Court on Wednesday & need other help - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-18-2007, 01:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey everybody.

We have court on Wednesday for my three foster kids. As far as I can tell, it is a status conference where they discuss everything happening with the kids and to find out what is going on with the Mom & Dad.

Mom was at the last court date but currently has not had any contact with the social worker. We are just not sure if she is going to be there. We are not talking with the kids about court - we're just telling them that morning that we are coming back to pick them up early to go see the judge.

But we are trying to figure out whether we should keep the kids that day or send them back to school. I can take off & my mom can help me with them that day. These kids are going to be traumatized - no matter if the mom is there or not. So do we get them back to the routine or do we hang out with them for the day at the pool?

Also, does anyone use an online photo service? If so, any recommendations?

We are having a blast & had a great weekend. Still extremely tired but absolutely thrilled about having these kids in our lives.

Peace.
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Old 06-18-2007, 02:01 PM
 
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Ok Im confused. If I remember right, these children are pretty young. They wouldn't know about court or what's going on there. They wouldn't be going to court. Why bring it up at all? I would think right now routine would be really important to them.

I'm all for children knowing the truth....but every detail along the way at such young ages, is probably not very healthy.

I use several online photo services. York is probably the cheapest...but they will delete your albums/photos after 60 days or so. Shutterfly is my main one. But the I like Photobucket because you can do video clips and such.
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Old 06-18-2007, 02:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes young (5, 3 & 15 months) but Missouri law requires the children at every court appearance unless it is waived. The SW is going to ask for their appearance to be waived from here on out but they are required to be there on Wednesday.

I agree routine is the best. We probably will take them back to school but pick them up early for a little pool time!!

Thanks!!
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Old 06-18-2007, 04:55 PM
 
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Hmm, I'd vote for not taking them back to school. If court were first thing in the am, and so they'd just be going to school late, maybe, but if they go to school, you pick them up, do court, which will be stressful and confusing, then drop them back off at school.....:

Especially with them being so new to you, I'd want to keep them with me after court to keep an eye on them. And I think going in and out of the school day is stressful enough, so if they are upset about court, they may really have a bad time at school in the afternoon.

BTW, I'm a foster parent too -- luckily I've never had to bring my almost 3 yo fd to court -- I always go, but they've never wanted her to come.
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Old 06-18-2007, 05:17 PM
 
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ok 2nd post -- thansk DS

I would only take them if they are court ordered to go... if they have to be there.

i would keep them out of school ALL day -- no before or after.

I was a foster mom for 9 years, our kids never had to go to shoolt he day of anyhting like a case meeting or a court date.

before they are too excited, or anxious, or worried, and afterwards they are too anxious, upset, excited......

I am all for honest awnsers and the kids haveing a right to know.....and i always did my best. butttttttttttttttttt something it gets so bogged down, so repeative, so obsessive.... it is too mcuh for the kids to cope with or grasp (heck i felt that way often). I only took kids to a meeting or court hearing they had to be at. I have told kids, younger, that we need to go say HI to the judge cuz they want to see how you have gornw, meet you, see your new tooth....anything not to get into the nuts and bolts of this or that hearing. they want to see if you are happy and helathy, they want to whatever.......

when you get into a sitatuin where someone is fighting the program, or non-compliant with goals and so on -- you may go to more or less the same meeting or hear 4 or 6 times in a row.... progress is so non-liniar that it is tough for an adult, much less for a child.......................

I am big on assessing what they need to know, and what fits their frames of reference and protecting them as much as possible.

I had a 4 year old who's mom was doing Meth.... she woudl not get clean (walked out of reband more than once). I just kept telling him "we are all going to go see the judge and She is going to see how you mom is doing" and then I would say " your mom is still not well enough for you to come home, so you are going to keep staying with us, but we are going to go see your mom together at the park on teh days she feels better (2x a month supervised visation)...."

I do not believe in telling them everything for the sake of being honest.

no school that day.....after court do somthing -- that can be a routine for your family (a picnic, a trip to gte ice cream, a afternoon out) something that can be nice for the kids, give them time to process, time to talk about it, but also something positive; something you can do more or less the same kind of thing after each court or status meeting. .......then go home and get back intot he dinner and evening routne to protect stablity and predicablity......

it is also hard for the kids to have to leave school and go back -- freinds ask "where did you go" a lot easier if they are just absent all day, then the next day they tell freinds " we had to go do something with ------ (whatever they call you)..

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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Old 06-18-2007, 06:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimee21972 View Post
I have told kids, younger, that we need to go say HI to the judge cuz they want to see how you have gornw, meet you, see your new tooth....anything not to get into the nuts and bolts of this or that hearing. they want to see if you are happy and helathy, they want to whatever.......
Excellent idea on how to approach this. We have made mention of judges, so the 5 yo might understand a little bit.

DH is taking the morning off, so we are going to hang with the kids. Probably a park visit or bike ride before court because that will help them get some energy out. Then my office is having them down for lunch & possibly pool time with G'ma later.

Thanks for the ideas ladies.

I did get a call from the Social Worker who said that both mom & dad have been in contact & plan on being in court. And then possibly a supervised visit on Friday with the Mom. It was good to hear that because I am doing lots of day dreaming about a future with these kids & reality has to be part of that equation.

Peace.
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Old 06-20-2007, 03:44 AM
 
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I just stopped by, and I know this is sort of late in the conversation, but I too am a foster parent, and I would probably take a different approach than that mentioned above. In my experience, my foster kidos have overwhelmingly done better through these types of things if we uphold their routines. School is a routine, and though they may (or may not) act out some before or afterward, without the routine I usually find them worse off. Also, if you keep them out of school, it really builds court up into a big deal for them...I think if you want to present to them the idea that "the judge just wants to say hi, see how you've grown," etc., you won't be served well by keeping them out of school. Kids are smart. They catch on, and I think the five year old at least would definitely feel something big was happening if kept out of school. The key is keeping things low key. Kids get picked up from school and dropped back off for doctor appointments all the time...I'd approach this much the same.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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Old 06-20-2007, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Sierra. We did keep them out & it seems to be fine, but I understand the sentiment. We will probably take them back to school next time. Mom was in court - no show in the dad but his father & sister were there. Trial is set for the 24th to prove the allegations of neglect.

Kids didn't seem that interested in Mom & didn't seem to know G'pa or aunt at all. I gave pics to the Mom & took pics of her with the kids.

Thanks again to all.

a
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