I don't have any experience yet, just thoughts.
Like you, I'm feeling like, to avoid potential conflict, I just won't tell some people until after. But DH keeps reminding me of how, in the past, when we've made surprising choices (like getting married, moving to europe) without explaining them to (close to us) people, our loved ones ended up feeling alienated, worried for us, and even angry. DH says he thinks it's best to tell them our choice, why we're making it, and that it's non-negotiable. We're just telling them so they're informed, so they feel a part of things, but they don't get to change our minds, or try to do so. And though I like to avoid drama, I think I agree with him. I think we'll be open with the ones who care, and if they get upset, just remind them it's our choice. When it comes down to it, and we've got healthy babies in our happy arms, what can they say?
I love the idea of an information package! Anyone else done this? What would/did you put in it?
Azadehhast - That is a good approach. I have an interview with a midwife tonight and I am going to ask her about her approach to that sort of thing too. For an information package I just would include maybe a bullet list of the benefits of home birth. Perrhaps a couple articles prefereably by MDs saying the benefits of homebirth etc. MY parents just love, love love, traditional medicine, so if I have information from traditional doctor stating the benefits of homebirth that would be most helpful. But I like your approach of "This is our decision, please don't try to change it...all we are doing is sharing information with you.
Working Mama to DD (2/14/09) and DS (9/13/12) and wife to DH (7/31/05)
Really conflicted about having a homebirth this time. I planned a birth center birth with my first but had a hospital transfer for pitocin after 48 hours. I really think I may have progressed smoother if I had been at home and that makes me feel like I would love to try a homebirth. Unfortunately homebirth is so much more expensive than a birth center birth and I live SO close to the birth center and I'm there a lot for LLL and other stuff so I think they are expecting me to stay with them.... and I do love them... hrmmmmm :/
Would it be possible to use the birth center again, but stay home until you feel you're well into the labour? If you go in, and you're (for example) 5cm, would you have the option of returning home for a while longer?
~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.
I planned a homebirth with DS (now almost 7yrs old), and had to be transferred to the hospital for a very long labor, followed by many hours of pushing. I had a good experience at the hospital--which I had convinced myself would be just awful. It wasn't. My homebirth MW charged $3000, we ended up paying $1000-ish after she billed insurance. I don't know what I'll do this time around. I have connections that make the hospital a not-very scary place, and I would hate to plan for (and pay for) a homebirth that doesn't happen.
Yea, I think that'll be my plan. When my DS was born we had a 45 minute drive to the birth center and now we live less than a mile from it so I'm not worried about the car ride this time :) I'm a little bummed though because I really would love a homebirth, I hate that I probably won't because of $$ - my mom and siblings have all had homebirths...
well we are planning our 2nd homebirth, first baby born "all natural" in a hospital, 2nd baby with a midwife at home planned and the difference i could never fully explain. Our first birth went well, but our 2nd birth was AMAZING. we had insurance with our first baby and decided why waste what we were already paying for? we lost our insurance a couple weeks before finding out we were pregnant with baby #2 and since we were already rather disgusted with our hospital experience and interested in homebirth, we decided for many reasons (financial included to go with the $3000 homebirth as opposed to a hospital with no insurance! i am so THANKFUL we lost our insurance. (although it is a rather annoying place to be to be barely above medicaid qualifications, but absolutely unable to afford health insurance!..i have come to belive paying out of pocket is the best (if riskiest)way to go) even without including premiums, we paid about the same amount out of pocket for our hospital birth as our midwife cost (and that is with 15$copay for prenatal visits and an all natural hospital birth) yikes!! overall, even with insurance, homebirth may be the most cost effective option, and the care we receieved would have been well worth far more than we paid for it. HOMEBIRTH is simply amazing!!! so long as all is going well with this pregnancy, i would never consider going back to a hospital.
We made our midwife decision! I interviewed 4 midwife groups. It was a really tough decision bc they were all pretty likable. But DH and I had a good energy with the lady we chose. Plus she has 32 years experience. And she ended up being the cheapest - but I didn't know her fee until after we made our choice. I am so excited now! Now just to get past my ultrasound at my OB's office next week so I can hopefully relax about this pregnancy a little bit! Midwife doesn't want to start care until 10-12 weeks.
We haven't told our families yet that I am pregnant. We are going to tell our moms on Mother's day. I'm not trying to hide it from my mom but since she is coming to visit, I thought it would be nice to tell her in person. I know my MIL and DH's family will be supportive of homebirth - they are all very naturally minded. Not sure how my mom will react. My first birth was at a free standing birth center and she had reservations at first but then was fine with it. So I doubt she'll put up too much of a fuss. But she is a worrier!
Mama to my veggie girl (1/09) and my sweet rainbow baby (9/12).
We had a hospital birth with #1, home with #2 and will be home again, God willing, with #3. With #2, we just paid our MW out of pocket and then submitted our bills to our insurance company. Nothing was technically covered, since we have a high deductible, with the deductible for out of network providers bordering on the ridiculous. this time around, same MW, but now she's IN-NETWORK for my insurance company. NOT for homebirth, though, so I'm not sure how that's going to work.
All midwives are going to be different, though.
