Adoption/Foster/Starting Out Chit Chatty Thread Extravaganza 2014 - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
1  2 3  4  ... Last
Adoptive and Foster Parenting > Adoption/Foster/Starting Out Chit Chatty Thread Extravaganza 2014
PoorUglyHappy's Avatar PoorUglyHappy 03:49 PM 02-26-2014

Welcome @winterpromise31! How long has the process been for you this far? International adoption always seems so daunting to me. There is so much added red tape and as a control freak I am not sure I could handle it. What kind of preparations are you doing at home (if any,yet)?  

winterpromise31's Avatar winterpromise31 04:17 PM 02-26-2014

Hi PoorUglyHappy! We found our girl in June last year. We've completed the home study, received the I171H (approval from the US gvt to bring an orphan into the US), and gathered all of the paperwork needed to be submitted to the Taiwan courts. We're waiting for the legal guardian in Taiwan to mail over the contracts that say YES we are adopting this child! :) I try so hard not to worry about so much of the process being out of my hands. Is it like that in foster care adoptions as well? I'm not very familiar with domestic adoptions.


At home we haven't done much that's visible. We've done a TON of reading about adoption and now I'm working through a list of parenting and education books. I have been learning how to cook some Taiwanese and Chinese dishes that she might be more familiar with. We just finished saving up all of the money for adoption fees so haven't been able to set up her bedroom yet. I hope we can start shopping soon! :D

AllyFolsom's Avatar AllyFolsom 02:11 PM 02-27-2014

@PoorUglyHappy can you tell me some of the pros and cons of county and agency fostering? I was told that fostering through county is more challenging because they place higher needs children, is that right?

PoorUglyHappy's Avatar PoorUglyHappy 10:25 AM 02-28-2014

@AllyFolsom I think our experience is not universal.   I think here, there is one big difference that kind of defines our experience with each side.   With the county you are pretty much on your own, supervising visits, trying to get information, trying to find services, etc.   With an agency, you have a lot of support, a social worker that works for you (and not just the kiddo).   However, the downside is that all the extra agency attention also means lots more invasion into our lives.   The county comes out once a month (and often just a random worker will visit who doesn't even know our case).  Our agency worker has visits every week.  It is pretty much a revolving door of early intervention social workers, therapists and case workers at our house.  


Here, the agencies and the county place the same kids.   I've heard that the county families get calls first, but in my experience that isn't true.   The placement workers call a bunch of families and a bunch of agencies and the family that commits first, gets the placement.   The problem here is that there aren't enough foster homes so there is never a time when there are waiting families anymore just waiting kids. :(

teamviddy's Avatar teamviddy 09:16 AM 03-17-2014

In our county we just have agencies; the county doesn't place kids at all. Wish I could offer some insight.


We are waiting on just a handful of pieces of paper to be processed before we are approved. I am surprised AND not surprised (because of what I've read) at how long this is taking. This weekend we got a message from the agency that they almost exclusively place special needs (therapeutic) kids. Because we don't have parenting experience, we won't be able to foster the vast majority of kids who come through their agency until we have an additional 24 hours of training. Huh? We started this process in July and this is the first we hear about this? I'm mildly annoyed at this because I thought we were SO close to being approved, which we are, but so far from actually being foster parents, plus I did a lot of research, and didn't hear about this rule until now.


We've also been doing some fertility diagnosis. We decided we'll continue to foster if I happen to get pregnant and still consider adoption to build our family along with bio kids. Still, I got an HSG (x-ray dye imaging) a week ago and everyone who hears about it (not that many people!) either personally got pregnant directly after an HSG or knows a close friend or sibling who got pregnant directly after an HSG. DH is feeling hopeful, while it stresses me out so bad! I would be happy just fostering and rolling with the many changes we have planned this year, and having bio kids later. Of course, this being the first cycle I have been terrified at the idea of getting pregnant pretty much guarantees that this will be the time our baby comes back to stay (that little soul has implanted as an embryo and then decided to wait till later so many times I've lost count).

monkeyscience's Avatar monkeyscience 02:06 PM 03-17-2014

Hi ladies - I am planning to lurk here for awhile - probably a long while! - just trying to learn more about foster/adopting. We are pregnant with our second, and hope/d to have a big family. But pregnancy makes me extremely ill, and I'm thinking this will be our last bio kid. When our kids are older, I'm thinking we may foster-to-adopt. I think I'd like to do a sibling group of 2-3 that are kindergarten age or younger. Obviously, we are not anywhere close to ready to make a decision or move forward with anything, but I think this is a pretty big decision, so spending a few years doing low-key information gathering seems reasonable to me. Best of luck to all of you in your journeys!


