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#1 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 10:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is a support thread only. Please don't be critical or tell me how you could do it better.

ETA: Desta has RAD, so she's not just a "normal teenager."

I have worked extremely hard with Desta in the 19 months she has been with us. I have invested a huge amount of time (both physical and emotional) and a huge amount of energy (both physical and emotional) trying to attach to her, to make her feel loved and safe, and to help her deal with her emotions and the things that happened to her in the 11 years before she came to us.

Yesterday, for the first time, I had the feeling of, "Stick a fork in me, I'm done."

Desta woke up and for some reason was giving me the Desta Treatment (tm), which includes the active cold shoulder, the rolling eyes, the turning her back on me when I talk to her, and the sneer that could shatter glass. My initial "Honey, it's time to get up and get ready to go to the Dharma Center" (a place she likes to go) was greeted with an icy stare and silence. She went on to ignore me the rest of the day except for the two times she wanted something from me.

Honestly, I finally felt like, "You know what? Screw it. If she wants to be pissy and ignore me, maybe I'll just be pissy and ignore her too." I KNOW that's not the right thing. I KNOW that I need to be unconditionally loving and accepting. But I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly being rebuffed. I am tired of being the constant target of anger. I'm tired of spending so much of my time and energy trying to deal with Desta and her issues. I want my old life back. My life has revolved around Desta's problems for almost two years. I'm getting nothing from this relationship, and it's not gratifying. I read about people who have parented difficult kids and frequently, when they talk about the challenges, they also talk about how rewarding it is/was. I don't find it rewarding at all. I finding it draining and unfulfilling. I never get a break and I am physically and emotionally tired from constantly having to stay two steps ahead of Desta. Ramona was a very discontent baby and I was very tired and drained with her, too, but I actually got something emotionally fulfilling from the work of caring for her. I get no emotional rewards from Desta.

We are still in the process of getting into the attachment therapy program, but I honestly feel like I am going to have to tell the people there, "Let's do this thing, but I'm kinda beyond caring." I feel, at this point, like maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we just existed in the same house for the next five years and then she turned 18 and moved out and that was it. I want (or used to want) a good relationship with her. Now I just want a break from the constant hassle.

Everything, everything is a struggle. She gets to watch a movie on th weekend ... so she rewinds and rewinds and rewinds and accidentally turns the DVD off and stuff to extend her tv time.

She has to be sitting on the couch, coat and shoes on, 5 minutes before we leave for anything so that she doesn't hold us up, so now, instead of being chronically late, she's on the couch 15 minutes early and complaining of being hot in her coat.

She has to take a shower every day, so she stands in the water for 40 seconds (literally) and claims she's washed.

She loves bagels and happily wolfs them down for breakfast, but when I didn't make bread one day, I had to listen to a tirade about what she is going to eat for lunch at school ... apparently a bagel is ONLY for breakfast.

I just don't want to expend the energy to keep on top of these things. I want more energy for my younger kids, and I simply want to enjoy life again.

And yes, the guilt is killing me. I'm supposed to be a better mom than this. How could I possibly give up on my kid? What kind of person does that?



dm
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#2 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 10:14 AM
 
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A real person, perhaps? It is OK to have a bad day. It is OK to look at your kids and feel completely, totally and utterly defeated and humiliated by them, like all the parenting in the world and all the modelling and GD and every single time you've counted to ten rather than shout is absolutely worthless, because in the end, kids are people too. And so, sometimes they have a bad day- or two- or twentytwo, and they take it out on us.
You know what my day consisted of so far? A 9yo boy going to school with no coat on because he left it in the car (which goes to university with dad), a 7yo boy throwing a tantrum and screaming like a very young toddler because we asked him to wash his ears, and my 2yo. No reason, they're just being them. TBH, Desta sounds pretty cool, and the way she's trying to problem-solve her boundaries to get more freedom is REALLY cool (though I can say this, I don't have a 13yo girl in my house )
. You can do this. Just sit, breathe, then repeat as necessary. This isn't an adoption thing (or not just an adoption thing, anyhow), it's a big kid thing. A people thing. The two of you can work this out.