Hey, for those of you not sure about the reactions of others to your HB plans, consider whether you need to actually tell them. We've learned with many things, it's easier to just avoid the topic. I don't have any family other than my sister, who I told, but DH has parents and siblings who aren't comfortable with most of the choices that DH and I make in our lives, so we just didn't tell them about the HB. When we called to tell them DD was born, they inevitably wondered where we were so they could drop by and annoy us with their presence, and that's when DH told them we were at home.
It's the same reason we don't share names until the child is born. What are they going to say at that point?
Another Canadian here chimimg in.
I have had one hospital and 2 home.
Hospital wasn't completely terrible but I felt completely out of control of everything and I had midwives in the hospital.
1st home birth wasnt happy with it but still better than the hospital. Same group of midwives didnt click well with them and one was particularily rude and almost missed my birth because she didnt listen to me.
2nd home birth was awesome. Loved loved loved my new midwives
The midwives make all the difference in the experience. I would not change a single thing about the birth.
The only advice I have is to go with your gut feeling and be honest with them about your expectations.
Mommy to Petunia 11/04 Bug 10/06 Button 11/09 and Sweetie pea 12/11 DW to J :
We are planing out first homebirth! I am so excited!
Now to go read all the fun info in this thread lol
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We are planning our third home birth. My first two home birth stories should be in the birth story archives here on MDC somewhere. Wonderful experiences. I have a picture of my then 22-month-old daughter holding my hand while I had contraction. It still brings tears of joy. I was able to have grandparents stay in our home and help with the older child(ren) when necessary. My doula and/or family members around prepared meals and snacks, tea, etc. at my request. The midwife and her assistant dealt with the clean-up people tend to be concerned about, including changing and laundering sheets and emptying the birth pool. Post partum visits and baby's first check-ups also took place in the comfort of our own home.
Our first daughter was born at a hospital in a garden tub, and the difference was night and day. The hospital experience was mild compared to others I have heard, but still a far cry from a home birth. I was able to use a birth ball and play music, keep the room dark while I labored, and I had a doula to help with my discomforts and support us. ( The rest of this is my rant about that hospital experience, so if you're not interested or in the mood, feel free to skip...)
- I was not allowed to eat or drink at the hospital. When my daughter was finally born just after noon, I had been unable to eat since dinner the night before. I was beyond exhausted. Fortunately, I was able to avoid the "mandatory" I.V. by making arrangements with my CNM ahead of time and showing up properly hydrated.
- My waters were broken for me (quite painful compared to letting it happen naturally!) before I would be allowed to labor in the tub. They needed to be sure there was no meconium present.
- While I was pushing, I could smell the cheeseburger that had been ordered without consulting me . What I really wanted was oatmeal, but I was so hungry at that point, I considered stopping right there and devouring that cheeseburger before birthing my daughter.
- I was instructed by my CNM to hold my knees during pushing and I was coached. I had a tear and stitches that may have been avoidable.
- My daughter's cord was cut before my placenta was delivered and she was carried off for newborn procedures while I was helped to a bed to deliver the placenta. My DP had to decide which of us to follow - he went with the baby.
- We had an unnecessary 3 day hospital stay to wait for results of a test due to an inexperienced pediatrician, who also ordered her to be kept in the nursery and tried to have her fed through tubes instead of breastfeeding. Luckily, my husband convinced them to set up a chair for me to be in there with her and also to return her to our room when it was proven by a breathing monitor that she was breathing fine. We were finally released when a more competant pediatrician examined our daughter, and was not alarmed by her innocent heart murmur.
Is it possible she had come from another client visit who was a heavy smoker? It's a little strange that you wouldn't have smelled cigarette smoke on her during any prenatal visits if she was a smoker.
We are planning another homebirth and actually planning UC this time. I'm very excited!
Hope to have a homebirth!!! I have had two of my four children at home, and loved it! The other two were planned homebirths but transferred to hospital because of complications, one of which was still birth at 36 weeks, the other was a stuck labor after 72+ hours (first babe). Still pondering the midwife, perhaps I'll go with the one I've been with for my other children. Some of you mamas are so on it with planning ahead! I am a bit more of a we'll see kind of gal. Like we'll see where the $3,000 will come to pay for the midwife. It will come or something will work out, it always does.
But yeah HOMEBIRTH!!!! all the way if I have a say in it. I am glad the hospital is there if I need it but I'd rather be at home where I'm comfortable and feel safe.
Wow! I am starting to think my midwife is a god-send...she offers free pre-natal yoga once a week at her beautiful home and charges $700 for a homebirth, plus the cost of a birthing kit ($60?). She requires top notch nutrition and vitamins during pregnancy and feeds her mamas out of their 1 acre garden during the summer. She also requires parenting and marriage classes and an infant cpr/first-aid class...which my husband is not in to at all since this is our third and thinks we are doing just fine. We've had 2 hospital births, each 30 hours+ all naturally...and I want a homebirth more than anything!! I am very modest and don't do well naked around strangers, which having such long labors, we had many, many nurses coming in and out...so i think this slowed my labors?? I wish my husband wasn't so stubborn because this woman wants to help me in everyway to overcome my fears from my previous births. She's a spiritual midwife that has been practicing for decades, who doesn't advertise her services, only by word of mouth and I happened to find her. She was my yoga teacher at a community collge before I found out I was pregnant and we've met once at her home for pre-natal yoga last week. I'm afraid that she'll decline us when I tell her that my husband does not wish to participate in the classes...if only I could convince him otherwise!!