The rude/inappropriate comments thread - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So this is a spin off of the January DDC...  A place to vent, comment, or laugh about the rude comments people have made to you about your pregnancy. 

 

I'll start!

 

We've gotten "Was this a surprise?" to which DH jokingly replied "The real surprise is that I'm not the dad" to his rude family member.  She wasn't quite sure if he was serious or not and I almost died laughing (they were on the phone.)   

 

Also, Wow!  You're starting to look like so-and-so (severely overweight neighbor).  And I'm barely over 110 lbs...

 

And, the best one was "It's too bad you didn't know about the complication you had in your first birth before you got pregnant again.   I suspect that would have changed your choice to get pregnant again." ummmm....No.  But thank you. 

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#2 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 10:44 AM
 
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I've gotten a lot of the surprise comments, too.  As well as the, "Wow, so does that make THREE??!!??"  One particularly annoying coworker even said, "Oh my gosh, I'm glad I was sitting down for that one" when I told her after enduring a morning of insane hounding about why I wasn't acting myself and what was wrong and why was I feeling sick.

 

I wish I was better at snappy comebacks.

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#3 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 10:59 AM
 
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.. so much to look forward to. :/ 

 

So far no one knows.  I feel safe in my little bubble.  When I do disclose though, there WILL be comments.  When we told people about the last one, one of the first comments was about DH having a vasectomy.  

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#4 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 01:04 PM
 
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"Was it planned???"  (seriously, how is that any of your business?)

 

"WHERE are you going to put it?"  (we have a small 2 bedroom house and 2 kids already - yes, it's going to be tight, but babies are small, and we like living minimally)

 

"Are you sure there is only one in there?" (Said as they eye my quickly expanding belly)  (To this one I look them straight in the eye and say flatly, "Yes, why do you ask?" )

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#5 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 01:49 PM
 
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I shared some of this on an earlier thread.

These are all from my dad, a papa to SIX kids.

We are expecting our 5th. ;)

I feel bad for him.

 

When he heard from my cousin, who I am very open with, that we may try for another:

"I have to say honey, I almost screamed "NO"...but just said "Oh"......"

 

" the dynamic of one new one will throw the balance off and at least one of the older ones will suffer....I don't know which for sure,"

 

"They will all need clothes, food, braces and other dental care, doctors, cars. college tuition support, just an amazing maze of things as they grow older which you cannot even imagine right now....even sleeping space when their bodies and individualism are 10 years older than right now will be a challenge at least.  And, God forbid something happens to you, or Josh or one of them or if a new baby is not perfect in every way health wise....what would you do?"

 

Part of my response:

 

"Regarding having another baby... Daddy, I do not operate out of fear. I am not afraid of "what might happen" to our older children if we have another baby, I am not worried about having space and money for their future and I am not worried about the health of a new baby. I believe that my God is SO much bigger than all of those concerns and that HE will provide for all of our needs and that He has created each and every one of our children in His perfect timing and each of them has been a huge blessing to our family! 

Do you think Kevin, Erik, or Josh "suffered" when Annie was born? And in what way? I am asking that honestly..." Talking about my siblings there...
"Christy asks me every week if we are going to have another baby. The relationship between Sarah and Isaac is priceless! They are less and less selfish everyday because it takes work to run this large household and the two older girls are responsible for a lot of it! ;)"
 
And his reply to my thoughts
"regards Annie as the last one, we had a solid career and insurance....I guess that is the only answer I can give you"
 
So, it is all really about money for my dad. You know, if we all waited until we were independently wealthy to have babies, would any of us ever do it!?
 
UGH, I am getting cranky reading his emails again. LOL. Oh well!
 
ALL of my friends have been incredibly supportive of this pregnancy, thank goodness. My poor dad is just so afraid of life. :( 
 
 
 
 

 

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#6 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 02:15 PM
 
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I was asked if it was an accident, but the woman who asked me is pregnant by accident, so it didn't seem so bad.

 

A few people have commented that it'll be nice for SO to have 'one of his own'... which gives me mixed feelings. He wants the baby experience (DD & DS were 4 and 7 when we got together) but he loves them like his own. I'm sure he'd want a third baby, even if the older two were biologically his.


