Attachment Disorders - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#91 of 104 Old 12-20-2007, 06:34 PM
 
queencarr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
so glad that you are going to get the help you need AND that they will cover the $$ part!!! It's nice to catch a break once in a while, eh?
queencarr is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#92 of 104 Old 12-20-2007, 06:34 PM
 
vermonttaylors's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,918
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
Hurray! I heard back from Catholic Social Services (I didn't expect to hear from them until after the holidays) and it's all good news!

1) The woman laughed and said, "Oh, yes, yes, certainly" to everything I said when I described our issues. They know what I am talking about!

2) They are interested in working with Desta.

3) They are sending me the paperwork and ...

4) Best of all! They have a grant from the Human Services Levy that will pay for the therapy ... so it will be FREE!!

Finally I feel like I'm catching a break!

dm

Great News!!!!!
vermonttaylors is offline  
#93 of 104 Old 12-20-2007, 06:35 PM
 
Starr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 6,061
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That is fantastic! I am so glad it worked out.
Starr is offline  
#94 of 104 Old 12-20-2007, 06:36 PM
 
sugarmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 1,376
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
Hurray! I heard back from Catholic Social Services (I didn't expect to hear from them until after the holidays) and it's all good news!

1) The woman laughed and said, "Oh, yes, yes, certainly" to everything I said when I described our issues. They know what I am talking about!

2) They are interested in working with Desta.

3) They are sending me the paperwork and ...

4) Best of all! They have a grant from the Human Services Levy that will pay for the therapy ... so it will be FREE!!

Finally I feel like I'm catching a break!

dm
Hurray!

I think that in almost all states, if not all, you at least get continued medicaid coverage when you adopt your foster child. In my state, it is very easy to find providers (therapists, pedi, pedi dentists) who accept medicaid. I know that is not the case everywhere, but it makes things easy for me.

And everyone should ask about post adoption services. This varies greatly from state to state. In my state, they are available, free, to any adopive family, not just state adoptions, and provide case management (often in-home) and respite funding which can be used in variety of creative ways.

About the dx'ing -- I think many families do "self dx" and then go looking for the right therapist. So I do not think that all kids we hear about being RAD are meeting all diagnostic criteria, but I do think they are at least exhibiting some attachment issues, and will benefit from a therapist skilled in promoting attachment.

The hard thing about RAD is that the people most likely to see the symptoms are the parents, and often they are the only ones, at least at first.
sugarmoon is offline  
#95 of 104 Old 12-20-2007, 08:28 PM
 
queenjane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,199
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
I think that in almost all states, if not all, you at least get continued medicaid coverage when you adopt your foster child.
In my state (MI)children adopted who are under age 3 generally do not qualify for subsidy (and therefore Medicaid)unless they were at a Level 2 Foster Care level (which seems like they would have some significant issues, like involved medical issues or some severe DD...because they would have to bypass Basic and Level 1 to get to Level 2)....so when i get a foster child, if that child is a baby, and i'm lucky enough to be able to adopt that child after a year or two, i'll likely lose the monthly support and the medicaid card, which kind of scares me (though i'd probably qualify for some state insurance for the child due to my lower income.)

So while i'm hoping to be placed with a younger child for adoption (would be fine with an older child too), its unfortunate that i wouldnt be getting any subsidy, its not a huge amount (like $400/mo)but would *really* help. I think its so strange...for a child under three you either get nothing, or like $700+/mo (level 2 rate)...no inbetween. I guess its because they have no problem placing kids under 3 (even those with severe issues.)

It bothers me that if i adopt a 2.5 yo, and a year later i realize the child has RAD, it will be very difficult going back to the state and asking for insurance or therapy...it can be done, but i got the impression from my worker that it was not a sure thing.


Katherine

Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
queenjane is offline  
#96 of 104 Old 12-22-2007, 01:16 AM
 
Rockies5's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 2,491
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Couldn't read and not post.

Thank you to everyone who has added to this discussion.

