Taking the First Big Step - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 9 Old 06-17-2008, 04:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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After years of talking and three biological babies, we are finally taking steps to adopt . Today marks the day that we mail in our pre-application and comfort level assessment to the non-profit agency we have chosen to use. I guess now we will have to get used to waiting!

When did everyone else tell people what they were doing? We've told friends and I told my parents, but my husband hasn't told his parents. He said he was waiting for that moment like when we were pregnant. His sisters know, so it's kind of awkward to not tell the parents. His mom is very Big Deal about things, and I think he wants to make an announcement to her.

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#2 of 9 Old 06-17-2008, 09:38 AM
 
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I would tell his parents. For a few reasons. It might take his parents time to process the whole idea (even if they're thrilled.) They might also be quite hurt that others in the family knew but not them.

Just my two cents, though.
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#3 of 9 Old 06-17-2008, 02:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's what I think too. His mom is "different" to say the least, though. My mom and sister and sisters-in-law always knew when we were TTC or thinking of a new baby, but we never talked about it with MIL. She prefers to live life like it's a Hallmark Channel Movie, so she wants the big announcements, not the anticipation. He said that he is going to tell them both (they are divorced) now that we have officially begun the process.

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#4 of 9 Old 06-17-2008, 02:59 PM
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Congratulations and welcome to waiting.

I think you are right that if other family members know your DH may want to go ahead and tell his mom.

My only piece of advice is to only tell the number of people you can stand hearing questions from while waiting. Even during our first wait, which was relatively short, I got very tired of EVERYBODY asking me all the time when our baby was coming home. They were all very kind and sweet to be interested, but I swear I'd tell them, at least 5 more months, and 5 days later they'd be asking again.

Catherine
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#5 of 9 Old 06-25-2008, 02:38 AM
 
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We told everyone that we were becoming foster parents after attending the informational meeting and getting all our questions answered. At that timew, we knew when our classes would be starting. I do not like to tell ppl what we are *planning* to do, so no one knew we were ttc, either, until I was pg

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#6 of 9 Old 06-25-2008, 03:21 AM
 
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Awesome, that's wonderful!! Hopefully I'll be there soon myself... I'll be following your story with interest as we have some things in common.
Blessings!

~ Colleen ~ Joyful Unschooling Pagan mama to hearts.gifenergy.gifsuperhero.gifjog.gif and babyf.gif
"When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead."
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#7 of 9 Old 06-25-2008, 10:24 AM
 
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I have mixed emotions on telling others. I have had different experiences

In Barrie, our home town where we grew up, we told every one when we went on the pre adoption list. we did not realized how long the wait and our closest friends and family started getting into fights over weather or not we should. And others would ask how it was going ... and there was nothing we could say but - we are still waiting and have nothing new to say. it was depressing

we moved south west 400kms to Chatham Kent for work and financial reasons (and it is warmer here) and we have moved along very nicely. we have told some of our friends and family in barrie (the nice ones and those who we are using for references) and other than that unless someone from up there asks we don't say much.

our friends down here get all the updates as we get them and EVERY ONE is encouraging and looking forward to when we bring our kids home.
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#8 of 9 Old 06-25-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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I also have mixed feelings on telling. We told lots of people really early on, when we thought the whole process would be completed in about a year. When it took and extra year, it was really, really hard answering all the when and why not now questions time and again.

If I were doing it again, I would not say much to anyone other than those who "need to know" - people who are writing all the reference letters, etc. and wait to tell extended family and friends. I would tell immediate family with the understanding that it could be a REALLY long time and I will let them know when there is news.
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#9 of 9 Old 06-25-2008, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It was a week ago yesterday that we sent in our paperwork, and we haven't heard anything from the VOA. I know that these things move slowly, but since the next step with them is just a meeting with the adoption coordinator, I figured that getting an introductory call wouldn't take too long . The woman I've emailed back and forth with told me that they are always looking for adoptive parents who are open to minority adoptions, and we indicated that we would be happy to accept everyone.

My husband still hasn't told his parents, but he has a good reason. Last Wednesday, the day after we sent in our stuff, his younger sister had her first baby prematurely. The baby is going to be fine, and will hopefully be going home this Friday, but we don't want to intrude on their good news and concern for their granddaughter's health. I guess we'll wait until things settle down with that before announcing anything.

Thanks for the comments. It's nice to hear from people who have gone or are going through the same things.

Mom, Dad, Daughter (11), Son (8), Daughter (5) & Son (10 months) chicken3.gif
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