I had what you would call an incident-free pregnancy, except for one day around about 5 months when I had a bit of spotting. Very scary! Other than that, all was well. I am a small framed person (5'3'' and rarely over 95 lbs) so I started showing quite early, about four months, if not before. I also became QUITE uncomfortable fairly early. Yoga was a savior in that respect - I would not have survived pregnancy without it! I also felt braxton-hicks around four months and started leaking colostrum about that time. I remember the first time I realized it was braxton-hicks. I had been feeling the tightening for awhile, but had always assumed it was the baby stretching or something (I didn't know!). My sister Katie, who has two children and is a doula, liked to practice palpating my abdomen and almost every time she did it, especially around the top of my fundus, it would stimulate braxton-hicks. Actually, throughout my pregnancy, I could not wear elastic waist bands above or on my stomach, as it always stimulated contractions! Needless to say, lots of dresses!
I was lucky enough to live near (hour and 15 min. from) a free-standing birth center. In my opinion, every woman should have the opportunity to give birth in a birth center. I cannot even begin to go into how important this is to me. Anyway, I knew from the very beginning I did not want a hospital birth. Too many horror stories, too many interventions, too much to fight. I wanted, and needed, to be able to give birth in a warm, calm, supportive environment. And it helped to know that, if a problem did arise, I was literally across the street from a good hospital.
I had decided long ago I would have a drug free labor, as natural as I could (safely) have. This was a huge reason the birth center was so appealing (among so many other reasons!), as they will not give you pitocin or any analgesics during the birth. If you change your mind you must be transferred to the hospital. This was not a concern to me, I knew I could do it naturally, my mother had four natural births, and my sister had two. Of course I could! My favorite book during the pregnancy was Gentle Birth Choices. Every page made me feel so calm yet excited, very empowered, never apprehensive, about the upcoming birth. I read all I could get my hands on about birthing in birth centers, and about waterbirth. Oh, did I want a waterbirth! It made so much sense to me!
I wanted something permanent to remember my pregnancy shape, so I had planned on doing a belly cast. As the time drew on I started thinking, where would I keep such a thing? I began looking at professional pregnancy photos and realized that might be something I would enjoy. Well, my sisters' sister-in-law, whom I've known since I was 13, is a photographer, and I knew that was something she would enjoy and that I could be completely comfortable with her. It turned out I did the pictures just in time!
I knew around 30 weeks, maybe earlier, that I would give birth before my due date. Actually, I was adamant. In fact, if anyone said anything like don't be in too much of a rush, enjoy your pregnancy, and so on, I would get SO ANGRY. Unreasonably so. I was very uncomfortable, very huge. I measured above my dates for pretty much the entire second half of the pregnancy. And it's not like I didn't enjoy the pregnancy - I LOVED being pregnant! - But toward the end I was definitely ready.
For my birth, I planned on having my family present, basically whoever wouldn't be bothered by blood. I also reserved the right to kick everyone out if I changed my mind at the last minute, which, of course, they understood. Actually, when I spoke to my brother a few weeks before the birth, he sheepishly asked "I don't HAVE to watch the baby come out, do I?" "Of course not!" I said. I found that pretty amusing.
So the chain of events happened like this:
Thursday, the 17th of October was a prenatal appointment. The previous day I had started losing my mucus plug, and I was telling everyone. I told a complete stranger in the waiting room of the birth center and she was so excited for me, she told me about when she lost her mucus plug, down to times and everything! I knew that it could happen at least two weeks before but I was excited anyway. The next day, Friday afternoon, Donna came over to take pictures. I had a choice of that day or next week sometime, so I said let's do it. She told me the following Monday was a full moon, and she would bet that's when I'd go into labor.
Saturday morning was weird. I woke up just feeling strange. I went to my sisters' room, crawled onto her bed with her and said, "I'm hot but I'm cold and I feel weird and I want Mom!" and cried. I felt so young and weak all of the sudden! Not something you want to feel at nine months pregnant! Our mother was planning on coming up in the next couple days to stay with us until the baby was born. Then my father and brother would come when I was definitely in labor. At the time, she was with our oldest sister Kristy, who had just had dental surgery that morning. So we called her there and asked if everything was Ok enough for her to come up now, because I just needed her, didn't have an explanation, just needed her. So she came. (Later I called Kristy to see if she was upset that I basically took Mom away, and she said, "Um, you're having a baby, I think that's a bit more important than my teeth!)
