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#1 of 39 Old 05-08-2011, 06:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We've just found out that #2 is on it's way.  I'm still trying to let it sink in and come to terms with this big, unexpected life change.  With #1 we had to have fertility treatments.  He is nearly 4 years old now and I had finally accepted that #2 was not going to happen - we weren't trying and because of the troubles conceiving the first time, figured it wasn't going to happen by accident.  We just gave away all the baby clothes only to get a positive pregnancy test a few weeks later.  I'm in total shock and even though nausea is starting to set in and we got a + blood test as well saw the u/s with heartbeat, I'm still in partial denial.  We're not at the stage yet when we are telling anyone.  So basically I'm just venting.  Anyone else in a similar situation - surprise #2 and trying to figure out how it's all going to work?

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#2 of 39 Old 05-08-2011, 07:00 AM
 
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Our pregnancy wasn't a surprise, but there are still some logistical issues we're trying to work out.  I've been offered my dream position at work, but I'm afraid that I won't want to go back after #2.  We're also trying to figure out childcare for a new addition, since our current sitters can't accomodate a toddler and infant while running their home business. 

 

So we're not quite in the same boat, but I'm still wondering how it's all going to work out!


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#3 of 39 Old 05-09-2011, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for replying.  I've been working f/t and started my own business on top of it all about 2 years ago.  I'm already stretched to the max and have no idea how I'm going to continue (or if I even want to) after #2.  I'd really enjoy a slower pace to life.  I guess I have 8 months to figure it out.  

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#4 of 39 Old 05-10-2011, 11:54 AM
 
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Hi Wildflower and Diana!

Wildflower, I have a similar experience. Although dd was conceived without really trying (we had just decided that we DID want kids, soon, but not right away, and I went off of bc pills to get them out of my system... next month, bam, bfp), this time around it took 21 cycles. We had done check-ups after about a year ttc, and were diagnosed with secondary unexplained infertility. We started the international adoption process in March (it can take 3 or 4 years sometimes), and had a meeting with a social worker scheduled for next Monday. Today, I got a surprise bfp (decided to test on a whim because I hadn't had the pre-period spotting I expected yesterday)! I can't believe it. I've been walking around in a daze saying "Oh my goodness, I'm pregnant" under my breath all afternoon to try to get myself to believe it. Over a year and a half of trying (with great O timing every time), and suddenly, for no particular reason, success. I just gave away a huge bag of baby clothes too, figuring that the adoption would be of an older child. What an amazing thing. Your four.-year-old will be of great help to you when the little one comes. My sister just had her second, and her first is four. So much easier than having them close together (as I had originally planned. Ha! Plans!). Looking forward to getting to know everyone in the January ddc :)


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#5 of 39 Old 05-10-2011, 05:33 PM
 
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Hey! I'm due Jan 6Th as well. Our little surprise wasn't planned and we are really, really not ready. This is our first baby, I will be 20 next month and my husband will be 22. We JUST got married March 13Th! We are dealing with the stresses of telling his parents about our pregnancy. We've told my family and they're all really excited as it's all 4 of my parents (Mom, Dad and step parents) first grand-baby. It's his parents 10Th grand-baby. None of his family was very excited or excepting to us getting married in the first place. They thought our relationship was a joke. We will be at our 3 years together mark in the begging of July this year, so it's not like it should of been a surprise to them on our 3rd attempt to actually get married and with out inviting them to destroy it yet again. Anyways, the point is my husband and myself are both VERY excited. We really want a little girl. It'll be nice to have some women who are going threw the same thing as me to vent to, and take advice from. :) Thanks Gals. :)


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#6 of 39 Old 05-11-2011, 03:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So glad to hear I'm not alone.  I realize that many pg's are surprises, but it's so foreign to me since it was such an effort with the first.  Although I was in shock that I could actually get pg the first time.....I'm in as much if not more shock this time because not only did I not think I was able to get pg, but I had finally convinced myself that I was okay with not getting pg.  I had a full life (too full) with just one.  Now I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and nauseous, tired and angry.

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#7 of 39 Old 05-11-2011, 09:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Really just venting here.....as what else can I do at 1am after puking what little I was able to put into my stomach upon awakening from sleep with "morning" sickness.  I'm just not sure I can deal with this.  Last time I was sick for 10 weeks.  The thought of that happening again with no relief makes me just want to cry.  Although I've felt mildly nauseous for a week, this is the first night that I've puked...now twice within about 6 hours of each other.  My m/s was worse in the evenings last go round, so maybe there is hope I'll feel better in the morning, but it's becoming obvious that I can't keep the pregnancy a secret much longer.  