@PoorUglyHappy - I remember you from the Bitter Sushi Ladies - so glad to see that you've been able to start your family. Hope you can get your LO officially adopted soon!

winterpromise31's Avatar winterpromise31 02:40 PM 03-17-2014

monkeyscience - Welcome and congrats on your pregnancy!! 

MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC 07:01 PM 03-18-2014

Sorry I havent been keeping up with the thread even though I started it. We're still waiting, and I am trying to pass the time so it doesnt feel so much like waiting. 16 months down. Who knows how much time left. We tried to get pregnant a few times, unsuccessfully, and that is also adding to the BLAH I currently feel. Oh and babies and pregnancy everywhere. I am so sensitive to it lately. 

PoorUglyHappy's Avatar PoorUglyHappy 07:15 PM 03-18-2014

@TeamViddy I am not surprised to hear about the extra training.  Here, pretty much every foster child is "special needs" by the vague and broad definition.   But at least that won't be a hinderance when you start getting calls.  On the bright side, I can imagine a different scenario for getting the info about the extra training: a social worker calling about a particular child and asking you if you had the training and THAT being the point when you find out.  Unfortunately, that is how things go in foster care.


@MonkeyScience Welcome! I'm sorry to see that after your difficulty getting pregnant that your pregnancies have been so difficult.  But I am glad to see that you are considering adoption. 


@MountainMamaGC  I am sorry to hear that you are still waiting.  I was hoping that your absence meant that you were busy with a squishy newborn.   Do you get to know how often your profile is looked at? 

MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC 08:22 PM 03-18-2014

PUH: The moment I get the call, after I tell my husband I will tell all of you next. lol. We get looked at every couple months or so by one or two women. Half pick someone else and half choose to parent. 33 on the list now. We started at 64. 

Polliwog's Avatar Polliwog 07:38 AM 03-19-2014
I would think very carefully before doing therapeutic foster care if you haven't parented before. Even if you have, for that matter. Regular fostering is hard. Therapeutic foster care is much harder.
deborahbgkelly's Avatar deborahbgkelly 05:06 PM 03-19-2014

Hi, I'm Deborah. We have 3 fur kids and a fin kid. Our dog, Peaches, is 3 1/2, our cat Leo (light gray) is almost 9 1/2, and our cat, Sushi (dark gray) is 7. We just got Emblem, our fish,about a month ago but I have no clue about the age of fishies! We lost 3 bio kids in pregnancy (twin boys and a little girl) after facing infertility issues. We had hoped to start the adoption process this past August. Unfortunately, my husband lost his job at that time so it's been put on hold. I do, however, have good news. I got a job that I'm very excited about and started about 2 weeks ago! My husband has been interviewing with Google and barring any problems with references or acceptance by the higher ups, he could have an offer as early as next week!  I'll keep people posted. In the meantime, pics of my "babies."



deborahbgkelly's Avatar deborahbgkelly 05:21 PM 03-19-2014

MonkeyScience- Hi! I recently came across the card you sent me when we lost the boys and it made me smile to remember how much people here on Mothering reach out to/support each other. Also, congrats on your pregnancy!

MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC 08:47 AM 03-20-2014

Welcome back Deborah!! I am glad things are looking up for you. 

deborahbgkelly's Avatar deborahbgkelly 08:54 AM 03-20-2014

Thanks, Mountain Mama!

maragrace's Avatar maragrace 10:10 AM 03-20-2014
Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy View Post


@Naturemama23, I think a year sounds short! Here, that would be unusual.   Is your soon-to-be adopted daughter already freed for adoption? 

 sorry, but I'm so new to this that I don't even know what "freed for adoption" means! :( also I just found out that a year is short! too short in fact, to be my only wait time :(:(:(! it could be four years max! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!

PoorUglyHappy's Avatar PoorUglyHappy 04:17 PM 03-20-2014

Nice to see you again, Deborah!  Are you still agency shopping or did you find one?


