Very confused, angry, and have a lot of questions about my birth experience - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 99 Old 01-19-2013, 07:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by demeter888 View Post

Thank you sooo much eabbmom!!!

I am glad you can understand why I was defensive about the way a few things have been said/questioned.

 

But over all it has been really positive and I'm not mad at anybody,  I'm pleasantly surprised and happy to have this help.

 

I want to gently point out that Demeter is a new member of MDC and she is sharing her birth story. Yes, mixed in there is her experience with a particular program and I'm sympathetic to those who have benefited from that program wanting to clarify but I think the focus really needs to be on this mama and her experience. Please keep in mind that this is the Birth Stories forum and it is intended as a supportive environment for mothers to share their birth story. heartbeat.gif


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#32 of 99 Old 01-19-2013, 11:20 PM
 
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Oh mama.  :(  I just want to wrap you in a big hug.  I am so sorry that you felt like you invested a lot into a program and didn't get what you expected out of it.  I don't want to get into details about the program since that's not what you're here for, but I used Hypnobabies and had a polar opposite experience.  A lot of what you're saying about what the program's philosophy or teachings are aren't what's in line with my understanding.  More to the heart of that matter though... you have all my sympathy!  I want to acknowledge that you did such an amazing job surrounding yourself with support (two doulas?? that's incredible!) and investing in a program that is definitely not just a teeny bit of work.  And now you are preparing for another baby's birth and taking steps to heal from your previous birth experience so you can make the space for new baby to have his/her own journey (whatever the method of birth may be).  You are one dedicated mama! 

 

I would second the suggestion about talking to a trained birth story listener or a therapist familiar with birth trauma.  I'm not sure if you'd be open to it, but I know the founders of Hypnobabies (Kerry & Carole) are always open to hearing from moms who have used their program and are more than happy to listen to every kind of birth story.  I don't know if that might offer some consolation or closure to your birth story, but I just wanted to throw that out there.  I'm so sorry you had to advocate for yourself so strongly to get pain medication when you needed it, but it's wonderful that you knew what your body needed.  You knew when you needed pain medication, you knew when you needed to move during a pressure wave even if that wasn't what you felt like you were "supposed" to do.  What a wonderful sense of intuition you had!  

 

Even though your birth of your little milk monster (is that what you called him? I can't find it now!) wasn't what you had hoped for or expected, it sounds like you did a wonderful job of rolling with the punches and making the best decisions for you and your baby.  I'm so proud of you and wish you the most healing and peaceful birth the second time around.  

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#33 of 99 Old 01-20-2013, 12:31 AM
 
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demeter,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is really helpful to me, personally, to read about women's different experiences with childbirth preparation methods so that I can advise clients. I've heard both positive and negative reviews of hypnobabies. What I'm hearing from you is that it didn't really prepare you for what labor was going to be like.


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13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#34 of 99 Old 01-20-2013, 08:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh mama.  :(  I just want to wrap you in a big hug.  I am so sorry that you felt like you invested a lot into a program and didn't get what you expected out of it.  I don't want to get into details about the program since that's not what you're here for, but I used Hypnobabies and had a polar opposite experience.  A lot of what you're saying about what the program's philosophy or teachings are aren't what's in line with my understanding.  More to the heart of that matter though... you have all my sympathy!  I want to acknowledge that you did such an amazing job surrounding yourself with support (two doulas?? that's incredible!) and investing in a program that is definitely not just a teeny bit of work.  And now you are preparing for another baby's birth and taking steps to heal from your previous birth experience so you can make the space for new baby to have his/her own journey (whatever the method of birth may be).  You are one dedicated mama! 

 

I would second the suggestion about talking to a trained birth story listener or a therapist familiar with birth trauma.  I'm not sure if you'd be open to it, but I know the founders of Hypnobabies (Kerry & Carole) are always open to hearing from moms who have used their program and are more than happy to listen to every kind of birth story.  I don't know if that might offer some consolation or closure to your birth story, but I just wanted to throw that out there.  I'm so sorry you had to advocate for yourself so strongly to get pain medication when you needed it, but it's wonderful that you knew what your body needed.  You knew when you needed pain medication, you knew when you needed to move during a pressure wave even if that wasn't what you felt like you were "supposed" to do.  What a wonderful sense of intuition you had!  

 

Even though your birth of your little milk monster (is that what you called him? I can't find it now!) wasn't what you had hoped for or expected, it sounds like you did a wonderful job of rolling with the punches and making the best decisions for you and your baby.  I'm so proud of you and wish you the most healing and peaceful birth the second time around.  

