Finally able to write this ***warning*** Not a happy birthday - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 205 Old 09-07-2008, 03:06 PM
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I just read the op, and a few of the responses.

I know the story wasn't meant to be positive, and I'm so, so, sorry that you had to go through that horrible experience. But as someone who was bullied into getting a gyno exam when I really, really didn't want one... Your story was empowering.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#182 of 205 Old 09-13-2008, 01:53 AM
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I am so sorry, i am in tears reading this. I waited until now to read it because i couldnt whilst pregnant. I hope you find healing.
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#183 of 205 Old 09-17-2008, 11:14 PM
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I just read your story and am so angry with those people for the way they treated you and your family, it is truly a horror story. I think that judge who bullied you into those situations should also lose his position, what a horrible person he is!
I hate it that the medical community as a whole has brainwashed society into believing that you cant safely birth your baby anywhere but in their hospital. I wish hospital horror stories got out more than they do, usually you only hear about homebirth horror stories or how the dr "saved" the mom and or baby's life.
You are not alone in the trauma you experienced, or the hospitals retaliation towards you. With ds I was induced at the hospital (UCI in anaheim ca) and they still retaliated against me. First of all I can somewhat relate in regards to being birth raped, Uci is a learning hospital and I had at least 10 different people shoving their hand inside me constantly. I decided when I was pushing that I was not comfortable pushing they way they wanted you know the hold your breath for ten seconds? I stopped doing that and only pushed when I felt ready and as long as I was comfortable with. Ds was born in 38 min so not bad for an 18yo first timer with an epi. Anyways they took him for 5 hours for absolutely no reason and told my sister that it was a transitional period and would freak out if he saw me... Instead they kept him in the nursery while he cried for me for 5 hours, they wouldn't even bring him to me to bf :. Then when I finally got him and tried bfing the nurse told me I couldn't bf because my nipples were too small, she then stated she was going to get him a bottle, I told her no and she accused me of starving him.:

Needless to say I am now a homebirther and just had a UC recently. Wow what a difference it makes!

I pray that you have found some peace and will keep your family in my prayers. BTW how is dd now? She is what, 5?

Nichole, wife to Kris SAHM to Timothy : :10-11-03, Hosanna , Seraphim 8-17-08 : caught by Grandma! Faith 1-4-10 : Caught by Daddy!
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#184 of 205 Old 09-18-2008, 09:24 PM
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I just read your story and I swear I felt like I couldn't breathe. I've heard "horror stories" before, but yours was a true nightmare. I'm so very sorry. I am relieved that your daughter will be taken care of, that justice slightly prevailed... a bit late. I really hope you find the inner healing you so deserve.

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#185 of 205 Old 09-19-2008, 01:40 PM
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I'm so sorry for you, but I am so glad you stood up for yourself and your daughter. Too many people don't, and that's why the doctors think they can push people around this way. Thank you for sharing your story

wife to DH 6/25/05, mama to DS 5/26/08 & DS2 9/1/10
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#186 of 205 Old 09-19-2008, 02:49 PM
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I am dumbfounded that people can really be treated this way.....

This was all because you tempted to have a HB??? That is crazy. I am so glad that you sued the &^&_&*) that put your family through that horror.....

Your story was very empowering, and informative......hopefully it will help someone else that may end up in a similar situation someday.

Good Luck and Peace to your family Mama!!

Christina:~Student mama to Collyn(13), Haylea-Ann (9):, and Natalie (8) , and SO to Jeff.
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#187 of 205 Old 09-23-2008, 11:11 PM
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I made it all the way through this thread and I want to say THANK YOU so much for sharing your story with others. You are a inspiration and such a strong woman. I have bookmarked your thread and will continue to stalk and remember since my own HVAC is coming up in the next few months. I don't trust hospitals very much.