Thank God you aren't abandoning the forum, DM.

I'm just a mama/struggling student/adoption forum lurker and hopeful future-adoptive parent.

Carrie, The Birthteacher CCE and Doula, real mom to five; and womb-mom to G. born at 23w by emergency C. 12/09
Rockies5 is offline  
#97 of 104 Old 12-22-2007, 10:25 AM
 
Nan'sMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,484
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suebie View Post
A friend directed me to this board because she felt so sorry for Dharmamama and by association, me. I live DM's life to some extent. I see she's left the thread but I plan to hunt her down.
But what I wanted to add to all the very enlightened responses (I really loved them all) is to explain in my own way what parenting a RAD child is like. My metaphore a bit crass, but I think people can grasp it.
Parenting a child who does not want to be parented is like bringing in a ferral cat. You can already imagine how different this is than picking up a kitten from a home where its been handled kindly by humans since birth.
This ferral cat doesn't trust humans. It has been taking care of itself for some time now. It doesn't trust any non-cats at all and never will if left to its own devices.
But if you take charge of this ferral cat and restructure its world so that you are the provider and nurturer, it can learn to trust and love humans in a ricipricol way.
The key is in taking charge. If you just simply felt sorry for the cat and stuck out some tuna and let it come around on its own terms, you might have a front porch cat but definitely not a lap cat.
What do you have to do? Well, first you need to cage it. (Of course you wouldn't cage a child but it's a metaphore for how small you make their world). You need to be the sole provider of its food. And you need to pet and hold it.
You can definitely count on getting scratched and bitten in the process and if you make its territory too big too soon, it will climb your curtains and pee on your bed. If it gets out, it will be gone for good. It's not personal, it just doesn't need you.
But through a slow and deliberate process, you can gain this cat's trust. In time, it will come to you for love and even give some back. But it will never happen unless you take the control.
The wonderful thing (and the reason I do what I do) is that this trust can now be transferred onto other humans. This cat will not scratch any other humans, either, now. Isn't that great?
All this applies to our children. It's the same neurological process that we are born with. Survive by trusting, or survive by your wits....depending on your environment.
How is that?
I know this is WAY off topic but I'm replying specifically to the feral cat analogy for safety reasons, in case anyone actually had the idea of trying this example with feral cats. As someone who has worked extensively with feral cats, I can tell you that it would be very dangerous to engage in forced handling of an adult feral cat. In fact, I know of several people who have almost lost hands this way (they are fine after intensive hospital stays and/or antibiotics). It would be somewhat akin to trying to handle an adult raccoon...i.e., a very bad idea. You CAN engage in forced handling of a feral kitten and cage them in order to tame them (even then, you need to know what you're doing and be very careful), but with feral adults, it works way better to let then feel safe and hidden, provide food, comfort and security, and build trust. In fact, taming tends to happen more quickly outdoors in their own environment than indoors. Some will never tame. I have heard on the internet, but do not know personally of some people who practice T-Touch (a therapeutic touch) who have tamed ferals that are confined, but they certainly didn't go grabbing them and risking being severely bitten. (Another side note is that ferals usually won't pee on your bed...they will try to use the litterbox or your plants, unless you take in a male and don't neuter him, then he may mark your house)

Sorry for the divergence from the thread. I've been following this with interest since we have some adoptive members of our extended family and I'm interested in issues that may come up surrounding adoption.
Nan'sMom is offline  
#98 of 104 Old 12-22-2007, 12:54 PM
 
blessed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nan'sMom View Post
...with feral adults, it works way better to let then feel safe and hidden, provide food, comfort and security, and build trust..
We had colonies of feral cats (as well as big horned sheep, cougars, etc) at our river canyon home. One night an injured young tom cat broke into a cracked basement window and wound up in our living room. We tackled him with using thick blankets, then took him to the vet where they put him under general anesthesia to remove his dangling eyeball and clean out the pus filled eye socket.