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#3 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 10:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, Desta has RAD, so I think it is an adoption thing.

dm
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#4 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 10:41 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. And I'm so sorry for what Desta went through before she came home. It's just not fair.

Of course it is an adoption thing. It's also an adoption thing compounded by an adolescent thing. What a hard combination.

Is there anyone who can provide you with a little respite care? It really sounds like you need a break, which we all do from time to time, but with what you are going through sounds absolutely essential.
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#5 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 10:56 AM
 
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dharmamama,

I'm so sorry you and Desta are having to go through this. It's just not fair and it sucks. EFmom beat me to the suggestion of respite care, if it is available to you. I wish I could help you out in some way but know that I am thinking about you. Even though it probably doesn't feel like it, you are doing a great job. You are human, not perfect, and it is okay to feel discouraged, angry, depressed, whatever. This is not the way it is supposed to be, and it is okay to grieve that loss yourself. Is there a single moment or experience that you can lock on to that you can focus on when things are so rough to get you through? That was a strategy that I used when grieving the loss of our daughter when I felt overwhelmed and ready to give up on everything. Another thing that helped me was to give into the feeling for a limited amount of time in a safe way, and then contract with myself to stop after 15 minutes or so. If these aren't helpful, I apologize.
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#6 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 11:00 AM
 
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Im sorry things are so hard for you right now. Please dont be so hard on yourself... your doing the best you can and as a pp said, your only human even though we all think we need to be supermoms.

Is there something you can involve Desta in away from home? Are their any activities she likes she can take part in after school (sports, music, clubs?), or classes in something like art? This might help you get some needed space and keep her entertained for a few extra hours a day. Or maybe a saturday morning class through the park district or something? Maybe there is some camp she can go to this summer? I am sure you thought of all that, but I think EFmom is right, you do need some respite.

Can I ask how your other two children are dealing with Desta's RAD? How is she with them?

Im so sorry things are hard for you. I parented (fostered) a toddler with a mild attatchment disorder for about six months and that was challenging... I can only guess at how draining it is to parent an older child with RAD.

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#7 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 11:48 AM
 
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DM
I've been following your story and am always amazed at your strengthand grace.

I know you are waiting to start an attachment therapy program with Desta, but have you ever been in your own therapy? It might be nice to have A) an hour of uninterrupted time that is all about you and B) someone in your corner, being supportive. It probably won't FIX anything except maybe help refill your emotional cup a bit.

Only support from me, mama. I can't imagine how difficult this is.
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#8 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 12:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post

I have worked extremely hard with Desta in the 19 months she has been with us. I have invested a huge amount of time (both physical and emotional) and a huge amount of energy (both physical and emotional) trying to attach to her, to make her feel loved and safe, and to help her deal with her emotions and the things that happened to her in the 11 years before she came to us.


Yesterday, for the first time, I had the feeling of, "Stick a fork in me, I'm done."
(((((dm)))))) I've been there, it's a crummy feeling, but really, it is so valid. You signed up to be a mom, not to quit being human and having your own feelings and reactions to things!

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Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
Desta woke up and for some reason was giving me the Desta Treatment (tm), which includes the active cold shoulder, the rolling eyes, the turning her back on me when I talk to her, and the sneer that could shatter glass. My initial "Honey, it's time to get up and get ready to go to the Dharma Center" (a place she likes to go) was greeted with an icy stare and silence. She went on to ignore me the rest of the day except for the two times she wanted something from me.
Did you give her what she wanted from you at those times? I'm not sure what the "right" answer is, just curious, and trying to explore options here.

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Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
Honestly, I finally felt like, "You know what? Screw it. If she wants to be pissy and ignore me, maybe I'll just be pissy and ignore her too." I KNOW that's not the right thing. I KNOW that I need to be unconditionally loving and accepting. But I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly being rebuffed. I am tired of being the constant target of anger. I'm tired of spending so much of my time and energy trying to deal with Desta and her issues. I want my old life back. My life has revolved around Desta's problems for almost two years. I'm getting nothing from this relationship, and it's not gratifying. I read about people who have parented difficult kids and frequently, when they talk about the challenges, they also talk about how rewarding it is/was. I don't find it rewarding at all. I finding it draining and unfulfilling. I never get a break and I am physically and emotionally tired from constantly having to stay two steps ahead of Desta. Ramona was a very discontent baby and I was very tired and drained with her, too, but I actually got something emotionally fulfilling from the work of caring for her. I get no emotional rewards from Desta.
Is she willing to engage in any of the bonding type activities? Lotion hands, face-tracing? Do you have a favorite pic of her that you can put somewhere that helps you remember why you love her, and gives you a bit of a boost? It is *so* hard when the relationship is so one-sided and they never do anything that makes you smile and feel good about your kid! I have been there too, and omg, I don't miss it. I really feel for you.

