Project Tadpole Goes Adoptive - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 11:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So, that thing about kids coming into your life in their own ways? Yeah, that!

Last weekend, I posted on my blog about our decision not to ttc this fall. I took photos of all of our nb/sm diapering stuff and some of our m/l stuff and started selling it. I've done fairly well, too, selling about $100 worth of stuff and swapping another $80 worth or so.

Back in March, my friend, D, and I had lunch, and at the end of lunch, she asked me me whether we'd be interested in kids via adoption, if some were available. I hedged a little, and she told me that her brother and his wife had just had their 8th baby, a girl. She was early and in the hospital. She hadn't been named because they didn't expect her to live, and they didn't want to raise her. They also had a small boy, J, who was 10 months old at the time. Their other six children were in permanent kin care or had been adopted through the foster care system. D's sister-in-law had asked her if she knew of anyone who might be interested in adopting at least the baby, and possibly J, too.

D told her about us, and her SIL said she wanted us to take the baby and possibly J and adopt them as soon as possible. Shortly thereafter, Child Protection Services got involved and we assumed it was pretty much a done deal.

About six weeks ago, D met us for for breakfast at the Farmer's Market, along with several other folks. When we (D, turtle and me) were the only three at the table, she told us that the kids were back with her SIL, who didn't want them, and were we still interested? It took us about half a second to say that we were.

A week or two later, D emailed me to tell me that she wasn't sure whether her brother had terminated his parental rights. He's in jail, and she was going to see him and ask him at that point.

Weeks passed and we heard nothing from D. Yesterday afternoon, she emailed me. She'd been camping, but had an update. Her brother had not terminated his parental rights, but was seriously considering doing so, given that there's a family who will take the children. She's seeing him tomorrow to find out what his decision is.

Due to state laws, only one of us can adopt them, and that will be me. Before I met turtle, my plan was to pursue single parenthood. I'd really planned on one child at a time, but after talking things through at length with my long-time therapist, we've decided that if the kids are available, I'll adopt both of them.

We've got very good support in terms of friends, neighbors and my church community. When the kids became possibly available earlier this summer, I told my boss about the potential adoptions and she's been nothing but supportive. She's open to the idea of me working four 10-hour days in order to help with daycare costs, and I suspect that they'd be open to me working some of the time from home. If this becomes real, I'll talk with her and our director about how this might all play out. There's already a staff member who works three days in the office and two days from home, so there's a precedent.

turtle will continue her part-time job--right now, she's working three or four days a week. That will increase over the holidays, but there's a decent daycare half a block from our house (and my bus stop) that appears to have available slots and is affordable. I'm in the early stages of looking into that part, so that could change, but for now, it seems like a possible solution, at least a few days a week. We're also considering some child-care swapping with various friends. Ideally, we could work our schedules so as not to have the kids in daycare until January.

Through Nicole!'s thread about domestic agencies, I've found an agency that seems to be a great match for our situation.

I hadn't really said much about this before now because it just didn't seem like it could possibly be real. All of a sudden, we should know tomorrow or shortly thereafter whether it could be real.

Please keep us and the kids in your thoughts, and I'll post here as soon as I know anything.
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#2 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 11:23 AM
 
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Wow! I'm wishing you the best of luck with all this! Keep me posted!
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#3 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 11:30 AM
 
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: Congrats!!!

Best Wishes to you.
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#4 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 01:24 PM
 
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Congratulations!

:

I was so sad to hear that you were not able to continue TTC and now I am so happy to hear that you will be able to give these kids the home that they deserve. I hope that everything works out for you, and please keep us updated.
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#5 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 01:38 PM
 
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wonderful

we will all be waitign to hear

Aimee

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#6 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 01:44 PM
 
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I'm so happy for you if this happens! (I've been following your blog!) I was bummed when I read you stopped ttc! this is great news! wow.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#7 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:09 PM
 
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Terri, I have tears in my eyes...I'm so excited for you. I'll be thinking of you two...and the kids, and hoping it all goes smoothly.

(Odd how I keep running into you...DH and I are seriously considering an adoption.)
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#8 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks!

I haven't talked about this much anywhere, short of therapy and with turtle, because as I know you all know, it's just such a freakin' roller coaster. But I figured that here, of all places, people will understand that.

