So, DH and I made all these plans for the next few weeks without much consideration for the cost or how much driving we'd have to do. Tonight we sat down and really talked about what it would mean to do all of the things we planned and decided we would have to pick and choose instead of doing them all. We planned to go to my mom's place for 4th of July weekend, which is a 2.5 hour drive. We were also planning on going to Saturday in the Park in Sioux City, IA that Saturday. My mom's place is about 45 mins. from Sioux City, so we figured we might as well just stay at my mom's if we're going to the festival. We then were going to drive back to my mom's the following weekend (10th and 11th) because she's in a local production of My Fair Lady and I really wanted to go and see that. The weekend after that is DH's "birthday weekend" as he calls it(15th and 16th). It's always the same weekend as JazzFest, another music festival, which is in my hometown about 1.5 hours away. We also just scheduled an appointment with our midwife for the Thursday before(the 14th) and she lives just outside my hometown. Then today I get an e-mail about a doula workshop(I'm hoping to get certified as a doula within the next year) about 50 miles from us over that same weekend and if I agree to participate in the volunteer doula program at the local hospital, my registration fee for the workshop will be waived, which would save us a ton of money since the workshops usually run between $300 and $400, not including gas and lodging if you have to travel to get there.
So, we first decided that we can't go to Saturday in the Park. We won't be able to afford the extra gas, plus money for food and parking and who knows what else we'd end up buying there for us or DD. I'm not too upset about that as I wasn't looking forward to it in the first place. DH said this wouldn't happen, but I think it's a pretty safe bet that if we went, he would spend a lot of time(and money) in the beer tent which means I would be the sole person responsible for DD, plus I'd have to deal with him being drunk and annoying. Anyway, that decision doesn't really upset me too much plus we decided we'd still go to my mom's for the weekend and she and my stepdad live on a farm where we can let DD run around and chase the cats and the dog and dig in the dirt and just kind of chill out and relax.
DH then said that he doesn't want to drive down there 2 weekends in a row and that he doesn't really care about seeing my mom's play. I know it's not a big deal and I know my mom would rather we come down and spend the weekend with DD(we weren't planning on bringing her the weekend of the play) but I'm still bummed about missing it. All my older siblings were athletes in high school and I was the only one who ever did band or got seriously into theater and choir. My dad was an athlete when he was younger too, so he didn't really understand all that stuff and my mom was the only other member of the family who was ever really into music and theater. I just feel like it's always been a connection between us and I'm just really sad I won't get to support her in this.
After talking about the following weekend and the midwife appointment, it became clear that it's going to get really complicated with driving and figuring out what to do with DD. I figured DH could still go to JazzFest and stay with my dad and maybe the in-laws could take DD for the weekend since I would be at the doula workshop. Then DH throws a tantrum about how he doesn't want to take care of DD all by himself (ha) during his "birthday weekend" and that his parents aren't going to want to take her for 4 days(Thursday thru Sunday). I then suggested that we go down for the midwife appointment and stay over that night and go to JazzFest on Friday since my workshop is only Saturday and Sunday. But since DH is mad and not getting EXACTLY what he wants(which is to spend the entire weekend getting drunk and acting like he did when he was in college) then he doesn't want to compromise so he decided we're just not going to JazzFest at all and we'll just come back home after the midwife appointment and he'll spend his "birthday weekend" taking care of DD instead of having fun. I should note that his actual birthday is on the 19th, which is a Tuesday.
After all of this, I go into the other room because we're now both in bad moods and need some space. After a few minutes, he comes out of the bedroom and informs me that he's going to another town about 2 hours away with a friend on the 9th to see some sort of amateur wresting thing. I told him I was upset that he didn't discuss it with me before just making plans, especially after we had this long talk about whether or not we could afford to do all this traveling. He says that it's his birthday present to himself since he won't be able to enjoy his "birthday weekend".
I just feel really sad that we have to miss a lot of the stuff we'd planned. I was looking forward to seeing friends and cutting loose a little bit(as much as a pregnant woman can) and showing off my bump, as I'll be around 20 weeks during most of that time. I'm also mad that DH made plans without discussing it with me and I'm especially mad at him for whining about having to watch DD all by himself over his "birthday weekend". I won't go into details, but he has seriously ruined so many things that are usually all about your wife, like my 25th birthday and our 1st wedding anniversary. All he did for me on Mother's Day was make breakfast for me, my mom and my stepdad, and I had to wake him up to do it. Then he spent the day drinking with a friend and guess what I did? I watched DD ALL BY MYSELF. I know these things are in the past, but it just sucks that he doesn't seem willing to make sacrifices for me like I do for him. I feel like if I had ruined even one of those things for him, he'd never let me hear the end of it but I rarely mention any of it because I know it won't do any good and it won't change it.
Sorry, I'm just feeling really emotional tonight and my talk with DH just brought up a lot of old, crappy feelings. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I'm going to go eat some ice cream.
Wife to DH 08/09 and SAHM to DD 09/08 and DS 11/11
Surprise! Expecting #3 Nov. 2013!
I'd be upset as well. I've never really grasped wanting to spend a block of time getting drunk- even when I was in college, but quite honestly, I'd be inclined to tell my husband to take care of HIS child while I went to the workshop and plan to have a piece of cake the evening of his birthday. No adult needs an annual birthday weekend of debauchery to celebrate- particularly not when they have a family.
I'm not exactly tolerant of behavior that revolves around drinking/partying as a rule though. YMMV
Not sure why but I have wrote long replys 2 times and they both got eaten.
Just wanted to say ((( hugs))) I am right there with you.
Immature, self entitled, selfish DH behavior ( mine )
Mommy to Petunia 11/04 Bug 10/06 Button 11/09 and Sweetie pea 12/11 DW to J :
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