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Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
We are still in the process of getting into the attachment therapy program, but I honestly feel like I am going to have to tell the people there, "Let's do this thing, but I'm kinda beyond caring." I feel, at this point, like maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we just existed in the same house for the next five years and then she turned 18 and moved out and that was it. I want (or used to want) a good relationship with her. Now I just want a break from the constant hassle.
Yep, and frankly, with some kids, that *is* as good as it is going to get. I think a lot of the people who are writing about how rewarding it was, are writing about many years later! People who are in the fray are talking about how hard and how miserable things are. Where do you go online for support besides here? I get a lot from a foster parents board, although some folks there are very not AP, and several foster and adoptive parents blogs. I can PM you links, if you want.

But hang in there for the AT to start! I really really hope that helps for you guys. For me, with my ffs, sometimes the hour we spent together in therapy was the only good hour of the week we had together, but it kept me going, yk?

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Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
Everything, everything is a struggle. She gets to watch a movie on th weekend ... so she rewinds and rewinds and rewinds and accidentally turns the DVD off and stuff to extend her tv time.

She has to be sitting on the couch, coat and shoes on, 5 minutes before we leave for anything so that she doesn't hold us up, so now, instead of being chronically late, she's on the couch 15 minutes early and complaining of being hot in her coat.

She has to take a shower every day, so she stands in the water for 40 seconds (literally) and claims she's washed.

She loves bagels and happily wolfs them down for breakfast, but when I didn't make bread one day, I had to listen to a tirade about what she is going to eat for lunch at school ... apparently a bagel is ONLY for breakfast.
Ugh. I hear ya. I know it has been said before, and I'm *know* how RAD kids can find a new battle to fight, when you give up on one, but can you pare down your battles to the bare minimum? Or do some paradoxical responses? Praise her for her water conservation efforts when she takes such short showers etc? I hope I'm not coming across as too glib or anything. Believe me, I *know* that when you are in the trenches with a RAD kid, you can hear all these ideas, heck, you can think of them yourself, but you Just. Don't. Want. To. Do. It. And that is okay sometimes I think. Like I said, adopting Desta didn't mean you had to quit being human.


Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
I just don't want to expend the energy to keep on top of these things. I want more energy for my younger kids, and I simply want to enjoy life again.

And yes, the guilt is killing me. I'm supposed to be a better mom than this. How could I possibly give up on my kid? What kind of person does that?



dm
((hugs)) It feels so crummy I know. But sometimes, some kids really can't *do* a family. My ffs had to go back to residential, and I felt *so* crappy about it. But then, I also felt Relief!

There is a possibility that she would be better able to have a relation ship with you guys if she didn't live at home full time.

I hope things get better soon.

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#9 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 12:42 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. Are there alot of older adopted children in your area? Something where maybe once a month Desta can meet up with them and they can all talk and voice their frustrations or what they are going through? Adolescence isn't easy but to have other things on your plate as well, must make it diffcult.

I think you are a GREAT mom, even if you feel depleted and ready to throw in the towel the reason you feel that way is BECAUSE you have been so concerned and pro active.
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#10 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 01:09 PM
 
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I am not a mom through adoption, but I found this when I searched for "New Posts".

I used to teach middle school and ran the child study team for my school. I worked closely with a mom who adopted two teenage daughters from South America. The family went through a very similar, heart-wrenching experience.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your pain.

