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#1 of 4 Old 04-30-2013, 08:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Does any mamas out there get tired of constantly hearing so many negative birth stories from friends, family,etc? Not every mother and baby are low risk and I realize homebirth isn't for everyone. That being said, why do women take pleasure in telling their 'horrific' birth stories to everybody they meet? People think I'm a liar when I talk about how incredibly empowering and amazing my labor and birth was. I get asked how 'small' my baby was (as though mothers birthing larger babies can't also enjoy a beautiful birth?!) I finally just shut my mouth and stopped sharing my story. It's so frustrating. I wish they would have the desire for educating themselves about all aspects and choices of birth. If they only knew then perhaps they would also desire a beautiful birth and not go in to labour with a negative attitude about the possibility of how long and scary this will be. Even among my own family I wish I could speak up about being informed about your choices but no one wants to hear it. I DREAD being in a group of women when the subject of birthing babies come up!
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#2 of 4 Old 04-30-2013, 04:10 PM
 
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Maybe it's the different circles we run in....but a lot of birth stories I hear have aspects of regret. I was talking with my friend today who had a 4.5 hour labor with baby 1 (no drugs) and wanted the epidural with baby 2. She was also talked into pictocin which she didn't want, and her baby was born VERY fast, posterior, with her hand up by her head and NO pushing! She was delivered by a nurse. She is annoyed she got talked into pit when the baby could have come much more naturally on her own even with epidural. 

 

I don't usually talk about my birth unless people ask, mostly because it's a very LONG story and I'd rather tell the whole thing than only one snippet. I had 39 hours of labor, 2 nights with no sleep, and most people hear that and think "horror show" when really it wasn't that terrible. I even enjoyed parts of it.

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#3 of 4 Old 04-30-2013, 04:24 PM
 
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It isn't just horrific birth stories people talk about. It's car accidents, murders, anything like that people are drawn to. I run with a pretty crunchy crowd so our birth stories tend to.be.okay and if they aren't, we respect each others need to process them. Some of the most horrific births can be empowering and beautiful once they are processed, grieved and the mother forgives herself and those that may have let her down. The women you hear are working through their story and do not have the assistance to process it so they can feel the power and beauty in it. It's kinda like how as a country (the US) we ask each and repeatedly share what we were doing when the first tower got hit or when Colombine or Sandyhook happened. There is not a cultural construct for women to process birth. Women can be informed to the max and crazy things can happen, its just magical thinking to believe you can fight the nature of birth with information. Women can study nothing about birth and have a gentle, sweet birth. I am so over judging birth stories, women and circumstances.
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#4 of 4 Old 04-30-2013, 04:26 PM
 
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I feel like it is mixed. I feel often most women who share those stories from my experience (I facilitate a lot of women's circles including birth circles) are looking to heal from the experiences they had. Sometimes we are sucked down the drain of intervention. Even myself who is pretty educated and empowered have stories that are not "perfect" and I sometimes feel judged by others that perhaps I haven't tried hard enough to have a natural picture perfect homebirth.
I think all stories have a place and if we as women take time to share them and the pain/joy we experience through them it helps to normalize the variations. I will say I believe many women jut don't know what it means to value themselves enough to have a voice in their care. Even though I had a pretty medical birth with DD and this baby will also have a more medical birth than I wish, I still claim my voice in the process.
However my guess is many women share their stories because they are seeking validation for the choices they did or didn't make.
I say keep telling your story, it is because of women like you I came to believe I could make real choices in my care and I deserved support. and that I was worthy of an empowering birth regardless where or how it happens.

hang.gif  WOHMama to dust.gifDD (July 2008) and coolshine.gif DS (May 2013); wife to DH sleepytime.gif.

Live your life, like your life depends on it. joy.gif         

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