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MountainMamaGC 01-01-2014 09:24 AM

Starting a new thread for a new year. Introduce yourself. Where are you at? How are things going? Need to vent a frustration or celebrate a jumping another hurdle? Have some experience to share with the newbies? This is THE thread. 


I have been on the waiting list for a year this past November. We are doing a domestic newborn adoption through an agency. Our infertility issues lead us down this path, but its by no means a consolation prize. We want this, and this is a wonderful way to complete our family. We are lucky enough to have a biological 5 YO DD. Currently the agency is slow with the holidays and all, so not much happening right now. In 2013 we were looked at about 7 times. 

Dornmama 01-02-2014 07:15 PM

Reintroducing myself! My name is Terra and I am mommy to tow bio children a DD that is 7 and a DS that is 4. I have 4 angle babies in heaven. We started our journey towards domestic infant adoption last January. Everything went so quickly in the beginning but since getting our homestudy approved everything has been SO slow going with our profile only being presented once. I've been working hard to get our information in the hands of everyone that is willing to hear it. I created a facebook profile page that I have been sharing. We are really hoping that 2014 is our year to bring our angel baby home!

homeschoolingmama 01-03-2014 04:41 AM

We are just starting the process.  We want to adopt through CAS.  Children's Aid Society.  We will be getting a call in Jan to tell us if our paperwork and home check went ok.  The weekend classes start in May and will be about a month.  During that time we would have a case worker do a home study and get to know us more.  We are hoping to adopt 1 or 2 boys (possibly siblings) 6 or under.  We have 6 children ranging from 2-11.  It is a dream of mine to give a child a stable family who loves them.  We are open to children with disabilities or a child who is deaf.  I am taking ASL and my brother is hard of hearing and his wife is deaf.  So we will see what the new year brings.  It is a different process here.  CAS will match us with a child/children that they feel would be good for our family.  

femeni 01-08-2014 08:48 AM

I ave 2 bio babies, a 4 yr old and 12 month old. Beginning the process of adopting our 9 month old relative placement.

PoorUglyHappy 01-08-2014 02:53 PM

We are working on adopting from foster care after a long journey through infertility and then jumping through the many hoops of becoming foster parents in a broken system.   We have our first FS who came home to us when he was just 5 days old.  Now he is 8 and a half months.  Right now, it seems as the only plan for him is adoption by us but we won't really believe it until adoption papers are signed. 


femeni, it is amazing that there is only a few months between your youngest two.  They are going to be like twins growing up.


MountainMama, Dornmama, I am hoping for quick matches for both of you this year.


Homeschoolingmama, I am always interested in how the process is different in different countries.  Keep us posted on your process!

femeni 01-08-2014 07:52 PM

I definitely relate to it not feeling real until papers are signed. Right now, for us, BM could decide to changer her mind. She has been very supportive of the idea, it was actually her idea, but I still keep reminding myself that it's still possible at this points

PoorUglyHappy 01-09-2014 10:35 AM

femeni, How long have you been taking care of the 9 month old?

femeni 01-10-2014 05:18 PM

She has only been here for about three months, and was in another relative's home for about 2 months prior to us getting her.

may1787 01-11-2014 12:20 AM

Hello! I'm new here and I'm hoping to glean some more information about fostering. I'm really just in the beginning stages of research and it may be a long time before I decide or decide not to do it.


I'm a single 20-something in Alaska and would only be expecting to foster an infant, as I work as a NICU nurse and thats the stage I feel most comfortable with. I could definitely take care of an older kid, but they would need to be with me from infancy.

I have a lot of concerns about the impact on my life and their life, however, that would need to be soothed before I jump into a huge responsibility that an affect many lives.

For example, finances and logistics are an issue I know they offer a stipend for daycare, but being a person that works 12 hour night shifts with no possibility of working day shifts (and honestly no interest), how would I find an overnight daycare or a 3 day a week nanny (day and night, because I work/sleep/work/sleep/work) that I could afford on the little stipend they provide? I can't afford daycare on my own with a single income. Do they do dual home fostering, like divorced parents with split custody do?

Is there such a thing as short term foster? Can I give the office a schedule of when I am not working (which is 4 days a week) and take kids for respite or transitional care? This might be an option that would be best for me and my work schedule, but may not be a possible scenario.


Everytime I talk myself in, I feel like the impossibilities outweigh the possibilites. I really need to personally contact the office but I feel like everytime I call I get an answering machine and when they reply I'm at work or sleeping so they leave a message for me and it becomes a game of phone tag.


Support, thoughts, ideas, concerns?

femeni 01-11-2014 07:12 AM

Respite care sounds perfect for your situation & schedule, but honestly if you are only open to newborns it's likely to be rare that a child be placed with you.

femeni 01-11-2014 07:16 AM

Don't let that discourage you though, it might be best that way given your current lifestyle, you never know how things can change & you may realize later you are open to more than you thought. And even if not, even if you are only available for respite or transitional care & only being placed once in a while, that's just one more safe place that's available to the babies who might need it. I would never discourage someone who is capable and willing, you really jut never know what could fall into your lap.

