Aquila's birth and death- placental abruption during homebirth - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 101 Old 01-04-2011, 07:24 AM
 
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liz, I just saw this today in new posts.  Just read both stories in your blog.  I am so very sorry. 

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#62 of 101 Old 01-06-2011, 10:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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a year later i am still haunted by Aquila's death, and everything that has happened since  :(


mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#63 of 101 Old 01-06-2011, 10:18 AM
 
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Please forgive me for not knowing what happened since.  I am so very sorry. Going to look at your old threads. 

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#64 of 101 Old 01-06-2011, 01:12 PM
 
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Thinking of you and Aquila. Congratulations on your little Willow.


wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#65 of 101 Old 01-06-2011, 01:20 PM
 
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Just looked thru your threads and blog.  Oh I am so ANGRY for you.  Oh it makes me sick.  Congratulations on Willow!

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#66 of 101 Old 01-06-2011, 01:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks surfacing and dr.worm for the congrats!


mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#67 of 101 Old 01-16-2011, 07:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ribbonpb.gif


mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#68 of 101 Old 01-27-2011, 01:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i made a video, finally- only took me 13 months....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80bk2U5bXM0&feature=player_embeddedV


mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#69 of 101 Old 01-28-2011, 07:23 AM
 
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Thank you. I am a loss for words but tears are streaming down my face as I watch your video. Such a tragedy. 

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#70 of 101 Old 01-28-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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You're so very welcome!

 

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thanks surfacing and dr.worm for the congrats!



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#71 of 101 Old 01-28-2011, 07:49 AM
 
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I can't watch your video because I am at work and have no sound but I will watch on the laptop at home as soon as I can.  hug.gif

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#72 of 101 Old 01-28-2011, 08:40 AM
 
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Thank you for sharing.  I watched your video last night while DD watched Blue's Clues.  She looked at the photo of Aquila and said "baby nigh night, mommy, you okay?"  I know tears won't change anything, but if I could take some of the pain for you I would.  I'm so sorry mama. hug2.gif


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#73 of 101 Old 01-29-2011, 04:54 AM
 
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I watched your video this morning.  You did a wonderful job.  That song was beautiful and went with it perfectly.  Who is the singer and what is the name of that lovely song? 

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#74 of 101 Old 01-29-2011, 07:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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the song is "heaven in the face"-by steven curtis chapman. we played it at her funeral.

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I watched your video this morning.  You did a wonderful job.  That song was beautiful and went with it perfectly.  Who is the singer and what is the name of that lovely song? 




mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#75 of 101 Old 01-29-2011, 08:21 AM
 
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Oh, mama, there are no words. I am so, so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your beautiful family.


Stay-at-home mama married to my best friend of 10+ years. lovestory.gif  Aspiring midwife loving parenting our beautiful babyf.gif Julian, born 5/24/09. Expecting a second bean in late July 2012!joy.gif
  h20homebirth.giffemalesling.GIF  intactlact.gif  namaste.gif

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#76 of 101 Old 02-03-2011, 07:56 AM
 
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Thank you for giving me the title and artist.  Whenever I play that song I will think of your precious child.

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#77 of 101 Old 02-21-2011, 06:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dr. worm-

i try to listen to it, but it chokes me up to the point of sobbing, so i don't do it often....


mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#78 of 101 Old 02-22-2011, 10:17 AM
 
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My heart breaks for you, I am so so sorry.

 

Congratulations on your precious Willow (love your name choices btw)!

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#79 of 101 Old 02-25-2011, 01:14 AM
 
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I'm so sorry.

 

I've been trying for over a week to figure out how I could express my reaction to your story without rubbing salt in your wounds. Please try not to take offense at what I'm about to say. My only intent is to thank you for sharing your story, never to hurt you in any way. I cried when I read your birth story, I cried when I watched your video, and I was so angry to hear that Faith is still practicing. I am horrified by what happened but so glad you shared your story so that others could learn from it.

 

I had the same set of complications (abruption, postpartum hemorrhage) that you did, although I gave birth at a freestanding birth center rather than at home. And I keep questioning why my son survived and your beautiful daughter did not. Maybe partly because I was in the hands of a competent midwife -- although she still had no idea anything so serious was happening until after Liam was born (my bag of waters was intact until I was pushing, baby's heart rate remained fine throughout labor) -- but mostly because my labor was much shorter than yours. Also my abruption was not complete (though close) so perhaps Liam still received just enough oxygen to make it.

 

I just want you to know that your story helped me so much to process my son's birth, and that it really made me realize how fortunate I was that things turned out the way they did for me. I only wish that you had had a better midwife, that your Aquila had lived, and that justice had been served. Knowing what could have happened -- and not just on an intellectual level -- makes me appreciate my son so much more.

 

I also want to thank you for putting the name of the midwife in question out there, so those who are considering using her will be able to make an informed decision.

 

I wish I'd read your story before my son was born, because I would have realized the endless, triple-peaking, excruciating contractions were a warning sign. If I'd had any idea, I would have transferred (even though it all turned out okay in the end). I thought maybe my pain tolerance had been drastically reduced with age or that it was a result of having been awake all night. I had no idea what it could mean and so I didn't communicate what was going on to my midwife. It was clear I was in horrific pain (I think the screams made that obvious) but I didn't think to tell her about the ceaselessness of my contractions, the pain between contractions, the fact that every slight movement triggered another (and even holding still I had perhaps 10 seconds between them). I know now, but I don't know if I could face having another child after seeing what could have been.

 

Congratulations on Willow's birth. While I know that no one could ever replace Aquila, I hope you find comfort in having a babe in arms. No one should ever have to go through what you have, and I envy your strength in continuing to live and especially in facing another birth despite what happened.

