Mods--is it possible to move this thread to a better location? I know it started out as simply a birth story, but it has morphed into something different that several of us have been discussing. I would really appreciate it, but I understand if it's not possible, thank you.
Honestly, since it is the OP's birth story it would be more appropriate to move the off topic elsewhere. Not her fault that the thread was derailed in a crazy way.
Agreed. In my years at MDC it is more common for a member to post a spin-off thread if they want to continue off-topic/incorrect forum discussions.
I think a birth story is a really sacred thing. AwaitingJuno, please accept my welcome to MDC. I am a fellow mama, a homebirth mama with two very satifactory unmedicated births. I recognize that my birth choices are somewhat unconventional and difficult for some folks to understand. As are yours. I feel as though we are maybe coming from different places but that we have a lot in common as far as how our choices are viewed. I know I would want to share my story here and get support from fellow mamas. I want to say thank you for sharing your birth story(ies) with us.
Congratulations on having the birth you wanted. I understand how you felt...
I wanted to give birth naturally, so off I went with my first. I went the traditional route because I couldn't get a midwife in time. I had an ObGyn, who I didn't like, and gave birth in the hospital of my choice. I was induced 2 days after my due date, because my OB thought the baby was too big. The labour was okay, I was able to bear it, but the pushing... It was awful. He wanted to give me an episiotomy, I yelled at him like I was possessed... After about 20 minutes of pushing, I finally had my daughter and was getting stitched up after 2nd degree tearing. The care I received from nurses was exceptional, I felt very well taken care of before and after my labour and delivery. My trauma came from the pure pain I felt while I was pushing, and probably the contractions leading right up to pushing.
I cried when I had to make my first bowel movement. I cried when I felt my sexual urges coming back. I cried when I had to go to my 6 week postpartum check up. I almost passed out from seeing the speculum at my first physical almost 2 years after my daughter was born, and my blood pressure was through the roof.
With my second, I went to a midwife. I researched different birthing positions and I got more informed. I laboured for 7 hours at home, another half hour and the hospital and then it was time for me to push. I was on my feet for the whole labour process and when I wanted to push I went on the bed and squatted on my knees. I pushed twice and out he came. No tearing, no back labour, I was in charge of everything. I was so elated that the birth of my 2nd child completely erased the pain and trauma of my 1st.
Now I just feel bad for my daughter, my firstborn. I feel guilty because I wasn't in charge of that pregnancy, I didn't know I could be the one calling the shots. I'm also mad because no one empowers you with that information, no traditional medical doctor I was surrounded by anyway.
I'm happy for you. I'm happy that you had the power to choose and the power to get what you wanted. Congratulations.
I do think a spin-off thread elsewhere about whatever is more appropriate than a debate here. Thanks.
Can I just say that for someone to have previously had a 3 rd degree tear & what sounds like a difficult labour , elcetive CS is a perfectly reasonable choice .
I am amazed at those who call your actions selfish , quote " nature knows best " and seem brainwashed about vaginal v's Ceasar delivery. And the hide of quoting safety concnerns for the baby ?
As if your continence & sex life matter nothing ?
So choice is only good if you choose what someone else thinks , otherwise you're " uninformed" . How very hypocritical .
AwaitingJuno, welcome. Congratulations on your little ones and I'm so happy for your that your second birth was a positive experience and I send my support for your first birth experience.
Thank-you again for the supportive words. Alohamom - I do feel bad that the memories from my daughter's birth are not positive ones for me - I love my daughter and see her birth and her as distinct but it would be wonderful if the circumstances of her birth were more positive. The experience did reinforce my belief all pregnant women need to be supported in the choices they make, and that it's important to understand why the choices are made and accept that different people make different choices for a wide variety of reasons.
I felt/feel the same way about my DD's birth. I sometimes think we would have bonded a lot better had the experience been better (for both of us!).
Anyway, I forgot the most important thing I was going to say in my first post!!!
Congratulations, AwaitingJuno, on the birth of your son! And I'm glad that it seems to have been a somewhat healing birth for you!
Mama to DD (12.2005), DS1 (01.2009), DS2 (04.28.2013) with DH 04.10.13!!
In the beginning a lot of OBs wouldn't do them. Then I had one say to me, "If a woman can go through all the risks of surgery: bleeding, infection, risks with anesthesia, only because she wants bigger boobs or fat sucked out of her butt...because it's her body and she can do what she wants to it. Then why can't she have an elective CS just cuz she wants."