 

Hi, Thanks for the hugs, and right back at you:-)  I was just not one of the lucky ones, and I truly feel that some of us are lucky and some of us are not, when it comes to this kind of method.  And because the HB discourages studying methods aside from it, it is flawed IMO. I have this in writing in the book; it's made very clear to avoid other coping methods outside HB.   I am not sure what I said about it that you think is not in line, but I'll be happy to debate it in a different forum.  If I misunderstood something, coming to terms with it is also part of healing; not just seeking validation, and I welcome that if it is done from a respectful and rational position.

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#35 of 99 Old 01-20-2013, 08:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I would second the suggestion about talking to a trained birth story listener or a therapist familiar with birth trauma.  I'm not sure if you'd be open to it, but I know the founders of Hypnobabies (Kerry & Carole) are always open to hearing from moms who have used their program and are more than happy to listen to every kind of birth story.  I don't know if that might offer some consolation or closure to your birth story, but I just wanted to throw that out there.

 

 

Hi again,

Nothing against you, but: I am sure their stuff helped a lot of people and harmed many others.  It didn't help me much, and it did not give me the tools I should have been armed with for what to do when I dinn't  feel the way they tell me to. The course has little to nothing about how to stay in hypnosis during things like epidural or c-section or epesiotomy.  Nothing

 

That is jacked up; a major, major flaw they caused by telling me to avoid learning any other methods or not giving more.  I am angry at this program and its founders and could care less about their opinion!

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#36 of 99 Old 01-20-2013, 08:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Active Birth is listed in Hypnobabies curriculum in Class 1 under their recommended reading list...

 

Oh, so THATS what I did wrong? Not read the 15+ books in their reading list in a few months period when I was also working full time on top of doing their courses religiously?

 

 

Actually, there's about 25 accordijnjg to their website here

http://hypnobabieskc.com/recommended-reading-list/

 

But I am being fair and only counting their specific books for birth, since, we all know I will have time to read the other 10+ books on parenting while breastfeeding and listening to their breastfeeding CD at the same time.

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#37 of 99 Old 01-20-2013, 09:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You seem on one hand to want to be emotionally supportive, but on the other hand you have inserted an agenda into it.  

I think if you understood from my posts that I am clearly not receptive to hypnobabies and clearly have no interest in the philosophy any more, you would have avoided making certain statements. 

 

"Hypnobabies prepares you for all scenarios, never promises pain-free, and gives you the information and tools to have the best possible birth experience for YOU... & you did exactly that!  Your baby's birth happened the way it did for a reason, or many reasons.  I hope that you soon find peace and acceptance of yourself, your body, your first birth, Hypnobabies, and the choices you made along the way.  Now.... you're learning how to make this next one even better, and you can do it!!  I hope you re-consider scheduling a c-section.  Really try to take in how much you have learned already, how much you just quickly learned from the responses here - - how much can you continue to learn day by day as your next birth approaches!!  Imagine all the confidence and reassurance that will come along with that, and know that it will have you so beautifully prepared to give birth again!!  If you choose to, you can do it! :)""

 

 

 

my reply:

1. That is just wrong.  Hypnobabies did not prepare me for having excrutiating contractions from the beginning and all I learned was that it was nothing like what I was programmed to expect. Also, I don't feel I need to 'forgive' myself for anything.  As hard as I am on myself normally, in this case I don't think I did anything but the best I could, and I did well. Despite being scared and unprepared thanks to HB.

 

 

 

you:

"Did you feel you did not have the opportunity with everything coming on so strong to go down deep into hypnosis? "

 

my reply:

 

I did, and I tried it, as I explained in my original post. I followed the course very carefully. I  did hire the best doula I could find.  I did everything I could.  I am not an expert but there is very little I miss, and when I make a decision I do it with all the facts, and when I prepare, nobody is more prepared than I am.

 

I know you spent a lot of time trying to be helpful and positive and promote what you think is unfailingly useful, and I am going to reread your post when I am not feeling on the angry, defensive side and disrregard the things you ask/suggest that I find a little bit upsetting. (if you see a few other posts on here I hope you can understand why I am getting touchy).  I know you have some good info to offer and I do appreciate your intentions and time.  Just keep in mind that what works for you doesn't work for a lot of other people, and just because it didn't work for me does not mean that it is going to by aporoaching it differently next time. Sometimes HB is the clearly wrong choice for people, and I would not expect an HB advocate to have the cold hard stats, but it's no small number.

 

I think first time moms who use HB are rolling the dice. Until there is extensive research on this topic (it's still not a widely understood method of birthing), women making the choice to use HB are potentially setting themselves up for the same disappointment I experienced.  But that's for another thread, I guess :-)

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#38 of 99 Old 01-20-2013, 09:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by jennybennett View Post

And I should also just clarify that of the 15 to 20% who may not call their experience comfortable, many of those Hypno-moms are still able to say they were satisfied with their births, for many different reasons. I should not have implied that all of those 15 to 20 percent were dissatisfied because I really don't believe that's true. Some had c-sections or other interventions they hadn't planned on. Some experienced a great deal of pain. But the difference, I think, is that they came through on the other side feeling proud of how strong they were. I hope you can get to that point too.

