Anyone here who adopted their stepchild? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 01-15-2007, 10:27 PM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
lesley&grace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My husband and I decided that once we were married (which we did last summer) that we would look into my adopting his son. We have discussed it at length and on many different occasions with my dss and he wants this too. His BM has not been in the picture for a long time, but regardless we are expecting some resistance from her.
Just wondering if anyone here made a stepchild their own legally...as far as I am concerned he is just as much my son as my daughter who came from my body and I want to make it formal.
Any advice, tips or stories to share?
lesley&grace is offline  
#2 of 11 Old 01-15-2007, 10:29 PM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
lesley&grace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Also wanted to add that I posted this same question in Blended and Step Parenting forum, but got no response. I do understand that our situation does not really "fit" in adoption since it's not a traditional adoption, but I also find myself somewhat out of place in Blended and Step parenting since we do not share custody and really do not a lot of issues from being blended.
thanks in advance!
lesley&grace is offline  
#3 of 11 Old 01-15-2007, 10:46 PM
 
Triciabn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 259
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We did this. The very best way to go through this is if the BM does the heroic thing and sign off...HOWEVER...if she truely has not been in the pic for a long time...Do you have any documentation? Even if it is your journalling of dates... but come up with whatever you can.
ANYWAYS... if she has left and not been back in a long time (over a year) go to a lawyer and seek out the "abandoment" route... that way she won't be contacted.
Our situation was that way. It takes a smidge longer... but whatever we didn't actually have to track down the person... You do put notices in newspapers and such...
Go for it!

Tricia

momma to 7
:
Triciabn is offline  
#4 of 11 Old 01-16-2007, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
lesley&grace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Today at lunchtime, totally out of the blue, my dss tells me: "I think I want to start calling you Mom after we do the adoption"

I looked at him for a minute, picked my jaw up off the floor (up until this point he was adament that he did not want to call me "mom", which I understood since for him "mom" was someone who left), and then I told him that I would really love that.

Then he said "Ok, bye, love you" and went to school.

I am so happy right now.
lesley&grace is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 01-16-2007, 11:22 PM
 
Triciabn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 259
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
very big deal! Congrats. Make sure he knows that you really are happy with his choice. My step dad never came to me with even wanting me to call him dad and I was always too embarrassed to do it...I am grown and see him weekly and still can't call himby his name or by "dad". <sigh>
When my husband joined my son and I ....I told him (husband) that he needed to form the relationship and have the talk with him about wanting to be called "dad".... my son was so young that he would call me Momma and my husband "MA!"...lol.... eventually he turned it into Daddy.
Good for you! I am glad that you and your son have that type of relationship...so important!
Tricia

momma to 7
:
Triciabn is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 01-18-2007, 01:18 AM
Banned
 
MillingNome's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: hunting in Gilead
Posts: 6,414
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We did. As in your case there was no contact with the bio dad. That was his choice. He was given a chance to contest but thankfully did not. I would definitely recommend getting a good lawyer and starting the process.

One fun thing about step-parent adoption in my state, at least when we did it: my rights we very temporarily terminated and then dh and I both adopted dd. So technically, I'm an adoptive parent too.

Good luck!
MillingNome is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 01-18-2007, 03:07 AM
 
BusyBee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 187
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lesley&grace View Post
Today at lunchtime, totally out of the blue, my dss tells me: "I think I want to start calling you Mom after we do the adoption"

I looked at him for a minute, picked my jaw up off the floor (up until this point he was adament that he did not want to call me "mom", which I understood since for him "mom" was someone who left), and then I told him that I would really love that.

Then he said "Ok, bye, love you" and went to school.

I am so happy right now.

THis makes me cry because when I was four, I asked my step-dad if I could call him dad instead of Richard (I had forgotten about my bio-dad whom I hadn't seen in a year) his answer was, "well, if you are good for a whole year....". I knew this to be impossible and I knew he knew this was impossible so obviously my four year old brain translated this into, "No, I don't want to be your father".

