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-   -   Private fostering? Going to raise my cousin's baby for ~2yrs - any advice? (http://www.mothering.com/forum/165-adoptive-foster-parenting/1423362-private-fostering-going-raise-my-cousin-s-baby-2yrs-any-advice.html)

Ma Cactus 06-12-2014 11:23 AM

Private fostering? Going to raise my cousin's baby for ~2yrs - any advice?
 
My cousin (in MA) just found out belatedly that she is pregnant and due in Sept. She is not at a phase of her life where she can keep the baby and was considering giving it up for adoption. We are approved foster parents in NY and offered to foster the baby until she gets on her feet (she will be graduating college in a few yrs with an RN degree). We were actually planning on not fostering any more because we have not had a very good experience with the county here, so we would not want to do it through them. We would need some sort of legal framework though, but short of adoption. Does anyone have any experience with this sort of within-the-family arrangement?

Polliwog 06-12-2014 11:26 AM

Do you live near her?

Ma Cactus 06-12-2014 11:45 AM

She lives in Mass and we live in western NY, so about 6 hrs drive.

winterpromise31 06-13-2014 12:49 PM

I know someone who has experience with something similar. Let me ask her if I can share.

OrmEmbar 06-13-2014 12:57 PM

Have you checked into guardianship?

lauren 06-13-2014 05:19 PM

It's a little more complicated on the emotional end. The baby would attach to you and perceive you as Mama. It would be very distressing to sever that relationship after two years. Better for her to live with you and share parenting together so the baby could attach to both of you.

Kinship guardianship is available in most states through the courts.

Polliwog 06-14-2014 06:45 AM

I agree with Lauren. I wouldn't do it unless the mother lived with me or possibly very close so she could be with the baby on a regular, even daily, basis.

Smithie 06-23-2014 08:20 AM

I also agree with Lauren. It would actually be better for the child to be adopted at birth than to be raised in your home for a couple of years and then given back. The chief consideration is to avoiding disrupting attachments. Can you or other relatives help out financially so that your cousin can raise her daughter from birth? If not, can you be supportive of her as she pursues adoption? Those are the two possible outcomes that best serve the interests of the child.

superbeans 06-23-2014 08:21 AM

I was going to say the same thing as Lauren, especially for a 2 year old. If the birthmom could live with you and therefor the baby can attach to her as well that would be ideal. But with 6 hours of driving it sounds pretty painful for the child.


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