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#1 of 32 Old 07-13-2007, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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we will be done trying for a baby in Aug. and then hopefully in a year we will look in to either adopting or foster to adopt. i was just wondering which would be a better choice?
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#2 of 32 Old 07-13-2007, 01:59 PM
 
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#3 of 32 Old 07-13-2007, 02:00 PM
 
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It just depends.

We simultaneously applied for a foster care license and pursued independent private adoption. We just took a "let's see what happens first" approach and our foster kids came first. Not sure if we are going to be able to adopt but are loving life with the kiddos now.

Read a lot. Find out about adoption and foster care support groups in your area. There are a lot of nightmare stories about fostering out there - enough to make me wonder if we should do it. But there are also some great success stories as well.

Good luck!!!
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#4 of 32 Old 07-13-2007, 02:38 PM
 
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I think fostering depends a lot on your area. For us we looked into it and it just wasn't realistic, we live in a very rural small area with very few foster cases, under 20 a year. And out of those none were completed in a successful adoption.

Others on this forum who live in a larger city seem to have had nothing but the best luck going through fostering. They had quick placements and things went smoothly.

I would suggest looking into your area and speaking with people nearby that foster. They would be an excellent resource of what to expect and be able to point you in the right direction. Good luck.
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#5 of 32 Old 07-13-2007, 11:10 PM
 
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My understanding (which is *VERY* limited) is that in canada, the foster-to-adopt route is still frowned on, with the mindset being that there are "foster" families and "adoptive" families, and never the twain shall meet....

I could be really wrong though. Definitely research how it is in your area. Foster care stuff varies so much in different areas, with different agencies etc.
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#6 of 32 Old 07-14-2007, 12:12 AM
 
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This question always tears me in two. I believe that adotion should be about finding families for children who need them most. Then foster to adopt is the way to go. But we adotped our daughter in a very legally uncompicated foster to adopt. And it was still a very rocky road. Our daughter's medical and emotional problems, which we were sure we were ready for, have sent our family into a tailspin. So my experience has been that foster to adopt is really really hard.
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#7 of 32 Old 07-14-2007, 03:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks very much for all you have to say.
i hoped that if i did foster to adopt that i would get a baby sooner.
and it would be less expensive.
waiting lists for adoption are quite long. and private adoptions r really expensive.
I know that i would be able to love a foster child with all my heart, i just dont know if i could handle having to give it up. How do u foster parents handle that. it must be so hard?
there is so much to think about and i just hope that one day i get the baby that i'm praying for.
How much have any of u paid for an adoption and how long did it take?
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#8 of 32 Old 07-14-2007, 09:36 AM
 
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#9 of 32 Old 07-15-2007, 12:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i have 2 aunties in B.C., that r foster parent. and my one aunty was the one that said foster to adopt would be good for us. i have not been able to talk to her much because i live in Sask. my one aunty adopted her one foster son and my other aunty adopted her foster daughter and foster son. but i dont know if they were foster to adopt.
my one aunty is coming out in aug. with her foster kids for a visit. so i will try and get more info from her.
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#10 of 32 Old 07-15-2007, 03:17 AM
 
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I gew up in BC and was in fostercare! What part of BC are they in,if you don't mind telling me.
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#11 of 32 Old 07-15-2007, 03:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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they r in southern B.C.
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#12 of 32 Old 07-15-2007, 03:56 PM
 
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#13 of 32 Old 07-15-2007, 10:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by imnotsupernanny View Post
The agency told me an adoption lawayer was all that I had to pay for and that could be from $300-$500 for the whole thing.It could me more though depending on the area. If you don't know a lawayer sometimes your agency can help you by giving you some names or you can ask around to some other foster parents.
It is even better where I live $0 out of pocket expenses except to bring our house into compliance with safety codes and we get the $10,000 tax credit. But that is in the US, I don't know how Canada compensates.
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#14 of 32 Old 07-16-2007, 09:29 PM
 
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This is a tough one to answer. We ultimately chose fost/adopt because it is what was right for our family. We also live in a county in the US that has very strict rules when it comes to child abuse/neglect. If a child is not thriving or can not thrive in a home, they are placed into foster care and eventually parental rights are terminated (if the parents can't get treatment, etc.). We have adopted 3 children (2 are bio sibs placed 2 years apart - both from birth) and have had no complications. Rights were terminated within months and no reunification plan was ever offered to the bio parents. Good luck and do lots of research!

An incredibly thankful SAH Mommy to 3 fiendishly enchanting girls 11/04,10/05, & 12/06. 
 