 

 

Hi Again Jenny,

 

I don't know where you are getting statistics from, but this is clearly anecdotal/observational and based on your opinion and experience.  So, using stats again gives off the impression of an agenda.  I know you like hypnobabies: I get it:-)  But there is no quantifiable data proving it doesn't cause problems for people like me.

 

I don't like it, and don't think it prepared me for my birth at all.  I think it scared the crap out of me on how I was going to cope with excrutiating pain when I was taught to expect otherwise.

 

OK, I will try to calm down.  Thank you again for responding to my posts.

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#39 of 99 Old 01-20-2013, 10:58 AM
 
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I apologize if I made your blood boil by quoting those numbers. Those are just the percentages based on the birth stories Hypnobabies receives, submitted to them by the students. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I do disagree with you that the program is fatally flawed, simply because the majority of students do experience easier and more comfortable childbirth. It's helping a lot of women. But again your viewpoint is yours and you don't have to apologize for it, just as I don't for mine. As the moderator gently pointed out, this thread is not for championing any one method over another, but rather to allow you to share all your thoughts and feelings so I will simply be done saying anything additional about the program from here on out. Promise!

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#40 of 99 Old 01-20-2013, 11:08 AM
 
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I'm really, really happy this thread is helping you feel better.  At the end of the day, my wish for all birthing women is to have positive birth experiences... whether that be home or hospital, medicated or not, vaginal or c-section.  But one thing is bothering me, and that is the assumption that Hypnobabies moms are missing out on mysterious, magical pain-coping techniques by not taking a hospital class (which mostly teaches medication choices and maybe some patterned breathing) or by taking a different out of hospital childbirth class.  The reason Hypnobabies asks its moms to not take another class is because the philosophy is the opposite... birth can be easier and comfortable vs. it's the most painful thing ever but you can do it! In order to have a pain-free birth, one must believe it is actually possible.  Perhaps another class would have been a better fit for you and helped you feel better about how your birth happened, but having taken some of those other classes myself I don't think they have any techniques that would have drastically changes your birth in terms of pain coping.  It sounds like you were doing all the right things in moving, using water, changing positions, and surrounding yourself with a team that supporting natural birth.  Whenever birth takes unexpected turns, it can be very scary and I'm really sorry that happened to you. 

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#41 of 99 Old 01-20-2013, 11:37 AM
 
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I just re-read your birth story (a third time). I know you're focused on your birth now because you're pregnant with your second child. I think a lot of what you struggled with for your first birth will not be as much of an issue this time around. I had my fair share of advice that didn't work so well for me. My homebirth midwife told me that pooping during labor was rare eyesroll.gif and I also remember being told that I would know the feeling of contractions and, more importantly for me, that I would know the urge to push. None of these things was especially true for me, especially the urge to push, which was not 100% recognizable for either of my births. 

 

During my second birth, I did know that I was in labor - even for the very first contraction and even after a week or so of Braxton Hicks. I just knew it and the first contraction was mild. The rhythm of the labor was wonderfully smooth and manageable - it felt "natural'. Even in transition and pushing (for 2 hours) I was aware of my energy reserves. I experienced none of this for my first labor. For my first I was just totally along for the ride...in a bad way. 

 

Another thing that will be different this time around is that you know that a variety of techniques, books and etc. is what you need to use for preparation. You know what worked for you the first time as well. You also know that birth is unpredictable. I wonder if this birth will be a healing process for you. I know it was for me (though I didn't have quite the hard time that you did). How far along are you? 


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#42 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 09:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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demeter,

 

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It is really helpful to me, personally, to read about women's different experiences with childbirth preparation methods so that I can advise clients. I've heard both positive and negative reviews of hypnobabies. What I'm hearing from you is that it didn't really prepare you for what labor was going to be like.

 

Hello,

 

Yes.  I now think that both because of the very unpredictable nature of labor and because of the medicalized environments many women find themselves in, any methods studied should include reasonable preparation for difficulties, surgeries, etc.  and Hypnobabies makes no mention of how to cope with those at all and leaves you stranded if your labor isn't what it's "supposed" to be, which I have seen again and again makes it traumatic for women.

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#43 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 09:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I apologize if I made your blood boil by quoting those numbers. Those are just the percentages based on the birth stories Hypnobabies receives, submitted to them by the students. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. I do disagree with you that the program is fatally flawed, simply because the majority of students do experience easier and more comfortable childbirth. It's helping a lot of women. But again your viewpoint is yours and you don't have to apologize for it, just as I don't for mine. As the moderator gently pointed out, this thread is not for championing any one method over another, but rather to allow you to share all your thoughts and feelings so I will simply be done saying anything additional about the program from here on out. Promise!

