Telling your child you're pg - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 05-12-2011, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For those of you on #2+.  How and when did you tell your younger child(ren)?  We wanted to break it slowly.  Read that it's good to read some books about siblings first before making the big announcement.  I asked DS today if he wanted a little brother or sister to play with and he said "no".  He's pretty smart.  I'm sure he knows something is up with all the code talking we've been doing.  I want to tell him soon because we are starting to tell other people and it's only a matter of time before someone asks him about it.  

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#2 of 10 Old 05-13-2011, 07:09 PM
 
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We're on #2, and my DS just turned 5. We've been trying for a while and he wants a sister or brother - we've talked about that a lot, and we haven't been too quiet about talking about being pregnant so he knows. He's asked me about the baby in my belly and we looked at some pictures together. I bet his teachers at preschool will know (if they don't already) before I want them to! He knows lots of other kids with siblings so he has a pretty good idea of what it means EXCEPT that I think he expects the baby to be closer to his age!


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#3 of 10 Old 05-14-2011, 12:24 PM
 
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its totally personal choice on when to tell your kids when you feel they should know they should know

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#4 of 10 Old 05-14-2011, 02:22 PM
 
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Wildflower, although my kids are too young to really get it yet, oldest is 25 months.  I'll offer my thoughts. 

 

I think it's confrontaitonal for some kids to say "do you want (anything)?" most times they are going to say no out of reflex (remember your toddler saying no when you ask and a split second later reaching out for that juice cup?), especially if they are not even sure what that means. I'd venture that most kids even teenagers don't really understand what it means to have a brother or sister. So I think it probably is best to start talking about sisters and brothers, about how fun it is, how great blah blah, explore what your kid knows, maybe he's got friends that have complained about their brothers and sisters.

 

There are tons of books about being a big brother, our public library even has multiple books on the subject.  I'd start with one of those, but take it slow if kid doesn't seem to want it and then do your best to keep people, especially strangers from pressuring him about it. When I deal with a child that has a little sibling on the way, I am sure to not asking - do you want? I'll ask are you ready for your sister or brother? You could head it off with strangers, and say "oh DS is not quite ready" or "DS isn't sure if wants"  like I said it just feels confrontational to ask if he wants especially if he has said no.  Then he's on the defensive and probably going to hang onto that no instead of exploring a yes.

 

My last thought is that it's not your kid's place to decide if there's a sibling, I think it's like anything else, you tell your child what is and isn't negotioable and then if you can offer a choice you do. So tell your son, there's going to be a sibling, then he can have the choice of wanting to help get ready for the baby or wanting to not talk about it.  When we ask kids 'do you want' it puts them into the driver's seat, if he says no and means it, I think it gets harder for him to just accept it and move on because he knows he said no but mom and dad did it anyway.

 

Good luck, take it slow and


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#5 of 10 Old 05-15-2011, 07:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We did get some books from the library and a movie.  He's watched the movie non-stop.  DH decided last night was a good time to tell him. I think mostly because he keeps telling him to be gentle with me - I have m/s and am pretty pathetic right now.  I'm not sure he has a full understanding, but we've still got 8 months and we've all got time to come around to the news.  DS isn't the only one who said they didn't want a second child. This is an unplanned pregnancy and it's been quite a shock for us all.  Regardless what we've said in the past, there's a baby on the way you are correct that it's non-negotiable.  We're really all going to have to accept it.

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#6 of 10 Old 05-15-2011, 08:27 AM
 
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This is our second and I told DD right away. She's just over 2 and I told her mama has a baby in her tummy. I've been super exhausted and irritable, so I think it's nice to be able to tell her that mama needs extra energy to grow the baby in her tummy. She doesn't seem super interested in pictures or anything yet, but she does like to tell me things about the baby in my tummy. She even wanted to buy shoes for the baby! :-P


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#7 of 10 Old 05-15-2011, 11:00 AM
 
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We told our daughter, 2 1/2, right away. Besides ourselves, it seemed natural for us that she's the first one who knows. Depending on how talkative your kid is and how secretive you want to be, though, people might find out before you intend to!  We don't really mind and are aware of that; in fact, we often let her tell people the news, which makes her feel involved. 

 

I miscarried in February and now I'm pregnant again.  She knows I had a baby in my tummy and then it was gone and I was sad.  She gives me hugs even still and tells me she's sorry.  Now she knows there's another baby in my tummy and I'm happy about that.  I made her a little card with a poppy seed, sesame seed, and lentil taped to it (and now I need to get a dried blueberry!) so she understands how small it is still but how fast it's growing.  We have other pregnant friends, so she sees the process in them and can feel bigger babies kicking in their tummies, which also helps her understand.

 

I agree that it's something each couple has to decide for themselves, but it has worked very nicely for us, even with a miscarriage, to keep our daughter informed of the happenings and emotions surrounding these experiences.  I don't think there's any reason people "should" wait unless they want to.

 

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#8 of 10 Old 05-15-2011, 06:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by danamichele View Post

 

I made her a little card with a poppy seed, sesame seed, and lentil taped to it (and now I need to get a dried blueberry!) so she understands how small it is still but how fast it's growing.  We have other pregnant friends, so she sees the process in them and can feel bigger babies kicking in their tummies, which also helps her understand.

 

Oh I love that idea! I think my daughter will understand a lot better if I can make her something physical to represent it. Did you just tape it to a piece of card stock or make an actual card for her?


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#9 of 10 Old 05-15-2011, 07:33 PM
 
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Oh I love that idea! I think my daughter will understand a lot better if I can make her something physical to represent it. Did you just tape it to a piece of card stock or make an actual card for her?


 

So far I've just taped them to an index card.  Once we progress much farther the food items are fresh and won't work in the same way, but for now it really helps her visualize it.  She talks about it and, not surprisingly, she has a baby in her tummy as well ;) and tells me how big hers is too.

 

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#10 of 10 Old 05-16-2011, 09:47 AM
 
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Originally Posted by danamichele View Post

 

So far I've just taped them to an index card.  Once we progress much farther the food items are fresh and won't work in the same way, but for now it really helps her visualize it.  She talks about it and, not surprisingly, she has a baby in her tummy as well ;) and tells me how big hers is too.

 


DD does the same thing. She shows me her tummy and tells me she has a baby too. 

 


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