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#15 of 32 Old 07-20-2007, 09:29 PM
 
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I know that i would be able to love a foster child with all my heart, i just dont know if i could handle having to give it up. How do u foster parents handle that. it must be so hard?
I hope you don't mind me poking my head in; I've worked with a number of families in the foster care system when I was involved in the shelter system and from all my experiences the best and most successful foster parents were ones who fully believed in reunification of parent and child, barring on going abuse or neglect. They see themselves as playing a role in keeping child and parent(s) connected and are champions of the birth parents getting the skills they need to assume their parental roles again. A close friend recently had an excellent and smooth, if long, foster to adopt. Throughout the process she was very much rooting for the dad to get his crap together but in the end he just wasn't able to and she and her husband adopted their foster child. It took 4.5 years. They just really felt if it was meant to be it would be. They've also had many other placements in which they didn't consider trying to adopt the foster child and have had no problem being involved in reunification and have felt really empowered in their role as a resting place. Did every single child go back to a stellar situation? No. In those cases they advocated for the children as best they could (and for the parents to receive the treatment they needed) but they've never seen a child go back to a damaging situation and in those cases (the majority) they had no problem transitioning the children to their adoptive homes. They've just felt grateful for the time they were able to host and love the children.

Foster to adopt can be quick or sometimes very drawn out. The required courses will take you through the whole process and give you lots of info.

ETA: I know it's sometimes easier to use a short cut instead of he/she when speaking of a child of unknown gender but I think it's important in our society to not use language that objectifies children, and maybe even more so when talking about fostering and adoption. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by using "it" so this is more a general PSA than anything.
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#16 of 32 Old 07-23-2007, 08:21 PM
 
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I have 2 adopted children that we fostered to adopt and things went well. Within 2 yrs or so they were adopted. We have one little boy that we are waiting on to adopt because of the nature of his problems. But as soon as we are ready all is ready to go. We waited less than 18 months for the first little one and she came to us at 5 days old, the second one we never made a request and they called us he was 2 days old. The last one we were on the list for 6 weeks and he was 3 weeks old when he came to live with us. We are trying to decide on number 6 still. Good Luck. I am in Quebec where are you "maybebabysoon". Missy mom to 5 kids
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#17 of 32 Old 07-23-2007, 10:05 PM
 
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#18 of 32 Old 07-23-2007, 10:44 PM
 
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It didn't take us very long but we are becoming well known at the agency. Where about in Quebec are you? I live in a small town called Richmond. Inbetween Sherbrooke and Drummondville. Missy mom to 5 kids
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#19 of 32 Old 07-24-2007, 12:31 AM
 
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IME, foster adopt means you are able to parent the children earlier in their lives, which was important to us. We actually did straight foster care for both of our kids, which is risky, but it worked for us.
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#20 of 32 Old 07-24-2007, 11:38 PM
 
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#21 of 32 Old 07-25-2007, 01:55 AM
 
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In the US, everyone who's in foster care starts with a "return to parent" case plan, and the parent has 15 months to get their act together and improve whatever circumstances led to the child being in foster care. If you look at an individual case plan, a regular foster placement would mean that you would get the child immediately when they enter the system, which here means that you frequently get newborns. A foster-adopt placement means that you don't get the child until the case plan has changed to adoption, and at least one of the child's parents has had their parental rights terminated. Given that everyone starts with a "return to parent" case plan, a foster-adopt family typically wouldn't get a placement until the child had been in care for at least 15 months. This most often means no newborns or young babies, and placement of kids who have lived with their first family, a foster family, and then are moved to your family. We wanted a child placed with us immediately when they came into the system, which is why we chose to do foster care, rather than foster-adopt. We ran the risk that the children would be returned to their parents, but with the two children we wanted to adopt, we just got lucky. Our son was 23 months, but we were his first licensed foster placement. Our daughter was one day old when she came home. With our daughter, we knew we had a good chance of eventually being able to adopt her, because her birthmother had already had her rights terminated on her prior 3 children, and there was no birth father named. It was risky, and we had to wait 18 months to finalize, but it did finally work.

To contrast, though, as foster parents, we have also had over a dozen babies stay with us and go home or go to a relative placement. None were children we wanted to adopt, but if you don't want to take the risk of falling in love and having a child leave, regular foster care isn't a good option for you.

If you want a totally hassle-free adoption of a very young baby, private adoption is the way to go.
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#22 of 32 Old 07-25-2007, 04:52 AM
 
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Avliclo, I think even in the U.S., the system of foster-adopt varies a lot from state to state. Where I live, foster-adopt frequently results in newborn placement. While the caseplan starts as "return to home" on all cases, they do flag certain cases in which that is unlikely (a series of prior terminations, and so forth). In those cases, they will call a foster-adopt home. The foster-adopt home will be informed of the level of "legal risk," and always have the option of denying placement in favor of one in which the case plan has already moved over to adoption...but most choose to accept placement.