So Saturday evening she arrived, I was SO relieved just having her near! I felt 150% better. We had a relaxed evening, just ate dinner and enjoyed each-others company.
Sunday morning was the renaissance festival. We had been planning on going with Deans (my brother-in-law) family for awhile, and I thought, well, walking couldn't hurt. And not-so-secretly, I was ready to get this baby out. Well that morning, I noticed a bit more mucus plug and little bit of blood (tee hee!). We decided to take an extra vehicle, so Mom could bring me home if I needed to leave early. We walked around for a while; I waddled slowly, and had a good time. I was definitely off in outer space though. After a couple hours we made our way to the stands where they were about to have the jousting tournament. We climbed almost to the top, and right about the time everything started and the stands were filled, I, of course, needed to get out of there. I felt way too closed in. So Mom and Dean helped me get out of the stands (that was a task!), and we made the long, long way back to the car. I remember just feeling weird. I wasn't having any cramps or contractions (other than the braxton-hicks I had through the whole pregnancy). I just felt SO HEAVY. I was so relieved to get back to the house! I think all we did the rest of the day was take a trip to the health food store to pick up a couple last minute food items for the labor. Just in case.
Monday morning, about two AM, I woke with a deep soreness in my abdomen. It's strange; I didn't think "labor" at the time. I just kept moving around trying to get comfortable. I ended up on my knees bent over with my head on the pillow, that felt pretty good. Then I realized the soreness seemed to be coming and going, and it kind of felt like I was getting my period. Then it dawned on me, this must be it! I knew I should try to go back to sleep, but I couldn't, I was just too uncomfortable. So I started walking around the house, seeing if that felt better and I noticed it was better if I made a bit of noise during the contraction. It's strange, the contractions were nothing like I was expecting. I didn't really feel a tightening like with the braxton-hicks, just a deep, low, soreness coming then going. So I walked around and whenever a contraction started I would kind of bend and lean on something (like the kitchen counter) and moan through it. I was a bit hungry, so I made some toast and nibbled it between contractions.
By this time, it was a little after three o'clock, I think. Maybe four. I suddenly felt like I didn't want to do this alone anymore so I woke my mother. Right after I woke her, I had another contraction and had to lean on the dresser for a moment, making noise because it really helped, and she came over to me and rubbed my back. I was so happy to have her there! So we wandered out into the house and I shuffled around having the occasional contraction (I think they were about five minutes apart this whole time, but not necessarily regular). I think I was a little bit freaked out at that point. I knew it was very early labor, and I definitely needed to moan and work to get through each contraction. So of course my mind kept wandering to how am I going to handle active labor? I finally had to just make myself stay in the moment, not think ahead to the next contraction, just think about them one at a time. It actually worked! I think that set the tone for the rest of the labor, because after that point I lost all concept of time. Not long after that, Katie and Dean joined us in the living room; I imagine my moans finally woke them. I think it was about five at this point. We talked and joked, it was still pretty relaxed. Mom and Dean were taking turns writing down the times of my contractions. Still about five minutes apart, but not really regular. I was starting to feel like things were really progressing though. I think Katie was going around the house collecting things for the birth center, making sure we had everything ready, and preparing the car. Everyone was just letting me do my own thing. I decided I wanted to call the midwife to tell her what was going on, and that I wanted to leave for the birth center soon. I think my mother called her and put me on after the facts were out. I told her how I was feeling, and that I'd like to come and she said that's fine, but if I was only two centimeters (or less); she technically was supposed to send me home. She wanted me to be aware of this because the drive was over an hour. So we discussed it and decided that if it was too early, we would just get a hotel room near the birth center for a few hours. I really wanted to go because with every contraction, I felt such extreme pressure on my cervix! I didn't want to stay home too long and have the baby on the highway! So we woke their girls and we went on our way.
About the girls. They were ages six and almost four. If it was OK with their parents and with them, I really wanted them to be at the birth. We had prepared them from the very beginning reading books and watching videos, and just discussing it a lot. It wasn't new to them, as my sister is a doula and they were very interested in birth anyway. They were right along side us watching the videos Waterbabies, Birth in the squatting position (a couple favorites), among many others. They were excited and very prepared.
