Adoption/Foster/Starting Out Chit Chatty Thread Extravaganza 2014 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Adoption/Foster/Starting Out Chit Chatty Thread Extravaganza 2014

JennLeaf's Avatar JennLeaf
01:52 PM Liked: 5
#61 of 152
03-31-2014 | Posts: 16
Joined: Mar 2014
Hi, hubby and I are considering foster-to-adopt through Banque Mixte in Montreal (Batshaw House.) We always said we would adopt from my husband's country of origin rather than have our own kids, then discovered how much it cost oops.gif
So we had our own kids (2 of them, whom we love to distraction), and decided to put fostering on the back burner until they were older. This is because DD is very sensitive and attachs very easily, and I am sure she would have difficulty with the loss associated with a series of foster placements. Then we learned of Banque Mixte, and this seems like a good solution to us. Does anyone have any Banque Mixte experiences to share? Most of the forums are in French and we are from the West, so I can understand it mostly but I am shy to post. I have called Batshaw about the info session coming in May so I guess I will find out more then, but I have so many questions about it smile.gif
thanks!
MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC (TS)
10:50 AM Liked: 2331
#62 of 152
04-01-2014 | Posts: 3,055
Joined: Jun 2008

Welcome JennLeaf! 


homeschoolingmama's Avatar homeschoolingmama
08:36 PM Liked: 64
#63 of 152
04-01-2014 | Posts: 947
Joined: Jun 2007

So we have our second class out of 9 on Thursday.  It is once a wk.  Our teacher is our homestudy worker so hopefully he will call soon to come out and meet our family.  First we just wanted to adopt a son 6 and under but now we are considering fostering children under the age of 2.  We'll see what happens.  First we have to wait and see if we are approved in a couple of months after our study.  Eeeeeeek!  Exciting times!


PoorUglyHappy's Avatar PoorUglyHappy
01:22 PM Liked: 30
#64 of 152
04-08-2014 | Posts: 197
Joined: Aug 2011

MountainMama - I am so excited for you to start fostering!  

 

JennLeaf - Welcome, but I don't know anything about Banque Mixte. :)  Is it like foster adoption? 

 

Homeschoolingmama - After you are approved, how long is the wait in your area?


JennLeaf's Avatar JennLeaf
01:42 PM Liked: 5
#65 of 152
04-08-2014 | Posts: 16
Joined: Mar 2014
Hi, yes, Banque Mixte is Quebec's foster to adopt program. It is a different stream so the children refferred to it are ones with an elevated risk of abandonment and who are expected to become adoptable in a year or so. I just found out this afternoon that we are not eligible even to attend the info session until we move to a larger home though :'(
We have two bio kids and a three bedroom place, and the new child must have their own bedroom - and while my kids would be happy to share the large (200+ sq ft) room, we also aren't allowed to move the bio kids to accomodate a new child. I get it the reasoning, I do, and we rent so we can look at moving - in fact were going to move next summer anyway. The problem is that while the rules are province wide, we live in an urban area where single family homes with four bedrooms do not exist for rent, and if they do, they are very expensive. And to buy, well, we would need about 600k to stay in our area, which we love and where our DD attends school. I just feel like in this geographical case the rules privilege the childless and the wealthy.
So I am sad today, but will find out another way to make this work. I hate delays >:-(
Curses, foiled again!
monkeyscience's Avatar monkeyscience
08:17 PM Liked: 3235
#66 of 152
04-08-2014 | Posts: 2,364
Joined: Feb 2008

My book club just happens to be reading I Beat the Odds: From Homelessness, to The Blind Side, and Beyond by Michael Oher (the football player in the movie The Blind Side). Talk about a tearjerker! But so inspirational, too. He says he wrote the book specifically to help other kids in bad home situations and/or in foster care see what they had to do to make it out. One of the last chapters is also about what adults can do who want to get involved in fostering or mentoring. I definitely recommend reading it. Seeing the perspective of a kid in the system (like his feelings that the social workers just wanted to destroy his family, for example), was... I don't want to say eye-opening, exactly, but useful for someone who is thinking about fostering. So interesting that this book happened to come up shortly after I started thinking about fostering...


homeschoolingmama's Avatar homeschoolingmama
04:45 PM Liked: 64
#67 of 152
04-09-2014 | Posts: 947
Joined: Jun 2007

For fostering it would be pretty quick I think.  I know someone who finished her classes and shortly after adopted a baby girl so hopefully not too long.


MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC (TS)
10:24 PM Liked: 2331
#68 of 152
04-09-2014 | Posts: 3,055
Joined: Jun 2008

Handing in my completed application tomorrow. I wonder how soon we will get approved. 


MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC (TS)
11:57 AM Liked: 2331
#69 of 152
04-20-2014 | Posts: 3,055
Joined: Jun 2008

Waiting to hear from the homestudy social worker this week for an interview to put an addendum on our homestudy. Approval should follow fairly quickly after that. I am getting anxious. I hope this we are strong enough to do this. 


winterpromise31's Avatar winterpromise31
12:14 PM Liked: 7
#70 of 152
04-20-2014 | Posts: 25
Joined: Feb 2014

I hope you get approved quickly!


deborahbgkelly's Avatar deborahbgkelly
01:23 PM Liked: 48
#71 of 152
04-20-2014 | Posts: 2,964
Joined: Feb 2011
So exciting, Mountain Mama! As for me, my new job has been keeping me very busy and DH just left for NYC to start his job at Google! He is doing his training there and will be back Saturday.

On another note, DH and I are very strongly considering a move to a different part of town closer to Boulder that feeds into better schools. Does anyone know how a move might affect the adoption process? I would guess that they would just need to update the home study to reflect the new house. I think I remember somebody on this forum moving while they were a waiting family.
MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC (TS)
01:53 PM Liked: 2331
#72 of 152
04-20-2014 | Posts: 3,055
Joined: Jun 2008

Deborah, I think they will probably just do an addendum to your home study. It shouldnt take nearly as much time/money as the first time. I think our addendum through our private agency back in Oct was like 150 bucks. The foster addendum will be free. 


deborahbgkelly's Avatar deborahbgkelly
06:07 PM Liked: 48
#73 of 152
04-20-2014 | Posts: 2,964
Joined: Feb 2011

Thanks, Mountain Mama, that's what I thought.


MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC (TS)
10:06 AM Liked: 2331
#74 of 152
04-25-2014 | Posts: 3,055
Joined: Jun 2008

Its not going to be as cut and dry as I thought. The social worker is doing 2 home visits on Monday and Tuesday. And even though its an addendum it does seem as intrusive as an actual home study. We also have to submit a new medical, and redo our questionnaire. I am a little stressed. I was hoping since we put in a lot of effort already that this would be a little easier.


teamviddy's Avatar teamviddy
08:17 PM Liked: 80
#75 of 152
04-26-2014 | Posts: 359
Joined: Aug 2011

Hi Folks-- we just got approved to foster! Started the process in September and we are in the US, in a county with a completely privatized fostering system. Waiting for our first respite placement.


homeschoolingmama's Avatar homeschoolingmama
06:33 AM Liked: 64
#76 of 152
04-28-2014 | Posts: 947
Joined: Jun 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by TeamViddy View Post
 

Hi Folks-- we just got approved to foster! Started the process in September and we are in the US, in a county with a completely privatized fostering system. Waiting for our first respite placement.

How exciting!!!  I hope to get to that point.  We are on wk 6 of our PRIDE classes and we just met our homestudy worker.  A tad nervous with her because she is so soft spoken and hard to read.  Congratulations!!!


JennLeaf's Avatar JennLeaf
12:17 PM Liked: 5
#77 of 152
04-29-2014 | Posts: 16
Joined: Mar 2014
So, I got some encouraging news today. When I originally called for the foster to adopt info session in my province I was told that we didn't have a large enough home to foster so they wouldn't invite us to the info session in May. I called back today and explained that we need the info session to decide whether this is right for our family (we have 2 bio kids to consider as well) and she signed us up, although we can't attend the second session yet to start the process. So at least in a few weeks we will know if this is something right for us and if my husband will be as excited as me about the possibility. If he is, and we don't think our daughter will be too disrupted, we can always move to a larger place smile.gif
Naturemama23's Avatar Naturemama23
06:35 AM Liked: 18
#78 of 152
05-03-2014 | Posts: 111
Joined: Feb 2014

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???????????? I can't adopt now??? aperantly it has something to do with my being pregnant, but whaaaaaat???????