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#7 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 02:20 PM
 
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I haven't gotten any rude comments per se, but my mother wasn't exactly thrilled when I told her we were pregnant again. We had been having some issues with our marriage prior to trying for this one and my mom thought it was a bad idea to start trying so soon after having marital problems, but we felt(and feel) good about our relationship and where it's going and we decided it was something we wanted and something we could handle. Our marriage is doing great now and of course my mom has already found 10 different patterns that she likes for a possible baby quilt(so far, she's made all her grandkids a baby quilt). The only other comment I got was when I bought a maxi dress at Old Navy this past weekend. The clerk commented on how cute the dress was and asked where it was since she hadn't seen it before. I told her it was maternity and she kind of looked at me funny, and then she said, "But...you're...you don't look..." So I just told her I'm in the awkward "beer belly" stage where I have a belly, but it just looks like I'm either eating or drinking too much. And I said this as I pulled up my maternity pants that don't quite fit due to my lack of belly but I have to wear them because none of my normal pants fit anymore. I'm hoping I "pop" again around 15 or 16 weeks like I did last time. I'm sick of just looking chubby, I'd much rather look pregnant.


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#8 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 02:41 PM
 
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I have not gotten any rude comments (and don't expect any), but my BIL, who I love, said "wow, your sister didn't even tell me you were trying!" Which wasn't rude, but instead unintentionally humorous, since we were not trying, and really never "try," we're just generally open to blessings from God whenever He sees fit to bestow them. Unlike the rest of our family, who feels the need to tell everyone when they've decided to start "trying," which frankly really grosses me out. I mean, put that on the "things I really don't want to know" shelf.
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#9 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow...the comments some of you have gotten from family members would be tough for me to take.  The off handed ones from strangers and friends are a little easier for me to digest. 

 

I thought of another series from my last pregnancy from a "friend" who has no kids.  We were at dinner and in a one hour time span she informed me that I was going to "poop on the table while pushing out the baby...you know 99% of women do," also that my brain had shrunk substantially during the pregnancy and wouldn't return to its normal size until after baby turned one.  She had some comment about episiotomy that really tripped me out too but now I can't remember it. 

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#10 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 04:17 PM
 
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One of the first things out of my father's mouth when I told him was "Oh, well that really throws a loop in your plans doesn't it?" ... ... "uhhh what do you mean?" (We've been married 3 years, and it's no secret I've been baby crazy for years before that even. "Oh well, I thought you guys were waiting another couple years". "Ummm nope!"

 

From a female friend of his whom I've only met ONE other time (though she is nice....)  "Oh, were you trying long?" I didn't know how to answer. Umm lady I just met you. I don't really want to talk (in front of my father as well) about how long we tried to get pregnant. (But 9 months btw, thanks for rubbing it in). 

 

We haven't had many other weird comments yet, and so far everyone has been very supportive (or at least quiet) of our desire to homebirth (even though that's no longer happening...)


Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#11 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 07:40 PM
 
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I just thought of the ONE negative comment I got when I was pregnant with DD and it was a doozy. I worked in a grocery store in a college town and the store director was a total jerk. He fired one of my co-workers for shopping at Wal-Mart so I didn't dare tell him that I was pregnant. I told my managers and other co-workers, but everyone kind of understood that I didn't want the store director to know. My manager ended up telling him because he wouldn't hire any more people for my department and I was working every shift every day and my manager said he couldn't make me work that much since I was pregnant. The next day, I'm going upstairs on break and the director is acting all nice and happy and asking me when I'm due and stuff(like he gave a shi*t). That night, the assistant store director comes to my department to get food(I worked in the Chinese department) and congratulates me(again, like he gave a sh*t) and then asks when I'm due. I tell him and his response is, "Wow, you look really big for how far you are from your due date!" I just glared at him for a second and then said, "Did you want something?" Then he stuttered and tried to apologize. Oh, and I was probably somewhere around 20 or 25 weeks along at that point so it's not like I was that huge yet.


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#12 of 45 Old 06-14-2011, 08:51 PM
 
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Honestly, what is up with the "Were you trying?....." nonsense.

Its like the new "congratulations".

 

I swear, apparently its a recent phenomenon. I don't remember this as prevelent with DD and that was only a few years ago. Every co-worker, every random stranger, many friends....

