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#1 of 45 Old 06-01-2011, 04:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I suspect it's because I know I am high risk and I'm protecting myself, but I am feeling very disconnected from this pregnancy.  It's not that it's unwanted or anything overtly negative, it just doesn't feel very real to me. 

 

Is anyone else feeling this way?  

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#2 of 45 Old 06-01-2011, 05:28 PM
 
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I always feel like that a little - especially bfore baby is moving...I actually read through some of my archived posts from the DDC I was in with DS2 and I had posted about the pregnancy not seeming real around this time!

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#3 of 45 Old 06-01-2011, 06:05 PM
 
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Yup, 100%.  I'm also high risk, so maybe that's it - I had the same thing happen with my second son too though, I was so busy thinking about my in-front-of-me baby, that it was hard to connect with the abstract one.

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#4 of 45 Old 06-01-2011, 09:41 PM
 
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I'm connected as heck with this pregnancy, the birth, the nursery prep... all of it. I'm so giddy it's embarassing. But wrapping my head around the fact that it all means there's a baby coming... like a real live infant that is going to come to live with us for good? A tiny football sized being who is going to depend on us every second of every day, and no one else is going to swoop in and take it home? Wow.  My brain is still refusing to admit that it's actually finally happening, and I'm going to have a baby at the end. I think I've just waited what seems like so long, that it doesn't know how to process the information. 


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#5 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 12:51 AM
 
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I am having a very difficult time connecting with this pregnancy. Apparently there was an "infidelity issue" that occurred during my last pregnancy that my SO felt the need to keep from me until this pregnancy. I'm just disconnected from everything right now...


Natalie- Mom to DS1 (8/03), DS2 (9/04), DS3 (10/06), DD (10/10) and belly.gifwith baby #5 (12/11).
 
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#6 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 12:52 AM
 
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I'm sorry, that was pretty calloused and is probably nowhere near as troubling as dealing with a high risk pregnancy. I apologize, and I hope things start connecting for you soon, OP.


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#7 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 06:14 AM
 
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This. This is so how I feel!
 

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Originally Posted by jeninejessica View Post

I'm connected as heck with this pregnancy, the birth, the nursery prep... all of it. I'm so giddy it's embarassing. But wrapping my head around the fact that it all means there's a baby coming... like a real live infant that is going to come to live with us for good? A tiny football sized being who is going to depend on us every second of every day, and no one else is going to swoop in and take it home? Wow.  My brain is still refusing to admit that it's actually finally happening, and I'm going to have a baby at the end. I think I've just waited what seems like so long, that it doesn't know how to process the information. 



 


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#8 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 08:13 AM
 
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ZombieMama - I know I'm not the OP, but I don't think an apology is necessary. That would make me feel disconnected from everything, too, and I don't think anyone wins when we try to decide whose troubles are "worse." That's a hard thing to deal with, I would imagine.

For the OP, I also feel a little disconnected. DH talked to my belly yesterday and I was almost like "what the heck are you doing?" I commented to a friend that I am not yet committed to this baby. It's just a self-protective measure with me. Until we know that something is actually alive in there... I don't know.
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#9 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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Oh Zombie! *hugs* Wishing you peace during this time. That's a hard thing to process at any time, but I can't imagine it during pregnancy as well. 


Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#10 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 08:53 AM
 
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ZM, I am so, so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I'm sure you must be devastated. I hope you two are able to work things out. I know I would be a mess and disconnected if hubby came clean about something like that right now. WOW, just so, SO sorry......

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I am having a very difficult time connecting with this pregnancy. Apparently there was an "infidelity issue" that occurred during my last pregnancy that my SO felt the need to keep from me until this pregnancy. I'm just disconnected from everything right now...


 

 

Yes, I am NOT connected to this pregnancy/baby yet. We planned to get pregnant, but I am feeling very "done" with pregnancy. I LOVE babies and nursing, etc. I am just very tired right now. And ready to be done with the survival mode that we have been going with for the past 10 weeks! I will feel better once we hear the heartbeat in two weeks and know I will be THRILLED once we find out the sex. Praying for a boy! We have three DDs and one prince of a DS. ;)

 

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#11 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 09:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh gosh- no need to apologize- what a huge challenge to deal with when you should be able to celebrate and focus on taking care of yourself and your family.  I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now (well, at all, but especially right now.)
 

