Trying to Adopt/Foster 2013 Chat Thread. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 335 Old 01-06-2013, 10:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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A new year, a new thread. 

 

Lets all introduce ourselves, and give a little update. Grads are welcome too. 

 

I am L, mama to Lilly who is my biological daughter. She will be 5 in a couple months. My husband and I wanted to have more children but my health issues made that difficult. I am healthy, but I just cant carry a pregnancy. We decided to persue adoption instead of going the medical route, as I deal with enough medical stuff for my crohns. We were approved in November and are on the waiting list for an infant. Our agency averages a 6-36 month wait. So we are just waiting, but we plan on having fun with our little family along the way. I also love that my Lilly will be old enough to be aware of what is going on. 


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#2 of 335 Old 01-06-2013, 12:36 PM
 
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I'm Katherine, single mom in MI.

 

I have four kids. The oldest, 16, bio, currently out of state attending college. The youngest three (4,4,10) were adopted from the foster care system. Placed at 3 wks, 16.5 months, 8 years. Only the last one was placed with the purpose of adoption (the other two were regular foster placements that went rather quickly to adoption) but i still fostered her for a year while the agency did the paperwork.

 

Now i'm back in the process again, getting a new homestudy with a different agecy. I plan on adopting only this time instead of regular fostering (but who knows what they might end up talking me into! wink1.gif ) i just need to turn in my paperwork and get them out here for the home visit. I've been sick for a couple of weeks though and that delayed me working on stuff. I think im going to ask for 1-3 kids ages 0-10. I've started looking at the photolistings again (well...i never stopped but this time i'm looking for actual placements instead of fantasy looking) and there's a little girl that looks promising. We'll see what happens!
 


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#3 of 335 Old 01-07-2013, 11:18 AM
 
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Hi! I am Jen and in a committed lesbian partnership. We have been a licensed foster home since 2008. We got into fostering to build a family (no bio kids). We have just gone through a rather challenging foster2adopt placement with a 16 y/o that regretfully didnt work out. We now have, from a foster home who kept them 2.5 yrs until TPR, 2 siblings (7 and 2.5) and we will finalize adoption late summer! We would be open to another child if their biomom had trouble again, but want to get our 2 kiddos settled and us bonded together before adding more. Our state (Indiana) only allows 5 total kids in the foster home, including bio/adopt so we would be limited as we are licensed at this time for 4.
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#4 of 335 Old 01-07-2013, 12:18 PM
 
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Hi, I'm a single potential-adoptive-parent-to-be. I am about 85% done with the paperchase and I can't do anything else with that until I move. I have the foster/adopt class this weekend and I'm very very excited for that. I feel like I'm actually doing something now instead of spinning my wheels with copies of my birth certificate, references, and the like. I do love my agency more and more and I am anxious to soak up what they'll teach us. Also some of the speakers will be kids who were adopted so that's very exciting.

 

It's only Monday though, I don't know how I'm going to make it until Saturday :)


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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#5 of 335 Old 01-07-2013, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome everyone. Its nice to have a fresh start in this thread. People's stories were getting lost in the shuffle, and its nice to get to know you again. 


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#6 of 335 Old 01-09-2013, 08:17 AM
 
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I am Aimee

 

We have two biological boys and in March we will be applying foster2adopt.  we started the cerfication process in IA.  but had to stop when this move came up -- in March we reach our "new post" (we are on temp right now) and will start the process in MO.

 

I am not sure what road we will end up taking.  this has been a long road.  we apply to adopt IA from India in 2004 then got preggo AMA.  we applied to be forster parents in IA in 2008 and then this move came up, and yes we are just in March of 13 getting it done.  so things tend to change for us.  LOL

 

We are weighing looking for a legal risk placement only vs "straight" foster care.  

 

we do hope to add a girl to our family; since we have only boys


Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#7 of 335 Old 01-10-2013, 03:42 PM
 
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I am Smithie, my husband and I finalized our adoption of our foster son on 12/31/12. He is our oldest (almost 9), we have biokids ages 8, 6 and 3. 

