Trying to Adopt/Foster 2013 Chat Thread. - Page 9 - Mothering Forums
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#241 of 335 Old 06-03-2013, 03:47 PM
 
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Well its Monday and still no baby. greensad.gif

 

My agency managed to track down what happened, apparently Friday night bmom kidnapped baby (she did NOT have custody of him) and fled the state. Given the little i know of the case I'm worried for him. I hope they find him! She asked me if i still want him if they find him, of course i said yes. But i dont want to be on hold waiting for this baby that may never come, she said dont worry we'll find you a baby. I think she feels bad, and so hopefully will call me soon! My kids are totally bummed out. I guess for the next potential placement im not going to tell them until kids are knocking at our door. I thought this was more of a sure thing since they were "on their way" but i guess not since the baby was in in hand. It didnt occur to me he would be hidden from CPS. Its not uncommon but its surprising she left the state (or so they think.) 


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#242 of 335 Old 06-03-2013, 08:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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PUH- I hope its all good news for you at the court hearing.

 

Katherine- I hope the little boy is safe. I would be bummed out too.

 

AFM- Asked if our profiles had been passed up. One birthmom decided to parent, but the 6 month pregnant mom was still deciding, and our profile is with another Bmom. So we are still being looked at by 2 bmoms. The lady at the agency said sometimes they look at the profiles for a couple months. We plan to check in once a month. Life goes on in the mean time. My little one graduates preschool on thursday. Its gone by way too fast.


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#243 of 335 Old 06-06-2013, 03:03 PM
 
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Hi all-We still don't know about DH's job, but I may have some more income soon which is good. In other news, "Not exactly the babies I had in mind, but aren't they cute? These baby birds and their mama have decided to live in the beams just outside our sun porch. Mama was out hunting worms when I took this picture." (posted from a couple other threads- see picture).

 


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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#244 of 335 Old 06-07-2013, 01:34 PM
 
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Hi! New to the board here, but I have lurked for a while. I am a mom to two girls right now, and my husband and I are signed up and currently waiting to start our classes to become foster parents (with the hope to adopt sometime down the line). I love reading your stories and being inspired. Thanks!
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#245 of 335 Old 06-07-2013, 09:57 PM
 
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I got a call for a placement earlier today, three kids ages 13, 10 and 4. I said no. (My daughter is 11 and def wanted to stay younger than her. Two girls near her age with one older isnt a good situation.) The worker said (when i told her i was hoping for like two toddlers or an infant and toddler or toddler and preschooler with maybe one girl older like 7) "well thats fine but you may never get that call" 

 

I swear to god minutes later she calls me "how about a girl 8, girl 4, boy 2??" I said YES! I had to call her back because i had to think about van space. I cant fit three carseats in the third row. But in the end i decided it was important to take this placement, so i put my boys in low back boosters (they are 5.5 and had been harnessed) in the back, with the 8 yr old in a lbb in the back as well, and the 4 and 2 yr olds (he will be 3 in oct) in the nautiluses in the captains seats in the middle row. I really want to trade my minivan in for a full size van and then will see about putting my boys back into their harnessed seats or at least high backs. The 8 yr old was really horrified to be in a booster but she's kind of small. The four yr old (who is almost 5) was adamant "i sit in a booster" and that she was "choking...its so tight!!!" in the five pt (it was actually really loose lol.) 

 

Its been crazy tonight. The kids are all really good but its like my house got smaller or something. Plus we are temp fostering a huge dog with an even bigger crate that takes up a large portion of my small living room. So it kind of feels like we are on top of one another. The oldest girl was super nervous and worried and just unsure about everything, i felt really bad for her. The middle one seems quite assertive like she will need some pretty consistent boundaries. And the baby boy is just sweet. Really good listener, plays well with everyone. 

 

This whole experience is just so nerve wracking and part of me is wondering if three is too many, did i make a mistake will i survive?? lol. I have no idea how long they will be here, they dont have court til week after next and i suspect they will at least be here all summer. 


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#246 of 335 Old 06-08-2013, 11:21 AM
 
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QueenJane- Sounds overwhelming, but exciting! I'm sure you will all figure out what works and get a routine down.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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#247 of 335 Old 06-09-2013, 12:07 PM
 
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QueenJane - This is exciting!  I think that even a giant house would feel smaller with three young children added to the mix.   Like Deborah said, i think you will get your routine down and things will settle.  You will survive.  


Trying to adopt from foster care in Los Angeles.buddamomimg1.png

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#248 of 335 Old 06-12-2013, 01:20 PM
 
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Good news on our front. I posted my resume and cover letter to a recruiting agency last night and they called me this morning! Interview is Monday.