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#11 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 01:34 PM
 
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Sorry, I didn't mean to undervalue your feelings, just offer support. You can do this- whatever this needs to be for your family. I was being entirely serious, though, when I suggested just taking it one breath at a time.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#12 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 01:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Did you give her what she wanted from you at those times? I'm not sure what the "right" answer is, just curious, and trying to explore options here.
Yeah, I did. Once she wanted to know how to spell Target so she could go to their website to look at digital cameras (she's planning to spend her Christmas money on one) and once she wanted me to tell Ramona to leave her alone.

dm
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#13 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 02:09 PM
 
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DM, I don't have any advice at all. But, maybe you aren't looking for any - at this point, what is there left to suggest? KWIM? Especially since I am not trained at all in RAD.

I know Desta can be frustrating and I think the harder thing is A) people NOT understanding that this is not just a typical teenage problem and B) she has RAD PLUS all that teenage crap. And dealing with a new culture.

I'm sorry you are feeling so defeated right now. I think we have all been at the point of "omg, I just don't care any more at all" but at least most of us do have the reward of a smile or hug or something at a later time. I think your feelings are absolutely justified. And probably SO normal in the experience of parents of RAD kids.

I bet going into the new attachment program, many parents are at that point. And that's ok - maybe once you start that, you will get a small reward once in a while. and that will keep you going for a little bit.

My daughter doesn't have RAD and this next part is NOT TO COMPARE REFLUX TO RAD AT ALL. It's just to relate a time when I had the most awful thoughts and wanted to give up desperately so that you will know you aren't alone.

She did have terrible reflux. For the first two weeks, it was bliss. Then, at two weeks old, she started screaming and crying and didn't stop for 4 months. Unless we were in public, for the most part. Because she was distracted by the new sights and people. And my ONLY and CONSTANT thought for 4 full months was "I hate this. I can't do this. I made a terrible mistake and I am a terrible mother and I hate being a mother and clearly God didn't want me to be a mom and now i am paying the price" and all sorts of terrible thoughts. I would just sob in her room while rocking her, while thinking all sorts of REALLY bad thoughts. And there wasn't anyone who really understood - I just heard over and over that this was motherhood and I shouldn't have adopted if I didn't want it and it wasn't that bad and blah, blah, blah, have you tried this or that or flim or flam because it worked GREAT FOR THAT MOTHER OVER THERE. HER BABY IS PERFECT. We tried to warn you what it would be like but you still insisted on adopting. Etc.

And it was very lonely.

And I cannot imagine how strong you must be to deal with difficult thoughts that you can't help feeling every day with no respite, no end in sight except for 5 years from now.

Your doing the best you can for her. No one can ask for more from you than that. And your feelings are your feelings, no matter if they are nice or bad or completely lack of empathy or whatever.
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#14 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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It's okay to feel this way now and then. My kiddo's challenges are different than yours, but I definitely have days where I feel like saying "okay, so you want to scream and cry and rage all day? Fine. Be that way. I'll be avoiding you."

It's human, it's okay.

I don't know about RAD enough to offer advice on Desta, but I do know the soul-crushing feeling of being at the end of your rope. Is there something you can do to recharge yourself? Can you reorganize your week so that you start getting something that feels GOOD? A class? A social time? A vacation?

I know, as moms, we always tell each other to "get some time for yourself," and the reality of life gets in the way 99% of the time. But when you're feeling like this, it's time to take action. Your mind and body and soul are telling you that *you* need something, that *you* need help and support. Desta can't give that to you, but you can. I think if you give yourself some of what you need, you'll feel energized again.

I'm sorry it's so hard.

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#15 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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For what it's worth, I think you are doing an awesome job.

I was a foster parent for 8 years, and we had one foster kid every other weekend for three of those years. She sounds just like Desta, except for the silent treatment - this kid would not shut up. But all the RAD behaviours were her.

Anyway, the dad and stepmom (mom was not in the picture, thank goodness), wanted to keep the family intact, but they needed the break. So CAS (our version of CPS) would take the girl into care every other Friday, and release her every other Sunday, so she came to us. This was all voluntary - it kept the family together, gave them the support and break they needed. Maybe your social services has something similar?
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#16 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 02:26 PM
 
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And yes, the guilt is killing me. I'm supposed to be a better mom than this. How could I possibly give up on my kid? What kind of person does that?
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know the feeling of guilt eating you up for not being able to "be the adult." But dealing with a child with an attachment/behavior disorder grinds you down The constant misbehavior on purpose...But you are a great mom. Or at least I think so I don't know if you feel this way, but I often have these weird feelings about whether my child would have the same negative behavior with differnet parents. Sometimes it makes me feel worse. But your commitment to Desta is what is eating you up. And that makes you a great mom!