 

Why am I still hanging around, you ask? Because some good friends of ours have decided to pursue foster/adoption of our son's much younger biological half-siblings. They have an existing adoptive homestudy that needs to be updated, but they are going full steam ahead and I think it may well happen. 

 

My cup runneth over. I do not think in terms of "God had a plan," but it certainly is cosmically convenient that my son may end up with a family that meets his needs AND a cousinlike relationship with his half-siblings. His mother (the bio one) is over the moon about all of this, and eager to cooperate with the legal process. 

 

 

joy.gif

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#8 of 335 Old 01-10-2013, 07:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Smithie that is sooooo cool.


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#9 of 335 Old 01-11-2013, 05:53 AM
 
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I agree, Smithie, that is super cool!


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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#10 of 335 Old 01-11-2013, 06:24 AM
 
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be back soon 


Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#11 of 335 Old 01-11-2013, 11:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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2 months down, up to 34 more left. haha. The wait is going to be tough at times, but it will work out exactly how its supposed to.


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#12 of 335 Old 01-11-2013, 01:58 PM
 
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I like the new thread!

 

 

I am PUH, trying to foster to adopt in Los Angeles.    We began the process January 2012 and thanks to budget cuts and a string of bad luck for our caseworker,  we are still waiting on our homestudy to be complete.   Right now our big decision is whether or not to change to a private agency as we are currently working with the state.  I think we will give it another 2 months and without any forward momentum, we will move on.   DH and I don't have any bio children due to infertility.  We are looking for younger children, hoping for a sibling set, and getting impatient!


Trying to adopt from foster care in Los Angeles.buddamomimg1.png

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#13 of 335 Old 01-11-2013, 01:58 PM
 
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I like the new thread!

 

 

I am PUH, trying to foster to adopt in Los Angeles.    We began the process January 2012 and thanks to budget cuts and a string of bad luck for our caseworker,  we are still waiting on our homestudy to be complete.   Right now our big decision is whether or not to change to a private agency as we are currently working with the state.  I think we will give it another 2 months and without any forward momentum, we will move on.   DH and I don't have any bio children due to infertility.  We are looking for younger children, hoping for a sibling set, and getting impatient!


Trying to adopt from foster care in Los Angeles.buddamomimg1.png

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#14 of 335 Old 01-16-2013, 08:34 AM
 
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How's everyone?

I attended the big training this past weekend. For some people it's MAPP or PRIDE but I think it's a bit of this and a bit of that. It was an informative and emotionally exhausting two days but I do feel better equipped to parent a child in care. One of the highlights was hearing the parent panel speak about their experience. No matter what the social workers say there's nothing like hearing a first-person experience.

 

I was going to write something about timeframes but I'm patient. This is going to happen and I'm at peace with that. At least for today!

 

ETA: PUH I hope it works out with the county and if not foster family agencies are a good place to go. The county workers know about the kids first of course but if the agency has developed a good rapport with the county worker, you can **** get a kid fairly quickly. At least that's what was said in my training.


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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#15 of 335 Old 01-16-2013, 06:19 PM
 
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Hello all! My name is Terra. I have two bio kids ages 6 and 3. I have always wanted a large family but after a ful term stillbirth and multiple miscarriages our journey has led us to adoption. I am realky hoping for an infant placement but we will be persuing our foster lisence so as to be open to a legal foster situation of a possible sibling pair. We have just started our process and will be sending in our application to the agency we have decided to use hopefully by the end of the week. I am anxious and a bit teffifed to get the homestudy going. We will be doing our classes in March.
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#16 of 335 Old 01-17-2013, 06:40 AM
 
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Hello :)

We are just starting our process.  We have a worker coming out next week to get to know us.  I really wish we could adopt now but we have a smaller house with 6 children so we are waiting to sell our house to move into the new one.  I think we will be doing the classes in the spring.  All my life I have wanted to adopt.  My husband is looking forward to it as well.  I can't wait to add to our family and give a child a fun life.  I am an impatient person so I hope I am calm with the wait.