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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#249 of 335 Old 06-17-2013, 10:07 AM
 
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I know I don't post very often but I just wanted to share my excitement with people who would "get" it. Our homestudy was approved! We just need to send in out book, letter and a few extra bits of paper work and they can start presenting our profile to birth parents. I'm so excited but now everything is starting to feel like it's moving in super slow motion.

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#250 of 335 Old 06-29-2013, 12:25 PM
 
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Hi there,

 

We are just about to send in our homestudy packet, so we are in the first steps of our journey.  We are planning on domestic infant adoption.  It's taken us so long to get to this point - we started trying for another baby when my little one was 2 1/2, so it's been 3 years of waiting for this baby.  It's exciting to have taken a big first step in the adoption process.

 

I have a 16 year old step son and a 5 year old bio son.  We are very excited to add another one to love to our family. 

 

Thank you to all of you for creating this support network and I am looking forward to being a part of it.

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#251 of 335 Old 07-16-2013, 09:28 AM
 
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Hello all! My name is Jennifer and I am single woman trying to adopt from Uganda. I have a completed homestudy and I am now trying to find an orphanage or an agency to work with for placement! Any ideas or help would be greatly appreciated! So glad I found this site! Google is a lovely thing!

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#252 of 335 Old 07-17-2013, 07:38 AM
 
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welcome, sisqamy and jencox9, Welcome.gifThis adoption/foster neighborhood is full of great supportive folks, indeed! Also, feel free to wander around mothering dot com, and find all sorts of interesting conversations, on an amazing variety of subjects. Best of luck to you both!
 

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Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#253 of 335 Old 07-17-2013, 11:12 AM
 
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Welcome, JenCox!

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Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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#254 of 335 Old 07-17-2013, 01:19 PM
 
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Welcome JenCox!


How do you ladies handle the "hurry up and wait" feeling? Our homestudy was approved a month ago (to the day actually) and our profile hasn't been show at all yet. I know that it getting shown will not guarantee us a match but at least it would feel like something was happening. I feel so helpless right now.

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#255 of 335 Old 07-17-2013, 02:22 PM
 
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Welcome Sisqamy and JenCox9!

 

Dornmama!  Hooray for your homestudy completion!   I can sympathize with the "hurry up and wait!" conundrum.   Except I waited a loooonngggg time for my homestudy to be complete. Almost a year after my original paperwork was submitted.   After my homestudy was complete, I got my first call 2 days later which fell through, than 5 days later my FS came to stay.  So with foster care adoption, the timeline was just so different.   When you need DCFS, they take forever, when they need you, they are super quick to call.   I agree, I felt helpless.   I called a lot to find out what was going on. I was super neurotic about it.  I am pretty sure it says that in my file at DCFS. 

 

JenCox- I don't have any experience with international adoption but I am happy to support you and learn from your experience.    If you decide to pursue foster care adoption at any point, then I can probably answer some questions.   ;)

 

MountainMama - Any updates? 

 

QueenJane - are you hanging in there?

 

AFM - I am experiencing the Foster Care Adoption ups and downs.   Right now we are at a down.  The judge made a very strange call at FS's last hearing.    Now we are just sitting in wait.   There is a bio-grandma in the picture these days but it is unclear whether she is interested in custody of FS or not- probably yes.   His story is just so crazy, I can't wait to share it if bio-mom is TPR'd.   I did my best to guard my heart and not get too attached but, I am going to be heartbroken if FS goes to live with bio-gma.   DH is going to be worse than I am.  He still thinks that we have a good chance at adoption.   We also had a second baby for a short while, a 9 mo old girl.  She was a delight!   We knew she was just going to be a temporary placement while they looked for relatives so we said yes.  Then I was glad she was not staying permanently because 2 babies was a lot of work!  I was pulled so many directions at once.  We had originally said we would take twins, now I am not so sure.   :)  

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Trying to adopt from foster care in Los Angeles.buddamomimg1.png

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#256 of 335 Old 07-17-2013, 02:23 PM
 
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PS Anybody watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix?  I am hooked during nap times.  lurk.gif


Trying to adopt from foster care in Los Angeles.buddamomimg1.png

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#257 of 335 Old 07-19-2013, 07:03 AM
 
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I completely understand how you are feeling! I feel like I have rushed doing all my paperwork and getting all my ducks in a row to now be in a very big stand still. Its hard but I know in the end it will all pay off! I think I have found a new agency to use so I am hoping to feel a little more like it is moving forward when I officially sign on. The only downside being that it will now be about 3 times more money. But again, it will all be worth it in the end!