 

You are using anecdotal evidence, that the majority of students experience easier and more comfortable birth. That is unsubstantiated and comes from the promoters of this method.  And as many, many women have shared, they sometimes take years to come out of their shells after a bad experience, and I am sure a very large number of them do not feel comfortable sharing their opposing opinion in certain forums for obvious reasons.  I have seen the worst trauma comes when a women is not prepared for what actually happens.

 

I don't mind debating, and like I said I can take it up with you in another appropriate forum if you like.  

 

And by the way, you didn't make my blood boil.  I just think it is wrong to promote a method that is known to not work for everyone when it excludes preparation for things like surgery, etc. I would have fared much better if I had been prepared to experience something more like what most women actually experience.  Even those I know who likes their hypnosis-based birth training have said there IS pain.  If you read the birth plan, it mentioned NOTHING of what to do in case of complications.  That is clearly flawed and I have no doubt countless women are better prepared if they go in without fear of reality and confront these things head on armed with information.

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#44 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 09:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm really, really happy this thread is helping you feel better.  At the end of the day, my wish for all birthing women is to have positive birth experiences... whether that be home or hospital, medicated or not, vaginal or c-section.  But one thing is bothering me, and that is the assumption that Hypnobabies moms are missing out on mysterious, magical pain-coping techniques by not taking a hospital class (which mostly teaches medication choices and maybe some patterned breathing) or by taking a different out of hospital childbirth class.  The reason Hypnobabies asks its moms to not take another class is because the philosophy is the opposite... birth can be easier and comfortable vs. it's the most painful thing ever but you can do it! In order to have a pain-free birth, one must believe it is actually possible.  Perhaps another class would have been a better fit for you and helped you feel better about how your birth happened, but having taken some of those other classes myself I don't think they have any techniques that would have drastically changes your birth in terms of pain coping.  It sounds like you were doing all the right things in moving, using water, changing positions, and surrounding yourself with a team that supporting natural birth.  Whenever birth takes unexpected turns, it can be very scary and I'm really sorry that happened to you. 

 

"But one thing is bothering me, and that is the assumption that Hypnobabies moms are missing out on mysterious, magical pain-coping techniques by not taking a hospital class (which mostly teaches medication choices and maybe some patterned breathing) or by taking a different out of hospital childbirth class.  "

 

my reply:

I have no idea where or who you got that from, so I can't comment.

 

" The reason Hypnobabies asks its moms to not take another class is because the philosophy is the opposite... birth can be easier and comfortable vs. it's the most painful thing ever but you can do it! In order to have a pain-free birth, one must believe it is actually possible."

 

my reply:

There are several classes I know of that teach methods without claiming birth to be the most painful thing ever.  And the resounding mantra of Hypnobabies is that burth SHOULD be painless, which is ridiculous for most women and is completely unnecessary to facilitate a positive attitude towards pain or discomfort.  

The class that would have been ideal for me would have been the one that taught me how to handle what usually happens during a birth.  I agree that nothing would have made the pain much easier, but I would not have been as scared if somebody had prepared me for the possibility of it.

 

Thanks

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#45 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 09:33 AM
 
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As a person who lived with severe chronic pain, and as yoga practitioner and meditator of many years I can tell you, that all those interventions including denial of pain, relaxation, meditation and guided imaginary only work to a degree.  This is why there is array of pain medications is available in the modern world. I do not feel bitter, depressed or traumatized when various non medication methods do not take my pain away. I take appropriate medications.

 

You should do what feel right for you, be it C-Section or an epidural.

 

I know that I would have ended up with c-section without an epidural because there was no way I was going to relax with pain level of 11 out of 10.

 

Yes c-sections and epidurals have risks but so is natural childbirth. Pain can lead to PTSD and depression . I would rather have stitches.

 

 

Talk to your OB.

 

You can give pain control such and epidural as try, but if you think you want to have c-section after all, at leas have you doctor talk to you while you are calm, right now about risks of adhesions, and rate of infection etc.

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#46 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 09:45 AM
 
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Hi! Birth with your first is so unpredictable, IMO, no matter how much you prepare for it. You have nothing to compare the ''pain'' to, and its something you have never felt before! I have been excited to try to use hypnosis with my next birth. However, after reading your post I kinda wonder if it would be for me, seeing as I have not been able to sit still during my contractions. Someone mentioned there is a way to go into hypnosis while moving.... that would be neat to try out. Probably takes a lot of practice and concentration! I will be honest and say I didnt know a thing about birth until after my first, when I found I was pg with my second. A little over a week after my due date at about 1:30 in the morning, I woke with a horrible pain in my cervix. I was so shocked by it, completely not understanding what it was and why it was so painful. I squatted and leaned against the bed, which sort of seemed to help. After it subsided I climbed back in bed only to be jarred awake again a few minutes later with the same, maybe even worse, pain down there!! It was bad!! I feel I can relate to what you were feeling. But that was all I felt it twice and then it was gone. My labour lasted only 3hrs and 15mins. Thinking back, I feel in my situation I opened up right then and went into full blown active labour. I have jumped during contractions, run around the house, and tho they are not very jarring movements, it felt SO good. In between I would rock in the rocking chair, relax my shoulders, and drink water. It was, so far, the easiest birth I had.

