03:16 PM
 
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Woohoo!!!!! I'm so happy for you. I think the anticipation of the home study is so much more nerve wracking than the actual visit. It's weird how the adoption practice isn't standard even statewide.

As far as my age range, it's really 0-9 but I saw a child who's 11 on a waiting kids list. My social worker said it wouldn't look good to the kid's worker that my age range topped out at 9. I've tried to narrow down my range a bit but I can see attributes and challenges for each age range; infant, toddler, school age. One day I can see myself with an infant and the next with a 3rd grader.
What's your range? I can't remember?

afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Old 04-10-2013, 03:49 PM
 
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We are 0-2.  I would have gone higher but my husband loves babies.  In fact, I think he really tops out at 1 year old but everything in marriage is a compromise, right?

 

I started making some quilts for the kids' room.    I think that I would like to send each of the foster kids home with one.    Hopefully I can keep it up.   Or more hopefully, the first two stick around for good.  


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Old 04-11-2013, 07:33 AM
 
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Deborah - It sounds like LFS is similar to Catholic Charities and the like, they'll help anyone regardless of religious affiliation (or non-affiliation). Not sure about the "alternative lifestyle" though. I'm sure those religious charities are still judging against their own standards. What's making you lean towards LFS over AO?

 

PUH - I do remember you saying that (of course after having reread it, lol!). What a lovely idea to send each child home with a quilt! I grew up as a foster siblinb and I recall some kids came to our house with nothing but the clothes on their back.


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Old 04-11-2013, 12:19 PM
 
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Newbian Mama- There are a couple of things I like about LFS over AO, The first is the pricing, the second is that I feel that LFS has a bit more of a reach for finding babies for families. Otherwise, they are pretty similar. I think that LFS had slightly shorter wait times, but I need to call them.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-11-2013, 12:20 PM
 
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I also know someone who went through LFS and was very happy (that was 40 years ago). She said they did not ask about religion, so that is helpful to know.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-11-2013, 12:48 PM
 
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Sounds like LFS is a solid choice for you. What are the wait times? About 12-18 months?


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Old 04-11-2013, 10:32 PM
 
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Newbian Mama- I am waiting to hear back from LFS and may not hear back until Tuesday since apparently their adoption person is only in twice a week. That makes me a bit nervous. Also, I called Jewish Family Services here. They do not do adoptions, but used to, so I asked them if they have any they recommend. They recommended Adoption Options which has been in the top running for me from the very beginning. Adoption options is an 18-24 month wait though and $27,000. However, since we are pretty open, I imagine it would be at least a little bit less of a wait for us. I think LFS was approximating 12-18 months on the site, but I can't recall for sure. Their rates are closer to $20,000. That is a really big difference in price. I hate to make a choice based on that, but if they are equally good and LFS seems responsive, then it may have to come down to money.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:39 AM
 
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Don't be nervous about the 2 days per week. In my reaserch I found that most adoption programs employ people on a part time basis. My social worker works three days per week; the only person in the office who works 5 days is the Supervising Social Worker.

 

It's unfortunate that money is a factor in adoptino but it's a fact for most of us. You'll pick the right agency for your family.


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Old 04-12-2013, 09:06 AM
 
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Deborah - Less wait and less $$$  - I'd go with LFS.   What is the big difference between the two?


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Old 04-12-2013, 12:30 PM
 
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I'm a bit concerned about LFS because my mom is in a same-sex relationship. However, I was raised in a somewhat more traditional setting, so hopefully it would be okay. I'm also not 100% sure that the wait is shorter. I had hoped to fill out an application for the agency we choose this weekend, but without knowing more information about LFS, I'm not ready to take the plunge. I also don't know how my atheist husband will feel about going through a Christian agency.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-13-2013, 07:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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*

 

This is Seymour. 


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Old 04-14-2013, 10:07 AM
 
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Cute! So, I think I told you all that I was auditioning for a musical theater group. Well, I got into the group! We already have a busy season and may be adding more. I'm so excited!


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-14-2013, 10:30 AM
 
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Hello Seymour!   What a cutie!


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Old 04-14-2013, 10:42 AM
 
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Oh yes, Deborah, I think I remember you mentioning that about your mom before.   I certainly hope that isn't an issue with LFS. 

 

I have been trying to find out why my background checks haven't come through.  I have spent a ton of time on the phone and on hold this week only to find out about a computer glitch in my background check file with the state that was holding things back.  It should be fixed now if that was truly the issue.  I explained this to my caseworker but she was very dismissive.  


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Old 04-14-2013, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Cute! So, I think I told you all that I was auditioning for a musical theater group. Well, I got into the group! We already have a busy season and may be adding more. I'm so excited!

 

Sounds like a blast. 