Smithie's Avatar Smithie
10:16 AM Liked: 498
#79 of 152
05-03-2014 | Posts: 4,423
Joined: Dec 2003

They're putting a halt to an adoption already in progress? Geez. I know people doing infant adoption who had to "hop out of the pool" when they conceived, but nobody who had to give up an existing referral/birthmom selection. I'm so sorry :-(


Smithie's Avatar Smithie
10:18 AM Liked: 498
#80 of 152
05-03-2014 | Posts: 4,423
Joined: Dec 2003

My question of the day: anybody have any suggestions for a thoughtful Mother's Day gift (I was thinking jewelry) for my son's other mother? She placed three children for adoption, is very Christian, loves inspirational Facebook stuff... basically the opposite of me, so I'm struggling here. 


teamviddy's Avatar teamviddy
10:50 AM Liked: 80
#81 of 152
05-03-2014 | Posts: 359
Joined: Aug 2011
Quote:
Originally Posted by homeschoolingmama View Post
 

How exciting!!!  I hope to get to that point.  We are on wk 6 of our PRIDE classes and we just met our homestudy worker.  A tad nervous with her because she is so soft spoken and hard to read.  Congratulations!!!


It seemed fairly straightforward. I loved our homestudy worker. She is a crystal clear communicator, friendly and encouraging. She was always very explicit about what they needed. That was awesome for me because I don't always pick up on nuances (thankfully Mr Viddy does pick up on that stuff). I would have a hard time with someone soft-spoken and hard to read. Maybe get everything in writing so it is more clear? I like email for that reason.


Parenting101's Avatar Parenting101
11:55 AM Liked: 0
#82 of 152
05-14-2014 | Posts: 1
Joined: May 2014

Hi, We are trying to adopt through foster care.  We currently have two girls placed in our home.  The case looks like it will go to reunification.  I want the best for the girls and if reunification is best then I will be glad.  However things are so ambivalent.  Social workers never return calls.  We are left in the dark about most everything and visitations and phone calls to parents are exhausting.  

Can someone tell me if they gave gone through this if there was any indication that reunification will occur, how long are bio parents given, and what are somethings that they are asked to do so their children will be safe.  In our case there was physical abuse as well as drug use..


JennLeaf's Avatar JennLeaf
12:37 PM Liked: 5
#83 of 152
05-14-2014 | Posts: 16
Joined: Mar 2014
I haven't been through it but we are also thinking of adopting from foster care, and from everything I have read it really varies from place to place. For instance through the program in my province, the parents have 6 months to comply with their plan and if they do not do it, generally the proceedings are started to free the child for adoption. But other provinces are different and I am certain the States would be too. I hope someone with experience of your location can help you more!
MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC (TS)
12:41 PM Liked: 2331
#84 of 152
05-14-2014 | Posts: 3,055
Joined: Jun 2008

Foster care is a roller coaster, and things can take forever. Its hard to know what will happen for sure because every case is so different. If the bio parents are slowly working the plan, often times they will extend time limits to see if they pull through. 

 

AFM: Everything is done now and we should be approved by the beginning of June for foster care. 


queenjane's Avatar queenjane
02:03 PM Liked: 587
#85 of 152
05-14-2014 | Posts: 3,200
Joined: May 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parenting101 View Post
 

Hi, We are trying to adopt through foster care.  We currently have two girls placed in our home.  The case looks like it will go to reunification.  I want the best for the girls and if reunification is best then I will be glad.  However things are so ambivalent.  Social workers never return calls.  We are left in the dark about most everything and visitations and phone calls to parents are exhausting.  

Can someone tell me if they gave gone through this if there was any indication that reunification will occur, how long are bio parents given, and what are somethings that they are asked to do so their children will be safe.  In our case there was physical abuse as well as drug use..

 

There is just no way to tell. Foster care is very unpredictable anything can happen. I've heard stories of people going into court expecting termination and the judge up and decides out of the blue the children are being immediately returned (crazy i know), or cases where it looked good for reunification but ended up in adoption. The parents of a couple of my kids did "everything" they were "supposed" to do (in terms of showing up to visits, complying with drug testing, psych evals etc) but it wasnt enough...the judge simply felt that bio mom was not capable of ever parenting a child and felt bdad would allow the bmom access to the children. So she TPRd. For one of my foster girls, a toddler, she shouldnt have been taken away anyway (IMO) and it took her young mother forever to get her back, over a year, despite doing everything she was supposed to do. I was so happy for them when they were RU'd. I had another case where i was initially told i'd probably have them for a year, but just two months into the case they were returned. The whole thing seemed sort of pointless, in care just long enough to traumatize the children (by removing them from the only home they ever knew and from their loving parents) but not long enough to effect real change in the birth home by getting the family the services they needed. 