So, getting into the car was interesting. Luckily, it was a decent-sized SUV, therefore lots of space in the back. It was filled with blankets and pillows, so I could prop however I wanted and try to get comfortable (HAH!). My mother climbed in the back with me, and Katie drove. Dean followed with the girls in Moms car. I was expecting the drive to go on forever, but it really didn't. Well, it did, and it didn't. Like I said, lost all concept of time. I do remember that with every contraction I would almost yell, "It feels like the baby's coming out!" (Later Dean told us he could tell when I was having a contraction because about every five minutes he would have to really push on the gas to keep up!). I was sure I was fully dilated and I was going to have the baby right there.
Well we finally arrived just as it got light out and imagine my disappointment when the midwife (Nancy) checked me and I was six centimeters. I know, better than two, but I really thought the baby was coming out, and I was going to whip right through this! Anyway, she knew I was planning a waterbirth and she said I could get in the tub whenever I wanted. Now, I had read much about waterbirth and many testimonials about how as soon as these women climbed into the tub, it was like natural epidurals. Well, not for me. It was better though, I'll admit. I'm not sure how long I stayed in there, but I think it slowed down my labor a bit. Katie started trying to talk me into getting out of the tub and walking around to speed things up a bit. Finally - and reluctantly - I agreed to get out. They wrapped a towel around me, Katie hooked my arm over her shoulder and we started walking up and down the hallway. Katies oldest daughter took my other arm and let me squeeze her hand for support. She was awesome.
I was having really hard contractions at this point. I had to stop in the hallway and hang on to someone to get through it. I decided I wanted something else (but didn't know what) so we walked back into the room. Right as we got back into the room, out of nowhere, I suddenly started throwing up! Luckily Nancy, the midwife, got the trash can under me right in the nick of time. Let me tell you, it came from the bowels of hell! I had been drinking lots of watered down grape juice to keep hydrated, so at least I had something on my stomach when it happened. Afterwards, Katie smiled at me and said in a sing-song voice, "transition!" I had heard that a lot of women throw up as a sign of transition but I was hoping to be an exception!
I allowed the midwife to check my cervix after that, I wanted to know how dilated I was. Well, the puking episode upped me to 8 centimeters! My water had not yet broken so she asked me if I wanted her to do that. I decided to let her, hoping that would speed things up a bit. This is when she told me that she saw a slight meconium staining in the water so that meant (legally) that I could not have a water birth. I was sort of disappointed, (now that I think about it I'm surprised that I wasn't more upset), but I understood and didn't care. I think my mind was shutting down so my body could work. Things get really blurry from this point.
I remember squatting at the side of the bed with Katie behind me rubbing my lower back. I did that for a long time. I think I walked around here and there too. I remember going to the bathroom to pee and my body started pushing by itself (That was a weird feeling. I didn't know what was going on!) I guess I was making a lot of noise because Nancy called into the bathroom, saying "you're not pushing, are you?" I remember that was the only thing that felt good.
I can't remember when I was checked and told that I was complete. I do remember asking if I could push now and she said "of course". I wanted to give birth squatting if I couldn't have a water birth. The idea of gravity made a lot of sense to me. I knew the only thing I didn't want was to give birth flat on my back. So I started pushing. I think this was around 11:00 AM. I just squatted at the side of the bed with Katie behind me for support. Pushing was the weirdest thing yet. I would wait for a good (meaning big) contraction to start, start pushing, and my body took over for the rest. It was bizarre. I understand how that feeling could be scary, because you are NOT in control at that point. That was fine for me. I was in the zone. I did have to take over a bit towards the end of the contraction to keep it going. It was hard and tiring. It did feel good in a way though, like I was getting somewhere. Like I wasn't fighting the contractions anymore, I was using them.
Things started to get a bit crappy at this point. I was pushing and pushing, and nothing seemed to be happening. I was using all the visualization I could and the baby just wouldn't slip right out like I had imagined so often! The other problem I was having (and yes, this could have all been in my head) was that it seemed like after every time I pushed, the midwife would sigh and look upset, like it was just not going to happen, this baby is never coming out. This really affected me. I did have times of encouragement, after a little while (I have no idea how long) I could feel the top of the baby' head. And of course Katie and my mother were incredibly encouraging. I would have given up without them.
So I kept changing positions, walking a bit more, hanging on people, things like that. I know sometime around then I started giving my mother looks. Like, why can't you help me? I don't think I said anything, I just pleaded with her with my eyes. I think I occasionally said "Mom, I'm so tired." And she would hold me up and say "I know". I knew there was nothing she could do. I was really completely on my own with this. Now I believe that was something I had to mentally go through. I needed to realize that I had to - and could - do this.
