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#1 of 27 Old 01-10-2008, 11:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First of all I believe that it was here that I posted last about coming to peace with losing my adoptive daughter after 14 months. Can anyone with more know how find that thread for me so I can just add to it?

Secondly, update. We had our level 2 review today and the woman who did it seemed sane. We got to speak about the level one review and the untruths in it, subjective opinions etc. It went fairly well and I got to say how I am grieving and missing my girl. She is going to speak with the Foster family support person whois an agent who worked against us with DCF, and to my therapist as well as to DD's teacher who made accusations, never to me, that DD went to school dirty and without drink money or snack. Not true, and she never mentioned any of these concerns to me. I am scared about it. I told her that my reputation had been ruined and that I have cared for dozens of kids, raised 3 with special needs and knew how to parent this child with attachment disorder. I told her my 20 year old DD was difficult to parent due to OCD and PTSD from 4 years old, and is a wonderful, charming, intelligent, moral young woman. I got to speak my truth. I don't know what it will be worth. You mothers all should know how I want my child back. Yeah, I know you told me that she's not mine and I won't win. Can you offer me a little hope and heart? Can I please get my reputation back? They stole that from me.

I post and respond to posts but I guess not being well known that I don't get a lot of responses. But I ask you to help with this. I know others have more serious issues but this is like losing another child to me. Help me?
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#2 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 12:04 AM
 
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First of all
How very hard to grow to love a child and have them taken away....I can't even imagine the pain of it.
What did the lady say today? What is the next step in getting your dfd back?

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#3 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 12:06 AM
 
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I don't have any specific advice but I have read your story and I am really sorry for you...
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#4 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 12:19 AM
 
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Good luck with everything.

Ruth, single mommy to 3 quasi-adults
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#5 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 12:25 AM
 
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I am not familiar with your original thread, but I can't imagine fostering a child and then having that child removed from my home, along with suffering the damage to your name/reputation, after giving so much of your SELF and your love. It hurts, when a system assumes the worst of us. I hope you are able to heal, and that the woman today was listening with an open mind/heart. Hang in there!
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#6 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 12:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know IF she will be coming home. This is just another step in the process. I don't think we will be doing the final step, the Human Services Board. I need to put a stop here after the findings here, unless, they are still blowing noise about my health diagnoses being the reasons I can't keep her. At that point I will go to the Human Rights Commision and make a formal complaint. I had to reveal PTSD and they have used that against me. So, I am hoping this woman has her act together and researches this case and gives me my sweet little one back. She did sound together. She really listened, took notes etc. She supervises the county the hurt us so.
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#7 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 01:02 AM
 
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Oh, Momtomany, I feel for you. I had a foster son for 18 months and thought we could adopt him, and then he was moved a week after they found a family member they didn't know about. It rocked my world, and my reputation wasn't even destroyed.

I'm sorry this has happened. I don't know what to tell you, though. You know how your particular county works. Foster parents always seem to come out as the ones perpetuating the crimes, because no one wants to say that the children are damaged before. I wish you the best. I hope they clear your name publicly. Even more, I hope your sweet little girl can come home. My little boy turned 2 in September, and I haven't seen him since last February. I miss him daily. I'm so sorry!
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#8 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 02:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ellie, thanks for kind words. Loving words. I need all of that I can get. Mdeville, I am sorry also for your loss. As well as his. Yhey treat kids as though they can be moved here and there and everywhere. We wonder why they have attachment disorders and PTSD. Poor babes. I wish I knew the answers. In my case it's give me back the child we grew to know as ours. Therapist believes she is hopless now after being taken away when she was trying to attach. I want her back. I want my name, I want to love her and cherish her every move. I want to celebrate her life.
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#9 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 03:56 AM
 
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that sounds so tough. i can't even imagine.

here is a thread you started about it awhile ago - http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=768058

take care mama, and let us know if there's anything we can do for you.

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Expecting Ada Marianne 11/14
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#10 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 04:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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aja belly thank you. I had a more recent thread but oh well. BTW Ruthia, I see you everywhere. Thanks for your kind soul. and you are wise as well. I can't sleep, it's almost 3:00 a.m. Hard day in many ways.
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#11 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 08:36 AM
 
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http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=816937

This might be the thread.


What a terrible situation. I hope you can get some resolution.

Alicia DH Mike DS Gage Lola & Zeus Fishy Dishy, Charkey and Shark
RIP Sidney 1994-2010 RIP Charlie Brown 2008-2010
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#12 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 10:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Alicia, I was up almost all night. Well all night, fell asleep in early a.m. with what if's. What if so and so lies? What if she says..... DH is reminding me to trust the current investigator and believe she can see past and find truth. I feel scared again but it will dull with time. I did nothing wrong but my PTSD leaves me frightened because this case alone has caused so much pain. What can you do when people lob false accusations against you when you can't confront the accuser?
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#13 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 05:32 PM
 
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by the publicn information acts, or other, can you get copies of the investigations?

Has DD's therpist been spoken to -- and can you get any information on what s/he said?

I have no expereince and no advice, but had to offer hugs.

Just keep yur cool, keep it all documented, and keep plugging away.