 

Just hoping at this point that I can keep an egg down, get enough protein in my body to make the nausea stop so that I can at least go back to bed.  I'm not sure how I'm going to function feeling like this.  Okay....I went through this before.  It's time limited, even though it seems like forever when you are in the midst of it.

 

How horrible would it be to take meds for the nausea?  I so want to do this naturally, but am feeling totally broken down right now.

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#8 of 39 Old 05-12-2011, 12:22 AM
 
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It still hasn't sunken in yet for me. We weren't planning ot have another one right now. Sometime in the future but not right now. I am suppose to be going back to school in the fall. Life is pretty chaotic right now. Our house already feels to small- I can't image where we are going to add a baby and a baby's stuff. My ds2 *15m* is super clingy and that worries me! He doesns't sttn either.

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#9 of 39 Old 05-12-2011, 03:26 AM
 
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Wildflower - Congratulations!  And I'm sorry about the nausea.  It's no fun at all.  Each of my pregnancies the M/S has gotten worse.  I am expecting #4 and I am worried that I am going to be very ill.  So not fun with the other kids to take care of.  Have you tried the nausea bands (looks like a watch they sell them for motion sickness I think) or the preggo pops?  Nothing worked for me last time around but I hear that there are things that work.  


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#10 of 39 Old 05-12-2011, 09:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I wore the nausea bands last time around and they did nothing.  Last night, just pressing on the acupressure points while trying to rest did nothing.   Preggie pops - basically any lollipop in my opinion would do the same thing - didn't do much.  Thanks for the ideas.  I didn't find anything last time that made much of a difference for a long period of time.  Things were worse in the evenings though....  which is extra difficult now because I have a DS who wants my attention.  Still nursing, not STTN (well, he did once last week, but not again since), etc...  And I don't remember being this exhausted the last time around.  Probably because I had time to rest.  Now, I have no down time.  

 

Sorry for being such a whiner, but it's such a downer to be surprised with getting pregnant and before it even sinks in and I can appreciate it in any way, I'm sicker than a dog and barely able to make it through the day.

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#11 of 39 Old 05-16-2011, 12:26 PM
 
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wildflower18, with my first child, i was sick for the whole nine months starting at week 7 and had to take phenegran every night before bed and zafran every morning before getting out of bed to even function! i know it doesnt seem like it, but you are very lucky to have a likely time cap on the m/s

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#12 of 39 Old 06-03-2011, 08:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm hopeful that there is a time cap on the m/s, but one never knows as I understand that each pregnancy is different.  My only hope right now is to go with the statistics and expect that it will go away after the 1st trimester.  

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#13 of 39 Old 06-03-2011, 08:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trghig View Post

It still hasn't sunken in yet for me. We weren't planning ot have another one right now. Sometime in the future but not right now. I am suppose to be going back to school in the fall. Life is pretty chaotic right now. Our house already feels to small- I can't image where we are going to add a baby and a baby's stuff. My ds2 *15m* is super clingy and that worries me! He doesns't sttn either.



So in the same boat.  I just don't know how I'm going to pull it together in time for the baby's arrival.  I had a 'wonderful' friend share with me all the tribulations of adding a second.  I politely explained that we were not trying, nor expecting a 2nd and that I didn't care to hear about all the complications it will bring me while in the midst of dealing with morning sickness.  Our life is already complicated enough.  My son as well is super clingy.  He's almost 4, but while I was home this weekend, I couldn't leave his side.  I just can't imagine what it's going to be like adding a baby to the mix.  I'm so not prepared for this.

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#14 of 39 Old 06-03-2011, 09:11 PM
 
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I am feeling pretty overwhelmed with another baby coming. I have a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old, and I can't imagine my life without them and I know I will feel the same about the new baby. But this pregnancy was a big surprise and I was not prepared to do it all over again yet. I'm tired. My 1.5 year old is very very attached to mama and I don't get breaks from her. I can't help but worry about what the transition is going to be like with her, especially if the new baby's personality is as intense as her's.