I think it was about two-and-a-half hours after I started pushing that Nancy started suggesting transferring to the hospital to get a pitocin drip. (They are only supposed to allow you to push for three hours before transferring.) I gritted my teeth and said "donwannahearit". About a half hour later she started again and I repeated "donwannahearit". I was adamant about having my baby drug-free in a birth center. At this point I was -surprise- flat on my back in a bed. The only position I didn't want to use. I had no strength left to be in any other position. I had to use all my energy to push. I also had an IV put in to keep hydrated. So finally Nancy said that she'll give me half an hour to keep pushing then we're transferring. Thirty minutes came and went and I finally agreed. Mom made me feel better about it, telling me that she needed a pitocin drip with my brother because the same thing happened with him a she just needed that extra oomph to get him out.
So I was laying there (four hours after the pushing started) still having contractions, pushing when they felt big enough, and resting if they were smaller, while she filled out the necessary paperwork for transferring. I was laying there thinking, how am I going to go from this bed, having contractions, across the street to the hospital, to a room, and so on and so on. I was thinking, let's just go and get this over with!!! That's when one the other midwives, Kathy, came into the room.
She talked to me and Nancy and found out what was going on and she said something like "did you try the 'something-something' stirrups?" Well, we hadn't. So she pulls out these two separate strap things. A stirrup on one end and a handle on the other. So they put them on my feet and gave me the handles and when the next contraction came I pushed with my body and pulled on the handles as hard as I could, and low and behold! A head started coming… and coming… and coming and I kept pushing and everyone was yelling "come on! The baby's coming! Keep pushing!" and I kept taking more breaths and kept pushing and I could feel the baby finally coming out, then I heard someone yell "It's a boy!!!" Then there he was, on my chest. I cried and cried and cried and everyone around me was crying. He cried a little bit and I shushed trying to calm him but they told me just let him cry for a second (I found out later he was a little purple when he came out and they wanted him to suck lots of air into his lungs.) He stopped crying by himself anyway. He had hardly any blood on him and no guck of any sort. The next thing I noticed (other than how perfect and beautiful he was) was that he had an enormously large cone head. Huge. That's why it looked like he was coming and coming. It was all his head! Apparently it became misshapen from being in the birth canal for so long. I was assured that it would return to a normal shape very soon. I didn't care, he was perfect.
The time after his birth was also a blur. This time a wonderful blur. I found out that the person who called out "It's a boy" was my mother. It wasn't long before he tried suckling. We just laid there in the bed for hours. I'm not even sure how long I held him before he was weighed and measured. When they finally did it was announced that he was 8lbs 14oz, and 21 ½ in. long.
Unfortunately, it wasn't all wonderful after the birth. (With me anyway. He was perfect.) My uterus was so tired that I hemorrhaged a bit and they had to give me pitocin to get it to contract and stop bleeding. (The birth center can't give you pitocin during labor because that is an intervention but they can give it to you after the baby is out to immediately stop bleeding) The midwife also had to (firmly!!!) palpate my uterus to help it contract and to get any blood clots to come out. That was excruciatingly painful. I think I can honestly say that was the most painful part of the whole experience. But the bleeding stopped and I delivered the placenta. (Felt like nothing.) After several hours in bed I finally stood up to attempt walking to the bathroom and immediately was woozy. This is when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It was terrifying! I didn't recognize myself! My face was swollen almost perfectly round, and was white and grey and a little black and blue. I got to the bathroom anyway (with help), but almost passed out on the way out the door. I had lost a lot more blood than I had realized. So instead of making me walk and pass out, they laid a blanket on the floor, laid me down on it, and drug me across the floor back to the bed. I thought it was a great idea!
A little while after that, they made me a bath in the huge tub and I languished in it for a little while. I considered bringing the baby in with me but felt too weak. So I had my mother hold him in my line of vision so I could relax in the tub (I didn't want to take my eyes off of him!) It was wonderful. My sister washed my hair for me and I felt fabulous.