My first birth ended up with a forced c/s. Or more like I just couldn't fight it anymore... I was also "forced" and cocered into doing things that I felt unnecessary and I fought it to the point of doctors screaming at me, that they were the doctors and I was stupid and I was going to kill my baby...pushing my BP to very dangerous levels. I was also told they would get a court order if I didn't comply...but at the time I was drugged and starved and I just gave up. Towards the end I was like a little lamb being led around and I'm still bitter that I wasn't stronger. I went to this hospital for my prenatal care and when I developed HBP they did nothing and I ended up with a 34w NICU baby and a c-section that could have been prevented. Funny others mention about the medical records, because all of my prental records from about 28wks on were "missing." Around the time my BP was a little high but manageable.

I was planning on the possibility of a transfer to just go in fighting..but now after reading I realize that I need to have a plan and to also cover my own butt. I like the suggestion of a tape recorder and also keeping a close eye on the records. Anyway I didn't mean to make this about me, but you have really helped me. Thank you so much!
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#188 of 205 Old 10-11-2008, 04:01 PM
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Oh my, I just finished reading this, I am in tears! I am so sorry you were treated so poorly. My heart just breaks for you! But I'll tell you something, your tragic story makes me hate "the system" and WANT a homebirth even more!
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#189 of 205 Old 10-12-2008, 11:59 AM
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You are one strong mama! So many people do not have the strength to stand and fight even at their peak of emotional and physical health. What you did was truly amazing and I thank you for it. Your dd is gorgeous!

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#190 of 205 Old 10-13-2008, 08:59 AM
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You deserve that compensation. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can heal from this.

 birth doula since 2006
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#191 of 205 Old 04-03-2009, 06:52 PM
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Hi neighbor....I finally read this in full. I could have easily delievered there. Im so glad those mofos got what they deserved! NH sux!!!!!!!!!!!

If the people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny." Thomas Jefferson.

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#192 of 205 Old 04-03-2009, 07:00 PM
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HOW HORRIBLE....I cannot imagine what you went through .
I am so proud though of the strength you had to fight and bring attention to how violated you were.

Blessed with two BEAUTIFUL little girls: Kylie (09/06) and Maggie (4/09) :
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#193 of 205 Old 04-16-2009, 03:30 PM
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OMG! I am SOOO sorry you went through that! Brought tears to my eyes! I can't even imagine how you must have felt except PISSED!!! Good for you though for suing (sp?) their butts off!!!
I hope everyone is doing better now. :
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#194 of 205 Old 05-13-2009, 06:55 PM
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I am so so sorry you had to go through that.

You definitely are one super strong woman and a great example for your DD. She will grow up being very proud of her mama.

Laura~ wife to my stuntman, Stig, mama to Gavin Rutgar reading.gif(4) and now Wyatt Andreas (1) and 2 little angel1.gif.

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#195 of 205 Old 05-13-2009, 11:08 PM
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Wow! Its all I can say!

I heartbeat.gif my  9/22/02  dd who likes to blahblah.gif, 4/29/09 mos old. silly & adventurous girl twins twins.gif ,  11/15/l0 girl baby.gif & my coffee drinking DH!
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#196 of 205 Old 05-15-2009, 01:21 AM
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I see that this was written a couple of years ago, but it is still helping people.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. :

Lovin my sweet babygirl 3-17-10love.gif and expecting another in March! love.gif

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#197 of 205 Old 05-17-2009, 03:10 AM
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I can't believe they had the nerve to treat you like that with your history of abuse. Thank God you sued their butts off-- and won! You go, girl!