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#15 of 39 Old 06-06-2011, 12:18 PM
 
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Yeah, I thought I was overwhelmed when I posted the first time...  It's been about 3 weeks since we found out we're having twins, and I'm still not even close to used to the idea yet.  I'm really nervous about what it will mean for our family.  Luckily, DS is super-mellow (although super-busy!), and he'll be a great big brother.  I have no worries about him adjusting.  But this has thrown a huge wrench into my career plans, which impacts our long-term family and financial plans, so I feel like I'm just floating out there without a clue where I'm going.  I like to plan ahead, but now I don't even know what to plan FOR.

 

I'm also really nauseous and feeling very sorry for myself.  That's not helping anything, but I can't seem to drag myself out of my funk.  I've even caught myself wondering why we were TTC #2.  One kid is fine...

 

I also feel bad because I'm not all that excited at the moment.  People always say "Oh, how exciting!!" when I tell them we're having twins, and I'm just like, "Yeah...  I'm still in shock."  What else can I say?  "You might think so, but I'm seriously freaking out!"??  *sigh*

 

((I hope nobody thinks I'm horrible.  I'm just really feeling overwhelmed and confused and scared right now...  gloomy.gif ))


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#16 of 39 Old 06-06-2011, 12:48 PM
 
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((((((hugs))))))  You may want to talk to your care-person about what you're feeling.  You may be experiencing a high volume of hormones, due to twins, that it may be messing with you more than you think.  You're not horrible at all.  I'd be doing the exact same thing if I found out I'm having twins.


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#17 of 39 Old 06-07-2011, 05:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't even know how I'd deal with the idea of twins.  When people say congratulations to me, I say a bland "thanks".  Just want to share that we weren't trying so maybe they'd understand my response.  Everyone seems so happy about someone else being pregnant.  I think people would understand that having twins is a shock that you have to give some time to deal with and let it all sink in.  I'm realizing more and more that life can not be planned.  Trying to find the lesson in all of this.

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#18 of 39 Old 06-07-2011, 07:04 PM
 
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I'm feeling much better today.  I had a rough weekend, since I was out-of-town and visiting with a lot of relatives I don't see often.  Hence, I got a lot of "oh, that's so exciting!" type comments.  I just didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to be rude.  I suppose saying that I'm still in shock had the benefit of being completely honest and socially acceptable.  orngtongue.gif  I have moments where I'm excited, but even when I was pregnant with DS, it was all exciting at first.  Then it kind of sets in that you're having a baby.  Holy crap, we made a person!  A person who is totally dependent on you for everything, and that you are responsible for molding into a decent human being.   I'm just over the initial whirlwind and starting to think about what another two babies is going to mean.  

 

A few of my cousins were more realistic about how I must feel, so I got a bit of understanding of the shock and life-altering-ness of it all.  Still, I don't feel like anyone gets it, except for my best friend.  So we've been talking a lot, and she had a lot of the same type of feelings when she was pregnant with #2.  Everything is fine now, and she loves having two kiddos, but I remember that there was a point where she was seriously wondering why on earth they had decided to have another one.

Eh, one day at a time, right?  I know it'll be fine once they just get here.  Having 9 months to think about it all kind of sucks sometimes!  lol.gif


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#19 of 39 Old 06-11-2011, 04:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm slowly coming around myself.  M/s is improving and my cold is headed out.  Thank God!  I had a friend who recently was in a hit & run car accident and it made me realize that everyone deals with unexpected events at some point in their life.  All things considered, a baby is one of the better surprises that could happen.

 

Glad to hear that you are feeling better!  Helps to have someone you can talk to who understands!

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#20 of 39 Old 06-11-2011, 06:35 PM
 
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even though we were trying for this one,  i was not prepared for it to happen on our first cycle! now i am very sick, working full time with 11 toddlers, and i have a busy 2 year old with suspected special needs along with a 7 yo with autism at home. AAAH! i feel like i didn't think it through and now things are so hard! i feel like i never ever get a break. and on top of all this, dh will likely be laid off for six weeks this summer, which is going to totally kill our savings and prevent us from saving $$ while he's off work. i know how selfish this sounds too, but i am going to be SO jealous of dh sitting around for six weeks this summer while i work my butt off with ms and exhaustion from the pg. he will probably keep the kids home every once in a while, but he does not do well with them all day, so they will most likely stay in daycare a few days a week ( wont take them out because they would likely lose their spot, and we love this daycare provider). which means he will literally get to sit on his butt and hang out almost the whole time , which is something i have not gotten to do in years! our apt had better be clean when i get home at night, lol! sorry, had to get that vent/ whine out. anyway, i know everything will work out, but i'm pretty stressed out right now and i feel gross, so it's nice to have somewhere to come and blabber about it.


