Adopting with young biological kids - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 02-15-2014, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi, we are new to the process of adopting! We have talked about it for years, as a thing we want to do someday. But now I'm thinking, why wait? Why not have our adopted children mixed in with our biological children, and raise them together? I know there are pros and cons to everything, but I am feeling like this is the right choice for us.

 

We have an 18 month old, I'm due in May with our second child. We are military, with overseas deployment in the fairly near future, and for us intercountry adoption seems like the best fit. Ideally we would start the process now, since it will likely take 2-3 years before we get a referral for an infant/young toddler- which would put our May baby and his little sibling 1-2 years apart. Anyway, that is the plan!

 

Have any of you had a positive experience with mixing your adopted and biological kids together?

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#2 of 11 Old 02-15-2014, 07:12 PM
 
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Welcome to Mothering lanieree!  I have heard lots of members and real life contacts that have done what you are planning. You have a baby so you know what you are getting into!!  

 

I'm sure others will be along shortly with first hand experience!! 


 
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#3 of 11 Old 04-07-2014, 12:53 PM
 
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I'm in a similar situation. I have a 2 year old and a 10 month old and want to start the (long) process now. Unfortunately, my husband isn't ready.
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#4 of 11 Old 04-07-2014, 09:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mine isn't either, actually. He is open to it, and definitely game for doing it at some point, but he isn't ready to commit to the idea. I'm trying to convince him that he will have 3+ years to get excited- if we wait until we are ready to HAVE the child, it will still be 3 years from that point before we bring her home! And 5 or 6 years just is too long a wait for me!

 

Ha, I'm not going to force it, but I hope that my enthusiasm will rub off on him. He is way more open to it than I had originally expected him to be. And even when I'm 9 months pregnant, the baby never feels real to him until it's here. I think it will be even more abstract with adoption. But just like with our bio kids, once we bring the child home, we won't be able to imagine life without her.

 

The other thing I'm finding is, even if the program and your state of residency don't have any specific rules, an agency may have a limit on how close the ages are of the kids (or rather, how long the child has been in your home before you can start the process to adopt another). One agency I was excited about just told me that I have to wait until this baby is a year old. I'm waiting on clarification to see if that's a year before we can start any of the paperwork, or if it's a year until we can do the homestudy. I hope it's the latter, because I want to get as much done as possible as soon as possible. 

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#5 of 11 Old 04-08-2014, 08:57 AM
 
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I am in the same boat. I want to adopt no.3 from the foster system, and there is a program in QC where only very few kids are returned to the biofamily, and some become placement until majority instead of adoptable. It is a separate foster stream for kids with a very high rosk of abandonment. My bio kids are 6 and 3 1/2, and I would like to give a home to 0-36 month child (because if we start now, by the time we get to that stage, DS will be 5...)
DH is on board...sort of. He has agreed to go to an information meeting with me. This shouldn't be out of left feild for him though, since we originally planned to adopt from the country he is from and then had our bio-kids because we wanted a family and didn't have the finds for international adoption!

Canadienne Mama to Panda (2008) and Pickle (2010), hoping to add a starfish soon!
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#6 of 11 Old 04-08-2014, 12:00 PM
 
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Hi Lanieree,

 

My husband and I had planned to do the same thing you would like to do.  We knew we couldn't afford a foreign adoption so we decided to adopt through foster care.  My youngest biological child was almost 3 when we started fostering and we hoped to adopt by within a few years and then have more biological children.  Three years later - we have fostered 3 long term young children that moved on and we know have a sibling group of two sisters that are only 15months apart.  The biological mother gave birth again after her first child had already been placed with us and the new baby came home with us when she was just two weeks old.  It looks like these precious little girls are our forever babies and we are starting the adoption process.  All of that to say that I love the idea of adopting with young biological children and also - be flexible because adoption is a long and change filled process.  Are you looking into domestic adoptions?  can you consider adopting through foster care?  I'd love to talk to you more about this.  It's a beautiful journey you are embarking on!

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#7 of 11 Old 05-04-2014, 09:19 PM
 
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Hi!

We are ten years into a bio-child/adopted child scenario, and couldn't be happier. Our older bio-child is now thirteen, his little sister, adopted in early infancy, is ten. One thing is...our older child was/is very mellow and laid back, and great with his sister who has some special needs due to exposures in utero. If he was high- needs, I don't think we could have done it. I love the three year gap, too. It's just been great for us. Best of luck to you!

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#8 of 11 Old 08-13-2014, 12:51 PM
 
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Does anyone who has BTDT see any concerns with adding a toddler into a family with a 6 and almost 4 yr old then? This is DH's most pressing worry - that our kids will be ... irreversibly disrupted , somehow.

Canadienne Mama to Panda (2008) and Pickle (2010), hoping to add a starfish soon!
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#9 of 11 Old 08-18-2014, 06:33 PM
 
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We are about to be approved to adopt and the one thing we won't do is adopt a child older than our 5yo son. You know your children and how they would handle things. We would like to adopt 2 boys under the age of 5. I know that my son would not be ok with adopting a big brother. We do have a 3yo daughter but she is still very young and wouldn't mind. I know their personalities. A lot of times the agency does prefer people adopt children younger than their youngest. I think my 3yo daughter would have a harder time if one of the boys was younger than her. She is our baby and she may see that as taking her place. We will do what is best for them.
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#10 of 11 Old 08-20-2014, 12:42 PM
 
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How is it going? Any update?

Mom through birth and foster care adoption to DS 9, DD 6, and DD 7 mos 
Check out my blog: No Bohns About It
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#11 of 11 Old 09-02-2014, 08:39 AM
 
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We are going ahead with the process! Not sure which province though as we might have to move for DH's work. We are pretty excited about it.

Canadienne Mama to Panda (2008) and Pickle (2010), hoping to add a starfish soon!
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