Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: South Carolina, Y'ALL!!
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Originally Posted by BCFD
A lot of good advice here. I'm the adoptive mommy to two beautiful girls from our county's fost/adopt system. And we haven't had issues at all with the exception of a very bossy/unhelpful SW the 2nd time around. Both cases were open and closed - no reunification. Both birthmom's are referred to as "repeat offenders" and between my two girls they have 12 biological siblings. When we started the process, we were very clear that we were only in this for the "adopt" part (not foster) and we were only interesed in newborn caucasian/hispanic babies. We would not take placement of a baby with reunification. Of course we were told that we might wait a long time for that, but our 1st daughter was placed in our arms before our homestudy was on paper. 10 months later we got a call (out of the blue) for another baby girl who was a preemie and in the hospital. Our name wasn't even "in the hat" when we got that call.
Neither of my children had any issues related to drugs, so we have been very fortuante to not have to deal with that. Our 2nd child had major breathing issues for the first 3 months of her life and was in and out of the PICU, but once they diagnosed reflux (severe!) they got her on the right track. They are now almost 2 and almost 1 and beautiful, happy, and healthy.
We also decided against private or agency adoption due to the costs. We spent $40K+ doing IVF and we maxed out our savings account. Then we found the fost/adopt system and it was definitely the best choice for our family. Not that you can put a price tag on your child's head and we certainly didn't do this for the money, but those monthly stipends come in handy and will ensure a good private school education for our children.
Oh, and I was also told that it would be ok to breastfeed our 2nd child. There was no reunification offered to birthmom, TPR happened quickly, and we enjoyed a 6 month exclusive BF/lact-aid relationship. I got on dom and pumped, but my supply was very low. Honestly, I probably wouldn't go through that again because I found the bonding to be no different with my first child (bottle/formula) than with my second child (lact-aid nursing/formula). If I was producing major amounts of milk, I would have continued.
I am a huge advocate for the fost/adopt system (we are in CA) and you absolutely have to be on top of everything....but the results are *SO* worth it!! Good luck to you!
Thank you so much for sharing youre experience!! We really want to avoid a reunification situation. My heart just can't handle that. And we're willing to wait if need be!!
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