Dornmama 01-13-2014 05:24 AM

I ran into my first negative comments regarding adoption yesterday. It was on a facebook human milk for human babies page. One place that I was totally floored to run into such vehement hatred for adoption. I had heard that people like her existed but hearing those words actually said TO me hurt very badly.

MountainMamaGC 01-13-2014 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by Dornmama View Post

I ran into my first negative comments regarding adoption yesterday. It was on a facebook human milk for human babies page. One place that I was totally floored to run into such vehement hatred for adoption. I had heard that people like her existed but hearing those words actually said TO me hurt very badly.


Aw, hugs. 

PoorUglyHappy 01-13-2014 01:53 PM

May1787, Don't let the logistics sway you, if fostering babies/giving respite is where your heart leads you.   I think the first step is to attend an orientation.   I imagine there are medically fragile babies who could greatly benefit from your expertise if you have any interest in that.  When my FS was a newby, we were in the NICU for 6 days with him.   I saw quite a few babies come in and out with special issues (HIV, drug exposure, etc.) that were headed for foster care.  We also have to pay for daycare because we both work full time and the stipend doesn't cover it.   The current day care we have is actually 24 hours.    So they do exist.  We have never used their overnight services - and those rates are more expensive, but they provide a much needed service for many families.   For example, right now, I am teaching nights and little one doesn't even go to daycare until the afternoon and stays later in the evening. 


Dornmama, it's so interesting that you posted that about the "human milk" folks.    I, too, have heard some negative adoption comments and they were also from the breastfeeding enthusiast crowd.    It just reminds me of this quote from Tina Fey's Bossypants:


These are the women who not only brag endlessly about how much their five year old still loves breast milk, but they also grill you about your choices. You can recognize the Teat Nazis by their hand-carved daggers:
“Are you breast-feeding? Isn’t it amazing? I really think it’s how I lost the weight so easily. Did you have a vaginal birth? I went natural and I didn’t even tear. Are you back at work already? Do you feel weird about going back to work? I just love my baby so much I can’t imagine going back to work yet. You’re not nursing? She’s only fifteen months; you should try again!”
Now, let me be clear; millions of women around the world nurse their children beautifully for years without giving anybody else a hard time about it. Teat Nazis are a solely western upper-middle-class phenomenon occurring when highly ambitious women experience deprivation from outside modes of achievement. Their highest infestation pockets are in Brooklyn and Hollywood.
If you are confronted by a Teat Nazi, you have two options. One, when they ask if you’re breast-feeding, you can smile and say, “Yes. It’s amazing.” (You owe it to your baby to lie.) Or you can go for the kill. The only people who can shame the Teat Nazis are the Adoptive Mommies. If you have a friend who has an adopted child, especially one from another country, bring him or her around, because they make the Teat Nazis’ brains short-circuit: “How can I… feel superior… you… bigger sacrifice… can’t judge…” and their big ol’ dinner plate nipples pop off as they crumple to the ground and disappear.

PoorUglyHappy 01-13-2014 03:44 PM

Adding as an afterthought....


I wasn't meaning any negativity towards breastfeeding at all.  In fact, I think it is the BEST thing for a baby.  I am sometimes sad that FS has never had any breastmilk.  

may1787 01-21-2014 02:16 AM

Originally Posted by femeni View Post

Respite care sounds perfect for your situation & schedule, but honestly if you are only open to newborns it's likely to be rare that a child be placed with you.

Actually, where I live, newborn and infant placement is frequent. And, with my skill set I would be considered a perfect placement for medically fragile kids. But, like you've said, my lifestyle is the main concern.
I'm going to an orientation at the end of February. I know in the past when I've shown interest, children's services has been interested in me but my fear of wasting time to be told it won't work for me prevented me taking it any further. Now, I'm not afraid of being told no. I just want to know the answer.
I have a coworker who fosters in this state and he said its really easy here to be accepted even when some accommodations need to be considered. We are so low on foster parents (one children's services division for the entire state, just a few seperate offices) especially parents able to take care of medical needs. He currently has an age range of 0-2 and had a child placed with him immediately. The main difference is that his wife is a SAHM. I don't have that luxury.

@PoorUglyHappy: I wished we had an affordable 24 hour daycare. I don't know if even that would be acceptable, however, because I basically sleep, work 12, sleep, work 12, sleep, work 12. So I essentially have 3 full days that I would be nowhere near momma material, even with a daycare, unless the kid got on a night schedule with me and that can't be cool if ultimate goal is reunification. For now, I think transitional is a better fit, but I'll know more when I attend orientation, of course.
I'll keep everyone updated.

queenjane 01-21-2014 11:55 PM

Originally Posted by may1787 View Post

Actually, where I live, newborn and infant placement is frequent. And, with my skill set I would be considered a perfect placement for medically fragile kids. But, like you've said, my lifestyle is the main concern.