Its hard for a person to understand pain in childbirth if they havent felt any. And vice versa, hard to understand painless birth if your experience has been excrutiating. I hope all the best for you with your next birth, that you can heal from your first and move on to the next. No birth is the same, I will keep my fingers crossed for a better one for you next time:)

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#47 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 09:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Mama,

 

Thank you for reading my post (not that you needed to).   I think HB could be a wonderful tool if it was not denial-based and was more about CAN than SHOULD.  I am just still angry right now, and when I am angry I tend to be absolute.  But I know I won't use it next time and won't recommend it to first timers.  

 

I am not only disappointed in HB, but that has become the center of focus.  I am mainly disappointed that it was not possible for me to have a birth that didn't involve trauma and suffering.  But most of all, I am disappointed that I did not expect these things to occur because they occur so commonly. I should have prepared.

 

I don't believe anything is going to resolve my fear of pain.  It is reasonable to be afraid of going through what I went through again and reasonable to try and prevent it with reasonable measures.  I am 5 weeks pregnant, have a lot on my plate, and am far from physically ready to go through this again.  But I am also very happy about it.

 

In fact I have been researching the possibility of a scheduled c-section next time.  It could very well happen anyways, as I am now high risk, and I am thinking it would be much safer to go ahead and schedule it than go through the trauma I went through again.  However, not even a scheduled c-section and a lot of drugs can prevent pain or surprises.  I will find a doctor I trust who advocates for natural birth and get their opinion.

 

I will definitely not use a midwife again.  I have seen several of them make a lot of assumptions. For example, my main midwife assumed that I wanted a vaginal birth at all costs; I never said that!   Another assumed I wanted somebody to argue with me when I requested pain relief.  Yet another group of midwives ignored treating my pain I had during pregnancy because they wanted me to be 'natural' unless 'necessary', and it almost cost me my job and would have ended in miscarriage if I didn't change practices.  And finally, worst of all: when I approached a midwife about having an anxiety disorder, she shared it with her team inappropriately and inaccurately and the next midwife from the team came in on my next visit telling me they would be sending a social worker to my house (I was 9 months pregnant by then) after baby was born!  I was absolutely devasted and humiliated.

 

I am ultimately an extremely pragmatic woman, and no dogma or philosphy is going to steer me this time.  I don't care if something is "natural".  I have followed this community because what is natural often tends to be what is best, but mainly because I like AP parenting.  And I like the supportive Mamas like you:-)

 

I can understand from your own experiences that you are hopeful that I won't need to do a c-section. Maybe I won't, but that is not something I am terrified of.  

 

Thank you to all who listened to me, help me heal, and help inform me.  I hope I can pass it on when I am ready.

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#48 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 10:08 AM
 
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Mama, we have a lot of other mothers here who are recovering from birth trauma. I imagine that throughout human history there were always women who had really painful, traumatic births but I wonder if we have more these days because of how unsupported (or incorrectly supported) mothers often are in childbirth. 

 

Just a thought, maybe it would help you to replace the phrase "natural childbirth" with "unmedicated childbirth". I use the second because it more accurately describes what I mean by the phrase. Pain medication certainly has its place when a birth is especially difficult or complications arise. 

 

MDC has a forum specifically for mothers recovering from birth trauma. If you want, this entire thread can be moved there so you can get some feedback specifically about that part of your birth. Alternatively, you can post a thread there to get support from mothers who can really identify with your experiences: 

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/f/502/healing-birth-trauma

 

Here is a birth story by a mother who had a difficult first birth followed by a scheduled cesarean: 

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1367561/sometimes-birth-satisfaction-is-spelt-c-e-s-a-r-e-a-n/20


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#49 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 11:25 AM
 
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demeter888- Being a mother is more the how you labor. Do what is right for you. hug2.gif

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#50 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 01:51 PM
 
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My prayers go out to you and I truly hope you get a very healing birth whatever that may be for you. I do hope you will be able to be at peace with your sons birth so you can focus on this pregnancy and fill this baby with positivity and love since whether we like it or not our emotions affect our growing babies. Hugs to you mama!
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#51 of 99 Old 01-21-2013, 02:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by organicmama314 View Post

I do hope you will be able to be at peace with your sons birth so you can focus on this pregnancy and fill this baby with positivity and love since whether we like it or not our emotions affect our growing babies. 