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I'm sorry, that was pretty calloused and is probably nowhere near as troubling as dealing with a high risk pregnancy. I apologize, and I hope things start connecting for you soon, OP

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#12 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 09:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Amanda Williams View Post

 

 

Yes, I am NOT connected to this pregnancy/baby yet. We planned to get pregnant, but I am feeling very "done" with pregnancy. I LOVE babies and nursing, etc. I am just very tired right now. And ready to be done with the survival mode that we have been going with for the past 10 weeks! I will feel better once we hear the heartbeat in two weeks and know I will be THRILLED once we find out the sex. Praying for a boy! We have three DDs and one prince of a DS. ;)

 


I think that may also be part of it.  I am feeling very done with pregnancy and am looking forward to the after pregnancy/tiny baby phase of our lives that will come eventually.  We are hoping for a girl, we have one daughter and two sons, so it would be nice to even it out. :P

 

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#13 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 09:54 AM
 
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ZombieMama--I am so sorry :(.  I am high risk and majorly having issues surrounding that, but can imagine that it would be equally hard on me if I had to deal with that... That is really tough.

 

insidevoice--I am also having a really hard time connecting.  I am not trying to connect even. It is like I don't want to because I am too scared, and DH feels the same way.  I have actually been planning on not buying anything until after the birth for the baby and not getting anything ready.  I know that is really stupid because it will suck if I don't have anything set to go, but that is how nervous I am.  It isn't healthy I am sure but I am just fearful of going home empty handed with a house full of baby stuff ready.  Hopefully it will change for me as things progress and I will feel more confident preparing. 

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#14 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, there will be no purchasing anything really until after this baby is born.  Well- maybe I'll be able to get a few things at like 41 weeks...  but nothing that would be waiting at home. Yep.  Healthy. 

 

 

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#15 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 10:06 AM
 
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Oh, there will be no purchasing anything really until after this baby is born.  Well- maybe I'll be able to get a few things at like 41 weeks...  but nothing that would be waiting at home. Yep.  Healthy. 

 

 


Really?  Glad I am not alone!  Are you even going to wash clothes, etc., get stuff out that you already have? 
 

 

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#16 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 01:15 PM
 
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I'm finding that I'm not even really remembering I'm pregnant dealing with a toddler. I was very much like the other ladies who are having their firsts, it was all about the pregnancy....which is totally normal since you don't have any other kids. I vowed I'd be on top of things, but it's hard with another kid who needs you 24/7. I'm not high risk but I feel you on the disconnected part.
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#17 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Really?  Glad I am not alone!  Are you even going to wash clothes, etc., get stuff out that you already have? 
 

 


You know, i really don't think I'll do much.  I'm moving between now and then, and I'll pack maybe a small box of gender neutral stuff to have stashed away, but I don't feel like I want to put the energy into getting things ready in advance really.  Maybe I'm jaded as I have done this before, but I don't need much 'stuff' right off the bat anyway, and I know I can't handle having all that stuff and then having something tragic happen.  I just couldn't cope, so I am giving myself permissin to take care of myself this way. 

 

 

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#18 of 45 Old 06-02-2011, 08:29 PM
 
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Thank you all so much. I know it's not a contest, and pain is pain- no one's is worse or better. I just felt really awkward boo-hooing about it, is all.

 

I'm happy for the mamas who feel connected, I miss that excitement! And I hope that for the rest of us, as our pregnancies progress and we start to feel our little ones move and squirm that we are able to start forming a bond with our babies.


Natalie- Mom to DS1 (8/03), DS2 (9/04), DS3 (10/06), DD (10/10) and belly.gifwith baby #5 (12/11).
 
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#19 of 45 Old 06-03-2011, 08:44 PM
 
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Its hard to feel connected to the baby in the first few months because you aren't feeling it move yet and you haven't seen it or heard it. I do feel pretty connected to my baby though, I put my hand over my belly every night and try to imagine its little being. I look at pictures of fetus' at the week I am in to help visualize what it looks like. This is my third child. I remember with my first everything was so new and I could really focus on being pregnant. But now with 2 children I am pretty distracted! I am really trying to savour it though because it is such a short time of my life and such a miracle. 

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#20 of 45 Old 06-03-2011, 09:00 PM
 
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it's funny, my 6-yr-old daughter is the one that connected first! she kept telling other people i was pregnant, i said "i'm just fat" and laughed. i had no idea, because i'd had a light "period."  it was the weird dreams and everything smelling funny that tipped me off. negative urine tests even at the dr's office, same as with my girl. but this time i'm considered super-high-risk because of my age/health. well, made it this far, even though i feel somewhat disconnected, it feels very peaceful.

 

my SO dumped both of us 3/24 to deal with his own "process" whatever that means. he had a fear of commitment thing going the whole 5 years, wasn't a surprise. i can't contact him, and if i could, what would i say? he broke years of promises to my daughter to be in her life "forever." i feel so peaceful right now, i just want to enjoy :)

 


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#21 of 45 Old 06-04-2011, 08:19 AM
 
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Wow, some of you mamas have a lot on your plate!!  I'm inspired by you all!