They had to handle him with thick gloves extending to the upper arm, lined on the outside with steel ball bearings which prevented puncture from bites or scratches. The vet tried to refuse to release him to me, convinced we would be seriously hurt trying to care for him. But I persuaded her and took him home.

Long and short, after working with him extensively for several weeks, he gradually became intensely bonded to me. He would run to me and climb on my shoulder, lay on me for hours purring, and follow me where ever I went. He remained wary and fearful of other people and never got to where he would let dh do much more than pet him while I held him in my arms and he growled defensively.

He ended up being one of my favorite cats of all time. Unfortunately a coyote took him about a year later. It's probably just as well, because dd came shortly after, and I would have been very worried about her safety around him.
blessed is offline  
#99 of 104 Old 12-23-2007, 01:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
dharmamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Bywater, West Farthing
Posts: 4,447
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Today I told Desta about the AT program at Catholic Social Services. I told her that I didn't think that we had a very good relationship and that I wanted better for both of us (that's a condensed version of the the conversation). She got irritated and rolled her eyes and said, "Why are you making me do this?"

I said, "Well, kid, we're going to turn this relationship from crappy to happy."

She couldn't help but smile and laughed in spite of herself.



dm
dharmamama is offline  
#100 of 104 Old 12-23-2007, 05:01 AM
 
Tigerchild's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Seattle Eastside
Posts: 4,737
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post

I said, "Well, kid, we're going to turn this relationship from crappy to happy."

She couldn't help but smile and laughed in spite of herself.


Ha!
Tigerchild is offline  
#101 of 104 Old 12-23-2007, 10:49 AM
 
pumpkingirl71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southeastern MA
Posts: 1,287
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
Today I told Desta about the AT program at Catholic Social Services.
I am so glad you have access to such a program And maybe a little jealous... Unfortunately, the Catholic Church has totally pulled out of pre and post adoption services in our state.
pumpkingirl71 is offline  
#102 of 104 Old 12-23-2007, 08:15 PM
 
Suebie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That's a great story, Blessed.
Okay, okay. I wasn't promoting picking up feral cats. I have seen on the news people who make it their lives and do well. That's what made me think of the analogy.
Well, ladies, it's been nice chatting with you. But it's become apparent that I don't belong here. You have a nice little clique and seem to know each other well. That's good. But I'm not in the mood to try to break in. With the acception of being doubted, I've gotten no responses. You are a nice bunch of people, but not the most welcoming. Just so you know.
No hard feelings. Carry on.
Suebie is offline  
#103 of 104 Old 12-23-2007, 08:52 PM
 
pumpkingirl71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Southeastern MA
Posts: 1,287
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suebie View Post
That's a great story, Blessed.
Okay, okay. I wasn't promoting picking up feral cats.
Sorry I didn't post earlier to thank you for your contirbutions. Really, I feel that just one person is doubting everyone here. I truly believe that most of us are thankful for your contributions and are really exhausted from fighting with the one person who is being difficult.

Thanks again!
pumpkingirl71 is offline  
#104 of 104 Old 12-23-2007, 09:40 PM
 
blessed's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,006
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suebie View Post
That's a great story, Blessed.
Okay, okay. I wasn't promoting picking up feral cats. I have seen on the news people who make it their lives and do well. That's what made me think of the analogy.
Well, ladies, it's been nice chatting with you. But it's become apparent that I don't belong here. You have a nice little clique and seem to know each other well. That's good. But I'm not in the mood to try to break in. With the acception of being doubted, I've gotten no responses. You are a nice bunch of people, but not the most welcoming. Just so you know.
No hard feelings. Carry on.
: Gee, I was just sharing a cool cat story. To be honest, I didn't even realize that it was you who had initially brought up the idea of feral cats. I wasn't controverting you in any way.

And I agree with pumpkingirl - I've pretty much the only one who has been butting heads here. And I've since clammed up. Don't leave on my account.

But I may hop in with a kitty story or a kid story now and again. Don't read into it.
blessed is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off