 

Again, I am terribly sorry for your loss and I hope that what I've said won't be taken badly. I'm very much socially inept and if this message is tactless, it is unintentionally so and I truly apologize.

 

--K

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#80 of 101 Old 03-01-2011, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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k- you have not offended me in any way...i have given up wondering why i lost a baby. i just did. i had terribly bad luck...but God is carrying me through everything, and i a confident that he will work it all together for good.

 

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I'm so sorry.

 

I've been trying for over a week to figure out how I could express my reaction to your story without rubbing salt in your wounds. Please try not to take offense at what I'm about to say. My only intent is to thank you for sharing your story, never to hurt you in any way. I cried when I read your birth story, I cried when I watched your video, and I was so angry to hear that Faith is still practicing. I am horrified by what happened but so glad you shared your story so that others could learn from it.

 

I had the same set of complications (abruption, postpartum hemorrhage) that you did, although I gave birth at a freestanding birth center rather than at home. And I keep questioning why my son survived and your beautiful daughter did not. Maybe partly because I was in the hands of a competent midwife -- although she still had no idea anything so serious was happening until after Liam was born (my bag of waters was intact until I was pushing, baby's heart rate remained fine throughout labor) -- but mostly because my labor was much shorter than yours. Also my abruption was not complete (though close) so perhaps Liam still received just enough oxygen to make it.

 

I just want you to know that your story helped me so much to process my son's birth, and that it really made me realize how fortunate I was that things turned out the way they did for me. I only wish that you had had a better midwife, that your Aquila had lived, and that justice had been served. Knowing what could have happened -- and not just on an intellectual level -- makes me appreciate my son so much more.

 

I also want to thank you for putting the name of the midwife in question out there, so those who are considering using her will be able to make an informed decision.

 

I wish I'd read your story before my son was born, because I would have realized the endless, triple-peaking, excruciating contractions were a warning sign. If I'd had any idea, I would have transferred (even though it all turned out okay in the end). I thought maybe my pain tolerance had been drastically reduced with age or that it was a result of having been awake all night. I had no idea what it could mean and so I didn't communicate what was going on to my midwife. It was clear I was in horrific pain (I think the screams made that obvious) but I didn't think to tell her about the ceaselessness of my contractions, the pain between contractions, the fact that every slight movement triggered another (and even holding still I had perhaps 10 seconds between them). I know now, but I don't know if I could face having another child after seeing what could have been.

 

Congratulations on Willow's birth. While I know that no one could ever replace Aquila, I hope you find comfort in having a babe in arms. No one should ever have to go through what you have, and I envy your strength in continuing to live and especially in facing another birth despite what happened.

 

Again, I am terribly sorry for your loss and I hope that what I've said won't be taken badly. I'm very much socially inept and if this message is tactless, it is unintentionally so and I truly apologize.

 

--K



 


mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#81 of 101 Old 03-02-2011, 05:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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after a year my midwive's record is now public record

here

quoted from that link

Beltz, Faith Midwife 04005 Austin 22 TAC §831.58, 831.65 and 831.131-Related to failure to complete the Informed Choice and disclosure Form required by state law for a client and failure to perform an initial evaluation on client and failed to initiate immediate emergency transfer for chorio-amnionitis. 6 mo Probated Suspension and $500 Administrative Penalty 2/7/11

 


mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#82 of 101 Old 03-08-2011, 11:38 AM
 
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It doesn't seem like much of a penalty, all things considered, but I admire you for persevering.  It's got to give you some relief?  I'm so sorry for your loss.

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#83 of 101 Old 03-09-2011, 08:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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it wasn't much of a penalty. :(     it gives me some relief having it be public record now....

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It doesn't seem like much of a penalty, all things considered, but I admire you for persevering.  It's got to give you some relief?  I'm so sorry for your loss.



 


mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#84 of 101 Old 03-09-2011, 10:33 AM
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Since the MW's culpability is pretty much established by her own board, can you now get an attorney who will represent you in a lawsuit?  Without malpractice insurance there will not be much money to go after, but she must have SOME money.

 

No jail time.  Did not lose her "license".  And the whole deal cost her $500.

 

It's just so, so wrong.

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#85 of 101 Old 03-10-2011, 05:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i agree

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Since the MW's culpability is pretty much established by her own board, can you now get an attorney who will represent you in a lawsuit?  Without malpractice insurance there will not be much money to go after, but she must have SOME money.

 

No jail time.  Did not lose her "license".  And the whole deal cost her $500.

 

It's just so, so wrong.



 


mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
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#86 of 101 Old 03-11-2011, 02:30 PM
 
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Oh, Liz, I am so sorry for your loss.  The video is beautiful and heartbreaking.  Aquila was a beautiful baby, just perfect.  I cannot imagine the pain you have experienced.

 

I completely agree with you - informed choice means being informed about all risks as well as benefits.  I have been debating between a CPM and CNM as my provider for my next birth and your words made my decision much clearer.  

 

I know that this world may never hold the justice that you deserve, but I hope God can bring you peace. 

 

Love,

Erin

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#87 of 101 Old 03-12-2011, 08:24 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss! Your little girl was beautiful.

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#88 of 101 Old 03-12-2011, 08:26 AM
 
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I had a baby die from malpractice too and there was no justice. Everyone thinks tons of people sue and doctors are innocent and God-like(in my case, it was a doctor). When people find out I sued, they act all righteous about it, without even knowing what happened.

 

I am just so sorry for your loss.

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#89 of 101 Old 03-12-2011, 11:16 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss and I know how much it hurts!

Sending you strength!

 


Barbara, Mama to Isabel (06/2004), Jake (08/2006-03/2007), Noah (01/2008), and Matteo (07/2011) 
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#90 of 101 Old 03-12-2011, 12:50 PM
 
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I am so sorry. 

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