We have never used respite, but we did look into it. Just knowing we had respite available made all of the difference. But still, a week of respite might make you feel like an new mom. And it may give you some space to focus on the positive in Desta that can help your relationship. But even if you just get a break, that is good too.
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#17 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 03:20 PM
 
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dharmamama,

I think flapjack was very right in the first thing she said - you are a real person. You are not a superhero. You are someone who has been fighting a tiring battle for a long time.

I hope you are able to get into the attachment therapy program quickly. Also, are you in some sort of RAD support group for parents? I don't know if you have one in your area, but I think there are some online, too.

I'm sure you've already googled the information many times in the past two years. Here's one site, though: http://www.reactiveattachmentdisorde.../article3.html

Remember, this is not about something you have done. You have a sick kid. Both of you (and this means YOU!) deserve some special care. I second (or third) the suggestion for respite care.

I've followed your story over the past couple years, and I hope you and your daughter can both find some peace soon.
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#18 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 03:21 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Parenting can be rage and defeat-producing enough, without having RAD compounding it.

I'll second a PP though, in gently asking if YOU can have some time to find a good counselor? Not to "fix" you, but to have a safe place to vent. Maybe when you get in to see the attachment therapist, you can ask her/him for a recommendation for you? You're having to be very vulnerable, and extend yourself for someone who is going to give you a lot of rejection. That means that you should have someone supporting you as well, you deserve it just as much as Desta does.
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#19 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 03:45 PM
 
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Yknow, even if you DO just exist in the same home for the next several years, even if you two never do develop a true attachment....you've still done a good thing for this child. Recently a mom on one of my lists (who has like four grown daughters w/ RAD), said something about how her daughters' kids are better off for the daughters having been adopted into a family. That sometimes when you are in the thick of it, its hard to see ten or twenty years down the line...but someday Desta may have children of her own, and you will be there, you will be Grandma. Family. And *thats* important too...you will be making a difference. She also said that it often does get better once these kids are adults, they grow up, they often change for the better. (And of course then you dont have to *live* with them...so that makes it easier too!)

I agree with the others....does Desta have someone else, another family member perhaps, or respite care, that she can spend time with...just to give you a break, time to recharge, time to enjoy your other kids without such intense focus on Desta?

I think the attachment therapy will help.....so hang on!

And, as others have posted too....nothing Desta does is a reflection of you and your mothering....you didnt damage her, you didnt cause it, you are doing your very best. And if what you need right now, to protect yourself, to build your reserves, is to distance yourself from Desta a bit....well i say, just do that. Maybe that will help you build yourself up some to be ready for the attachment therapy?




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#20 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 04:13 PM
 
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I just re-read your post and realized that you didn't want suggestions, so I've deleted my original post. I do second what another post said about getting counseling for yourself. I don't think you should see it as a weakness or that there is something wrong with you as a mother. It sounds like you need more support than you have in dealing with your child's RAD. Take good care of yourself, and get breaks if you can!
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#21 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 04:15 PM
 
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Just posting some support!
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deleted because the original post was altered
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seems as though she gave enough disclaimer to her advice to show that she was just trying to be supportive and helpful.
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#24 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 04:34 PM
 
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Yes, I know that, and that's why I edited my post. Please take a look at my edited post before reading me the riot act.
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#25 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 05:20 PM
 
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Also, it seems really unfair of you to take a small portion of my post and then quote it out of context. I was very much acknowledging that I don't have a child with RAD and that Dharmamama should feel free to discount anything I might say. I didn't say that I don't know anything about RAD, though, but you are assuming that. I explained that I had experience living with someone with PA and that a lot of the behaviors I'd experienced were just like what Dharmamama is going through. And I have read a lot about RAD, so I know it's not just "common sense" to deal with it. Your post makes a lot of presumptions about me.