I think she meant for respite only. People tend to not use respite as much for babies as older kids with behavior issues and that sort of thing. Although i suppose if you specialized in medically fragile infants you might be in high demand for a family that needed a break from a medically fragile little one, or if they were going out of town and couldnt take baby with them, etc. 

Cinco de Mama 01-22-2014 09:42 AM

Has any one heard of treating Anxiety Attachment with constant contact between child and parent?  I heard of woman who adopted a 7 year with attachment disorders and for several weeks she and child were in constant contact (they were only separated for bathroom use).  They did everything together and the impact was really good.  I'd appreciate hearing of any experience with this.

PoorUglyHappy 01-22-2014 01:06 PM

Cinco - I think I heard an NPR story about this type of therapy:

caij_rose 01-30-2014 10:45 AM

Thought I should finally introduce myself here after lurking for the past few months. I have applied to become a foster parent, and now I am 'pending'. In the meantime I am thinking about being a private respite home.  I am hoping to foster kids 0-3 years of age.  I am a single working girl in the health care system up in Northish British Columbia. 

I have found the info on this forum facinating, and has helped me mucho with making the descision to become a foster parent. Thanks Ladies!

Cinco de Mama 01-30-2014 10:56 AM

Congrats Caij_rose!   Let us know when you get some cherubs!  It's great to have folks with similar experiences to share the ups and downs!  I just celebrated one year as a Foster mom and hope to be just Mom when our adoption goes through! 

teamviddy 02-02-2014 11:32 AM

Hi everybody! It's been quite a while since I've posted. We passed the 2.5 year mark of TTC and have done quite a bit of diagnosis in the past six months. We are not technically infertile because I am getting pregnant, but my inability to stay pregnant is currently unexplained.

We also started talking seriously about fostering with the possibility of adoption last summer. We started training in September and are now in the middle of the homestudy process. We are possibly just 2-3 weeks away from approval, maybe even less. I am getting a bit nervous and sentimental as we approach the date of possible approval. Yesterday I ordered about 20 used books from Amazon; I've been collecting a list of books that people recommend for foster babes as well as some of my favorites. Pulling the trigger and seeing that my little library is on the way made me a bit weepy (also, AF showed up last night, so there's that!).

We will continue getting the fertility issue diagnosed but probably won't do any surgeries if that comes up as an issue. We are in our early-mid 30s, so we don't have all the time in the world but we do still have plenty of flexibility should we want to have bio kids. We are starting with respite care. We may just be respite providers but if we do well with this we will certainly consider foster to adopt.

PUH, I am so glad to see your FS has stayed with you for eight months! Beautiful!

Hello to everyone else and I hope all goes well! I also heard the NPR story about going through the attachment process with a 7 year old. I had to laugh at some of the sweet and funny parts like feeding the kid ice cream... Totally recommend listening to it if you get a chance.

PoorUglyHappy 02-03-2014 01:01 PM

Caij_Rose - Welcome!   Can't wait to hear about your adventures.   



TeamViddy - Good to "see" you here!   I was 2.5 years into TTC (and 6 years past not trying to prevent) when I decided to foster-to-adopt.  I think it was definitely a turning point for me.  Just the foster approval process made me feel like I was getting somewhere in building my family. Turning in those piles of paperwork always felt like an accomplishment.  The endless cycle of TTC and failing had me truly in the dumps.  


How is everyone else?  I can't believe its February already.  Time is flyinnnggggggggg.

AllyFolsom 02-18-2014 05:55 PM

Hello! We have been praying about moving for a while now. We decided that if God gave us the opportunity to move into a house with an extra bedroom that fit all our specific needs, then we would begin the process to become foster parents. We are so excited and grateful to be moving into a 3 bedroom house mid-march!!!! I just can't believe that the house agrees with all our very specific needs AND has an extra room for future fosters. SO SO SO happy. You all can probably relate to how strongly I feel urged to foster. I was surprised by how supportive my husband is with this. We are looking to foster a single child, boy or girl, elementary school aged.

PoorUglyHappy 02-19-2014 02:03 PM

Welcome Ally!  Are you going with a foster agency or the county?

AllyFolsom 02-19-2014 05:11 PM

We are going with the county :)

homeschoolingmama 02-19-2014 05:31 PM

We start our training in March!  Here we go! :)

Naturemama23 02-22-2014 03:30 AM

O.K. this is a rant: I just found out that adopting my DD could take up to a year!!! WAAAAAAAA!!!!!

PoorUglyHappy 02-24-2014 12:46 PM

@AllyFolsom, I am looking forward to hearing more about your adventures with your county.   We started out with the county and then switched to an agency.  They both have their pros and cons. 


@homeschoolingmama, Yesssss!   I love the steps forward.


@Naturemama23, I think a year sounds short! Here, that would be unusual.   Is your soon-to-be adopted daughter already freed for adoption? 

winterpromise31 02-24-2014 01:40 PM

Hello! Just popping in to introduce myself! Hubby and I are adopting an 11 year old girl from Taiwan and we're very excited! She'll be our first kiddo. We're midway through the adoption process and I still have hope to travel this year. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all!

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