@maragrace "Freed for adoption" means that both parents have either relinquished custody or their parental rights have been terminated in court.   This is the point when the actual adoption proceedings can begin.   In CA, once the first set of adoption papers are signed, there is a 6 month wait until finalization for children freed for adoption.   For me, I am trying to adopt from foster care and it is a long wait for the adoption to begin.  There are long waits for international adoptions in many cases as well.  

MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC 05:53 PM 03-24-2014

I just inquired about a baby that is a ward of the govt. They say she has some physical issues, but I need to know exactly what they are because we live in an isolated town. We have some physical therapy, but not a lot of services. They said she was a bright and social baby, but I also inquired about her cognition. If her issues are complex I may have to allow someone else to adopt her, but it doesnt hurt to inquire and we have a homestudy that is current so it shouldnt be too hard to finalize if she is the one. 

winterpromise31's Avatar winterpromise31 05:58 PM 03-24-2014

That sounds exciting! I hope that you're able to get answers to all of your questions!

monkeyscience's Avatar monkeyscience 09:06 PM 03-25-2014

@deborahbgkelly - Hi! I was hoping you might turn up here. I have stalked you off and on over the last year, and I'm glad to see you making some positive progress in your family-building journey. I had actually forgotten about that card, but my son dragged the baby name book I was going to send you off the bookshelf the other day, and it made me think of you, and wonder how you were.

deborahbgkelly's Avatar deborahbgkelly 09:17 PM 03-25-2014

@Monkeyscience- Isn't it interesting how the universe works? @PoorUglyHappy- If we are able to stay in Colorado, we will use Adoption Options and will try for their domestic infant adoption program. We had a rough weekend here. Ian's grandmother passed away on Saturday morning and Peaches had surgery on her ear for an aural hematoma on Saturday night. Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of the day we delivered the boys. I did much better than I expected to do. This is one of the my few times I'm glad to have a slow week. On the happy side of things my dance studio/performing academy had a very successful open house in which I performed a tap number and a jazz number (the jazz number was for the performing company). I also completed my first session of djembe drumming class and am moving on to the advanced beginning class in a couple weeks. We all have a week off next week.I also got a decent amount of rest today and got to talk to my dad, so that's good! I'm looking forward to my brother's wedding in May where I'll be singing and blowing the shofar (ram's horn) as part of the ceremony. Here's a picture of the adorapibble puppy patient (she's yawning out of boredom since she can't do much. Some interactive toys helped):



MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC 11:33 AM 03-27-2014

We're going to be speaking with a SW about fostering to adopt and adoption. We may go this route instead. 

deborahbgkelly's Avatar deborahbgkelly 03:25 PM 03-27-2014

Hi everyone- Ian got the job! He'll start either April 7 or April 21. I'll miss him while he's in NY training, but I'm so excited for him (and for us). He got a huge raise in income and got one of the projects he wanted. We will go out for a celebratory breakfast tomorrow morning. Now, I can start on fixing the house up and get ready to apply for adoption! Yay, things are finally going in our favor!

winterpromise31's Avatar winterpromise31 03:45 PM 03-27-2014

Deborah - That's awesome! Congratulations!!!

deborahbgkelly's Avatar deborahbgkelly 05:09 PM 03-27-2014
Thank you, Winterpromise and welcome! Mountain mama glad to see dome forward motion.
monkeyscience's Avatar monkeyscience 06:09 PM 03-27-2014
Yay Deborah!! That is awesome.
MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC 10:59 AM 03-28-2014

I am so happy for you Deborah.


I just found out we can foster and stay on the list to adopt. Guess who is going to start the process to foster!! ME!!!!! We want to foster a girl age 2-4. My heart feels so full of hope right now. 

winterpromise31's Avatar winterpromise31 11:14 AM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by MountainMamaGC View Post

I just found out we can foster and stay on the list to adopt. Guess who is going to start the process to foster!! ME!!!!! We want to foster a girl age 2-4. My heart feels so full of hope right now. 


That's awesome! How long is the foster process?

MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC 11:30 AM 03-28-2014
Originally Posted by winterpromise31 View Post


That's awesome! How long is the foster process?


Well I dont have to do the course because we did it 5 years ago. And we have a completed homestudy. So I dont think it will be too long before we can start accepting kids. 

winterpromise31's Avatar winterpromise31 11:42 AM 03-28-2014

That's great! How exciting! :)

1  2 3  4  ... Last