Aimee

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#14 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 08:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momtomany View Post
First of all I believe that it was here that I posted last about coming to peace with losing my adoptive daughter after 14 months. Can anyone with more know how find that thread for me so I can just add to it?
So sorry to hear about such pain.
If you are still looking for your original thread, did you know that you can click on your user name at the beginning of your post and then click on "Find more posts by mamatomany" and then you can scroll down the list and see if you find the one you are looking for.
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#15 of 27 Old 01-11-2008, 09:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The therapist is 100 percent for me. She was very supportive. Her testimony for an hour was very supportive. It didn't seem to matter to those who had it in for me. Anyway, thanks for the support.
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#16 of 27 Old 01-13-2008, 07:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I found her skates in the closet yesterday. I thought I had gotten them back to her. It made me ache. It warmed up here this last week and caused farm land to be flooded. When it freezes it will be so great for skating and it hurts to know we won't be skating with her this year. I miss her so much!
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#17 of 27 Old 01-13-2008, 09:00 PM
 
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I didn't respond to your previous threads because I had nothing to say. Know that I read every word of them hoping for good news. i have been praying for you daily and hoping that the situation would turn in your favor & more importantly in this precious little girls favor. I have been praying you would heal and not ache so much and that you would have hope. Thank you for continuing to keep us posted. I was watching and waiting for and update from you.
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#18 of 27 Old 01-13-2008, 09:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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kabes, gotta tell you that I just cried/am crying reading your respons.I just had a big conversation with Mother Earth once again begging for my baby and for peace in my family. I want to take My "L" skating. Feeling better being here tonight. Thank you.
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#19 of 27 Old 01-13-2008, 09:14 PM
 
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I'm glad I could help. As you know if she comes back it is likely that many of her things won't. I can't help thinking that is why her skates were "hiding", so you might have the opportunity to skate with her again. Praying for a speedy resolution and if needed a loonng winter.
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#20 of 27 Old 01-13-2008, 10:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh Kabes, how do you make me so tearful? Please keep praying to the Great spirit for her return to us. We love her so much. She desrves our committment to her. I really want to be her mom again.
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#21 of 27 Old 01-19-2008, 10:40 PM
 
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How are you?
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#22 of 27 Old 01-20-2008, 09:53 PM
 
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Hi kabes, this is momtomany is disguise as I have lost password and have tried unsuccessfully for a week or more to get password reset. I signed up with my secondary email and sent an email to Jaque. I hope it gets straightened out.

How am I? sad, teary, coming into some growth I think. I believe that eventhough I try to practice kindness, acceptance and love, that the people in charge of my dear L were threatened by my moral conviction to do the right things for her. This means obeying everything her attachment therapist told me to do or suggested. Advocating for her as much as needed and not backing down. The people felt threatened, ironically, 2 woman and I was turned on. So, I am trying to grow through what did I do? What can I now do so that I stay with my own faith in not wishing them harm. Currently I am at a place of "I wish them no harm" but I can't move to; "I wish for them to do well, feel loved and have peace." That is a struggle for me. I am still grieving and really want to know how to cry less and be more alive. I also have chronic pain and have stopped all meds in part because eventhough I am 46, maybe I will be blessed with another pregnancy and healthy child. Also in part because my being on pain meds was used an an excuse to hurt me and take my FD eventhough it was illegal. I feel like I have more power by not putting these things in my body.

Result, PAIN. I am in a bit of it now from fracture of back in childhood. I want to know what Jewish and Quaker moms think about what I am trying to do here. If I accept that this is why I was targeted and my FD taken away how do I get to a place of peace with it? To the point of being able to wish them well?

I hope this makes some sense to you. I am trying very hard for peace.
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#23 of 27 Old 01-20-2008, 10:32 PM
 
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I am not Jewish or Quaker. I am Christian. I believe God wants us to forgive because we are forgiven. I also believe He know this is HARD (if not impossible) for us. He will help if we ask.

Some background on me so you know I'm not just talking about little things: when I was 18 my father murdered my mother. After that my mother's sister conspired with a lawyer (I believe) to conceal my mother's will. Effectually stealing my mother's life insurance money from my brother and I - and undisclosed amount between 25 - 100,000 dollars.

I have forgiven these people but not in my own strength. Only by having the desire in my heart and asking God to grow the desire into the reality of forgiveness.

That you have the desire in your heart already is an amazing thing to me. And to me personally is an answer to prayer - as this is one of the things I have been asking for for you.
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#24 of 27 Old 01-21-2008, 10:15 PM
 
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I do believe in prayer. and the power of prayer. We are all connected and it is nice to know you have added me to yours. I don't do new testament at all. I am hoping for closure, peace. It has been hard. Still can't be momtomany yet. Weird. Now checking quarantine and Junk folders. Thanks so much for your kindness. I am heartenend by the care and thoughtfulness.
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#25 of 27 Old 01-21-2008, 10:26 PM
 
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I'm not trying to push my religious beliefs on anyone. And I don't judge others especially not based on what they do or don't believe. Please take care and feel free to pm or email me if you need someone to "talk" to that isn't so public.
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#26 of 27 Old 01-21-2008, 10:50 PM
 
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Oh Kabes, please don't think that I felt you were pushing anything. I appreciate your kindness.
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#27 of 27 Old 01-23-2008, 09:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can be me again!!!!!! Thanks
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