Now I'm not a fan of primary elective c-sections in general. But it's not my place to judge other women and dictate what they can do to their bodies. It IS MY JOB to care for and facilitate to the best of my ability, the best possible birth experience for every women...and that's going to very greatly.
Now I've read the entire waiting for Juno blog. What happened to this mom was terrible. It doesn't matter if I wouldn't choose a CS for myself or not.
She went into labor at night while waiting for an elective c-section. So several things probably came into play. Her doc didn't want to get up in the middle of the night. And no one wanted to call in the back up anesthesia for a non-emergency. I have no doubt that this hospital had anesthesia and OR staff on call for emergencies. But this wasn't an emergency. Not a medical emergency, it was an emergency to this mom...just not to the staff. I've seen it happen 100 times. The anesthesia person that everyone loves says, "my kids got a school play tonight so don't call me unless it's an emergency". Well I hate to say it, but a healthy woman in normal labor is not an emergency. And of course you don't tell the patient that...you tell them there are emergency cases going on...or if your OB is at a britney spears concert (yes, real story) you tell the patient he is tied up in an emergency case.
But it's the same in reverse...if I knew this anesthesia doc was gonna bitch that I called him at 2am, I'm gonna have a good story ready. "dr. X this mom suffered horid child abuse when she was younger and had to have reconstructive pelvic surgery. She can't deliver vaginally, it could mess up her repair."
If I were this woman's nurse I would have given her as much iv medicine as I could in early labor. And when it was obvious she was in active labor, I would have sat at her bedside and asked her, "how important is it to you to not deliver vaginally?" And go from there.
Weather it was the doc or the nurses, someone didn't advocate for the patient. And that's a real shame.
Just my 2¢.
Debate posts will be deleted and continued debate on this thread will result in restricted posting privileges. Amyrjrn, your post is helpful to the OP I think because you are relating to her situation. Issues of medicaid reimbursement is way off topic, however, and needs to be edited/deleted (paragraphs 4 &5).
If members would like to relate to AwaitingJuno's birth story by relating a similar story or a professional experience, I think that's fine so long as it's done in the spirit of hearing this mamas story and relating in a supportive way.
Congratulations, AwaitingJuno! Best wishes to you and your family.
I just wanted to say that I'm so glad you were treated respectfully and that your son's birth was everything you wanted it to be. Your story means a lot to me personally, and I'm sure to many other moms as well. Thanks for your honesty and courage in sharing it.
If I could go back and redo my birth it would be a planned c-section. My own mom says the same of giving birth to me, and I wish I had listened to her.
I am sending my heartiest congratulations to you on getting the birth you wanted and expected. I too am considering a scheduled cbav for the next bebe.
It seems to me after lots of reading that as women we tend to be able to handle just about anything as long as we are reasonably able to prepare for and expect it. In your case that was not possible because many people failed you in the first birth. Forcing a woman in to doing any type of birth she is terrified of when not necessary is simply not going to be the safer birth, and safety should come before anything.
During intensely significant physiological and spiritual endeavors like birth, trauma can happen when our choices are taken away or mishandled or we are misinformed, regardless of what the choice is. It's a cosmic violation during a cosmic event.
I too was disappointed by my first birth, partly I blame myself for using the denial method and focusing on hypnosis and expecting something unrealistic. The rest of the blame I lay on those who didn't listen to me and understand what I didn't want. I am now scared of going through anything remotely similar, so my first focus will be finding somebody I am sure absolutely listens to and respects my choices and has every intention of showing up. Good doctors are out there.
Somebody who has created life in their womb is never "selfish" for opting for something that they feel the safest about. If you reread the more offensive posts that unfortunately found their way to your thread, I think it is people who don't accept themselves and mirroring and intellectualizing their own internal hostility, so I hope you know how much your experience will empower others like me and ignore that nonsense.
Thank-you Demeter for the well wishes. My son is doing very well - he's now four months old, and thriving and it is so nice to have regained a bit of me that was lost with my daughter's birth.
My wish is that all women have the right to be apprised of the risks and benefits of the care plan they are considering in their particular circumstance and to be empowered to make their own choices and to expect that those choices will be respected and facilitated to the degree possible.
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