I need some guidance on child spacing. I have a 10 month old son and my husband and I are discussing how far apart we want our children (future) to be. Originally we had thought we would like our kids to be 24 months apart exactly...as in trying to conceive this fall. Now that sounds too soon to me. We are cosleeping and I am in no hurry to kick out baby #1, but James Mckenna says cosleeping with a toddler and baby is dangerous. I had kinda thought if toddler is between the dad and the far edge (with a rail) that it should be safe?? Anyways I am not wanting to boot him out before he is ready to have another. Also I have heard a lot of people's milk dries up around 4 months gestation of the new fetus, which my son would be around 17 or 18 months old if by the time of the birth theyd be 24 months apart. A lot of people consider 18 months a fine time to wean, but I am really not interested in forcing him to wean at that age either. I know some moms nurse all through their pregnancy but I cannot guarantee this will happen for me. I have also read that if you conceive again before your first child is 18 months old you increase risk of complications for that pregnancy. I still really want my children to be close in age, but I think 24 months sounds too soon for the type of parenting style I have chosen. I am sort of thinking 2.5 years apart now. Yes that extra 6 months make me feel that much better....but I guess what my question really is would be: Can I practice AP and have kids 2.5 years apart and be fair to them both?? Current son is very happy, but sensitive and has an intense personality, as well as being extremely explorative (more so than my other friends babies it seems! he is into ev-ery-thing).
My first two were 3 and 1/4 years apart, and it worked perfect for us from an AP, co-sleeping (all 4 of us were in bed using the arrangement you suggested), nursing standpoint. Our first was weaned from the breast, "weaned" from being stuck to mom, and was perfectly happy to have me be the primary nighttime parent by the time baby number two came along. So, your comments are very intuitive and it sounds like you want more space. Your intuition matches what I decided as well.
But, we can't say that any spacing is right for everybody. I've seen patients perfectly happy with AP'ing two or even three kids close together. And some on this forum with kids close together probably love it. I've also seen some patients be very challenged by it. So, it's up to you.
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