I had this very strong emotion while pregnant with my son. HOW could I *ever* love another kid as much as my daughter?! Friends told me that you just do when they show up. And, you know what, I did. I think my son is freaking amazing and I simply can't remember ever not loving him. But, another thing, is that nobody talks about the commonality of not feeling that instant spark once they emerge from your womb.
Thanks for your honesty, mamas. There are just so many emotions with adding children to the family...
I'm so glad this is being brought up, because I was thinking the same thing since we found out. I figured I was the only one who couldn't fathom loving another as much as I love my first. Wow, I'm so glad I'm not alone.
Wife to Phil, Mom to Saoirse (3/09), and Niamh (1/12) .
It's been great to see that others are feeling a little out of sorts with the whole thing too! Every person I tell is so thrilled for us, and I am very happy too, but I just don't feel as happy as it seems I "should" feel according to how crazy happy some people are, especially when they're not even pregnant! I am doing better though the past week. My son is talking a lot more about baby things, and it's pretty cute, so I'm getting more excited for him. 10 weeks has arrived and I'm feeling much better about that, I felt like 8-9 weeks was a long week!
Hang in there ladies!
AP mama to lovable, energetic DS born 4/9/08, expecting #2 mid Jan 2012, wife to German Professor, friend to many.
Sorry if this is a little tangential but I love that this thread is speaking truth to a hidden part of motherhood-that despite the unconditional deep love for our children motherhood can have ambivalence at different points. It's so taboo to talk about but I feel like it is a good reminder that we are all whole people and that with the joy of children is tons of responsibility too and can feel like a lot. We are expecting 2nd baby and it was totally unplanned. I had a lot of ambivalent feelings at first like "I don't need another baby-I am so happy with the one I have!" and questioning how I can possibly love this baby as much as my daughter (I know I can but it was just a strong feeling-wonder if it is common at first)
I just love how you articulated this.
As conscious mothers who take our role seriously, how could we not struggle from time to time with the enormity of our decision to create life? This made me feel much better, thank you <3
I am with you guys. We were done. We have three kids, our lives were moving forward, I am back in school to change careers, we want to move....there is so much that I want to be doing right now. This pregnancy was unexpected and I am still reeling from it a bit. I get so sick, so incredibly sick. It is hard to feel anything beyond the nausea and illness. I know it will change, I know I will connect and be happy. I KNOW that I don't connect to the baby until delivery and then it is mad, deep passionate love.
I just have to be patient and wait it out. The illness is almost done. And then I will have a few glorious months to feel well, before the gigantic months at the end. Knowing what is coming is part of the problem for me. Nothing is unexpected. I don't take the same delight in all the little milestones. I feel like I am simply ticking away the weeks and I want them to move faster.
After 10 years of babies and breastfeeding and diapers, I was just getting back to feeling like myself. I was running again...I had upped my mileage and was so happy to run free. I miss that. I know I can have it again, but I am impatient.
Man, that feels good to admit. Pregnancy is supposed to be such a time of delight and wonder and I have had a hard time lately. I just need to let go. Life has always led me down wonderful paths and I know this is another beautiful way to go. I do feel the need to grieve just a bit though.
Thank you to all the posters for being brave. It is good for me to read your honest words.
Frugal, food growing mama to my four loves
I'm really, really ambivalent about this pregnancy so far. We were not not trying, so we knew it was a possibility. I was on the fence about whether or not I wanted another child, but felt probably 85% certain I did want one eventually, 15% leaning towards not. Now I feel like those percentages are reversed and I can't imagine why I ever felt the other way. Oy.
A big part of this is that I've had a bunch of recent changes for the better in my life-- I just got a new job, we just moved to a new house and have been doing a really good job of keeping it clean and tidy, I really, really love the age my son is at and the person he is right now. And I feel like the baby's going to take all of this away from me... I'm not going to be able to keep my job because I don't make enough to pay for childcare for TWO children, my house is going to become a pit in the months postpartum when I can barely take care of the baby and myself, and my relationship with my son will somehow change.
I wonder if this is why we have 40 weeks of pregnancy... so that we have time to get used to the idea and sort out all the complications before we actually have the baby.
Mother of two great little guys, G (9/28/09) and W (1/20/12)
I think so! I'm still not quite at the point where I've come to grips with the fact that I'm going to have two newborns to care for, but the idea that I'm going to be staying home for a while... it's starting to sound very nice. I hate that I'm always rushing to get somewhere, since I have to run any errands before I go into work at 2 pm. It would/will be nice to just be able to go with the flow a bit more. I also keep remembering how miserable I was when I first went back to work, and how much pumping killed my supply. I'm really hoping that I can breastfeed the twins for longer than the 9 months I got with DS. In some ways I keep wondering if having twins is a way of forcing me to do what I want to do instead of what "makes sense" (except that with twins, staying home makes more sense!).
I'm getting there. I may not be quite excited yet, but I'm starting to see the benefits, and they seem to be outweighing the losses.
Married to my loving hubby, proud mama to Ethan (9/09) and Rowyn (7/12) and aspiring homesteader
Missing my twins, Owen and Sophia, born too soon, July 2011
It's funny because I really, really wanted a 4th. I was so jealous of every woman I saw who was pregnant or had a new baby. And now that I am pregnant, I just feel so, so done. I've had enough of toddlers & diapers and nursing and everything. I'm hoping it's just because I am actually pregnant and that I finally have that 'done' feeling lots of other women seem to get. It probably doesn't help that I was really lucky with how relatively easy my other pregnancies were and this one seems so much harder. I don't know if it's my age or what.
I just really, really hope this baby is a girl. And I'm hoping even harder that it's only 1 baby. I am not cut out for 5 kids.
mom to all boys B: 08/01, C: 07/05 , N: 03/09 , M: 01/12 and far too many lost ones
Oh me too. I have not yet been the OB/midwife and I am really sweating twins. I know 2 women who had unexpected pregnancies and had twins. 5 kids!
Frugal, food growing mama to my four loves
I know its hard , congrats to you though. I think the last reply you had was the way to look at it in a positive way. I'm always happy for people when they are pregnant but people aren't ever happy for me lol! I'm not sure why because IMO I think I am a really good parent. I love all of my kids and I am extremely dedicated to them, you will be too. I always worried about twins too but you'll be ok. I have a couple friends with more kids than me and they've had twins one had them twice
Jess mom to 5!!! 3 boys 2 girls and another girl on the way edd jan 31st! I have a Disabled veteran husband
breastfeeding,cosleeping, non vax,no circ,and nature loving family!