 

Thanks so much for all the welcoming hellos!

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#258 of 335 Old 07-19-2013, 11:37 AM
 
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After not hearing anything for a month we have gotten presented with 2 situations in the last 2 days! The first was for a 2 yo and 1 yo. We decided for various reasons that we did not want to pursue that situation. This afternoon though we were presented with a little boy born on May 6th. We are SO torn! The birth mother wants a LOT of openness including monthly meetings. We just aren't sure if we are willing to be that open.

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#259 of 335 Old 07-19-2013, 01:18 PM
 
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I've had my three new kids for about six weeks now. Its been pretty tough. The kids are fine but its clear they are not used to any kind of boundaries/structure/discipline etc. Like they've never been told 'no'. My daughter (11) and the oldest foster daughter (8) battle constantly. Basically its chaos here with a little fun and good times thrown in. I dont think im going to agree to ever take three at once again. I'm exhausted! The plan is for the kids to go home in a few weeks so fingers crossed that actually happens. 


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#260 of 335 Old 07-20-2013, 12:11 AM
 
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Wow - three new kids at once!?! That sounds like a handfull and a half. One at a time suits me just fine, thank you very much. I got my 2 grandkids at once (aged 2 months and 2 years), and that was truly pushing my limits. I admit I had 2 therapeutic foster kids at the time, plus my 2 bios (one special needs), and my elderly mom It only lasted 6 months, but frankly, I don't even remember much from that period of my life. That in itself speaks volumes. Hats off to you!
 


Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#261 of 335 Old 07-20-2013, 10:31 AM
 
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Wow - three new kids at once!?! That sounds like a handfull and a half. One at a time suits me just fine, thank you very much. I got my 2 grandkids at once (aged 2 months and 2 years), and that was truly pushing my limits. I admit I had 2 therapeutic foster kids at the time, plus my 2 bios (one special needs), and my elderly mom It only lasted 6 months, but frankly, I don't even remember much from that period of my life. That in itself speaks volumes. Hats off to you!
 

 

Its been kind of horrible. The kids are fine, no major behaviors or anything. Its just to much to really blend. The oldest and my daughter just fight constantly. Over EVERYTHING. And ive had to put too much responsibility on my daughter because i need the help. At this point im thinking "i never ever want to foster again, my three at home arent so bad i'll stick with that!" but im thinking maybe just one little baby or young toddler would be ok. i dunno. 


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#262 of 335 Old 07-22-2013, 12:33 AM
 
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Thank you for all the welcomes! We have our home visit tomorrow! Yikes! I've been cleaning for days and still don't feel ready. I'm looking forward to this big step being behind us. Everyone says it's not as scary as you think it is, I'm hoping that's true!
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#263 of 335 Old 07-23-2013, 08:32 AM
 
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PS Anybody watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix?  I am hooked during nap times.  lurk.gif


Thank you for mentioning this. I had heard of it, but finally got around to watching it last weekend. I had a 4 episode marathon, and knitted most of an entire sock during it! Wow - it is good!

That is saying something, as I NEVER watch TV or movies. On to the second sock next weekend!

 

No updates on our certification process. Finished the 1st half of the training 3 or 4 weeks ago, and haven't heard from the agency that does the second 1/2 (weird system in my area). I have left several messages; no reply. I am getting a bit paranoid and taking it personally.


Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#264 of 335 Old 07-23-2013, 10:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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No real updates. Our profile was looked at a couple times but we were passed up. In other news I have stopped preventing pregnancy. I know the chances are super slim, but you never know. I think we will "try" for about 6 months or so. If anybody picks us we will immediately start preventing.

 

Good luck with all your home visits, and new placements!


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#265 of 335 Old 07-26-2013, 11:08 PM
 
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So I have been whining that the foster certification process is too slow. Be careful what you ask for, they say...

 

I finally got a call from the certifier, who said that the second 1/2 of the training won't start until September. I must have sounded disappointed, because she offered to start the home study and inspection process early. Like next Monday at 8:30 AM! Argghhh!

 

This weekend will be a housekeeping marathon.

 

I will survive this experience. I will sleep sometime between now and then. I will wake up Monday morning.

 

Please wish me luck. I do pretty well under pressure, but had thought I had about 2 more months before this particular panic.
 


Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#266 of 335 Old 07-28-2013, 10:36 PM
 
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LOL, isn't that the way it always works? I'm sure your house will look great, update when you have a chance. We have a while before I actually pick up the phone and chose an agency (or go with the county, not sure). I'm estimating about nine months or so is when I'll start really researching the many agencies, and my goal is that a year from now, to select one and start the classes. 