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#21 of 39 Old 06-13-2011, 09:09 AM
 
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I am still having some trouble getting excited about this baby.  It seems like every person I tell is more excited than I am, not to mention most of the people on this board are so thrilled to be pregnant, even if they are feeling 10 times worse than I am.  We were trying for sure, and I felt so jealous when my SIL got pregnant recently (and has since had a mc).  Now though I just can't quite get my head around it and feel excited.  I am having mild m/s, only threw up once so far.  But I feel hungry and nauseous and tired all the time.

Has anyone found any good sources of support for those of us going through this phase?  It's so hard when I know so many have tried for so long to get pregnant, and are still trying.  I feel grateful, and I know I will eventually love this child just as much as my DS.  Some good friends are about to have a m/c (they have confirmation but are waiting for it to happen) and I just feel awful, like why them, they were so excited, it was their first child, it was due on x-mas, etc.  And here I am, just wondering when I'm going to be really happy about my baby.

I don't know if anyone is still on this thread or not, perhaps you're all already excited too!  If so, let me know how you did it!


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#22 of 39 Old 06-13-2011, 09:40 AM
 
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I'm 10 weeks along with my first and still not as excited as I feel (or society feels?) I should be.  This pregnancy was a totally unplanned surprise.  Both my partner and I are finishing up with school (I have a year left, he has 2 years left) and were not planning on TTC our first til after we graduate and build our own house.  Now I just don't know what is in store for our future, and as someone who plans EVERYTHING, this is very difficult to deal with.

 

I am getting much happier about the thought of actually having a baby, though.  I love looking at pictures of our baby at each progressing week.  I even bought a little tie-dye onesie while visiting The Farm in Tennessee.

 

But...I'm super stressed, always nauseous and exhausted, and really worried about bringing a little life into the world before we were "ready"...I guess nobody is ever really ready for this, though.  Learning a lot already.

 

Many blessings to you ladies struggling with similar situations.  May you find peace and acceptance very soon. heartbeat.gif 


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#23 of 39 Old 06-15-2011, 08:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wombjuice View Post

I'm 10 weeks along with my first and still not as excited as I feel (or society feels?) I should be.  This pregnancy was a totally unplanned surprise.  Both my partner and I are finishing up with school (I have a year left, he has 2 years left) and were not planning on TTC our first til after we graduate and build our own house.  Now I just don't know what is in store for our future, and as someone who plans EVERYTHING, this is very difficult to deal with.

 


This is me, too.  I'm excited, but my excitement is often overshadowed by the reality of our situation.  We have a half renovated house, a rather sad savings account after some major car repairs and other unplanned expenses, and I'm looking at being off work for around a year (and possibly permanently).  It's scary, and we were even planning this (though not the twins part!).  I'm very fortunate in that I have great family and friends that will help us out if necessary by cooking, cleaning, and moral support.  It's just rough not knowing quite what to expect, ya know?  

 

I do find myself excited to meet these little people that are growing inside me.  I was never a "baby person", but I LOVED everything about having a baby around with DS, and I'm looking forward to watching my little ones grow.  I wonder whether I'll have boys, girls, or one of each.  I wonder that their personalities will be like, and how it will change our family.  I look forward to watching DH snuggle in bed with babies at naptime (DS used to do this, but now can't sleep if we are in the same room).  I miss breastfeeding and knowing that my body provides all the nourishment these little people need.

 

I'd better stop, I'm getting teary....  Yay, hormones!  rolleyes.gif

 

But I guess my point is that there are things to look forward to, even if you can't quite get excited.  


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#24 of 39 Old 06-15-2011, 04:13 PM
 
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I'm still not really believing I'm pregnant, even though I had a positive test & I'm getting some symptoms. I guess it's partly because the symptoms are different from my other pregnancies but mostly because this was completely unplanned. Dh does not want a 4th kid, but he knows I really did. I just didn't want it to be like this. I wanted him to come around to wanting another one (unlikely, but I was hoping) and for it to be planned like our other kids. About the only thing right about it is the timing, since before dh got so sick, I figured that around when ds3 was 2 would be a good time. Except I'm feeling guilty about that now, too. I feel like I'm stealing his babyhood. My other kids are 3y 11mth & 3y 8mths apart. I'm not quite sure what to do with kids "so close". I know lots other people have kids a lot closer, but I never have and it's just...weird.