 

If there is physical abuse and drug use they will probably want the parents to do random drug testing and parenting classes maybe get therapy as well. If they stay clean and comply with their classes and other requirements, if they have appropriate housing and show up to visits and are appropriate with the children during visits they will probably get them back. But you never know. I think most cases tend to last 1-2 years. Where i live they tend to take the 15 month rule pretty seriously and try to start TPR proceedings at the 12 month mark if the children havent been returned home (or have a concrete plan for returning home) at that point. 


JennLeaf's Avatar JennLeaf
09:27 AM Liked: 5
#86 of 152
05-16-2014 | Posts: 16
Joined: Mar 2014
Does anyone have any advise regarding the timing of applying to be a foster / foster to adopt family? We recently attended an info meeting and found out that we CAN begin the process now, even though we were originally told we couldn't apply becasue we were not allowed to move our bio-kids into the same room to free a separate room for the newcomer. So we could apply as early as next Wednesday, but my self emplyed DH is hesitating becasue he wants to have a more stable income before applying. My income is very stable so I am not sure if this should be a concern?
Also, if we apply and start the process, then move house, do we have to start the homestudy part all over again or do they just sort of drop by the new place and tick boxes for complying to space requirements?
I am really torn now because I was pretty shattered to learn we had to wait a year before even starting the process, then very excited to learn that in fact we could go ahead right away, but now I am used to the idea of having a year to prepare (and let DH really sort through all his motiviations for this) and I am not sure how to proceed....I don't want to have too large a gap in ages between bio and foster or adopted kids, because I would like them to really function as a sibling unit - play together, have common age-related stuff going on, band together against the parents to beg for shared tgaming systems ... wink1.gif

thanks!
kathteach's Avatar kathteach
07:48 PM Liked: 43
#87 of 152
05-16-2014 | Posts: 1,343
Joined: Jun 2004

I wanted to join this thread too.  We are in the midst of our homestudy.  The social worker is coming back on Thursday.  Glad to be here!


Smithie's Avatar Smithie
11:18 AM Liked: 498
#88 of 152
05-21-2014 | Posts: 4,423
Joined: Dec 2003

 We recently attended an info meeting and found out that we CAN begin the process now, even though we were originally told we couldn't apply because we were not allowed to move our bio-kids into the same room to free a separate room for the newcomer.

 

You are oversharing with social workers! When dealing with the foster-adoption approval process, follow these steps: 1) Find out what the policy is. 2) Adapt your home/life/rhetoric to comply with the policy. 3) Act as though your home/life/rhetoric has always been compliant with the policy. 

 

If you are planning a move immediately and your DH is worried about income stability, it might make sense to wait a bit. It might also make sense to get licensed as a foster family now, and move on to adoption once you are placed with a child who needs to be adopted, and whom you want to adopt. 


MountainMamaGC's Avatar MountainMamaGC (TS)
10:17 AM Liked: 2331
#89 of 152
05-25-2014 | Posts: 3,055
Joined: Jun 2008

I should be licensed in about a week. So uh yeah. My life is going to change. 


homeschoolingmama's Avatar homeschoolingmama
10:32 AM Liked: 64
#90 of 152
05-27-2014 | Posts: 947
Joined: Jun 2007

In Canada the PRIDE classes generally take 9 weeks.  Or 27 hrs.  Once in a while they do them on the weekends for 2 whole weekends instead of breaking it up by week.

The homestudy depends on your family and your worker.  For us I had about an hour with our worker and my husband will have an hr next wk.  Then we each need about another hour with her.  She usually does one for each of us once a month.  Then she will meet with us together.  Then she has to interview our children which takes about an hr.

It all depends on who you are and what you have been through.  She said it could take 6 visits all together or 10 depending on your background.  Then you have to wait for paperwork and them to approve you.  Then you wait for a child.  So classes about 2 months, homestudy about 5 months for us and then waiting.  It could take anywhere from 8 months (for us) to 1 yr.  Hopefully not longer!



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