 

I just wanted to add my 2 cents.  :)  I am not "connected" really either to this pregnancy or baby.  I wasn't with my first DD either.  I thought I would be this time, since it was planned (first was not).  I don't have any risk factors, no pregnancy/birth concerns- but I'm still not really getting in to it.  I love birth- I am a CBE and doula.  BUT...I do not like being pregnant.  I almost wish I could skip the pregnancy and get right to the baby.  I LOVE every part of having children.  I really wanted another one, but just don't like being pregnant.  Last time, I didn't really let it set in that I was going to have a baby until about 39 weeks.  I feel bad.  We want more children, but after this first trimester, I don't really want to do this again.


Trying to raise a healthy, happy family in NC. DD: 5/09, and due with #2: 12/11
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#22 of 45 Old 06-04-2011, 08:26 AM
 
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Love and peace to all of you with high-risk pregnancies and partners that are not there for you.  It is hard to understand how these things happen. 

 

I am disconnected but have no excuse.  All my fault.  I was done being having children but obviously not careful enough.  I was so mad at myself and even embarrassed when I found out I was PG.  then I was mad at myself for not being more appreciative.  One of my friends is battling a life-threatening illness, and I know of plenty of people with serious fertility issues.  I've read too many stories of people who have lost their beloved babies and children.  These affect me deeply.  Who am I to complain?   I have been sick almost non-stop with nausea, headaches, etc. and it is making me remember I am pregnant almost all the time, but not in a fun way.  But again, this is all on me.  (I won't even let DH take any of the blame-- but he is so happy about this anyway).

 

The big light at the end of the tunnel is my toddler.  She was also unplanned and I felt initially resentful while pregnant with her.  I love her so much and feel so amazingly blessed that she was born-- so I know it is only a matter of time before I can appreciate this little one.


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#23 of 45 Old 06-04-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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I think part of the reason (besides the obvious biological aspects of growth and development) that pregnancy lasts so long is so that we are able to sort out our feelings about our new babies. I know that with all of my children, I went back and forth with my emotions- one minute I'd be so happy to be bringing a new life into the world, the next I'd be wondering if this was a mistake or if I could even handle it.

 

It's hard going through all these emotions, and I think that any sort of negative emotion regarding pregnancy is sort of stigmatized. I think women need to talk about these things more often so that they are seen as "normal." It is possible (and even healthy) to have doubts about a pregnancy, but love the resulting child.

 

Chin up!
 

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 I was so mad at myself and even embarrassed when I found out I was PG.  then I was mad at myself for not being more appreciative.

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#24 of 45 Old 06-04-2011, 08:36 PM
 
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I agree with you so much.  With my 2nd, I briefly struggled with fertility issues and had just a little taste of what women go through.  Back then, I could not see why someone married (single mamas got a pass in my head) would EVER be the slightest bit upset about a surprise pregnancy-- until it happened to me. 

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I think part of the reason (besides the obvious biological aspects of growth and development) that pregnancy lasts so long is so that we are able to sort out our feelings about our new babies. I know that with all of my children, I went back and forth with my emotions- one minute I'd be so happy to be bringing a new life into the world, the next I'd be wondering if this was a mistake or if I could even handle it.

 

It's hard going through all these emotions, and I think that any sort of negative emotion regarding pregnancy is sort of stigmatized. I think women need to talk about these things more often so that they are seen as "normal." It is possible (and even healthy) to have doubts about a pregnancy, but love the resulting child.

 

Chin up!
 



 


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#25 of 45 Old 06-05-2011, 09:35 AM
 
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I'm happy to see other mamas posting so often who are expecting their 5th babies. Makes me feel like I CAN make it through this!

Are your other kiddos in school? We homeschool and my children are with me all of the time. My sister does help with care for my kiddos when I have Dr. appts. but besides that I am pretty much on my own...

 

I am definitely looking forward to those two nights at the hospital to cuddle with the new baby only. Then it will be back to co-sleeping with 2-3 children at once, LOL!

 

Are either of you still nursing? Planning to wean? Already wean?

My boy is 22 months and I am itching for him to wean, but he still loves to nurse about twice a night. I am tired and super sore!

 

 

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I agree with you so much.  With my 2nd, I briefly struggled with fertility issues and had just a little taste of what women go through.  Back then, I could not see why someone married (single mamas got a pass in my head) would EVER be the slightest bit upset about a surprise pregnancy-- until it happened to me. 



 



 

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#26 of 45 Old 06-05-2011, 04:43 PM
 
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AmandaWilliams, I'm expecting my 5th, and my older two sons are in school. My youngest son won't start until next year, and my daughter is only 8 months old, so yes we are still nursing!

 

I have days when I wonder what the crap I was thinking, but overall I'm very happy to be welcoming a new baby to the family.


