While I labored with ds2, I had a long list of things that I did that were great memories. I'll share one:
DH played guitar in the bathroom while I stood in the shower and sang (and I sang through my contractions- or at least tried to- at 6cm!)
I want to have tons of ideas for my clients so that they can have an absolutely beautiful birthing experience, whether they have a very minimalist birth at home, or end up in the operating room.
Please share! Even if you felt your birth wasn't everything you'd hoped it would be, dig deep down and find that happy memory.
Oh, and having a doula and my prenatal care at home with my DEM.
Appalachian mountain woman, radical homemaker, homeschooler, childbirth educator, and doula loving her DH and three powerful little femmes. Deladis 8-4-05, Ivy 4-28-08, and Gweneth 7-21-12 HBA2C! -
Elizabeth wife to Matt , mom to Logan (2/21/01) , and little man Desmond (9/23/08)
Mourning the loss of her father: Robert Edward Dillon 5/31/52 - 01/03/2011
Nothing IN labour actually stands out, though. It's a bit of a blur - only lasted an hour.
Canadian mama to A (C/S May 2004) and R (induced VBAC Dec 2007) expecting #3 in July. Currently obsessing over permaculture, photography and beekeeping.
Loving wife of my gamer boy Michael. Blog link in my profile!
Second birth, my deep moaning while rocking into the sofa (think the noise a vacuum makes!), making the nurse run out of sheer fear I'd give birth before we got to a room, and the feel of my baby's head desend and when I finally got to touch him.
Sami , wife to , mama to Tate 10/14/05, Kaleb 12/17/07, Bram 3/13/10-11/17/12, Alden 2/1/12, October 2014
I have to say actually getting to experience labor to the fullest extent before my second c-section was my best birthing memory. Eventhough, my DD2 got stuck in a bad position and we transferred to the hospital I was so thankful to feel labor. I would do it a hundred times over even if it got me the same results because it is such a benefit to both mom and baby.
Oh, and having a doula and my prenatal care at home with my DEM.
I'd like to ask this. For those of you that did have cesareans, what was your best experience during the surgery? Cesareans can be beautiful births also. I think that we get down on ourselves because things didn't turn out the way we wanted them to, but that doesn't mean your birth is any less important.
While I was in surgery with ds2, the team was incredibly thoughtful. I explained to them prior to going into surgery my fears from my first cs (and I was of course heartbroken that my hbac turned cesarean). They put in my Janis Joplin's greatest hits cd in the OR. My doula and I sang to the songs while I was being operated on. DH held my hand. It was beautiful.
For me the best memory of my birthing was the peace and quietude. My midwives stayed in the room next to where I was birthing and could tell that I was birthing just fine without them and gave me all the space I needed. I felt very respected in that sense and felt connected to them in knowing that they were ``gatekeepers`` and helped guard the space I created for my birthing. I needed to be in the hospital so this was all the more important. I called my midwives into the room as I was pushing my daughter out and they came and helped me reposition myself and brought my baby to my chest. We all lay on a mat on the floor(midwives included) of the bathroom where I birthed. It was dark, and loving and peaceful and just right. No one spoke, the baby never cried. It just felt like a real spiritual high. I owe it to my midwives who did an amazing job `listening` to me, the mother, and helped protect the birth environment that I needed. No rational discussions about time and gender and all that stuff. No barking orders no nothing. Just love. Finally, one of the midwives asked after a few minutes if I was going to check and see if I had a boy or girl. The whole birth was very powerful and yet gentle. So my best memory is the whole process and being able to hold my daughter, undisturbed and untainted by other people. That I was allowed to go deep into my primal self without ever being teased out of it.
With DS, first baby and trying to get to the hospital as late as possible. When the MW told me I was 9 cm, I yelled out "I rock!"
With DD, second baby, I was induced for medical reasons, but had no other meds. After an hour and a half of serious contractions, I was feeling like I needed something else to help me cope - I was thinking saline injections, getting in the tub, etc. My doula got the MW to come check me (who rolled her eyes and didn't believe anything much had happened....). Apparently the MW (who is great - very experienced, protective of moms and babes and birth - and sometimes crotchety - not the type of person you think you're going to surprise) checked me and held out her spread-out hand twice to signal to my doula and the MW apprentice that I was 10 cm. Then she said "Do you feel just a wee bit pushy, my dear?" Man, was I THRILLED to hear those words. And it brings me a chuckle every time to think I surprised this MW, who has seen a lot and is not surprised by much anymore.
With dd1-I reached down and felt her head as she crowned-I wasn't sure I could handle such an intense moment.It was amazing!
With dd2-The bond as I brought her to my chest-we both had had a long,hard labor and we both knew it,and were glad we made it.
With ds2-I liked that the mw and her assistant sat on the sofa and let me and Dh birth in our own space and time.We touched ds first, and I was less crowded as I lifted ds out of the water to my chest.