The other occurrence was my blood pressure rose after the birth. So I had to stay at the birth center longer than is usual just so they could keep an eye on me. And once again, a threat to go to the hospital if it wasn't down by a certain point. So Mom stayed with me, so everyone else could go home and go to bed. This was way after dark some time. We tried to sleep but I was way too hyper from the whole experience. I just wanted to lay there and talk. I snuggled the baby and practiced nursing. Finally, my blood pressure lowered enough that they felt it was safe to send us home. In the days that followed we realized that I was still having trouble with it and I was put on blood pressure medication for awhile. But it didn't last and I was able to wean off and all is well.
And he is still perfect.
I was lucky enough to live near (hour and 15 min. from) a free-standing birth center. In my opinion, every woman should have the opportunity to give birth in a birth center. I cannot even begin to go into how important this is to me. Anyway, I knew from the very beginning I did not want a hospital birth. Too many horror stories, too many interventions, too much to fight. I wanted, and needed, to be able to give birth in a warm, calm, supportive environment. And it helped to know that, if a problem did arise, I was literally across the street from a good hospital.
I had decided long ago I would have a drug free labor, as natural as I could (safely) have. This was a huge reason the birth center was so appealing (among so many other reasons!), as they will not give you pitocin or any analgesics during the birth. If you change your mind you must be transferred to the hospital. This was not a concern to me, I knew I could do it naturally, my mother had four natural births, and my sister had two. Of course I could! My favorite book during the pregnancy was Gentle Birth Choices. Every page made me feel so calm yet excited, very empowered, never apprehensive, about the upcoming birth. I read all I could get my hands on about birthing in birth centers, and about waterbirth. Oh, did I want a waterbirth! It made so much sense to me!
I wanted something permanent to remember my pregnancy shape, so I had planned on doing a belly cast. As the time drew on I started thinking, where would I keep such a thing? I began looking at professional pregnancy photos and realized that might be something I would enjoy. Well, my sisters' sister-in-law, whom I've known since I was 13, is a photographer, and I knew that was something she would enjoy and that I could be completely comfortable with her. It turned out I did the pictures just in time!
I knew around 30 weeks, maybe earlier, that I would give birth before my due date. Actually, I was adamant. In fact, if anyone said anything like don't be in too much of a rush, enjoy your pregnancy, and so on, I would get SO ANGRY. Unreasonably so. I was very uncomfortable, very huge. I measured above my dates for pretty much the entire second half of the pregnancy. And it's not like I didn't enjoy the pregnancy - I LOVED being pregnant! - But toward the end I was definitely ready.
For my birth, I planned on having my family present, basically whoever wouldn't be bothered by blood. I also reserved the right to kick everyone out if I changed my mind at the last minute, which, of course, they understood. Actually, when I spoke to my brother a few weeks before the birth, he sheepishly asked "I don't HAVE to watch the baby come out, do I?" "Of course not!" I said. I found that pretty amusing.
So the chain of events happened like this:
Thursday, the 17th of October was a prenatal appointment. The previous day I had started losing my mucus plug, and I was telling everyone. I told a complete stranger in the waiting room of the birth center and she was so excited for me, she told me about when she lost her mucus plug, down to times and everything! I knew that it could happen at least two weeks before but I was excited anyway. The next day, Friday afternoon, Donna came over to take pictures. I had a choice of that day or next week sometime, so I said let's do it. She told me the following Monday was a full moon, and she would bet that's when I'd go into labor.
Saturday morning was weird. I woke up just feeling strange. I went to my sisters' room, crawled onto her bed with her and said, "I'm hot but I'm cold and I feel weird and I want Mom!" and cried. I felt so young and weak all of the sudden! Not something you want to feel at nine months pregnant! Our mother was planning on coming up in the next couple days to stay with us until the baby was born. Then my father and brother would come when I was definitely in labor. At the time, she was with our oldest sister Kristy, who had just had dental surgery that morning. So we called her there and asked if everything was Ok enough for her to come up now, because I just needed her, didn't have an explanation, just needed her. So she came. (Later I called Kristy to see if she was upset that I basically took Mom away, and she said, "Um, you're having a baby, I think that's a bit more important than my teeth!)
So Saturday evening she arrived, I was SO relieved just having her near! I felt 150% better. We had a relaxed evening, just ate dinner and enjoyed each-others company.
