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#1 of 2 Old 09-10-2013, 05:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The first thing my MIL said to me when she found out i was pregnant was don’t get to attached you can have a miscarriage, she had one with her first pregnancy. Then going into details about what happens durning a miscarriage. Never once saying she was excited or congrats anything!!! I just sat there in shock not able to say a word! My husband does not see a problem with this because he feels she’s just stepping in for my mom who’s not in my life. I think he’s use to her behavior. It is just normal for him.

Then when I’m in labor she makes it all about her! After 16hours of labor and 1 1/2 hours of pushing I now have to have a c-section due to complications. I asked for 1 min alone with my husband before they start, she would not leave the room!! She’s lucky I couldn’t feel my legs. I was in so much pain! She was holding on the him crying like it was him about to get cut open!!! The nurses had to yell at her and pull her out for her to leave!! In the end I did not have that time with him because of her!!

I can go on for days about what she does with my daughter!! This is just one thing...When she watches her she has 2 and a half men and other adult shows on(when my daughter was 6 and knows she should not be watching it) When my daughter tells her that she is not allowed to watch that she tells her it's fine! My husband finally asked her not to have those shows on while she is awake, my MIL very loudly informed my husband that she NEVER watches that stuff with my daughter they watch her shows. She could not understand where my daughter got that from! Then she called her into the room and asked her why she lied to her dad. My daughter was so upset and didn't say anything just ran out of the room to the kitchen where I was! First of all I'm now home more and my daughter is getting older so we do not need her to watch her as much, why wouldn't she spend then time with her instead of watching a repeat of a show on tv??!? But she will then complain she does not get to see her as much now!! Geez I wonder why... This is one of example of how she is with my daughter, so it's a given she does not really enjoy being with her much! If this is any insight on how my husbands childhood was I can see why he thinks some of the things she does is ok. It's the norm for him. (His parents have been divorce for 27 years now and to this day she is still very nasty to his father, has been remarried for 20 years now. She has never really dated anyone since his dad. I think she is still in love with him. If it would have been up to her he would not be a any events or we would just have 2!)

She continues to lie to my husband about conversations her and I have or didn’t have, always making me look bad. My husband as had enough and now wants to sit down with both of the to end this. He is sick of hearing things from both myself and his mother. I don’t see it having a good out come at all. She would cry, turning this around to be about her being a victim and I know if my husband and I would ever get get divorced its because of her! He’s not taking sides but this whole things is killing him and I feel bad! I just stopped going out of my way and inviting her over on holidays and bdays the pasted year. She never calls or ask about my daughter or husband when I see her at work ( yes I know it’s awful!!!!!!!) I will leave my husband before I before I let this continue I know this is killing him! ! I try so hard to be nice ( and boy is it hard) to her. I’m just at a loss on what to do...
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#2 of 2 Old 09-10-2013, 07:26 AM
 
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This is really a tough situation. I've encountered this before with people I know, and the way that those people found happiness in this situation is to tell the MIL up front in plain English, both of you together, that you are putting your marriage and own family before everything else, and that she is destroying it and you are headed to divorce because of her, and that you can't see her for a while. Might take a couple years. That will allow YOU to heal from the trauma of her, and allow her to decide whether or not she can change. The problem is, she probably won't change. So you'd have to then re-introduce time with her slowly and see what you can handle. Your husband and child wouldn't really be able to see her barely at all either (because it's THEM leaving YOU out). This is very hard, and I don't know enough about your situation to really know what to do. You could also discuss with a Marriage and Family Therapist.

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