I work as an advocate for kids in the mental health system, have experience as a therapeutic foster parent, and a bio-son on the Autism Spectrum. All those things tie in to my question...
I have a new case that is really troubling me. The kid is 11, and diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Also attachment issues and PTSD, after an abuse/neglect history. He has major eating issues, is significantly underweight (unclear if that is from early malnutrition or current food aversion, or both). He takes meds that must be taken with food, so getting him to eat is a major part of every day. Also enuresis, which Mom believes is intentional. These, and other behavioral issues are things I could probably help the family with, but...
Foster Mom is the most rigid, controlling parent I have ever met. Her style is in direct conflict with any suggestions I can think of. He has been in their home over a year, and she is coming to resent him mightily. She told me about their morning breakfast routine, when she takes up to 2 hours, sitting at the table with him, coaching every bite. "Take a bite. Chew. Swallow." I would resent that also, but the fact is it isn't working! She feels the school is too easy on him, so she drills him every afternoon in academic work. Interactions with the siblings are mainly negative, and I think the other kids resent him as well. They have 4 other kids, 2 homeschooled, and I think they took this child out of a sense of moral obligation. He is a nephew of the Dad, and the bio-parents are not involved. DHS is involved now, and it looks like the plan is adoption.
It is pretty clear, from just one meeting with the Mom, that no one in this family likes or understands the kid. I can help with the understanding part - ASD kids to take some extra understanding to "get" them. But I don't see how I can teach them to like, let alone love, this boy. I am really afraid that the adoption will go through, and this poor kid will never have the chance to be appreciated for who he is.
Although I can't really say this professionally, at least not yet, at this point my advice would be to have the child moved. I have never been in this situation before - as a foster parent, I have always been for permanency, but in this situation, I almost think the child would be better off "languishing in foster care" as they so melodramatically put it, rather than being a resented obligation.
Any ideas or comments?
I have a new case that is really troubling me. The kid is 11, and diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Also attachment issues and PTSD, after an abuse/neglect history. He has major eating issues, is significantly underweight (unclear if that is from early malnutrition or current food aversion, or both). He takes meds that must be taken with food, so getting him to eat is a major part of every day. Also enuresis, which Mom believes is intentional. These, and other behavioral issues are things I could probably help the family with, but...
Foster Mom is the most rigid, controlling parent I have ever met. Her style is in direct conflict with any suggestions I can think of. He has been in their home over a year, and she is coming to resent him mightily. She told me about their morning breakfast routine, when she takes up to 2 hours, sitting at the table with him, coaching every bite. "Take a bite. Chew. Swallow." I would resent that also, but the fact is it isn't working! She feels the school is too easy on him, so she drills him every afternoon in academic work. Interactions with the siblings are mainly negative, and I think the other kids resent him as well. They have 4 other kids, 2 homeschooled, and I think they took this child out of a sense of moral obligation. He is a nephew of the Dad, and the bio-parents are not involved. DHS is involved now, and it looks like the plan is adoption.
It is pretty clear, from just one meeting with the Mom, that no one in this family likes or understands the kid. I can help with the understanding part - ASD kids to take some extra understanding to "get" them. But I don't see how I can teach them to like, let alone love, this boy. I am really afraid that the adoption will go through, and this poor kid will never have the chance to be appreciated for who he is.
Although I can't really say this professionally, at least not yet, at this point my advice would be to have the child moved. I have never been in this situation before - as a foster parent, I have always been for permanency, but in this situation, I almost think the child would be better off "languishing in foster care" as they so melodramatically put it, rather than being a resented obligation.
Any ideas or comments?