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#17 of 335 Old 01-17-2013, 11:58 AM
 
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Terra - I am very sorry for your losses. I think there are people here who can relate to you. Welcome to the group! There's lots of support and experience here. From what I've heard, teh homestudy varies by agency and by social worker. I'll probably go through it before you so I'll let you know. But really, I don't think there's anything to worry about. What are some of your concerns?

 

Homeschoolingmama - Welcome! Wow, six kids already and you want more. Good on you! How old are your kids and what age are you looking to adopt?


afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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#18 of 335 Old 01-17-2013, 03:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome Terra and homeschoolingmama! Sorry for your losses Terra. I hope everything goes smoothly for you all. 


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#19 of 335 Old 01-17-2013, 07:58 PM
 
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Our children are 10, 8, 7, 5, 4 and 1. We would like to adopt a baby/child 6 and under.  We are open to adopting a child with a disability so that is a definite possibility.  We will adopting locally.  I look at my children and how happy they are and I would love to give that to another child that may not have that.  Thank you for asking.

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#20 of 335 Old 01-18-2013, 01:25 AM
 
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Hooray for local non-infant adoption!!! joy.gif

Or, you know, infant adoption. But I have really loved bringing a child into the family who can talk and use the potty.
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#21 of 335 Old 01-21-2013, 01:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Most days I can handle all the pregnancy and new baby announcements, but lately it makes my heart hurt a little. Lately I have been wondering if we wont get picked because I have crohns. I am healthy, but maybe it will scare birth moms away regardless. *sigh*


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#22 of 335 Old 01-22-2013, 05:22 AM
 
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The worker is coming today to get to know us.  Wish us luck! :)

 

(I sure hope they don't have a problem with Chron's Mountainmama. <3

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#23 of 335 Old 01-22-2013, 07:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I passed my homestudy and we are on the list, but now I am getting these nagging thoughts on why we wont get picked, even though there are many more reasons that we would get picked.

 

Good luck with the worker!


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#24 of 335 Old 01-22-2013, 06:35 PM
 
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I'm one step closer. The foster licensing worker came out to day for her initial visit, which i think is supposed to be her asking a few questions and mostly measuring, checking smoke detectors and that sort of thing. She stayed for more than four hours! we were chatting on and on. Hopefully i made a good impression. At least i got the house (mostly) cleaned and organized. There is a bit more paperwork i need to chase down. Can you believe my previous (crappy) agency ignored the new agency's request for my file? they even followed up with a phone call, which was ignored, then the supervisor called, also ignored. How unprofessional.

 

I also scored an ikea crib (the 69.99 one..sniglar?) that looks new, with the box AND an ikea mattress (which is sorta thing and cheapy but whatever) and mattress pad (and bumper but we cant use it) for forty bucks, woohoo. Now i just need to get bunkbeds to put in that room although i was trying to hold off buying beds til i was matched. She said i will need some baby proofing stuff to be considered for kids under two but that i wouldnt have to use it until one was placed (baby gate, cabinet locks, baby moniter etc)

 

progress is nice!!!
 


Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#25 of 335 Old 01-22-2013, 07:11 PM
 
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The visit today make me feel more insecure.  I told her that I have spanked in the past (over a yr ago) and that I had apologized if it happened and I knew I was wrong.  She said that that is very black and white and if we believe in spanking than we can't adopt through them.  We don't believe in it but it sure made me feel like a horrible parent.  I know that we are good parents and our children are very happy, well rounded kids but it is still hard.  So now we fill out a lot of paperwork and then wait to sell our house.  She will then set up a home study and we will then do our classes.  A lot of digging into my past but I am fine with that.

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#26 of 335 Old 01-22-2013, 08:01 PM
 
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Poor Ugly Happy it's been a year and you're still not licensed???