From what I have read (which admittedly was a while ago) a spectrum of emotions during pregnancy is beneficial to the baby because the fetus is exposed to a range of hormones. So, while some studies show that high stress during pregnancy can have a negative impact, a normal range of emotions (including stress) is not thought to be harmful and may, in fact, help the child regulate emotions later in life.  

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#52 of 99 Old 01-24-2013, 01:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi! Birth with your first is so unpredictable, IMO, no matter how much you prepare for it. You have nothing to compare the ''pain'' to, and its something you have never felt before! I have been excited to try to use hypnosis with my next birth. However, after reading your post I kinda wonder if it would be for me, seeing as I have not been able to sit still during my contractions. Someone mentioned there is a way to go into hypnosis while moving.... that would be neat to try out. Probably takes a lot of practice and concentration! I will be honest and say I didnt know a thing about birth until after my first, when I found I was pg with my second. A little over a week after my due date at about 1:30 in the morning, I woke with a horrible pain in my cervix. I was so shocked by it, completely not understanding what it was and why it was so painful. I squatted and leaned against the bed, which sort of seemed to help. After it subsided I climbed back in bed only to be jarred awake again a few minutes later with the same, maybe even worse, pain down there!! It was bad!! I feel I can relate to what you were feeling. But that was all I felt it twice and then it was gone. My labour lasted only 3hrs and 15mins. Thinking back, I feel in my situation I opened up right then and went into full blown active labour. I have jumped during contractions, run around the house, and tho they are not very jarring movements, it felt SO good. In between I would rock in the rocking chair, relax my shoulders, and drink water. It was, so far, the easiest birth I had.

Its hard for a person to understand pain in childbirth if they havent felt any. And vice versa, hard to understand painless birth if your experience has been excrutiating. I hope all the best for you with your next birth, that you can heal from your first and move on to the next. No birth is the same, I will keep my fingers crossed for a better one for you next time:)

 

Hi Mommy Emma, I am going to PM you a copy of my message since it has been several days.

I had some trouble practicing hypnosis because I have breathing problems and eczema, and I also have a hard time sitting still. So when the hypnosis queued me to breathe thru my nose, if I was congested, I would feel distracted by the fact that I would have to breathe through my mouth.  Learning off switch was hard because I found it did not relieve my itching sensations and I would go crazy itching.  

 

Just FYI hypnobabies does have a large section on hypnosis called Center Switch which allows you to walk, talk, and carry on while supposedly in deep hypnosis. It only worked sometimes for me.  But center switch was easier than off switch IMO.

 

I do see a large connection between hypnosis techniques and much faster labors, so if you already labor very quickly, that could be yet another reason to not want this kind of hypnosis.  The company assumes that faster labor is better when sometimes I think that is too much pain all at once.

 

My pain was never 10/10, it was about 9/10 at it's worst; I have definitely felt worse pain in my life.  Getting an epidural at around 7/8 cm no doubt squeleched that.  But cervical pain is much ore unsettling than other types too, isn't it?

 

Have you ever bent/hit really hard a fingernail that had a fake acrylic nail on it? It feels as if your real nail was torn off and salt was poured on the fleshy part; this is one of the worst pains I have ever felt. LOL.  (not funny)

 

If I do natural birth I will definitely consider running and jumping like you suggest. That's great!

Do post an update when your time comes.

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#53 of 99 Old 01-24-2013, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As a person who lived with severe chronic pain, and as yoga practitioner and meditator of many years I can tell you, that all those interventions including denial of pain, relaxation, meditation and guided imaginary only work to a degree.  This is why there is array of pain medications is available in the modern world. I do not feel bitter, depressed or traumatized when various non medication methods do not take my pain away. I take appropriate medications.

 

You should do what feel right for you, be it C-Section or an epidural.

 

I know that I would have ended up with c-section without an epidural because there was no way I was going to relax with pain level of 11 out of 10.

 

Yes c-sections and epidurals have risks but so is natural childbirth. Pain can lead to PTSD and depression . I would rather have stitches.

 

 

Talk to your OB.

 

You can give pain control such and epidural as try, but if you think you want to have c-section after all, at leas have you doctor talk to you while you are calm, right now about risks of adhesions, and rate of infection etc.

 

Alenushka,  Thank you again for your wonderful suggestions :-)

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#54 of 99 Old 01-24-2013, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by organicmama314 View Post

My prayers go out to you and I truly hope you get a very healing birth whatever that may be for you. I do hope you will be able to be at peace with your sons birth so you can focus on this pregnancy and fill this baby with positivity and love since whether we like it or not our emotions affect our growing babies. Hugs to you mama!