"OMG you're pregnant!...when are you due?...WERE YOU TRYING?"

 

*sigh*

 

Its almost like one person started doing this and said it in front of some people, who just replicate the same behavior, and here were are.

 

I just smile and say oh yes and change the topic of conversation (the next question usually refers to gender anyway) but secretly, I've really needed to get that off my chest.

 


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#13 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 02:18 AM
 
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Other than my mother, everyone has been super kind and supportive.  Our friends are wonderful and I feel so fortunate to know such good people.  

 

My mom?  Meh.  She has been rude and has said some ridiculous things.  But that is standard for her.  

 

I simply hear the good stuff and ignore the rest of it.  


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#14 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 09:37 AM
 
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Another question that got on my nerves was "Any morning sickness?" SO's mom sort of grunted and seemed disappointed when I said no, I feel fine. You WANT me to be sick? Why? And then she asked him the next time she spoke to him, as if I was lying or something. SO even got asked by a ton of people how I was feeling. Even if I had super bad morning sickness, I doubt I'd want to be reminded of it over and over and over again whenever I happened to feel well enough to venture out into public.


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#15 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 10:40 AM
 
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Nothing negative here . . . just a pretty funny situation in the office the other day:  I was talking to someone whom I've known for years. Every place I've been (and this is number 4), she's been there.  She's known me since I was an overworked first year associate (I'm an attorney).  She has given me some doosies about how she'd never imagined me as a mother (as though when I was single and early in my career I wasn't supposed to be working hard).  Anyway, I'm standing at her desk (she's the assistant for my manager, now) talking about some information I need.  When we're done, she looks at me, looks at my middle, looks at me.  I say, "Is there something you want to ask me?"  She bursts out laughing and starts turning red!  I start cracking up and open my single button blazer and ask, "Does this give you the information you need?"  We had a good chuckle about it.

 

The worst comment came when I was pregnant with my first.  I was 34 then (and am 41 now).  There was a young (in her 20's) married woman from the business with whom I'd become acquainted.  I think we were having lunch.  She asked me "what are you going to do when you lose your figure?"  My response was that I didn't plan to. I couldn't believe the gall of that question! 7 years later, 2 kids later for me and 1 for her, guess who is still trying to lose her baby weight? Not me.  I suppose there is some truth to attracting what you believe!


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#16 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 01:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karmamamaa View Post

Honestly, what is up with the "Were you trying?....." nonsense.

Its like the new "congratulations".

 

I swear, apparently its a recent phenomenon. I don't remember this as prevelent with DD and that was only a few years ago. Every co-worker, every random stranger, many friends....

"OMG you're pregnant!...when are you due?...WERE YOU TRYING?"

 

*sigh*

 

Its almost like one person started doing this and said it in front of some people, who just replicate the same behavior, and here were are.

 

I just smile and say oh yes and change the topic of conversation (the next question usually refers to gender anyway) but secretly, I've really needed to get that off my chest.

 


I agree... It does seem like a new phenomenon and a seriously rude one.  I don't remember getting this with DS either and he is three and was conceived right after we got married.  Next time I am going to say "yes and the trying was a LOT of fun."

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#17 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 01:19 PM
 
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This is fun!

 

My mother-in-law is a constant source of annoyance. She wouldn't believe I was pregnant at first because I wasn't sick until around 8 weeks (we told as soon as we found out), and she still isn't so convinced. Then, my mother, because she was never sick, thinks to herself that morning sickness is psycho-somatic. So one wishes me to be sicker, the other thinks I'm just making myself sick. Thanks guys.

 

The one thing that's made the the most frustrated:

We have some friends who are younger than us, and who do lots of late night, drinking activities. That's usually how we hang out with them. So when we didn't for months, because, hello, when you're 8 weeks pregnant, staying up past 8 is almost impossible, let alone 2 am, and watching everyone get smashed and sitting bored and sleepy and sicky is no fun at all. Finally, it was a birthday party of one girl, and DH dragged me to her party, at a bar, and she said, "I'm sorry it's been so bad for you!" in a voice that says, "You big whiner, suck it up and move on." I didn't say anything, but I though, "Hello, you stupid little girl, I'm making A PERSON! While you're sitting here getting wasted, I'm making a brain and a heart and lungs and a whole other body." Grrrrrr.