Sunday morning was the renaissance festival. We had been planning on going with Deans (my brother-in-law) family for awhile, and I thought, well, walking couldn't hurt. And not-so-secretly, I was ready to get this baby out. Well that morning, I noticed a bit more mucus plug and little bit of blood (tee hee!). We decided to take an extra vehicle, so Mom could bring me home if I needed to leave early. We walked around for a while; I waddled slowly, and had a good time. I was definitely off in outer space though. After a couple hours we made our way to the stands where they were about to have the jousting tournament. We climbed almost to the top, and right about the time everything started and the stands were filled, I, of course, needed to get out of there. I felt way too closed in. So Mom and Dean helped me get out of the stands (that was a task!), and we made the long, long way back to the car. I remember just feeling weird. I wasn't having any cramps or contractions (other than the braxton-hicks I had through the whole pregnancy). I just felt SO HEAVY. I was so relieved to get back to the house! I think all we did the rest of the day was take a trip to the health food store to pick up a couple last minute food items for the labor. Just in case.
Monday morning, about two AM, I woke with a deep soreness in my abdomen. It's strange; I didn't think "labor" at the time. I just kept moving around trying to get comfortable. I ended up on my knees bent over with my head on the pillow, that felt pretty good. Then I realized the soreness seemed to be coming and going, and it kind of felt like I was getting my period. Then it dawned on me, this must be it! I knew I should try to go back to sleep, but I couldn't, I was just too uncomfortable. So I started walking around the house, seeing if that felt better and I noticed it was better if I made a bit of noise during the contraction. It's strange, the contractions were nothing like I was expecting. I didn't really feel a tightening like with the braxton-hicks, just a deep, low, soreness coming then going. So I walked around and whenever a contraction started I would kind of bend and lean on something (like the kitchen counter) and moan through it. I was a bit hungry, so I made some toast and nibbled it between contractions.
By this time, it was a little after three o'clock, I think. Maybe four. I suddenly felt like I didn't want to do this alone anymore so I woke my mother. Right after I woke her, I had another contraction and had to lean on the dresser for a moment, making noise because it really helped, and she came over to me and rubbed my back. I was so happy to have her there! So we wandered out into the house and I shuffled around having the occasional contraction (I think they were about five minutes apart this whole time, but not necessarily regular). I think I was a little bit freaked out at that point. I knew it was very early labor, and I definitely needed to moan and work to get through each contraction. So of course my mind kept wandering to how am I going to handle active labor? I finally had to just make myself stay in the moment, not think ahead to the next contraction, just think about them one at a time. It actually worked! I think that set the tone for the rest of the labor, because after that point I lost all concept of time. Not long after that, Katie and Dean joined us in the living room; I imagine my moans finally woke them. I think it was about five at this point. We talked and joked, it was still pretty relaxed. Mom and Dean were taking turns writing down the times of my contractions. Still about five minutes apart, but not really regular. I was starting to feel like things were really progressing though. I think Katie was going around the house collecting things for the birth center, making sure we had everything ready, and preparing the car. Everyone was just letting me do my own thing. I decided I wanted to call the midwife to tell her what was going on, and that I wanted to leave for the birth center soon. I think my mother called her and put me on after the facts were out. I told her how I was feeling, and that I'd like to come and she said that's fine, but if I was only two centimeters (or less); she technically was supposed to send me home. She wanted me to be aware of this because the drive was over an hour. So we discussed it and decided that if it was too early, we would just get a hotel room near the birth center for a few hours. I really wanted to go because with every contraction, I felt such extreme pressure on my cervix! I didn't want to stay home too long and have the baby on the highway! So we woke their girls and we went on our way.
About the girls. They were ages six and almost four. If it was OK with their parents and with them, I really wanted them to be at the birth. We had prepared them from the very beginning reading books and watching videos, and just discussing it a lot. It wasn't new to them, as my sister is a doula and they were very interested in birth anyway. They were right along side us watching the videos Waterbabies, Birth in the squatting position (a couple favorites), among many others. They were excited and very prepared.
So, getting into the car was interesting. Luckily, it was a decent-sized SUV, therefore lots of space in the back. It was filled with blankets and pillows, so I could prop however I wanted and try to get comfortable (HAH!). My mother climbed in the back with me, and Katie drove. Dean followed with the girls in Moms car. I was expecting the drive to go on forever, but it really didn't. Well, it did, and it didn't. Like I said, lost all concept of time. I do remember that with every contraction I would almost yell, "It feels like the baby's coming out!" (Later Dean told us he could tell when I was having a contraction because about every five minutes he would have to really push on the gas to keep up!). I was sure I was fully dilated and I was going to have the baby right there.
