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custody vs. foster care of relative

1K views 18 replies 7 participants last post by  alicia622 
#1 ·
what would the differences be between these two options?

as i understand it, if we get custody we would not get support payments for the children in our custody, but we would then also not be subject to the rules about things like say cosleeping, etc.?
 
#3 ·
Both foster care and custody could change at some point in the future.

Custody means it's harder for CPS to take the kids away again, I would hope. Just ask my foster sister who was pulled from a placement with her aunt because they didn't like her arrangements for after-school supervision (at gma's house, w/ gma known to not respect their limits on when she could see her bio mom). It also sounds more permanent--which can be a big thing from the kid's point of view.

Personally, I would go for custody unless you are truly financially unable to take the child in question without the pittance the state gives as compensation (and the medicaid insurance). With custody, you could still be eligible for support payments from the parents, though.

Like the PP said, you should talk to a lawyer.
 
#4 ·
thanks for the responses. we would love to see the mom able to care for her children at some point in the future, but she needs to get her act together, and the kids need a stable place unless and until...

the money is a small issue for us... having less hassle and bureaucracy (interstate) to deal with is appealing.

i really really don't want to end up in court asking to keep away the children from their mother (the state has already taken them away). i don't know if petitioning for custody works like that... i just want to provide what stability i can for the kids if it is not safe for them to be with their mother.
 
#5 ·
We faced a similar decision recently in taking over care of our nieces:

We do not have custody over our nieces, we have a much less permanent notarized document which gives us permission to do all the things we need to do (I can look up the formal name for it if that would be useful). The mom had to sign it, of course. It's nice that she had sole custody so that we didn't need dad's signature. Otherwise, we'd have needed to go to court...there are many reasons we didn't do that including (a) we know she'll be ready for the kids back in July and (b) we live in a different state and arranging time off work to line up with the court date was a pain in the butt and (c) the court was already involved with mom's divorce recently and her sentencing for DUI and we didn't want any chance of CPS getting involved because we don't want them having any control in the family once mom gets out of prison. She co-sleeps and doesn't even have the requisite number of beds per person...it would just be a set up to take her kids away and we don't want that because she's a good mom. I guess that's really the main reason we're not doing formal foster care either, we don't just want the state out of our house, we don't want the state in HER house after the kids are home.

This has worked for us--it's enough to get the kids on medicare and a small stipend (not foster care stipend, but it's because we're raising kids who aren't ours. We'd also be eligible for help with daycare if we sent them to an eligible facility, but all of those are big ones and the girls are doing much better in a little home day care. I don't know what states do this, but we live in Ohio...). I don't actually know if they'd be eligible for medicare if they hadn't already been on it. To get them on our medical insurance, we would have needed court ordered custody, though.

If I haven't been clear enough (I'm tired, the kids are fighting sleep, the dog is being a pain because the girls want to snuggle with him...) just ask me about what I've left out...
 
#7 ·
I don't know your situation, but it's worth asking child protective services (or whatever the agency is called in your state) if there is such a thing as a relative care subsidy for children placed in the legal custody of a relative. Some states do have these funds.
 
#8 ·
DRJ, that's good to know, thanks!

bluezephyr - yup, the state is involved, but it's interesting to know what different ways this can all happen. one of the kids is with grandma now, and we've heard that grandma may be able to just pass care of the child over to us informally... which doesn't quite make sense since she doesn't technically have custody, i don't think... the state does?? but maybe it would be something along those lines where the child is placed with her but she's entrusted the child to our care?? it's all pretty confusing to me!
 
#9 ·
It will vary state to state.

If CPS has custody, then no, grandma can't just decide to give the kids to someone else.

In Texas, relative placements have to have approved home studies.

CPS would not maintain custody for an undetermined amount of time. Once the child is legally freed for adoption, CPS would want to make some sort of permanent arrangement, if the placement looks like it could be long term. Then you could go for either adoption or just guardianship. If the parents don't have their rights terminated, but CPS is give permanent custodianship (in Texas we call is permanent managing conservator) then you wouldn't be able to adopt but you would be able to be the guardian.