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#25 of 39 Old 06-16-2011, 09:06 AM
 
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Thank you for saying this, Devasklya.  I *really* wanted another while my partner was done.  In fact, he was supposed to go in for his vasectomy consult the same week we found out we were pregnant.  Because we use NFP I had the guilt of "letting him down" even though I fairly told him I was fertile.  That's an odd feeling to have to be in different places regarding family size and then working out for one partner and not the other, no?

 

Also, we have almost a four year gap between our other kids so I feel like my son will be screwed that the newbie is showing up essentially on his second birthday.  My poor boy isn't ever going to remember being the baby.
 

Quote:
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Dh does not want a 4th kid, but he knows I really did. I just didn't want it to be like this. I wanted him to come around to wanting another one (unlikely, but I was hoping) and for it to be planned like our other kids.

...

Except I'm feeling guilty about that now, too. I feel like I'm stealing his babyhood.



 


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#26 of 39 Old 06-16-2011, 05:48 PM
 
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I have come to the idea that regardless of planed or not there is still some shock in seeing a positive pregnancy test. We had talked about having another one but werent sure when then bam positive pregnancy test! Our youngest is 2 and she is my baby. She is such a mamas girl and still so much a baby to me that I am having some issues with the idea of another one after her.

 

And then lets be real, how can we all be excited 24/7 when we feel like a mess? I know between the tired nausea feeling and the wanting to crawl in to a hole and be left alone, its hard to really try and be excited.


Navy wife, mama of 3 girls, 3 boys, 2 kitties and wanting more. No vax, no circ, trying to live as natural as  we can. We are working on it
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#27 of 39 Old 06-16-2011, 11:17 PM
 
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It's kind of nice not to be the only one, but it sucks we're both in this situation. How is your dh adjusting?

 

It's very odd. I really had mostly resigned myself to being done.

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Thank you for saying this, Devasklya.  I *really* wanted another while my partner was done.  In fact, he was supposed to go in for his vasectomy consult the same week we found out we were pregnant.  Because we use NFP I had the guilt of "letting him down" even though I fairly told him I was fertile.  That's an odd feeling to have to be in different places regarding family size and then working out for one partner and not the other, no?

 

Also, we have almost a four year gap between our other kids so I feel like my son will be screwed that the newbie is showing up essentially on his second birthday.  My poor boy isn't ever going to remember being the baby.
 



 



 


mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#28 of 39 Old 06-17-2011, 04:37 AM
 
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^^^ He is for it now, but (besides the emotional aspects) wouldn't be heartbroken if I miscarried. I resigned myself to being done, too...it was just easier than getting my hopes up for another, yk?

Such an odd juxtaposition...

Angela
Chatty Girl - 3/2006, Lovey Boy - 1/2010, Delicious Baby Girl - 1/2012
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#29 of 39 Old 06-17-2011, 05:13 AM
 
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Sorry if this is a little tangential but I love that this thread is speaking truth to a hidden part of motherhood-that despite the unconditional deep love for our children motherhood can have ambivalence at different points. It's so taboo to talk about but I feel like it is a good reminder that we are all whole people and that with the joy of children is tons of responsibility too and can feel like a lot. We are expecting 2nd baby and it was totally unplanned. I had a lot of ambivalent feelings at first like "I don't need another baby-I am so happy with the one I have!" and questioning how I can possibly love this baby as much as my daughter (I know I can but it was just a strong feeling-wonder if it is common at first)


Mama to L 5.12.10 ...Expecting another 1/1/12!

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#30 of 39 Old 06-17-2011, 08:04 AM
 
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I had this very strong emotion while pregnant with my son.  HOW could I *ever* love another kid as much as my daughter?!  Friends told me that you just do when they show up.  And, you know what, I did.  I think my son is freaking amazing and I simply can't remember ever not loving him.  But, another thing, is that nobody talks about the commonality of not feeling that instant spark once they emerge from your womb.
 

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and questioning how I can possibly love this baby as much as my daughter (I know I can but it was just a strong feeling-wonder if it is common at first)

 

Thanks for your honesty, mamas.  There are just so many emotions with adding children to the family...
 

 


Angela
Chatty Girl - 3/2006, Lovey Boy - 1/2010, Delicious Baby Girl - 1/2012
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