Well we finally arrived just as it got light out and imagine my disappointment when the midwife (Nancy) checked me and I was six centimeters. I know, better than two, but I really thought the baby was coming out, and I was going to whip right through this! Anyway, she knew I was planning a waterbirth and she said I could get in the tub whenever I wanted. Now, I had read much about waterbirth and many testimonials about how as soon as these women climbed into the tub, it was like natural epidurals. Well, not for me. It was better though, I'll admit. I'm not sure how long I stayed in there, but I think it slowed down my labor a bit. Katie started trying to talk me into getting out of the tub and walking around to speed things up a bit. Finally - and reluctantly - I agreed to get out. They wrapped a towel around me, Katie hooked my arm over her shoulder and we started walking up and down the hallway. Katies oldest daughter took my other arm and let me squeeze her hand for support. She was awesome.
I was having really hard contractions at this point. I had to stop in the hallway and hang on to someone to get through it. I decided I wanted something else (but didn't know what) so we walked back into the room. Right as we got back into the room, out of nowhere, I suddenly started throwing up! Luckily Nancy, the midwife, got the trash can under me right in the nick of time. Let me tell you, it came from the bowels of hell! I had been drinking lots of watered down grape juice to keep hydrated, so at least I had something on my stomach when it happened. Afterwards, Katie smiled at me and said in a sing-song voice, "transition!" I had heard that a lot of women throw up as a sign of transition but I was hoping to be an exception!
I allowed the midwife to check my cervix after that, I wanted to know how dilated I was. Well, the puking episode upped me to 8 centimeters! My water had not yet broken so she asked me if I wanted her to do that. I decided to let her, hoping that would speed things up a bit. This is when she told me that she saw a slight meconium staining in the water so that meant (legally) that I could not have a water birth. I was sort of disappointed, (now that I think about it I'm surprised that I wasn't more upset), but I understood and didn't care. I think my mind was shutting down so my body could work. Things get really blurry from this point.
I remember squatting at the side of the bed with Katie behind me rubbing my lower back. I did that for a long time. I think I walked around here and there too. I remember going to the bathroom to pee and my body started pushing by itself (That was a weird feeling. I didn't know what was going on!) I guess I was making a lot of noise because Nancy called into the bathroom, saying "you're not pushing, are you?" I remember that was the only thing that felt good.
I can't remember when I was checked and told that I was complete. I do remember asking if I could push now and she said "of course". I wanted to give birth squatting if I couldn't have a water birth. The idea of gravity made a lot of sense to me. I knew the only thing I didn't want was to give birth flat on my back. So I started pushing. I think this was around 11:00 AM. I just squatted at the side of the bed with Katie behind me for support. Pushing was the weirdest thing yet. I would wait for a good (meaning big) contraction to start, start pushing, and my body took over for the rest. It was bizarre. I understand how that feeling could be scary, because you are NOT in control at that point. That was fine for me. I was in the zone. I did have to take over a bit towards the end of the contraction to keep it going. It was hard and tiring. It did feel good in a way though, like I was getting somewhere. Like I wasn't fighting the contractions anymore, I was using them.
Things started to get a bit crappy at this point. I was pushing and pushing, and nothing seemed to be happening. I was using all the visualization I could and the baby just wouldn't slip right out like I had imagined so often! The other problem I was having (and yes, this could have all been in my head) was that it seemed like after every time I pushed, the midwife would sigh and look upset, like it was just not going to happen, this baby is never coming out. This really affected me. I did have times of encouragement, after a little while (I have no idea how long) I could feel the top of the baby' head. And of course Katie and my mother were incredibly encouraging. I would have given up without them.
So I kept changing positions, walking a bit more, hanging on people, things like that. I know sometime around then I started giving my mother looks. Like, why can't you help me? I don't think I said anything, I just pleaded with her with my eyes. I think I occasionally said "Mom, I'm so tired." And she would hold me up and say "I know". I knew there was nothing she could do. I was really completely on my own with this. Now I believe that was something I had to mentally go through. I needed to realize that I had to - and could - do this.