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#27 of 45 Old 06-05-2011, 07:04 PM
 
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Me, too!  My sister has 6 (her oldest is almost 12 and her youngest will be 1 in Dec.) so I still feel like there is someone close to me with MORE to do . . .that makes me feel better! 

 

Amanda, yes, we do homeschool, though my middle child wanted to try KG this past yr.  She had a pretty good yr but does not want to go back.  It was sort of a tough yr with one in/one out along with everything else, so if we continue to hs I want to make sure I can do THE BEST job I can do.  This is a big reason of why I was "done."  I feel like I have been putting off my oldest for so long . . .so tired of saying "no" to things because we have a little one.  We all went out on a great day trip today, so I have to remember that it is still possible to bring in experiences even though they won't be daily or as often as I would like.

 

I am with my kids ALL the time, too.  My DH is gone most days at least 12 hours.  It is a long day, esp. because I then work (form home) at night.  No one close by to help.  My mom is 1 hr away and 79 . . .so I rarely ask her.  DH stayed home for my early u/s and will for the 1st long appt.  After that, everyone comes with me until the very end when I will have to do stress tests.  Then I do not know what I will do . . .DH can only stay home so many times!  I have no babysitter and really do not want one.  Scared someone would shake my toddler!

 

I am still nursing (toddler is 18 mos old) but I can tell you that if you are ready to wean, do it.  I got to the point with my 2nd (7 mos PG with my 3rd) where I felt completely "icky" when I would nurse.  It made my skin crawl.  My MW said-- do you need someone to give you permission to stop?  I made it until she was 20 months and then I was just done.  I am cutting back, but mostly because she wants to nurse all the time and I want to do other things WITH her.  My kids have all changed for the better when I wean (I usually do it at 2 yrs).  You never hear anyone say that in LLL, and I know not all kids are like this, but ALL of mine so far nurse as much as a newborn when they are toddlers-- even at 2.  They get antsy and fussy if they can't nurse, which they want to do all the time.  Weaning frees them-- to sleep, to play, and to just cuddle.  I think you just know when the right time is.  No one else knows but you!  Remember-- you can always just nightwean if that is the worst!  It does not have to be all or nothing unless you want it to be!
 

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I'm happy to see other mamas posting so often who are expecting their 5th babies. Makes me feel like I CAN make it through this!

Are your other kiddos in school? We homeschool and my children are with me all of the time. My sister does help with care for my kiddos when I have Dr. appts. but besides that I am pretty much on my own...

 

I am definitely looking forward to those two nights at the hospital to cuddle with the new baby only. Then it will be back to co-sleeping with 2-3 children at once, LOL!

 

Are either of you still nursing? Planning to wean? Already wean?

My boy is 22 months and I am itching for him to wean, but he still loves to nurse about twice a night. I am tired and super sore!

 

 



 



 


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#28 of 45 Old 06-05-2011, 07:06 PM
 
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I understand re: being pregnant.  With my last baby, I did not even reach transition.  I was just SO DONE with being pregnant that when a cx came, I said, she is coming out-- now!

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Wow, some of you mamas have a lot on your plate!!  I'm inspired by you all!

 

I just wanted to add my 2 cents.  :)  I am not "connected" really either to this pregnancy or baby.  I wasn't with my first DD either.  I thought I would be this time, since it was planned (first was not).  I don't have any risk factors, no pregnancy/birth concerns- but I'm still not really getting in to it.  I love birth- I am a CBE and doula.  BUT...I do not like being pregnant.  I almost wish I could skip the pregnancy and get right to the baby.  I LOVE every part of having children.  I really wanted another one, but just don't like being pregnant.  Last time, I didn't really let it set in that I was going to have a baby until about 39 weeks.  I feel bad.  We want more children, but after this first trimester, I don't really want to do this again.



 


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#29 of 45 Old 06-07-2011, 04:41 PM
 
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This is my third. I feel like I'm in this weird limbo, at times I'm super excited, others I'm like "WTheck was I thinking" and then sometimes I just feel numb. I'm also going through not being on medication for anxiety which was working beautifully for me.. so that's a bump in the road as well. I'm just trying to take each day and being as positive as I can. I also feel like junk, so that doesn't help either... BUT I know that things change once I start to get much bigger, feel the baby move, etc.


creative crunchy christian wife to J stillheart.gif, Mama to three boys and one baby on the way!  chicken3.gif  doula in training love.gif

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#30 of 45 Old 06-08-2011, 02:03 PM
 
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I am having a hard time letting go of who i used to be before I got pregnant. I sometimes wish I would have waited until winter when I would be sitting around doing nothing anyways. I want to go out and do things, enjoy the summer. But i am so tired and irritable that I just stay home. I also really want A BEER!!!!!! that may sound bad but man i want one.....

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