But as I will be moving out of state soon, I am well aware that every state has a different way of handling things.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#23 of 32 Old 07-25-2007, 12:53 PM
 
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That's interesting, Sierra. Here (AZ), CPS is not allowed to make a placement in a foster-adopt home unless the child is half free and the case plan is either concurrent or adoption only. A foster-adopt home could get a Safe Haven baby (under the law that allows birth parents to leave a newborn at the hospital or other designated "Safe Haven"), but doesn't have much of a shot at a young baby otherwise.
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#24 of 32 Old 07-25-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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Where i live (MI), i am pretty sure we don't even have a formal "foster to adopt" program---that is, special "tagging" of certain families willing to foster children who have a greater probability of being adopted. Here, only 10 percent of all children available are adopted by families who were not the foster parents ("straight adoption"), the vast majority of kids are adopted by foster parents. Its kind of a weird system, in that i was told by my agency not to foster (since the goal is reunification, almost always)...but have since learned that if one wants to adopt a child under age 10, fostering is really the best option. Especially if you want to adopt a child that doesnt have significant issues.

Here in MI, adopting parents do not have to be foster parents, even though technically the child will still be a foster child for the six month pre-finalization period. In some states, all parents adopting from the state must still have a foster license even though they arent fostering any kids but the ones they are adopting.

The message i'm getting from my new agency, is that it won't be any problem at all to foster younger kids (former agency said there were no kids under 10!), even infants (i'm asking for 0-4 to foster, due to us HSing, and up to age 10 for adoption)....and i got the sense from them that eventually a child will become available for adoption, even if others do reunite. I'm ok with that.

Katherine

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#25 of 32 Old 07-25-2007, 06:19 PM
 
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"imnotsupernanny". when we first thought of adopting we went to a meeting one night at Batshaw. We deal with "Centre Jeunesse" in Sherbrooke. I have one with us till she is 18, she is the only one that came to us a little older than the others, she was almost 3. I am waiting for our resource guy to come and see us tomorrow he said he needs to talk to us. I hate when he does that to us.I'll let you know what he has to say later. Good Luck with your papers. Missy mom to 5
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#26 of 32 Old 07-27-2007, 10:59 AM
 
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We are foster parents. We have had 14 babies in our home. We adopted our first placement. She came to us at 6 days old (it would have been three- but she stayed in the hospital for drug withdrawal symptoms). We were able to probate with her at 18 months. The goal for all of our babies is reunification. Every case is so different. Our last babe was with us for 10 months - we got her at birth too. We were going to have an open adoption with the birth family. Two weeks before TPR- birth aunt retained a lawyer and Baby Kaitlynne left us hours after court. I am blessed to see her whenever I want and I can call the family. I have loved caring for these babies. They are all mine - my children- part of our family while in our home. In my area, their are often young ones- I felt that waiting 50 days for this current placement was a long wait. I dont have a "plan" when these babies come to me. I am prepared for their departure. If I can raise two more- or even one more - no more into adulthood, that will be what is meant to be.

Just my story...

Christine. Unschooling mom to Hollis, Zobey, Zeda, Anna, and Wednesday. We have a lot invested in this whole family thing with marriage kids and a mortgage. You don't just give up on the whole deal when it gets difficult.
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#27 of 32 Old 07-29-2007, 10:16 AM
 
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It didn't take us very long but we are becoming well known at the agency. Where about in Quebec are you? I live in a small town called Richmond. Inbetween Sherbrooke and Drummondville. Missy mom to 5 kids
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"imnotsupernanny". when we first thought of adopting we went to a meeting one night at Batshaw. We deal with "Centre Jeunesse" in Sherbrooke. I have one with us till she is 18, she is the only one that came to us a little older than the others, she was almost 3. I am waiting for our resource guy to come and see us tomorrow he said he needs to talk to us. I hate when he does that to us.I'll let you know what he has to say later. Good Luck with your papers. Missy mom to 5
I'll be sending you a PM.
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#28 of 32 Old 07-29-2007, 02:51 PM
 
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Hi Heather! I think I found an old message you posted and sent you a pm with some basic info on foster care. I hope you got it and it was useful!
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#29 of 32 Old 08-01-2007, 09:37 AM
 
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Hi Heather! I think I found an old message you posted and sent you a pm with some basic info on foster care. I hope you got it and it was useful!
Yes, I got your PM. Very useful info! Thanks.
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#30 of 32 Old 11-08-2007, 09:41 PM
 
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My husband and I are researching the Quebec foster-to-adopt/Mixed Bank program. We have spoken with people who have adopted their children through this program, but none can provide any information about whether the parental leave benefits apply in this type of situation.

I haven't called the gov't organization yet, but I am curious to know if anyone has any information about whether one can get the parental leave benefits as you would with a straight adoption.

Any information is appreciated.

Thank you,

Denise
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