In Texas, relative placements to do not come with any assistance, so you would not lose that. If the child qualifies as "special needs" ie is over a certain age, a certain race, part of a sibling group, or true special medical/developmental/psych needs, then you would be eligible for adoption assistance such as Medicaid, post adoption stipends etc etc.

I absolutely positively would not want CPS involved in my life any longer than they have to. Its a hassle for you and confusing for the kids.
 
#10 ·
thanks... family services has assigned a permanency caseworker... and mom has 12-15 months to get things together. i guess that would be the point where they would be trying to transfer custody to a permanent family and stop being involved.

if we petition for custody now, will the mom continue to get the help she needs from family services and how will it be determined whether she can regain custody of her kids? would she have to file for custody? i don't want to be the one to say when it's safe for her to have her kids again.
 
#11 ·
the courts aren't going to give you custody of the kids unless mom's rights are terminated- unless she relinquishes custody to you. then no, she probably wouldn't receive any more services. and you giving custody BACK to her would look really bad to CPS, even if it is down the road.
 
#12 ·
huh, so there's not really such a thing as interim or temporary custody? the plan and hope and goal of everyone is for mom to be reunited with kids... though there's a real chance this will not be possible within the time frame the kids need. still, this doesn't seem like an appropriate time to shut the door on mom.... but doing things through family services means they spend longer with people who cannot keep them indefinitely... until we can get approved.
 
#13 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mezzaluna View Post
huh, so there's not really such a thing as interim or temporary custody? the plan and hope and goal of everyone is for mom to be reunited with kids... though there's a real chance this will not be possible within the time frame the kids need. still, this doesn't seem like an appropriate time to shut the door on mom.... but doing things through family services means they spend longer with people who cannot keep them indefinitely... until we can get approved.
I'm not sure I totally understand what you are asking......There is temporary custody, but that is in the form of CPS having legal custody of the children, but placing them in your physical custody once you are approved as a placement. However, if there come a time when CPS decides to stop working with the mother or offering the mother services (drug treatment, employment assistance, or whatever), the agency will then look at what the best permanent arrangement is for the children. Sometimes, that is termination of parental rights and sometimes it is placement with a relative until the children are 18.
 
#14 ·
right- CPS will have legal custody but can place the children with a relative if they choose. You would have the right to enroll the child in school and consent for medical treatment, but would not technically have custody- I like to call it "placement"-its probably just semantics.
 
#15 ·
we were told that an option for us would be we could petition the courts for legal custody of the kids... and my understanding was that would take family services out of the picture? but i'm wondering if that necessarily means terminating parental rights.
 
#16 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mezzaluna View Post
we were told that an option for us would be we could petition the courts for legal custody of the kids... and my understanding was that would take family services out of the picture? but i'm wondering if that necessarily means terminating parental rights.
You getting legal custody of the kids does not mean a termination of parental rights. The mother is still the mother - she just doesn't have custodial rights to the children.

I'm curious as to why CPS (or anyone) would tell you to petition the court for legal custody. If you want CPS out of the picture (and CPS wants to be out of the picture) then CPS should petition the court to place the children with you until they are 18. That would give you legal and physical custody and CPS would no longer be involved in your lives.
 
#17 ·
i agree with drj that i think that sounds a bit odd. but you can definitely have custody with termination of parental rights.

without giving it a lot of thought, i can't see why it would be beneficial. cps, really, is there to be an asset support. they are there to make sure mom completes her service plan. it should be cps' decision when to place the children with mom again. if they aren't planning to ever return them, then they should go forward with that.
 
#19 ·
I am currently working with a family that recently moved from Massachusetts. It is a grandmother and several grandchildren. CPS was involved and it ended with grandmother having guardianship of the children. No TPR occurred even though there were some terrible things done to the children. Although I only have a tiny picture of what transpired, I am really impressed with how Massachusetts handled everything and that these kids are with their family.
 
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