I'm so thankful for this forum--you all helped me so much when we were considering fostering and I've been reading on and off as things with these kids have been unfolding. Whether you've known it or not, you all have been a great source of inspiration and support. Thank you so much!
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#9 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scbegonias View Post
(Odd how I keep running into you...DH and I are seriously considering an adoption.)
(We're clearly living parallel lives. It's the only possible explanation! Don't tell me you're thinking about getting a gigantic dog, too? )
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#10 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by frog View Post
(We're clearly living parallel lives. It's the only possible explanation! Don't tell me you're thinking about getting a gigantic dog, too? )
No that's DH...I refuse to scoop the poop .
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#11 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:18 PM
 
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I am sending all my best vibes, Frog!
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#12 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by scbegonias View Post
No that's DH...I refuse to scoop the poop .
Perfect! turtle's the one who wants the big dog. I am CLAM HAPPY with our felion pride of five, thankyouverymuch.
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#13 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:20 PM
 
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I'm so very happy for you and turtle!

Your User Agreement here at MDC, read it and make it your friend and read the FAQ to answer all the questions of the (MDC) world.
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#14 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:31 PM
 
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Oh frog & turtle!
so glad to read this news, and wishing you all the best!!!
i await more news (as I'm sure you do too!)...
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#15 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:44 PM
 
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Congratulations!!! What an exciting development.
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#16 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:46 PM
 
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Congrats and good luck!

AP Mom to 5 knit.gifhomeschool.giftoddler.gif
 
  

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#17 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 02:57 PM
 
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Yay Frog!!! Wishing you and Turtle the best of luck and love with the new project tadpole.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#18 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 03:04 PM
 
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Frog, so glad this option has possibly opened up for you! Congrats!!!

-Rachel

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#19 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 03:16 PM
 
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Wishing you both the best of luck. Please let us know how it goes. Congratulations!!!
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#20 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 03:18 PM
 
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Good Luck! I'm sending positive adoption vibes your way!!!!
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#21 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 03:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay!

I've talked with a rep from our potential agency and need to have the following questions answered by the birth family:

1) Is there an active/open Ohio CPS case?

2) Will the birth parents be allowed to make their own plan to relinquish their children if the answer to #1 is yes?

I've passed the questions along to my friend. The rep at the agency was very forthright about the possibilities of this not working, including the chance that OH will decide that the children should be in their foster care system rather than leaving the state, or that OH may decide that the families who have their other sibs should have the opportunity to adopt these children. It's my understanding that that last option has already been explored and been rejected, but I could be wrong about that.

Nerve-wracking, to say the least!
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#22 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 03:28 PM
 
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I hope these kids come into your home soon!

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#23 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 03:35 PM
 
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Oh, frog, I'm hoping this works out for you and turtle. Just reading the post made me tear up. I was sad to see you selling off your baby stuff. I know I never responded, but I really appreciated your pm.

Sage

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#24 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 04:57 PM
 
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and these children. I used to work with DFCS and know how complicated these things can be. It is such a rare thing for children in their situation to have such a loving potential home available to them, I really hope this works out.
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#25 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 04:58 PM
 
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Wow! We're sitting here so excited for you both and can't wait to hear more.

--
Let your life speak. -- George Fox
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#26 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 05:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and these children. I used to work with DFCS and know how complicated these things can be. It is such a rare thing for children in their situation to have such a loving potential home available to them, I really hope this works out.
I hope so, too.
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#27 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 05:05 PM
 
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Sending positive thinks your way!
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#28 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 05:10 PM
 
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: I really hope this works out for you! Sending lots of positive vibes your way.
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#29 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 05:11 PM
 
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When I read about this, there's a line from the Alanis Morrisette song "Thank You," that keeps running through my head: "the moment I let go of it, was the moment I got more than I could handle." I hope for everyone's sake that this works out, those babies need a loving home and you need babies to love. Know that whichever way this goes, we're here to support you.
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#30 of 146 Old 08-31-2007, 06:10 PM
 
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Couldn't help but reply. I am putting all my thoughts, hopes, etc towards this working out for you. Growing your family will be a gift to the world, frog.

Know that I'm thinking of you and hoping for a wonderful update.

megin

Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
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