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#18 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 01:24 PM
 
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I get really sick of the morning sickness questions, too.  Not so much from people I only see occasionally, but it's the people that I see every day who insist on asking me every day.  I prefer positivity in my life and when you know I feel like crap and you ask me every day and the only possible responses are to lie and say great, answer with a simple yet untruthful okay, or say, no, I still feel like crap today, thank you very much, just like yesterday and the day before that, it gets old.

 

I know this is a thread about annoying things, but on the positive side, this is the first pregnancy that my mom has genuinely been excited for.  The first two, for various reasons, she was not excited about (and unable even to fake it).  This one, when she found out, she was outwardly excited and voiced her excitement, and it was so nice to hear, especially since I struggled with my own excitement level at the beginning.  :)

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#19 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 01:43 PM
 
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I've had some rude comments. The worst one came from a former boss who assumed because my fiance and I got engaged a month after we got pregnant that it was ok to call our wedding a "shot-gun wedding" and snicker about it to co-workers. We are planning the wedding for next year, and we started planning it 6 months before we got pregnant because we knew we were going to get engaged - AND we planned this pregnancy after losing an unplanned one!!! Even if it had all been due to becoming pregnant, what business would it be of theirs? NONE!

 

My grandpa made some comments about how we aren't married yet and shouldn't have kids yet. I told him it's our decision to start a family when we feel it's right and that time is now. It was my grandpa though and I expected it.

 

The biggest insult of all was losing my job when my employer (not the same employer as mentioned above) found out that I had lost a child and was going to try again. Apparently he thought it was ok to fire me if I wasn't actually pregnant at the time but planned to become pregnant. Funny because by the time he did let me go I was pregnant, but didn't know it yet ;)

 

The thing that makes me the most irritated is people who keep bugging me about a name. I've told everybody I know a zillion times that we won't have a name until we see her but they keep asking and emailing me names they like - some of them have even started referring to our unborn daughter as their favorite name which drives me nuts.


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#20 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 03:45 PM
 
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Seuriu~ you aren't alone! We found out I was pregnant on April 3rd or 4th, and we got engaged on Mothers Day! The only person who's made a comment about a shot-gun wedding is me... I told my mom that I want everyone to shoot nerf guns at SO while he's trying to say his vows. I was just joking though, I really want us to just elope! Which leads to another annoying question "Have you set a date yet?"  ... I guess that's not really baby related, but it makes me want to pull out my hair!!


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#21 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 06:44 PM
 
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A friend wrote a comment on my announcment on Facebook: "WERE YOU EVEN TRYING???"  I ignored it, and considered deleteing it..  I'm still sorta pissed at her.

 

 

A woman, at work, who is a trainer, who comes to my store only occasionaly, said "Haven't you ever heard of birth control?!"

 

 


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#22 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 07:04 PM
 
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I haven't had too many yet, thankfully!

 

I've had a lot of "what is this number 6?" or"taking after your parents?" (I'm the oldest of 8)...I don't like either of those...the people (DH's family) that I expected to have comments like that didn't though, that made me happy!

 

My mom and dad asked if we were trying, but, it did not feel rude sense they are so intimatly involves in our lives...and know everything, right down to the day I came off BC lol (and no we were not trying, but, we knew it was a possibility -- I just couldn't stay on BC it was making me feel terrible - I felt and looked pregnant the whole time I was on it except got nothing to show for it!)

 

I am not quite sure how to take the, "really? You don't even look pregnant!" comments...does that mean I look fat or thin??? With DS1 everyone was already asking if I had twins by now (I'm 14 weeks) and with DS2 I was 9 months pregnant and people were saying, "Are you sure, you only look like 4 months!"

 

Oh well, lol...I might have some more though after this weekend sense DH's family is staying with us for a few days...

 

Oh, and my boss calls me "Preggers" which drives me nuts...but, he's too cool a boss to get bent out of shape over it lol...I know he doesn't mean it badly...and he is super sweet when it comes to making things easy on me when pregnant and/or breastfeeding...I'll let it go lol.

 

OH! Thought of another comment that might not be rude, but, I hate, "Are you excited?" I just want to say "No, I am quite unhappy" just to see what they say lol

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#23 of 45 Old 06-15-2011, 07:19 PM
 
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Yeah I hear you both on the "how are you feeling" and the "are you excited?" Neither ever seems to come from people whom you would actually be able to be honest with even if it WEREN'T the best of scenarios. 