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Old 04-14-2013, 02:23 PM
 
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MountainMama- Yes it will. We do various shows throughout the year. We are the Longmont Theatre Company's ambassador group so we do a lot out in the community. We do several parades and festivals in addition to our own shows. We have several gigs already booked and are always looking for more. Our first show will have a Les Mis medley/review and a couple songs from Songs for a New World. I can't recall if this is for this performance, but we will also do a couple of things from Grease. We have quite a bit more music we're doing, but that's the first show on June 22nd. I'm also singing the Mozart Requiem as one of several guests from the Longmont Chorale with the Calvary Church choir. Requiem has 3 performances the weekend of May 17. I'm a busy lady. That doesn't count school, hanging out with kiddos, channel 8, the chorale board and the chorale guild (though the board and the guild are on a break this month- thank goodness!), Somewhere in there, filling out an application for adoption and getting photos to put in the application file. I'm super excited though!


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-15-2013, 10:29 AM
 
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MountainMama - Seymour is a cutie pie. He looks like he's saying "how ya doin'?" lol.

 

PUH - Is the holdup with the fingerprints or some other part of the background check? I'm so sorry you're going through this. Strange that the social worker was so dimissive as this is a huge deal (at least to me!). If you don't pass the background check nothing else can happen.


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Old 04-17-2013, 04:26 PM
 
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NewbianMama - Since we were already licensed with the state, the clearances had to be transfered from our old agency to our new agency.    We were waiting on the transfer for about a month.   It turned out my new agency did not file the paperwork.  It was the fault of an assistant.  I swear we have the worst luck with these things.

 

By the way, since you are in CA, did you need two sets of clearances, one for foster and one for adopt?  For some reason, we did.  I am not sure if this is standard CA policy or just for our new agency.


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Old 04-18-2013, 11:12 AM
 
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Hi all- I talked to someone from Lutheran Family Services this morning. It seems promising, but we will have a formal meeting with them next week before going ahead with paperwork.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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Old 04-18-2013, 07:42 PM
 
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Deborah - yay for forward momentum!   Wait until you see the pile of paperwork!  I think it is as bad as buying a house.  


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Old 04-19-2013, 12:36 PM
 
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NewbianMama - Since we were already licensed with the state, the clearances had to be transfered from our old agency to our new agency.    We were waiting on the transfer for about a month.   It turned out my new agency did not file the paperwork.  It was the fault of an assistant.  I swear we have the worst luck with these things.

 

By the way, since you are in CA, did you need two sets of clearances, one for foster and one for adopt?  For some reason, we did.  I am not sure if this is standard CA policy or just for our new agency.

 

Wow, are you kidding?? I just told a coworker that adoption is a lot of hurry up and wait but good lord! You've been through the wringer and back again. Hopefully you'll work out the kinks now and the palcement and adoption will go smoothly.
Yes, I had to have two sets of prints done as well. I think it's a CA thing for fost/adopt.

 

AFM - I spoke with my SW yesterday and my homestudy is written and waiting for the supervisor to sign off on it. I'll get an update by next Friday. Although I was initially disappointed my SW is very cool and encouraging. She said it wa sa joy writing my homestudy and she can't wait to get me to the matching phase. Me too!


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Old 04-19-2013, 08:49 PM
 
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Just popping in to say that i finally heard from the foster worker who is writing the homestudy for my license...she called and emailed me with additional things she needs. One of my references didn't turn the paper in (which i knew about, she thought she sent it , oops) she asked me to send her a copy of my divorce decree. Considering I've never been married and im certain that came up both in the paperwork and during our conversations that's a little frustrating. She needs a copy of my current car insurance (which would have BEEN current had my homestudy been written last month...sigh) and she wants to come out AGAIN to walkthrough and to make sure "you put the crib together"...they are going overboard crazy here in Michigan about this "safe sleep" stuff. I have a crib, in the room, it just wasn't assembled yet. She has to make sure its safe and not drop side (really? you don't remember our extensive conversation about how i knew those weren't allowed and how i got an ikea crib to avoid getting some possibly recalled crib off craigslist??) whatever. She's nice enough. She's coming out next Friday and said that as soon as she turns everything into the state i would likely be licensed within a week.

 

I'm remembering how much i hate hate hate the whole foster process. I am dreading the whole thing. This is why i just wanted to adopt, not foster, because i don't want agencies and workers and rules and regulations (many of which are just overreaching and irrational) involved in my life for any longer than it would take to finalize. :(

 

I love how the state is desperate for foster homes but it takes FOREVER to get licensed. Hopefully in the next few weeks i'll have some positive news though!


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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Old 04-20-2013, 01:51 PM
 
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One of my fellow pre-adoptive moms is having the same issue as you; the social worker seems nice enough but is not the best listener. I hope she comes around soon. This whole process is HURRY UP!! Now wait. Frustrating.

It continues to baffle me how different the requirements are state to state. You have to show your car insurance to be licensed and my agency says owning a car is required except if you live in a particular county. I bought a car thinking they'd ask for info and the never did.

Will the social worker still allow that particular reference to be used even though it was mailed to you? I wonder if she'll think maybe you coached your friend?

On the bright side, you'll be licensed by the end of the month and you'll probably be matched soon after that. Are you considering a legally-free child? I know you said you want a younger child but in my area, even infants can be legally free.

afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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Adopted They Come With Love , Come Rain Or Come Shine A White Parents Guide To Adopting And Parenting Black Children , Coming Home To Self The Adopted Child Grows Up , Adoption Update , Adoption
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