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)
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#198 of 205 Old 05-17-2009, 02:32 PM
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Wow. Good for you for fighting so hard. I'm glad the hospital had to pay.
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#199 of 205 Old 05-17-2009, 08:07 PM
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I felt the trauma while reading your story. I am also a sexual abuse survivor, so I can definitely sympathize with the pain of being violated. When I became pregnant with my son three years ago I knew I wouldn't be able to have a hospital literally made me feel very panicky just thinking about it. I was going to hire a midwife when I discovered the concept of an unassisted birth, which is what I ended up having. I didn't feel comfortable with anyone near my body, even a midwife. The birth went well, but it was extremely draining...much more so than I had anticipated. I had a very difficult time bonding with my son and listening to my intuition. I didn't feel strong physically, mentally or emotionally, so I ended up giving my power away to other people soon after he was born. He started throwing up a dark red fluid, so instead of listening to my intuition that said he was fine...just let him puke, my husband took him to the nearest hospital. I was so wrecked I could hardly get out of bed so I stayed home. DH was there for a long time...most of the day. I started getting worried, so my in-laws took me over to join them. They were in the NICU, and apparently he also needed to be warmed up due to temperature issues (my intuition said he needed more blankets, but of course I didn't trust myself enough to listen) and they had pumped his stomach. One of the doctors tried to bully DH into giving our son the hep B vaccine, but he adamantly refused. The doctor was very irritated by this and apparently put on the chart that his mother was hep B positive...manipulation at its finest. We just ignored it and tried to leave as soon as possible. Long story short, I got interrogated by another doctor as to why I chose to have the birth I did and one of the nurses was absolutely terrified at the fact that I didn't have any formal prenatal care and did not hold back her fury at my lack of responsibility. It was a very tiring, very draining experience to say the least. As time passed, my anger at the situation rose the surface. I healed it the best I knew how, but I still felt awful inside, even months later. Reading your story and some of the posts that followed, it has occurred that the real source of the anger is not at *them* it's at myself. As hard as it is for me to look at this, I realize now that I was pissed off at myself for lacking the strength and confidence to be able to handle the situation on my own. There's this little voice that says, "Oh, Laura, you should have known better. Why didn't you listen to your intuition?" Or, "If you had only bonded with him right away instead of being so lazy and selfish then none of that would have happened". I've blamed myself, you see. The violence I've experienced was toward myself, and the people at the hospital unleashing their fear and anger was simply a byproduct of this self-inflicted violence. It's so easy to look at a situation and judge it according to how we feel now, but in that moment what other choice did we have?? We felt powerless, we felt controlled, we felt like we had to hand over our energy because it was the only way we were able to feel safe in that moment. You may not be enjoying reading this post, but if you're willing I know that these words can help you heal your pain. As someone who has been down an endless road of pain for many years, being able to see that the anger I've created was always really because of self-blame or even self-hatred, this is a miracle for me. I hope I've helped some, or at least I hope I haven't hurt you more...
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#200 of 205 Old 05-24-2009, 05:57 AM
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I am at a loss for words.

Andreateapot2.GIF read.gif homebirth.jpg winner.jpg hang.gif, wife to K coolshine.gif, mother to loveeyes.gif photosmile2.gif reading.gif blahblah.gif

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#201 of 205 Old 07-25-2009, 08:20 AM
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I don't have words, but thank you for being so brave, for sharing and for suing.

-pixie, my dear, and (A-88), N-98, Littlest-06/00-08/00, J-03 & Little Miss Cotton Ball Button-03 (SN), S-05, Hope-loss 09/09, Bean-loss 04/10, and littlePopcorn due feb. 8th -11.
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#202 of 205 Old 07-25-2009, 10:33 AM
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Wife to DH 8/2003; Momma to DS 5/2007ribboncesarean.gif ; DD 5/1/2010 hbac.gifwaterbirth.jpg !
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#203 of 205 Old 07-25-2009, 11:22 AM
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WOW! I'm so sorry you went thru all that and that you suffered from pts to begin with.

i do have to say that, if i was you, i never would have put myself in the position of being pregnant. The chance for flashback and a chronic state of terror being an almost positive outcome.
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#204 of 205 Old 09-01-2009, 09:52 PM
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Oh mama, what they did was beyond horrible. I'm so, so sorry


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#205 of 205 Old 09-02-2009, 10:06 AM
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hi, i don't know if you still check here, but i wanted to add my voice to all the thank yous. i can NOT imagine how hard it was to stand up and be the strident voice amidst so much adversity. so glad you were proved right.

i wanted to know, what did you and your husband and midwife WANT to have happen when you transferred, because i think that would be part of healing.

and also, what was their defense???

me+him for 15 yrs, welcomed our little one march 25th, 2010.

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