With my mc last Christmas, I was amazed at this beautiful world comming out of me-that my body made such a nice, soft,beautiful place for this baby while it was here.
ds2-the fact that i was pushing ds out with not help. ds1 took long long pushing and a "vacuum". i was determined not to ever use one of those again. and i didn't!!
ds3-my first look at my son! he looked JUST like my husband! this was my husbands first biological child, and he looked just like him. i was so happy.
dd1-my favorite memory was when dd was placed on my belly and i looked at her and realized that i had my daughter!! that moment will forever be imprinted on my brain. i felt so lucky to be holding my very own daughter!
If i were to have anyother, big IF, then I hope to do a natural home birth. So my next favorite memory will hopefully be of me feeling the strength that i gave birth "on my own"
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With my younger son, a majority of his labor/birth were positive. Moments like my DH putting his head on my belly and crying. Being in transition in the birth pool and thinking about random things (I actually had a song in my head, too) And feeling the natural high between contractions. Throughout my entire pregnancy, I kept telling my husband to remind me not to fight the contractions. I told him that when I got to a moment of doubting myself, to tell me "Don't fight it." I did reach a point of being scared, right before he was born and my body began pushing. At the exact right moment, leaning on my husband in the birth pool, he whispered "It's okay, don't fight it." Into my ear.
With DS it is three memories-- the grass between my toes during labor, and how calming that felt. DH and DD cutting the cord, and arriving home from my MW's at 1 AM, not even 12 hours later, in total peace with the knowledge that I had just had my HBAC!!!! and now I had my baby boy!
With Squidge an idiot radiologist had told us she might have Down Syndrome. I remember seeing her face and knowing he was wrong. It was oddly bittersweet- for half my pregnancy I mentally had two babies in my belly, one with Down Syndrome and the other without. Does that make sense? Even though it was a huge relief to know Squidge wouldn't face those challenges, I also grieve for that other baby who will never be.
I like the premise and the question you are asking (for good birth memories) but I can't agree that any birth can be made into something positive... births that were usurped, women who felt violated, victimized, and even mutilated... when that happens, it is healing to be able to admit what actually happened and be angry, feel your feelings about it. Then, eventually, one can perhaps find something about it, but maybe not. I don't think anyone should be pressured to paint a silver lining on things when they have been mistreated. So no, I can't agree that a woman can have an absolutely beautiful birth no matter the circumstance. She can, if, regardless of circumstance, she feels respected, and that her choices are respected. She can't, if she is made powerless and bullied.
By the way, my HBAC is full of good memories. Hard ones too, but good ones enough to last the rest of my life. One that stands out is my 3 yo DD squealing in excitement "I see the baby's head!"
Mostly it isn't a moment in particular that was wonderful about that birth. It was that I felt private, powerful, safe, and free to labor as I felt like, and birth as I felt like, without being manhandled, directed, or interfered with. The bone-deep sense of rightness is the best lingering memory, aside from my large, strong, lively son when I first saw him.
With our first daughter my partner gave birth in a hospital with midwives. She was very close to having a cs when our daughter shot down the birth canal! As my wife pushed the MW asked if I wanted to touch her head. It was the sweetest moment to finally touch the little girl I had been falling in love with!
Used to be stay at home parent to our two lovely girls, survived nursing school with family intact, about to graduate and looking for a job! I low-supply nursed my bio daughter for 3 years.
A couple of beautiful memories from my first birth:
My best friend sat and ran her fingers through my hair while I labored in the tub. (She always does that when I'm upset and it felt nice and comforting).
After my son was birthed via cesarean, they allowed dh to hold him directly behind me right after he was born. I kept fainting, but everytime I came to, I was so excited that my first baby was here. I kept making dh hold ds up to my face so I could kiss him.
Connected with my mother. With all women. With my baby.
Out of my own head and body in a way.
It still brings tears to my eyes.
Mommy to Kai 2/03, Caden 1/08, Kara 10/09, 3/21/13, &
Cole 2/3/14 ♡ Happily unmarried to Papa since 2002 ♡
~We may not have it all together ♥ but together we have it all~
Baby #2 - laboring outside in the dark on a rainy night smelling rain forest
Twins - waking up in labor and having a peace wash over me knowing that everything was going to be OK
Missionary, birth-worker, midwifery student
Mama to DD (9yr), DS (3yr), & UC twin DDs (5yr)
DS2 - My husband's shocked announcement: "It's a boy. ... It's a BOY?!?!" (We had been convinced we were having a girl.)
Married 6/16/01 ~ WOHM to DS1 4/29/06 and DS2 2/13/08 ~ ALMOST an RVT ~
I knew what she meant.
I closed my mouth and directed all my pressure down. Like popping a cork, he came out. All 9 lbs12 oz.
He was a beautiful white whale, swimming up to me.
All I could see was hearts. His nostrils, his lips, his big cleft chin. All hearts.
DS2- My 42 weeker C/S. I loved that my midwife was in the OR with DH & I. She said she would be "my eyes". She relayed everything to me as DH took pictures. DS2 was born and he was so big and strong and healthy. He was a whopping 10bs 14oz. DH said the Dr. kept pulling and pulling and pulling him out!
DD1- A planned RC/S. I loved when she came out, I had them tell me 3 or 4 times that she was a girl. I couldn't believe it. I was sooooo happy.
Let your story live on forever and inspire other women!!!!