We are going through DCFS Los Angeles too. Attended the orientation last weekend and starting classes in March. I'm really surprised its taken a year for you!
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#27 of 335 Old 01-23-2013, 05:57 AM
 
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My husband is putting our application in the mail today! Now we wait for the agency to contact us to set up out home study. joy.gif

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#28 of 335 Old 01-23-2013, 09:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Homeschoolingmama, we told our social worker that we tried spanking once when we were desperate, and that we dont believe in it and do not use it. My DD was a very difficult 3 year old with violent tantrums, and we were at our wits end. Nothing was working and we got desperate. It didnt work of course, and we dont do it anymore. Our homestudy was still approved. There is about one sentence in the report that talks about it and the rest focuses on how we now parent our child. I remember feeling very insecure about everything after our homestudy. They asked a million very personal questions, and went through our past with a fine tooth comb and even separated my husband and I to ask us questions. It was very nervewracking but we passed. Now that we are waiting I still get insecure sometimes. I just have to remember that nobody is perfect. 

 

Yeah for the good find Katherine. Someone was giving away a nice Eddie Bauer stroller on their lawn last summer and I snagged it. I plan to use it for jogging. 


Me(33), Mama to a crazy DD (6), Wife to a wonderful mountain man(32) BF my babe for 2 years.
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#29 of 335 Old 01-23-2013, 12:47 PM
 
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kathteach - I can only advise you not to go through DCFS at this point. They are incredibly understaffed. It truly isn't their fault - the state keeps cutting funding, staffing and hours.   If anyone hasn't warned you yet, they way overbook the PS-MAPP classes.  For my first one (at LACC), we showed up an hour early and the waiting list was already 30 people long and they were only taking 25.    For my second one (at Trade Tech), we got there an hour and a half early and got in, but we were numbers 21 and 22.   They turned away around 10 people who were SIGNED UP for the class.   Not just on the waiting list.   I might recommend getting there 2 hours early, but that seems a little crazy.   We have had the worst luck with our state analyst as long as you don't have to send your paperwork to the Culver City office, you might be okay.  Our friends in Burbank got their license in a couple of months.  Even so you have to wait for the county social worker anyway - our licensed friends in Burbank are still waiting to do their homestudy.  We started our PS-MAPP class last April that is technically when you go on "the list".   They tell you at that point that there is about a 2 year wait for a child under 2 and less of a wait for siblings, older children, etc.   They also told us there was a 3-6mo wait for a county worker to do your homestudy.    It's been 9 months and we are still waiting.  We were also told that there was a 1 month turn around for state licensing but that their backlog was about 3 months.  We did not get a pre-licensing inspections visit until 6 months after we submitted our paperwork.  In fact, they never called us.  We just kept calling them over and over and over.  

 

When I last talked to my caseworker and she said March, maybe April for our homestudy.    We talked to another agency that said we could be licensed in 4 months through them.  Fosterfamily.org   I know people from TIES classes that already have been licensed/final homestudy approved for a long time without a placement.    Friends of mine who went with SCFFAA, got a placement one week after their final approvals - their whole process took 6 months.   Right now my life is really crazy busy so I am thinking this may just be all in God's time and maybe you won't have all the issues that we did.  

 

Let me know if you have any questions about it.


Trying to adopt from foster care in Los Angeles.buddamomimg1.png

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#30 of 335 Old 01-23-2013, 01:36 PM
 
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Homeschoolingmama, I think you will pass your homestudy just fine despite the spanking remark, but take a lesson from this! The adoption professionals you deal with are not your friends or your therapists. If you have had some kind of struggle in the past that you know will come up as part of the background investigation (like your Chron's disease), obviously you must disclose. But otherwise, your answers should be positive, generic, and geared to their checklist. Don't discuss negative things about yourself that you know to be unprovable.
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Adopted They Come With Love , Come Rain Or Come Shine A White Parents Guide To Adopting And Parenting Black Children , Coming Home To Self The Adopted Child Grows Up , Adoption Update , Adoption

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