Like I said, I re read Dharamama's post and realized that she didn't want any advice, so I deleted my original post.
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#26 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 06:14 PM
 
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to you. Even though it doesn' feel like it, I think that every struggle you are having with Desta is having a positive effect on her. Little by little by little, it is working to help her. I can't imagine doing it myself and have the upmost respect for you. again

Alicia DH Mike DS Gage Lola & Zeus Fishy Dishy, Charkey and Shark
RIP Sidney 1994-2010 RIP Charlie Brown 2008-2010
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#27 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 06:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama View Post
We are still in the process of getting into the attachment therapy program, but I honestly feel like I am going to have to tell the people there, "Let's do this thing, but I'm kinda beyond caring." I feel, at this point, like maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we just existed in the same house for the next five years and then she turned 18 and moved out and that was it. I want (or used to want) a good relationship with her. Now I just want a break from the constant hassle.

honestly, as the worst case scenario, i don't think this is that awful. i think if you need to say that for now you just need to work on co-existing and not making breakthroughs on attachment or building a relationship, then that really seems ok. i doubt you will feel that way for a long time, but if just the mechanics of caring for her is all you can do right now, then that might really just be all you got.


Mama to Jet 6/05, Marvel 8/06 and Cash and Fox 2/09
Expecting Ada Marianne 11/14
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#28 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 06:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks to everyone for the support. Sometimes one just needs a pat on the back, right?

I caught the tail end of an altered-post discussion. Without trying to single anyone out, I do want to point out that avoiding a power struggle with Desta is next to impossible, because the issue isn't so much with Desta not getting what she wants. The issue is her need to control me all the time. She is desperate for control.

For example, she once asked me whether we could have spinach enchiladas for dinner. I said sure, chucked our other dinner plans, made tortillas and enchilada sauce from scratch, and prepared the meal.

When I gave Desta her plate, she looked at it, looked at me, and said, "I don't want that."

If I disengage from a certain power struggle, she just picks a new one, because her motivation isn't getting what she wants. It's controlling the situation. It's controlling me. And I'm not just being paranoid or suspicious of her. RAD kids are like that.

dm
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#29 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 06:50 PM
 
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I have not parented a child with RAD, but I have taught children with similar issues. Add that to just teenage and I truly think you are an angel to deal as well as you have.

Really. Be proud of yourself. You are a strong, powerful, loving mama-bear doing the very best you can in a totally crappy situation.

This is just one of those situations that doesn't seem to have a lot of positives *right now*. It's the kind of time that in my life I just have to resort back to my belief of everything happening for some greater reason.

Hang in there. Know that there are mamas around the world who know and appreciate what you're doing, even if Desta can't right now.

-Angela
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#30 of 110 Old 01-07-2008, 07:00 PM
 
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dm,

HONEY

HONEY

I am so sorry for your struggles

We all know how hard you have "worked" and how dedicated you have been, how much time and effort you have put into being a mom -- and not a mary poopins everything is fine mom ... but really rubber meets the road hard working momma


Quote:
We are still in the process of getting into the attachment therapy program, but I honestly feel like I am going to have to tell the people there, "Let's do this thing, but I'm kinda beyond caring."
I have no good advice, all i can do is offer you support and HUGS and HUGS.....

A thought --and I am so very sorry if i have missed this fact in another thread -- have you consided thrapy for YOU ... not that anything is WRONG with you but just so you have one hour a week, or every other week to let loose, to not worry, to vent, to cry, to not have to "be on top of it all" .. to refill YOUR cup so you have a well from which to give?

another thought -- i am sure that when you start family work with D the threpist will be "used to" your feelings of "being done and beyond careing" ... I would think that they start at that point with a lot of their families. Don't worry and don't feel about it -- you guys (as a family) need help and they only way to get that help, and the best for D and the rest of the family as a unit and as indivduals -- is to be honest and accpet the help.

when do you start the AT with the catholic services???

Are there any other services you can access -- at catholic services or anywhere else? Respite might be nice, if you can pull it. but if not, at least a hour or two a week (therpy, go to the gym) so whatever ......

HUGS HUGS

Aimee

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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