Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Bywater, West Farthing
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There was a thread about this in August and here is what I wrote then:
"I love all three of my kids differently. My oldest joined us 11 weeks ago. I feel much compassion and concern for her. I really delight in learning what "makes her tick." I enjoy her company. But the really deep, connected love is not there yet. I am sure that it will come, but it will probably always look different than the love I feel for ...
My middle child joined us 4.5 years ago. She was a struggle from the start. She has always been very demanding and somewhat of a malcontent. She is also extremely bright, very verbal, very imaginative, and has a terrific sense of humor. She is the hardest child to parent and I feel that I have a deeper bond with her because I spend proportionally more time trying to figure out how to parent her correctly based on her "difficult" nature. I feel extremely connected to her, and that connection will probably always look different than the connection I have with ...
My youngest child joined us 21 months ago. He has always been very easy to parent. He is extremely laid back, although he does have a few annoying personality quirks. He is very funny and very active. He's fairly compliant, though not pathologically so. He loves to be loud and I am frequently amused by his silly facial expressions and body movements. He's a real cuddle bug and has wormed his way into my heart through his huge hugs and happy, sloppy kisses. He's the most likely to make me laugh, which has forged a strong bond between us.
All of my kids are different, and they all joined our family under different circumstances. I think that I will never love them "the same," and based on their personalities I think that I will have varying degrees of feeling connected to them at varying times in their lives. But I love them all for who they are, and I could not imagine my family without them. I don't think that my feelings for them are based on whether or not I gave birth to them (in fact, I had PPD and had a very rought first year with my bio child; much rougher than I have experienced thus far with adjusting to having my adopted kids). I think it depends on a lot on how our personalities mesh and how each kid responds to my parenting style.
To people who ask, "Do you love your adopted kids as much as your bio kids?" I say, "I love each of my kids for who they are."