 

Thank you:-)

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#55 of 99 Old 01-24-2013, 03:16 PM
 
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I'm very sorry for the excruciating pain you had to deal with and being let down by the very thing thay was supposed to help the most. It sounds like that might have been the worst part--basically being betrayed by the system you put your faith in to make one of the most important & memorable experiences in you and your child's lives an enjoyable one. It failed, which also means it failed you and your baby. It doesnt matter if its worked for others or not, that doesnt make the sense of betrayal any less severe or the negative memory dissapear. Betrayal is difficult to work through no matter the circumstances. I've had to work through betrayal in my life and its definitely been the hardeat thing i've ever done. I recommend therapy or a trusted friend you can talk through your feelings with and who can also help you gain some useful perspective on whay happened. Lots of love to you and your family.

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The richness of life cannot be sold nor bought. --me
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#56 of 99 Old 01-24-2013, 05:41 PM
 
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I'm sorry your first birth went badly!  I know how hard it can be to have a traumatic first birth and then try to make decisions about another impending birth.  Some of my births have gone very well, and others have been traumatic in various ways.  The only thing I can guarantee you is that you will not have to do THAT birth ever again.  You may have similar feeling contractions, but now you have the knowledge of your prior experience.  Chances are that you will actually have a better birth this next time, but any way it goes, you will have the benefit of prior experience and the knowledge that you are indeed capable of getting through it.  There is no shame in whatever it takes to accomplish that for you.  It might greatly benefit you to find caregivers who appreciate what you went through, will listen for however long and however many times it takes for you to process the first birth and help you come to decisions you are comfortable with for the birth of this child.  If you can find a great doula, you can get recommendations for an OB or midwife.  Or maybe explore childbirth educators, LLL or any others who may be able to recommend someone who practices with heart and soul in their work in a collaborative manner, not just trying to "solve" your problems the first time you meet.  


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#57 of 99 Old 01-27-2013, 10:09 AM
 
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I've had four, and honestly experience has definitely lessened the pain for me.

 

1) Induced at due date with pitocin, epidural forced at two centimeters as the "guy" was leaving, sadly it ran out around seven and I was stuck on my back in horrifying pain for the next four-ish hours. Epesiotimy was given without consent, and I felt it and all the stitches afterward.

 

2) Went into labor two weeks early, husband was gone and my water broke and we had just moved to Japan. I got a friend to take me in, and was completely stalled for three hours at six centimeters with a leaking water bag. Agreed to medicine to "speed things up" and spent the next few hours in one constant "throw yourself out the window, it's the only way to end this" pain until I got a nurse to check and found that the baby was crowning. Hit the doctor when he was stitching me, and had back labor the whole time. And yet, it was still less painful than when the epi wore off!

 

3) Starting to figure this whole this out, labored at home in my house and tub alone for maybe 6 hours, hubby was sleeping. I spent the time catching up on volunteer work. Totally distracted and relaxed. Actually, by the time we hit the hospital I tried to push a little in the parking lot. Popped the kid out twenty minutes after we got to the hospital, and only after labor stalled again and doctor agreed to heavily medicate and wait ten minutes before attempting any stitches. Didn't feel a thing :-)

 

4)Labored mostly alone for 2-3 days. Hubby took the big kids to his parents, and I alternated contractions/baths/naps and television for the duration. I "knew" I was in labor, but it never really hurt or felt like it was working. Day three hubby came home and at 11 I made my birth partner take me to the hospital to get checked and maybe get drugs to get some real sleep. Everyone laughed at me for checking in as I was "clearly not really in labor", even though I mentioned that this was my fourth and I was sure I hit transition in the car-- but they started running once they did the vaginal and found me to be a nine :-) I was still not in pain, and was talking/laughing through contractions, but I did refuse to get on my back and made her check me standing up. Baby was born in 30 minutes or so.

 

In my experience, they pain has gotten so much less with each birth and I think that just has to do with experience and knowing what makes me feel safe. After I hit the doctor in birth number two, I knew he wouldn't push me around again so it was much more relaxing. (Side note, in Japan doctors are like Gods, so I was really lucky that he took me again after I decked him).  I relayed that story to my last doctor, and told him to stand back during pushing if I started to get mad as I would lash out. The pushing part makes me really crazy and feel out of control.

 

I came out of my last birth fog to find ten wash clothes on my belly and asked the nurse what that was about. She said "the doctor said to give you whatever you wanted", yeah I wanted was for him to put a cloth on my vagina while he was checking the placenta as it was very tender. If I ever get pregnant again, I am adding that to my list. No rubbing anything on the sore spots!

 

I never did hypnobabies, but do probably do some of the things they suggest. I really like to try to just relax, and oddly if something really hurts I kind of like it as I feel like it means we will be done soon. If it's a good pain, I really can relax into it and let my body do the work. Not sure how I would do with something that doesn't let you acknowledge pain, but for me the "right" kind of pain--low down on the cervix--means that thing are happening. Back pain means I need to move around a lot and get things going in the right direction. I hope some of this helps

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#58 of 99 Old 01-27-2013, 03:20 PM
 
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OP I'm sorry you had a bad experience with your method of choice and a difficult labour. Congratulations on your healthy little one though and congrats on expecting again!

