Does anyone think that separation from Birth Mom can have long lasting effect? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 32 Old 01-28-2005, 09:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mleavell
I am adopted and I must say I get somewhat offended when I hear about all the "trauma" and "wounds" adoptees have. My mother is my Mother and my father is my Father. Period. I was never "told" I was adopted. It was always just a fact of life. I knew that the woman who gave birth to me wanted a better life for me than she could provide. My parents provided that. I have no desire to search out my birth mother. I have no clue what I would say to her, really.

What I think I am trying to get across, is that people do more damage by stressing about adoption and the effect it has on a baby. The baby is still just a normal baby. Once the baby is in your arms, you are its mama. Go from there. Raise it as you would a baby you birthed.

Marlene
ITA.

Does that mean I don't think that some adoptees have separation/abandonment issues? Nope. I think every CHILD is different, whether adopted or not. As to the OP, my guess would be there is some jealousy and insecurity about her brother knowing and having a whole other aspect to life and family. I would definitely say some sort of counseling would benefit you both, but especially her. Good luck.
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#32 of 32 Old 02-01-2005, 02:54 PM
 
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Hi! Just read this thread today. IMO:

As I posted before, I am 29yo, and have two young brothers 8&10yo - all three adopted. I was adopted at 2y10mo, one was 3y2mo, and one was 15mo - Alex, the 15mo, was separated the day of birth. He has INTENSE abandonment issues (spent the next 15mo with nurses and in an orphanage). He gets sad when mom and dad go out, even when I am watching them, or when they overnight at my house, whcih they both LOVE to do! He is very needy of attention, love, and encouragement, but can be a downright pisser at times too!

I told mom this, and I'll tell you as well. For whatever reason (and NOT due to you not giving her enough love), she has approval/abandonment issues, and would do well to see a good adoption couselor with experience in these issues. I waited until 28yo to start counseling, and WHAT A CHANGE it has made! Something toconsider just to keep an eye out and help her grow through these issues - if not, they will transfer into her friendships and her romantic relationships as well. I was very lucky to have such a wonderful, patient, UNDERSTANDING dh! I don't know that everyone is so lucky in THAT respect...
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