"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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#267 of 335 Old 07-29-2013, 12:08 PM
 
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I can't remember if I've commented before but I think not. So I'll comment now! I am thinking of fostering again. I haven't gotten DH on board yet. I know he wants to again, but I think he'll think now isn't the right now. Our older two are adopted from foster care (they were our first foster placement and then the case went to adoption after 3.5 years). We decided to TTC for our 3rd child and are expecting a bio baby this fall. Our original plan was adopt two and birth two. But now I'm thinking birthing 1 will be enough (I just wanted to experience pregnancy. Now I've experienced it and I'm over it).

 

Anyways, I really enjoyed fostering and would love to just foster after this baby is born. But now that I've experienced foster/adopt I know if the child again becomes available we will likely adopt them. We'll probably take a child in the 1-4 age range, as I would prefer the child be younger than DD and DS. We are always getting calls that we turn down, so I know the need is high in our area.


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#268 of 335 Old 07-30-2013, 08:07 AM
 
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Well, we spent the weekend in a whirlwind of housekeeping panic, only to find the certifier appointment was actually for Wednesday, not Monday! So that means extra time to re-mess the house, and plenty of extra time to worry. But my house is clean, at least as clean as it is going to get. Will report back after this homestudy business gets started for real.

 

I am glad to hear others are getting back into fostering after a break. It is a little different, knowing what is coming, at least somewhat. I am not even thinking much about the reality of having another child yet - of course that aspect has its own set of huge unknowns. Just getting through the homestudy process feels like a huge project right now. On one level, I know what is expected, what they look for, how to answer all the questions. On another level though, it feels so invasive. Of course I understand why they need to learn about every aspect of new families, trying to insure a safe home for a child. But really, some of the petty requirements are annoying.

 

On a personal level, I have been planning all this with the expectation that BigGirl (DD, 18) will be living with me. She is an amazing help - nurturing and responsible. We joke that she acts more like my wife than my daughter. But she might have an opportunity to go live a year or 2 in England, caring for my disabled sister. There are huge visa and immigration obstacles, so it is hard to say when and if she will go. But I am not sure I can foster without her. I work out of the home, and I was counting on her to be back up if I get caught in traffic or get home late occasionally. Besides that she does so much of the housework and cooking around here... I would never want to limit her opportunities, but if I get a high needs kid, and then BigGirl leaves... Well it is hard to picture how that would play out. Anyway, for now at least, she is getting certified with me, so she is legal to be my backup.
 


Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#269 of 335 Old 07-30-2013, 11:45 AM
 
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 From QueenJane The worker said (when i told her i was hoping for like two toddlers or an infant and toddler or toddler and preschooler with maybe one girl older like 7) "well thats fine but you may never get that call".  I swear to god minutes later she calls me "how about a girl 8, girl 4, boy 2??"
 

For all you foster or foster to adopt out there, NEVER believe you won't get the kids you're looking for.  You know the right fit for you and there are plenty of kids out there.  You will get the right ages, sizes, sexes, siblings presented to you.  I said, "no" to several placements and started to believe that we'd never get what we wanted (2 sibs, under 4, no medical issues), but still within a month of getting my FC license I got two amazingly perfect, smart, sweet and healthy little boys!  I've had them six months and two days!  TPR Hearing is tomorrow!

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#270 of 335 Old 07-30-2013, 02:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Cinco de Mama View Post

 From QueenJane The worker said (when i told her i was hoping for like two toddlers or an infant and toddler or toddler and preschooler with maybe one girl older like 7) "well thats fine but you may never get that call".  I swear to god minutes later she calls me "how about a girl 8, girl 4, boy 2??"

 
For all you foster or foster to adopt out there, NEVER believe you won't get the kids you're looking for.  You know the right fit for you and there are plenty of kids out there.  You will get the right ages, sizes, sexes, siblings presented to you.  I said, "no" to several placements and started to believe that we'd never get what we wanted (2 sibs, under 4, no medical issues), but still within a month of getting my FC license I got two amazingly perfect, smart, sweet and healthy little boys!  I've had them six months and two days!  TPR Hearing is tomorrow!

I think that depends a lot on where you live, and what the system is like there. My county isn't that big and we don't get all that many kids in care. And most of those are school age.
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Adopted They Come With Love , Come Rain Or Come Shine A White Parents Guide To Adopting And Parenting Black Children , Coming Home To Self The Adopted Child Grows Up , Adoption Update , Adoption

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