I never really went much beyond the hospital prenatal course but I did talk to moms (including mine) and was expecting birth to be a painful and difficult time. I was induced at 41w with the vaginal gel and sent home. Once they started, my contractions were the expected "menstrual cramps from hell" but they were more painful than anything I felt before. They were 45 seconds or so long, coming every 90-120 seconds. I seriously had the same pain level at 2cm as I did at 8cm. I ended up getting an epidural and had a positive experience overall (some tearing and stitching but nothing major). I just wanted to say that even though I went into it with my eyes wide open and expected the pain, I still couldn't really understand/anticipate the severity of labour until I was in the middle of it.

I think it's very courageous of you to post your experience and say "here is what didn't work for me". I think no birth philosophy should be promoted as a one size fits all solution. We are all different and the very thing that makes HB perfect for mom A could be exactly the same thing that makes it a terrible fit for mom B. My personal take on birth is that it's a very intense, possibly risky transition for mom and baby and it's something I simply need to go through with my child (14w pregnant at the moment). I'd love a completely unmedicated birth the second time around but I'm aware of what may go wrong. I think you have also had lots more experience and are in a much better place to figure out what is likely to work for you. Congratulations again and I wish you a fulfilling birth experience and a healthy baby.
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#59 of 99 Old 01-27-2013, 04:32 PM
 
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I read your story and I wish that you had been given better information. Even more than that, I wish you had been empowered by your care providers and birth professionals to go out and seek information for yourself. I think we learn best when we are actively persuing a topic. I have always been wary of one size fits all approaches in everything, and birth is no different.

A couple of things that might help you for next time- contractions can "feel" different for each woman. They can feel different from one pregnancy to the next for the same woman, they can feel different from one contraction to the next in the same labor. Just as you are different from every woman out there, so is your labor going to be. Which is why you hear things like, "there is no such thing a text-book labor" from a lot birth resources or professionals. You can start feeling a contraction in one spot and have it radiate around, some feel them as back pain, sometimes they feel like menstrual cramps, sometimes you feel them in your cervix. Sometimes you can have contractions that have more than one peak. I have heard some women describe feeling as though they are have 2 contractions at the same time. And some lucky women seem not to feel them much at all, but many many women do so and find them to be painful.

There are many ways to cope with that pain. The first and best way, no matter what methods you choose to cope with it ultimately, is to feel supported and safe. Because when you don't feel those things, when you're really scared, any pain you feel is going to be much worse. Above and beyond that, there are pain meds, relaxation techniques, physical comfort measures (hot/cold, massage,etc.), breathing techniques, water, movement, hypnosis - lots of stuff, but it doesn't all work for everyone. A good childbirth preparation class, in my opinion, teaches a little about all of these. You should feel free to experiment with what works for you freely in labor, and if something stops working, it's okay to try something else.

Relaxation is a great thing in labor,it's something that provides rest and focus, but many women are only really able to relax through contractions during early labor, and then may only be able to relax between them (if there's time!) when things become more intense. A lot of women have to find ways to cope through contractions with what can be likened to distractions. They tend to come up with spontaneous rituals that help them get through. It usually involves movement and repetition. All that old fashioned Lamaze "he he he" stuff is kind of similar (Lamaze doesn't focus on that anymore, it's actually pretty well rounded!) when you talked about "fighting the contraction" that's what came to mind. You may want to look into Penny Simkin's work. She talks a lot about this.

I would also echo that you seek out a counselor who specializes in post-partum issues or birth trauma. Please don't be afraid of being judged by that type of conselor, they are there to help you heal from your experiences. I think it could be a great help to you. If you don't know where to find one, maybe some local homebirth midwives or some local MDC ladies from your "finding your tribe" area could help you. I'm in SEMich, and I know there are a lot of birth related resources around here.

You may want to consider another childbirth Ed class. Look around, talk to the educators and find one that is going to suit your needs. If they are worth their salt, the teachers will be more than willing to talk to you about any concerns you have. And think about a doula again. Someone who doesn't adhere to some method of birthing, someone who just wants to support you in the birth that you want. There are a lot of really good doulas out there who are going to work their tails off to try to help you find ways to get through that are ACTUALLY working for you.

If you go into your next birth feeling like you are being heard, empowered to make decisions for yourself, knowing that you can't predict exactly how your birth may go but that you have options that can help steer it, it can be a really positive and healing experience feeling for you. I hope that it is. Good luck!

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#60 of 99 Old 01-28-2013, 09:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Sarafi, Thanks for posting about your experiences.  I have concluded that when  it comes to birth related pain I am just a wimp; you are clearly braver than I am.  I have a question about the epidural 'wearing off'.  How does it wear off?  I have read about this before but can't make sense of it.

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