I think it was about two-and-a-half hours after I started pushing that Nancy started suggesting transferring to the hospital to get a pitocin drip. (They are only supposed to allow you to push for three hours before transferring.) I gritted my teeth and said "donwannahearit". About a half hour later she started again and I repeated "donwannahearit". I was adamant about having my baby drug-free in a birth center. At this point I was -surprise- flat on my back in a bed. The only position I didn't want to use. I had no strength left to be in any other position. I had to use all my energy to push. I also had an IV put in to keep hydrated. So finally Nancy said that she'll give me half an hour to keep pushing then we're transferring. Thirty minutes came and went and I finally agreed. Mom made me feel better about it, telling me that she needed a pitocin drip with my brother because the same thing happened with him a she just needed that extra oomph to get him out.
So I was laying there (four hours after the pushing started) still having contractions, pushing when they felt big enough, and resting if they were smaller, while she filled out the necessary paperwork for transferring. I was laying there thinking, how am I going to go from this bed, having contractions, across the street to the hospital, to a room, and so on and so on. I was thinking, let's just go and get this over with!!! That's when one the other midwives, Kathy, came into the room.
She talked to me and Nancy and found out what was going on and she said something like "did you try the 'something-something' stirrups?" Well, we hadn't. So she pulls out these two separate strap things. A stirrup on one end and a handle on the other. So they put them on my feet and gave me the handles and when the next contraction came I pushed with my body and pulled on the handles as hard as I could, and low and behold! A head started coming… and coming… and coming and I kept pushing and everyone was yelling "come on! The baby's coming! Keep pushing!" and I kept taking more breaths and kept pushing and I could feel the baby finally coming out, then I heard someone yell "It's a boy!!!" Then there he was, on my chest. I cried and cried and cried and everyone around me was crying. He cried a little bit and I shushed trying to calm him but they told me just let him cry for a second (I found out later he was a little purple when he came out and they wanted him to suck lots of air into his lungs.) He stopped crying by himself anyway. He had hardly any blood on him and no guck of any sort. The next thing I noticed (other than how perfect and beautiful he was) was that he had an enormously large cone head. Huge. That's why it looked like he was coming and coming. It was all his head! Apparently it became misshapen from being in the birth canal for so long. I was assured that it would return to a normal shape very soon. I didn't care, he was perfect.
The time after his birth was also a blur. This time a wonderful blur. I found out that the person who called out "It's a boy" was my mother. It wasn't long before he tried suckling. We just laid there in the bed for hours. I'm not even sure how long I held him before he was weighed and measured. When they finally did it was announced that he was 8lbs 14oz, and 21 ½ in. long.
Unfortunately, it wasn't all wonderful after the birth. (With me anyway. He was perfect.) My uterus was so tired that I hemorrhaged a bit and they had to give me pitocin to get it to contract and stop bleeding. (The birth center can't give you pitocin during labor because that is an intervention but they can give it to you after the baby is out to immediately stop bleeding) The midwife also had to (firmly!!!) palpate my uterus to help it contract and to get any blood clots to come out. That was excruciatingly painful. I think I can honestly say that was the most painful part of the whole experience. But the bleeding stopped and I delivered the placenta. (Felt like nothing.) After several hours in bed I finally stood up to attempt walking to the bathroom and immediately was woozy. This is when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It was terrifying! I didn't recognize myself! My face was swollen almost perfectly round, and was white and grey and a little black and blue. I got to the bathroom anyway (with help), but almost passed out on the way out the door. I had lost a lot more blood than I had realized. So instead of making me walk and pass out, they laid a blanket on the floor, laid me down on it, and drug me across the floor back to the bed. I thought it was a great idea!
A little while after that, they made me a bath in the huge tub and I languished in it for a little while. I considered bringing the baby in with me but felt too weak. So I had my mother hold him in my line of vision so I could relax in the tub (I didn't want to take my eyes off of him!) It was wonderful. My sister washed my hair for me and I felt fabulous.
The other occurrence was my blood pressure rose after the birth. So I had to stay at the birth center longer than is usual just so they could keep an eye on me. And once again, a threat to go to the hospital if it wasn't down by a certain point. So Mom stayed with me, so everyone else could go home and go to bed. This was way after dark some time. We tried to sleep but I was way too hyper from the whole experience. I just wanted to lay there and talk. I snuggled the baby and practiced nursing. Finally, my blood pressure lowered enough that they felt it was safe to send us home. In the days that followed we realized that I was still having trouble with it and I was put on blood pressure medication for awhile. But it didn't last and I was able to wean off and all is well.
And he is still perfect.