 

I work at the front desk of a hotel, and I'm constantly having guests ask me how I'm feeling. One of these days they're going to catch me in the wrong mood and get a response that I've been throwing up every hour, and haven't had the energy to shower in days. THEN we'll see if they keep asking. 

 

And same with are you happy... Casual aquaintainces ask... I mean do you really think I would air dirty laundry if we weren't happy about it? Maybe to a best friend, but not a practical stranger... 


Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#24 of 45 Old 06-16-2011, 07:55 AM
 
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I got wonderful comments from some family members like, "were you even trying?"  Also, my telling my father was not one of the best experiences I've ever had.  He was like "and you're going to be 25" and other comments that made it seem like he thought it wasn't the right time.  But, I saw him last week and he seemed more excited and less critical.  That made me feel a lot better.  We had a family reunion last week and I had a lot of people touch my belly.  That was weird especially since I'm not showing yet.  I guess it's something I'm going to have to get used to.  Maybe it won't be so weird when I am bigger.


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#25 of 45 Old 06-16-2011, 11:38 AM
 
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My sister spoiled my pregnancy announcement. I was going to call my mother on Easter and ask her to tell the family, but my sister somehow guessed from an e-mail I sent her the day before, so I got an e-mail from my mom saying, "Are you going to call with a pregnancy announcement tomorrow?" eyesroll.gif Then I was told my sister (who, at that time, was 38 weeks pregnant) was feeling "baby-aversive" due to past miscarriages, so they (my mother et al) couldn't be happy for me because it would hurt her feelings.

 

To add insult to injury, my stepsister adopted a baby boy the very next day (they literally didn't know until they got a call from social services telling them the baby had just been born and asking if they wanted him) and everyone -- including my mother and sister -- made a HUGE, positive fuss about it. (And rightly so, but still.)  My mom and siblings have essentially been ignoring my pregnancy ever since. Not so much as a congratulations from my brother or sister, to date.

 

I'm still ticked about the whole situation, can you tell?


JoAnna

 

DH Collin

 

DD Elanor (8), DS William (5), DD Violet (3), DS Gabriel (1), DS Peter (born Oct. '13)


Noel (12/06) and Christian (03/09), always in my heart

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#26 of 45 Old 06-16-2011, 07:07 PM
 
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Joanna, I'm sorry that is awful! I hope they come around and get excited about your pregnancy as they should!! Congratulations!


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#27 of 45 Old 06-16-2011, 07:12 PM
 
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Ouch joanna!  People can be so heartless. DH's younger sister's response was "good job", patted him on the shoulder, and then walked upstairs to her room, and she hasn't mentioned the pregnancy since. And it's been a month... and they live three blocks from us. 


Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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#28 of 45 Old 06-16-2011, 07:20 PM
 
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Wow...some of those are brutal!


Mama to Arielle babyf.gif07/01/11

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#29 of 45 Old 06-18-2011, 10:14 AM
 
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Haven't had any rude comments (thankfully!) - the families were, for the most part, very very excited. Except for my bio dad, with whom I'm not very close, whose response was: "......oh. Were you, like, trying?"

 

......Yes dad. I'm 28, we've been married five years, I think it's probably safe to assume this baby was planned for. xDDDD

 

But I wasn't offended, I just kinda laughed at his ineptitude. ;)


Just a homegrown heretic hopelessly in love with her amazing DH, 2.5 year old Eli, and now expecting a new arrival April 2015.
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#30 of 45 Old 06-18-2011, 10:29 AM
 
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I got a couple of real bad ones. My granny (I mean: my granny!) said something like: You are tempting God! You have two healthy children, now you are asking for trouble! 

My MIL: Will you terminate if something is wrong with the baby? (Even before any Congrats or anything like this.

My mom was not happy, she was like: You are going to break down soon. 

A nurse at the hospital : So, now you are going to be scum, right? 

 

Mmmh. I am happy! :) I was especially hurt by the God tempting one. In my belief He loves all his children!


Trin with DH , DD(7)  and DS(5) ,  DD(2) , ,
I am not regularly online at the moment due to the above ...
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