The sad thing is that he is my de-facto dad and even though I have somewhat of a relationship with my bio-dad, It is Richard I wanted the love from. I am also sure that he really would like to be my father. Just dumb things people say that make a deep impression on little kids lives.

I so wish he had said, "I'd really love that".
BusyBee is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 01-18-2007, 12:36 PM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
lesley&grace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyBee View Post
THis makes me cry because when I was four, I asked my step-dad if I could call him dad instead of Richard (I had forgotten about my bio-dad whom I hadn't seen in a year) his answer was, "well, if you are good for a whole year....". I knew this to be impossible and I knew he knew this was impossible so obviously my four year old brain translated this into, "No, I don't want to be your father".

The sad thing is that he is my de-facto dad and even though I have somewhat of a relationship with my bio-dad, It is Richard I wanted the love from. I am also sure that he really would like to be my father. Just dumb things people say that make a deep impression on little kids lives.

I so wish he had said, "I'd really love that".
Wow, that makes me so sad. I wish he had said "I'd really love that" too .

I was a bit older when I asked Ra (my nickname for the man who is now my Dad) when I could call him "Dad", I was about 6 and a half when he and my mom got engaged and I asked right after they told me. He said "How about right after the wedding?" I agreed, and immediately following the ceremony I took his hand and said "Hi Dad", he cried and hugged me. The adoption followed that fall. The "Ra" nickname made a brief reappearance with Cam, he called him Grampy Ra until recently when he dropped the Ra part.

In our situation I have always told Cam he is welcome to call me Mom and I would love him to, but that I understood if he did not. Until the other day, he has always said he was not ready, so I was floored (happily floored) when he suddenly offered up the desire to call me Mom.

The day before we had talked again about the adoption, I talk about with him frequently because I want him to be totally comfortable with it when we go ahead. And I told him again about my story of adoption with my dad, and suddenly he asks me "Do you love Grampy more than you love your real dad?" I answered very honestly that yes I do. Then I explained that for me Grampy is my real dad because he is the one who was there for me and he chose to be my father. I told him "I do not know my biological father, so I cannot love someone who I don't know. So of course I would love Grampy more." He got very quiet at this point, then did a subject change (he asked me when he would become a grandfather) so I knew he needed time to process this. I asked him a bit later if he had any more questions for me about the adoption or anything else, and he told me "not right now" and went to play in his room. I think that conversation had a lot to do with his willingness to give me that title.
lesley&grace is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 01-18-2007, 03:30 PM
 
supermuma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We are working on this right now with my children and their step father. Their bio dad still sees them once in a while, but is basically out of their lives. He will go 6 months or more without contacting them.

He has already agreed to give up parental rights so that my dh can adopt them. In his case though, he is doing it partly because I said I would fogive all past child support owed (which is in the thousands and he also has a warrant out for his arrest for non-payment). It is rather expensive to file the papers here in MI (for both kids it will be about 400+ dollars to file the papers and get the new documents.

I have started the process (getting references etc) but have not filed the paperwork yet. I cannot wait until it is over!
supermuma is offline  
#10 of 11 Old 01-25-2007, 06:48 PM
 
dorothybaez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 8
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a similar situation......The older of my two boys is technically my stepson. For a lot of reasons, we decided as a family to do our adoption when my son turns 18. With a child who is a legal adult, the process is really simple and cheap. In, out, done.

This may not be right for some families, but as far as we see it, he IS my child already....The biological mother was out of the picture before I came into the picture.

Thanks for posting this question......this is only my second post here and I already have a feeling that I'll find people who are a lot like me.

Dorothy
dorothybaez is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 01-25-2007, 06:50 PM
 
dorothybaez's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 8
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lesley&grace View Post

Then he said "Ok, bye, love you" and went to school.
That is too funny.

My son started calling me mommy on his own, but he was really little when this happened.

Dorothy
dorothybaez is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off